the surface

mostly daily life outside of me is more frustrating than anything else lately, though that's cuz the world is full of confused people... inside, mostly happiness and merriment more than ever, though still loneliness too... so each day i have a stack of little (and maybe a few big) things to vent about and sometimes i do... and if i have time there are zillions of wonders inside to babble on about and sometimes i do... and always i wish there was more time for the later...

that is life, daily and so on... and it might help if someone (an individual personal friend) had the time to care and ask and want to know, but no such person exists in life for me these days, so it is easy to forget ignore and simply move on rather than record, digest, remember, and share the highs and lows of life these days... that is sad for the writer, for the peanut gallery, for the little one, for the bottom line, for ego, for most of me... and maybe it's ego, but i'd like to think that is sad for the world too... but for better or worse, my worth does not need validation from outside nearly as much as it used to... though i sure would like some cuz i would like to feel connected to the world somehow...

today fast food, the cable company, smoking neighbors, and from within, loneliness and a touch of sadness provided frustration... the ncaa football game (xbox), words, dreams, sleep, fast food, text messages, and my senses experiencing everything provided happiness and merriment... that's the surface summary, the daily touch... and that all i share is this surface summary and that i rarely have the quiet time in the middle of the night to express myself this way is the touch of sadness... and this entry summarizes life these days and the writing inspires my smile...

thanks :)