and then the dream

i wrote the following entry in a private blog i share with an old friend/lover/soulmate kinda gal (and that odd and possibly cavalier or even contradictory description of her is all you get, nyuk nyuk, cuz you don't ask, now do you?... narf :)

one of those lonely days... don't have many (if we don't count the constant loneliness of the hopelessly hopeful romantic, of course) when i have many choices of activities with different groups of friends and spent most of the day (7am to 6pm) with softball players who are not really friends, but teammates and fun and so tired from a very long work week and softball last night and four softball games today and outdoors 11 hours and achy overtired slightly injured body and not satisfied with the friendliness without depth that in spite of the fun i am staying home tonight... so most of the day i was lonely in a crowd and this evening i shall be lonely alone cuz the longing for more deeper sharing rose up to yank my chain today... need rest, need healing, need sleep, want writing, want sharing, want love... might write, thought you'd understand and that lightens the loneliness a little which is why i write it here... thanks...

some daily touches are heavier than others, aye? :}

and that may give you a slightly deeper bit of (e)thereal that i only sometimes write in this blog (or maybe i do it more than i remember?... this is a slice of life blog (chock full of what may appear to be casually inserted links sometimes, not that those insertions are subtle or secret suggestions that you click on them and learn and know and share more, naaa, whatever would give you that idea? lol lam lal laa), a daily touch of the experience i know in the real, after all) which brings us to the title of this entry... see, the entry quoted above was called alone in a crowd and that is often a large part of my experience in this life, but this entry touches upon the bigger picture, the dream that someone will come alone and actually understand me and understand and share a deeper connection with the experience of life as i know it and in turn, actually start to really know me and share me and hopefully vice versa...

sharing the deeper, and then the ultimate - sharing everything (impossible, perhaps, but it is not impossible for two to want to and actually always constantly strive for it)... that is the deepers (ultimate) dream in this life and it's come close to coming true a few times (which is more than most can say, or so i tell myself to keep hope alive and reassure myself that it is still possible) and hopefully will again...

so how was your day? :)