coulda been you

from the land of couldabeen :)

missing links

as i drop them into entries
as the days slide passed us now
i wonder how many will never find your eyes
(not to mention your heart and mind)

and rather than believe
they have been a waste of time, somehow,
i shall believe they will be shared someday
(that some day we will find the time for rhyme)

and so i leave them here to be found
cuz that is what makes my world go round

(and then i thought out loud) . . . hmmmm, there is a rhyming pattern in there, however complex or meandering, that inspires my smile as much as the message within the words that form the rhyming pattern if you know what i mean... almost a month and almost as many entries (and links to other entries) as days gone by and what might have been is wistful and whatever will be will be as it's always been (meta-time-ically speaking)...

(and then i shared the day) . . . another long work day without taking a break cuz it was almost time for normal people to go home when i looked at the clock and home just in time to make a sandwich and catch the ncaa women's tournament with jackson and nod off in the chair and wake to find myself here with an entry box waiting for words... so here are the words and now, where is bed? :)

KIT! :)

and so it goes and yes i said it right there at the top in the title it coulda been you this entry was too but instead, it was to someone else who wasn't here either so in the end it was to me and so it goes and so it goes and i am... the only one who knows :)

if you ask why i am smiling, you most likely do not know me well enough to understand my answer and so it may sound absurd, but if you do not understand my silence, you will not understand..... my words . . . my words . . . my words :)

before i check you

i check myself...

that is, that is... what i mean to say is, as if that is not clear or something, is that in this particular sharing made up of putting words on this screen via the cyberspace highway or whatever we might call it now or then or someday, i start writing before looking anywhere else, usually... so if there are comments or reactions of any sort anywhere, like in comments (oh... doh?) or email or even on my phone (still 407-325-1482, in case you wondered how real (e)thereal still was, i mean, just look around, as in scroll just a bit, aye?), i do not know that (about the comments, reactions, etc that might be there, kapish?) until after i start writing a while, at least... see, cuz the writing started out for me and remains, first and foremost, for me... sanity and comfort and clarity and release and work and play and sing and dance and giggle and cry and scream and sigh and whatever else, the inside comes out before the outside comes in (in the place where i feel most like me)... any other way seems to be following and i am not in this world to follow, nor to lead, actually, which is probably why i am alone (amongst the many other logical reasons, aye?)... ya falla?...

lol, hope you woke with a peaceful smile too :)

listening to this
(in the place where i feel most like me)

thousands

over the years i've written in diaries, journals, blogs, and wherever regularly so that just about every day i record thoughts, feelings, perspectives, dreams, fantasies, whatever may be borne of my own mind or just passes through from sensory input... there are more than a few threads, strings of entries (or posts) from different perspectives in my head and more than a few of the writing spaces have more than a thousand entries, this one included... if you ask why, the simple answer is i love word play, literary expression, and keeping in touch with myself and the dream of communicating with others, especially the one... care to read and ask for more and the deeper layers of meaning, reason, and rhyme (and the secrets of the multiverse, even) may appear for you as communication personalizes...

here in the primary public writing space i am skimming the surface most of the time and even those i mention are re-named to respect privacy (for others seems to want much more privacy than i do) and even when i am away from this writing space for a day or few, i am still writing somewhere... writing is for my mind what singing is for my body and spirit, exercise, release, play, connection to the core and flights of fancy to freedom and infinity (and beyond :)

if you have an affinity for the written word (or for singing and/or music), perhaps you understand... you are welcome to read along and encouraged to share your words as well, here, there, or anywhere... communication is one of the primary gifts this life offers and i love giving and receiving... hope you love what you do too :)

woke, slept, woke

relaxing day, walked and ran with happiness, ate baked clams, nodded off during really bad sci-fi movies, babbled, and filled out 93% of an eharmony profile cuz it's free this weekend... meanwhile, they only found seven "matches" for me in the entire world and only one lives within 100 miles... they won't allow a free trial to see photos, so it's pretty much a waste of time as i am not approaching anyone on a dating site without seeing their face... if someone contacts me, i'll respond, but i'm not re-locating or looking for a long distance relationship so, it was something to do... i did get an interesting report from all the profile information that i'll put up somewhere for you to read... somewhere like here...

later :)

and more

yeah, talking 'bout more words 'n stuff, yup, lot's more, gotcha some more out there you missed again, cuz, after all, you missed this one (smirkalicious) and so, that's life.... and another day given to the work, the job, the human race... and another day missing the life inside and the sharing, the live, the life, the music, the words, the intimacy, the magic, the more...

