up all night again

not erect, awake, though we don't ignore erections around here... not masturbating all night though, just enough to keep from being erect all night... don't want any priapism problems, eh pappy?... the mind isn't the only body part that is a terrible thing to waste, after all... can you feel the music of the night?...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

must have been a lullaby cuz i nodded off...

wtf is mylife.com

and why are they posting my personal information on the web?... i search the web for my name (that is, one of my names, cuz i have many, especially in this online world) and and up comes this mylife dot come site and i search for other names i've been known by and find even more detailed profiles including where i've lived and friends i've known along the way... it is quite interesting and a bit unpleasant to find personal details on a site i have no access to... and then i signed up and they want money for access...

scam?... legal?... both answers are questionable...

so wtf is mylife.com and why are they posting my personal info on the web?....

i will let you know if i choose to explore further... they have a number to call for information, but i don't feel like spending time with a csr on the phone at the moment, especially not if they are just going to give me a sales pitch or worse, ask me for any personal information over the phone...

it is an amazingly greedy culture we live in these days... sad...

woke, slept, woke

relaxing day, walked and ran with happiness, ate baked clams, nodded off during really bad sci-fi movies, babbled, and filled out 93% of an eharmony profile cuz it's free this weekend... meanwhile, they only found seven "matches" for me in the entire world and only one lives within 100 miles... they won't allow a free trial to see photos, so it's pretty much a waste of time as i am not approaching anyone on a dating site without seeing their face... if someone contacts me, i'll respond, but i'm not re-locating or looking for a long distance relationship so, it was something to do... i did get an interesting report from all the profile information that i'll put up somewhere for you to read... somewhere like here...

later :)

and more

yeah, talking 'bout more words 'n stuff, yup, lot's more, gotcha some more out there you missed again, cuz, after all, you missed this one (smirkalicious) and so, that's life.... and another day given to the work, the job, the human race... and another day missing the life inside and the sharing, the live, the life, the music, the words, the intimacy, the magic, the more...

good day, all in all, hope yours was too :)

growing closer

the list, that is... yes, it's a look around thereal in thereal, this blog page, that is, and we find that the section on the right entitled come a little bit closer just like the old song by jay and the americans (oh go listen, you know you want to) or even this guy, but that's only a deeper reference to the concept of the section and all i am trying to point out (oh really, all?... even gilligan knows better, nyuk and all... oh really?) is that the array of linked pages to choose from (or to wander in order listed) to get to know me better (i.e. come a little bit closer, get it?) is growing to stretch well below the length of the page (being the left side entry length of which i refer to, ya see) and that, my friends, just may be the epitome of defeating the purpose of the brevity upon which this blog was founded...

it is becoming apparently obvious that the babblers have been neglected too long... and that is thereal too...

ups and downs

life has been presenting a series of lemons of late and sometimes, i tired of making lemonade, no matter how sweet it comes out... and while i can continue to find humor in everything, i also tire of having to look for it or create it, i mean, sometimes i just want the sweet humor to just be, ya know?...

challenges at work from a director who refuses to cooperate with the program (she's got a goal to be less oppositional, but she's very passive aggressive so she is only succeeding on the surface)... unfortunately, most people are professionally superficial there, so... challenges continue...

challenges at softball from the male egos who do not team well...
from drama queens who do not team well... from professionals who are fun, but too busy to team well... ah, grown ups just don't team well... that's why there are so few really good teams... lots of talent, but few teams...

challenges at the social community from the human race into which i have never comfortable assimilated... some of the reasons are above, but mostly, the reasons are beyond explanation in common language, incomprehensible and all that... kind of like god...

ah, in the end, challenges are so amusing (if you see things through my eyes)... so i'll just mosey on off as i do every day (and night), singing softly to myself, whatever i am doing, and laughing at the futility of the challenges... while i may tire of doing it, i still prefer sweet humor to sour or bitter or frustrating challenges, so i'd rather be tired and happy than not tired and sour or bitter or frustrated... so never mind, aye?...

hope your day was amusing too :)

another long day

early to work, from work to softball, from softball home for dinner... decided i wanted barbeque burger and smoked sausage and did it in the oven on broil and it was surprisingly yummy... stupidity and violence fills the news, as usual, which would lead one to believe humnity is best described as stupid and violent... i'm still looking for proof to the contrary because i am a hopeful child...

but hope alone, like wishing or praying, does not fulfill desire...

sigh :}

i was supposed to sleep tonight

cuz i have softball practice in four hours and it is close to freezing outside, which means muscles won't want to stretch much and fatigue just makes injury all the more possible... dummy...

me and my nocturnal lover's hours :)

new year, happy

ah, the dog is missed, happy dog, that is... the only one who ever offered me truly unconditional love, as primitive as it might have been... perhaps that's the secret of actualizing unconditional love, letting it come from the primitive instinctive depths of the brain...

