still not sleeping again

yes, so i was nodding off before midnight last night and then the brain started wandering facebook and doing all sorts of pondering and even got creative enough to create a new group (i'll tell you about it another time) and some sort of hope was fueling more energy and writing on the facebook walls and i finally turned off the laptop around 3 and headed to bed and the mind started with the thinking some more and by 3:30 i realized i was not falling asleep so i returned to the laptop and started semi-randomly uploading entries into assorted or various blogs again cuz bits and pieces of entries and a whole lot of babbling has been piling up in the notepad and i figured it was about time to take a break from the facebook madness i've been indulging to distract me from the stresses and sadness of losses i've been processing for the past two months (pow, right in the kisser, three times strong, ya know?) and so here we are once again after subrise and we have not slept so plans to address some changes are likely not going to happen today either...

got to pay the cable bill (jackson is not mentioning it even though it's on the fridge and was due yesterday, but then, she's half moved out already and i see her a few minutes a week lately as she is probably avoiding my stresses even more than i am cuz money stresses her out a lot more than it does me so if i am stresses, she must be freaking out inside and then there is the separation anxiety, but again i distract myself from the responsibilities and changes i intend to make) and i've got to pay the tickets i got the day before the job went poof (yeah, perfect timing, right?... and it's first time in many year i missed a cop and got nailed for two tickets {asshole cop} and i have ignored dealing with the tickets for almost three weeks so the 30 days are coming up) and i must call driving schools to keep points off the license and i must call the community management to fix the kitchen drawer and i promised (well, kind of committed, not promised) --friend-- (name to be entered if i remember her blog name) that i would not sit too much and i would start jogging again and i must continue the deep cleaning of the room and house and getting to the boxes and sorting through stuff and getting rid of all but the essentials so i am ready to start over when it is time to find another roommate which might involved moving again and...

why am i not sleeping again?...

lam, narf :)