good day, all in all, hope yours was too :)

yeah, really

omigosh... not the sudden blurted out omigosh as one syllable, but the oh-my-gosh of wonderfully wonder-fulled wondrous memory re-incarnating feeling so purely sweetly beautiful that there are no words... of course music bring me here again... tonight, the music of jay & the americans and many other related songs found on youtube... righteous brothers, moody blues, association, elvis, four seasons, lettermen, and so many others... so i've got hundreds of vids to download queued up when i finally stop listening as the library grows... oh yeah, really, all i can do is smile :)

music (and lyrics) makes thereal the best place to be :)

growing closer

the list, that is... yes, it's a look around thereal in thereal, this blog page, that is, and we find that the section on the right entitled come a little bit closer just like the old song by jay and the americans (oh go listen, you know you want to) or even this guy, but that's only a deeper reference to the concept of the section and all i am trying to point out (oh really, all?... even gilligan knows better, nyuk and all... oh really?) is that the array of linked pages to choose from (or to wander in order listed) to get to know me better (i.e. come a little bit closer, get it?) is growing to stretch well below the length of the page (being the left side entry length of which i refer to, ya see) and that, my friends, just may be the epitome of defeating the purpose of the brevity upon which this blog was founded...

it is becoming apparently obvious that the babblers have been neglected too long... and that is thereal too...

this is home

other places i communicate with others are fine for their purpose and appreciated for the time and energy others share there, but this is home, the door is open, and anyone watching or sharing without harming is welcome, even if nobody takes the time to stop by...

and the truth is (yeah, feeling the emo for the moment), it is sometimes disappointing when no one cares to stop by, but the door remains open and this remains my home... when i am silent everywhere else, i am still here (the long and winding road)...

hopefully my friends will know that when i appear to disappear...

home from work early, nap, out to game night at the history center, fun, snacks, and home again...

fruitful awakening

though sleep could have easily lasted longer if the phone did not ring, i find myself spouting out purposeful babble and random nonsense this morning at many unknown locals in the new web world (so designated by the demise of the written gardens at the hands of the dastardly att folk, who suck, by the way)... busy day of three softball games tomorrow, so relax today... maybe some laundry and unpacking?... perhaps... fresh air (no times square)...

make this a wonderful weekend...

shoulda, coulda, woulda

yeah, slept good last night (not great, but good) and skipped dinner and felt the bloat go away and got home today after an almost two day fast and wasn't really hungry but boom, i eat anyway and suddely i'm hungry ,i>after,/i> i eat dinner... emotional hunger is ridiculous, but i ate some smart start cereal and chocolate milk (fat free) for dessert and once again, feel the bloat...

i did write a bit and downloaded some of the blogs as an xml file (with no formatting) and am looking for a way to actually download the blogs as whole blogs... and att just sent me an email telling me they are discontinuing their web site service so i must find a way to download all of the pages over there in the next few weeks or they'll go pooof, all gone, like the disney sites did... the words are worth saving, after all, cuz someday...

anyway, shoulda skipped dinner tonight and reinforced the fast, maybe some grapefruit and a yogurt... coulda gotten back on the lighter eating lighter body track... woulda been a good thing instead of just a good idea... yea yeah yeah yeahhhhh (thank you beatles :)

so how was your night? :)

writing a little

yes, up late, nearling or passing the magical 4am mark, regularly these days (and the eyes and muscles and everything physical is showing the fatigue, alas), but what for, what is to come of shortening the life space through lack of sleep by staying awake and writing writing writing?...

this is no place for philosophical conundrums, and besides, who has time :)

make today wonderful :)

suddenly, a 4:37am

i found myself eating a fish sandwich and drinking juicy juice cherry and hoping the microwave cooked the fish enough so i do not get food poisoning, which is not a thought i'd like to actualize today...

and now i should sleep a bit, even though i just ate, because a few hours from now i do need to get a whole lot of mentally challenging work done... well, maybe not so challenging as it is draining, or maybe simply occupying yes, mentally occupying is the right term... never mind all the other terms now... think: polymath!

i spent the last four hours or so on facebook joining groups, fanning pages, adding friends, and leaving the random comment... listening to music on youtube too... and enjoying the hopes and dreams and inspirations and random smiles i found along the way... hope you are enjoying whatever it is you are doing tonight too :)

and so i did

as you might discover if you found one of my latest new blogs, meaningless complaints, i felt inspired to explore blog names tonight and found so many wonderful blog names have died untimely deaths along the way because people just don't seem to respect the written word or posterity (or the illusion of permanence) much these days... once upon a time, it was different...

anyway, i did have much fun with myself tonight and babbling on and on and on and cleaned some and there are new blogs out there, some on the horizon, some down the road, some already kicking off their first entries and then some... i'll update the lists on the right of RealTime one of these days, until then, it's our little secret...

softball in the morning, possibly below freezing temperatures (no running for me, that's for sure), so sleep would be good tonight... i hope you are having fun with yourself too :)

so little me time

and what's the point of me time, one might ask (me, for instance)... especially from the perspective or belief that the primary point of this physical life is sharing... but then, share what?... share everything... and then, share with whom?... with anyone who truly cares... and what do i have to offer in this sharing of everything with anyone who truly cares?... me!...