home after the party where we chatted, watched some football, chatted some more, and ate like pigs... i picked up a ton of food and there wee lots of leftovers... i sad no to a half dozen other parties, much wilder, much bigger parties, but it was good to hang peacefully at jackson's cuz i'd have tried to stay home if and take care of me if she didn't invite me over... i might as well face it, i don't give myself nearly enough me time... even when it seem to, i'm mostly distracting myself and not really taking care of me... but hey, that's just the early morning hours of a new year after a party talking, right?...

so maybe this will be the year i finally return to the place i belong, inside and out, and find the one and start living that happily ever after togetherness that i've been dreaming about beneath the seriously irreverent self-mocking carefree demeanor... or something like that...

happy new year :)

figures

cell service has sucked today... and wouldn't you know, i decided to explore the computer a bit more and discovered that i can send ext messages from the computer to the cell phone and vice versa... so i dug deeper and found i can check my usage and stuff and then...

the att communication manager froze...

here we go again... a few weeks ago when i updated to windows vista sp2, the att connection stopped working and i spent two hours on the phone to get it fixed and it turned out i needed to uploade an update to be compatible with windows vista sp2 that microsoft nor att naturally did not tell me about... and today, the manager locked up again...

turns out the tech support person, after an hour and a download and following the instructions posted on their website, admitted that there is a known issue with windows vista compatibility even with the latest att software and so the feature manager won't work, but i can still connect to the internet as long as i don't use the features... so why use the att software when it is not compatible with windows?...

because using the windows software is feeding the monster, the microsoft monopoly created by subtrifuge of most every other software through incompatibility issues... heck, even other microsoft software has issues... heck, even the operating system itself has issues, maybe more than all the other software's issues combined... crap makes crap... incompatible crap craps incompatibly... or something like that :)

i'm more frustrated and tired of microsoft crap and suckage than it may seem, but after wasting another two hours on the phone with att suckage, and crap, it's time to rush into the shower and head out to jackson's party... happy new year everybody :)

too much sleep is not enough

twelve hours sleep... and i wake blurry as can be, puffy eyes, out of focus, full of mucous, gonna drink caffiene (hot tea) as soon as i get to work for the first time in months... i woke several times during the night cuz i seldom sleep more than four hours without waking cuz i sleep in four hour cycles and i rise back to the semi-conscious level of sleep every four hours... always been that way... if i wake during a rem phase, i am a blurry zombie even if i slept twelve hours (oh, that's what happened, aye?)... thing is, by this evening i'll be waking and tonight i'll be up all night cuz i got twelve hours sleep... the strange rem sleep cycle of this brain-body baffles scientists, but it works for me...

it just doesn't for for this life where work is expected five days a week and there are only twenty four hours in a day... yes, i said what i said and i meant what i said, an elephant's faithful, or forgetful, or something like that...

oh well, off to work i go, hi ho...

oooo, look at all the dark clouds up there

yes, because i am under the weather, you see... i decided to spend the evening adding cds to my laptop hard drive cuz i have hundreds more cds than are currently on this hard drive cuz i most of the cds were on the old laptop that died and the mybook hard drive that i have not hooked up to this laptop, ever, yet, so there is a serious need for more music on this laptop and that's what i've chosen to do tonight while i sit here waiting for the weather to pass overhead...

and some crap tv in the background...

how are you? :)

web knowledge

been all over the place, watching videos, reading heavy stuff, laughing at nonsense and irreverence, sighing deeply at tragedy and cruelty and human stupidity, and generally enjoying my brain a whole lot... some of the journey is even linked around in my increasingly daily diverse dribbling diatribes around the web... ya see?...

that's my e-the-real, how's yours? :)

still awake again

yes, i fell asleep just after eating, missing the 8pm tv show i so long for each day (can sarcasm get too syrupy?) and waking somewhere in the 9pm hour and turning the internet on again (in so many ways, aye?)...

enough, let's check mail...

not again

napped for two hours after home made pizza and the brain was running laps as i laid the body down in bed, so after realizing the words had to flow cuz the brain got enough sleep (two hours, the body says, the brain is insane... poor body) and here we are after babbling elsewhere for a while...

no tv, so maybe i'll pass out again soon... hope you are enjoying your brain... and life :)

wired crossing

the party continues today as the food was good and the leftovers were even better after i got home and the madness that would have been exploded here somehow popped over to the bullsugar perhaps because i hope it's not as real as it might be or perhaps because i enjoy the pretense of confusion and mazeology, or something like that...

yeah, anyway, this babbling may be meaningless in the end, even the breif serious attempts to keep in touch, but if just one person believes, then the faries do not die...

i mean, hope your day was fun too... and get some rest :)

right on right on

so besides being still awake, bloated by pizza and pasta and ice cream and chocolate and dr pepper cherry, and feeling the stress/strain on the body inside out (including the heart muscle), i started yet another new blog, the thirtieth (approximately) here at blogspot...