so instead of going out to a game night with some great friends and having fun, i decided to stay home and take care of me (which of course always includes writing if i am doing it right for me)... who knows, a dozen new blogs may start and while babbling ridiculously, i shall clean and play with myself...

take care of you :)

phew, that was close

the babble almost came and took over e-the-real and thereal could have slipped into and become and gone the way of RealTime and behind the candoor and so many other noble attempts to share in a more normal and therein acceptable and therein theoretically more successful (at least potentially based on the laws of probability and such) in the goal of sharing, which babbling tends to undermine...

i know, here i am again just two minutes later (less, actually, shhhhh) babbling, but catching it none the less and heading off into the other babble places after stopping by here briefly to warn you about the previous few entries where babble almost too over...

must have been a really good new year, aye? :)

hope yours was/is great too :)

sleep is good

waking to find my mind playing poker and waiting for a moron who is cheating to present his queens up full house which he and other morons at the table expect to beat my four tens after another player went all in, forcing almost everyone else to go all in as well... i wonder what happened when he finally revealed his hand and started swooping on the pot when i corrected him and others and showed them the rules of the game they were playing (4-of-a-kind beats a full house)... they'd probably want to fight, which is why i rarely play cards or any game for money with strangers...

must be leftover thoughts from falling asleep watching the macho morons of florida wipe the field with the uncoached hapless cincy team... the intimidation factor always goes too far with some teams and florida is one as their secondary was allowed play after play of interference, their defence was allowed play after play of late hits and helmet to helmet hits, and their offense was allowed play after play of holding with hardly any penalties called... they are a suberbly trained and coached team, but every game i watch they get away with more than other teams, which is par for the course in every sport for the top atheletes... which is wrong, but part of the real american way...

here, i'll let me social conscience rant a moment... it goes beyond "it isn't cheating or a crime unless you are caught" and "winning isn't everything, it's the only thing"... in the real, it isn't cheating unless you are called for it... moreover, it isn't a crime unless you are convicted of it... you can be seen doing it and even caught and arrested, but if the other card plays ignore the rules, you didn't cheat... or in football, if the refs don't see or ignore what you are doing, you didn't commit a penalty... even in legal crime, you are presumed innocent, remember?... except in the media and the minds of the masses (lynch mobs) who love to convict without a trial... the layers of hypocrisy in otherwise excellent ideas can astound or even blow an open mind... luckily there are so few, so very little astounding (or blowing) goes on... at least not of minds...

yeah, sleep is good... hope you enjoy yours too :)

new year, football

yeah, the college football is on the tv and i am listening with half an ear and occasionally glancing up to catch a play (or more often a replay) when something sounds interesting (which translates, for me, into a fine example of body control and athletic prowess cuz I admire people who care for their bodies well enough to do things that most dare not even try to do... i used to love to dive for balls and make plays that take the body as far as it can go... and this isn't even a sensual entry, though it might be if we allow for double entendres, aye?... i suppose diving for balls would be double entendred for girls and gay guys, though mentioning it now probably deflates the whole effect of the entendre... deflates, hmmmmm... ah, but in the real, football doesn't turn me on sexually... rarely do any sports cuz sexuality cuz most sports are about control, whereas sex is about letting go of control, quite the opposite... is this another digression?... is that another rhetorical question?... am i in the mood to babble?... are we still in e-the-real?... should this parenthetic aside end?) and challenging to do...

while it's not often in recent years, i do go through phases where some days i just sit back and vege in front of the tv with the keyboard on my lap... but i am not that solitary these days, so even on the laziest days i could always move the keyboard if the right person wanted to sit down...

are we enjoying our new year? :)

all through the nights

yes, the real is quite full of emo tonight... and to think, i almost slept through it, but something woke me and the sleep went away and i found magic and the timing could not have been better as i am off tomorrow so the night calls and i answer... and the words flow... and the only things that could make the night better is a return to optimal physical balance and to share it all with the one...

all through the nights, the dream survives...

and that's the realest of them all :)

cuz there's so much more to say

no matter how tired i get, no matter how apathetic or depressed, ambivalent or frustrated, there is always activity in the synapses, always creativity in the pauses, always more to say… someday I hope someone will understand and reach the same place, with or without me… somewhere, some time, some way…

with me would be nice too :)

give in, please

sleep, yes, sleep has become the obsession of the subconscious (and just about every cell in the physical body)... it is only the conscious mind that that loves to play so much that it simply shrugs off sleep and continues continues continues doing whatever it is i am doing whether i am out with people and hoping someone stays awake with me or after i get home and let the web and words and whatever slip through my mind and dance without reason and play without meaning and even glance up at the tv when the music isn't playing and lost in the sleep deprived psychosis is the depth and dream and whetever else was me, once upon a time...

so i slept tonight :)