scary, no doubt...

feel free to voice your complaints there (nyuk nyuk, narf :)

long week, but got some sleep

as you will know already (how's that for playing with tenses?... wait, i'm not done) if you read the previous posts that have yet to be written (O-O, what a word geek, aye?), on monday night i pulled a hamstring tagging up from second to third on a short fly ball to center and then limped home from third with the tying run in the bottom of the seventh on the next batter's hit... we won the game and tonight, the team played without me and won the first game of the playoffs... next thursday is the rest of the playoffs and i will see how the leg feels, but i definitely will take a pinch runner if i play and make it to first base...

in other news, precious totalled her second car for the year last night and i was sleeping... she's ok, though spent some hows in the hospital getting checked out... the worst bruising came from the seat belt... i thought she had an airbagm but i never rode in the second car so i suppose not... the first accident she was hit from behind while at a red light... this time she couldn't stop in time when someone stopped short in front of her... the SUV had a damaged bumper, her car received a totalled front end... the benefit of driving a gas guzzler, i suppose...

i am taking tomorrow off, mostly, to take care of business, so i should sleep some tonight, but at least i did sleep more than ten hours the past two nights, which is wonderful (says the body and mind) and also why i haven't been here... so to all the silent millions of fans out there who love me and miss me (and the few who actually leave a few words now and then), all is well in the real and while all could be better, i've got fewere complaints every day (mostly cuz i'm a day closer to dead and understand the logic and wisdom of not wasting time or energy on worry or stressing over the small stuff, but there may also be some greater depth and stability to the balance and peace within the psyche, yeah, it's not just apathy and ambivalence, nyuk)...

much more to come in previous entries here, there (which may be real time, behind the candoor, or even bullsugar, but wait, there are even newer blogs budding out there if you're clever enough to track them down... shhhh, it's our little secret until the tabloids get a hold of the photos and text messages and twitters and pull a tiger woods on us), and other places... life is good and amusing, as usual... and just think of what getting a lot of sleep might do to the profundity and candor of the babble, aye?...

narf :)

pre-existing conditions

"If the universal health care reform bill dies again, it will be due to pre-existing conditions."

yeah, craig ferguson, the sickest (in a good way, of course) thing on tv these days (replace oprah with him and the next revolution may just begin) did say something quite similar first, but i like the wording above better because it holds both a warning and hope for ultimate awakening to the need for and rightness of universal health care and a direct reference to the money the lobbyists pay to elected officials to get them to vote they way (the pre-existing conditions, get it, wink wink, barf)...

oh all this social consciousness is getting me nauseous... or is that amused... what we need now is a slippery squeaky clean naked teenage girl innocently playing with herself in the shower completely unaware of the cyber camera set up to share her gifts with the world... yes, that'll clean up what's wrong with the world...

no, you are not supposed to know when i am serious and when i am kidding all the time... it is carefully planned that way, even as it does not seem so... you may never know the truth, at least not until you can handle it... let me know when you decide to accept and give up your delusions and we'll have a serious talk...

narf...

home from the tourney

actually, i got home last night and stopped in to check comments and mail and such... no mail, which is the usual as i stopped using email and snailmail for corresponding some years ago... with a little help from my toronto family, aye? (ah, the sarcasm rubs, no doubt)... the apartment mailbox has a vacant card in it cuz i check it so seldom the mail person assumes the apartment is vacant... the po box is checked once or twice a month, but often the mail from there just piles up somewhere waiting for me to find time and motivation to sort through... and maybe that is because i no longer trust people on a personal level, not even for communication... could be i've swallowed too many lies, but then, it could simply be laziness and the desire to rest for the few minutes i am actually home... anyway, i do keep this up (and the babbling elsewhere), so some part of me still wants to keep in touch even if few else do...

deep thoughts, perhaps, as the tourney was fun but brought out some deep thoughts for the team last night about winning and losing and teamwork and family and egos and priorities and fun and competitiveness and statistics and, anyway, we came in third out of 29 teams, which would have been great had the coaches not been so competitive and the younger players on the team not followed suit... so much inexperience, it's amazing they got that far... the coaches were playing games elsewhere most of the time, but they returned for the two final games and we lost them both, i say largely due to the way they coached, the mistakes they made, and the pressure they put on the young players... we were on a seven game winning streak that was mostly without them and the close games were the ones they showed up for part of the games...

anyway, i sent an email to the team that i'll put in one of the babbling blogs just cuz that is what i do, or used to do, partly to keep in touch with myself, for posterity, and hoping that someone cares to know what goes on in my head more than the brief moments here, and ultimately for that dream of sharing everything with the one... yes, ever the hopelessly hopeful romantic even as i actualize the intimacy of a hermit...

maybe i'll write more later, but for now, the internet is frustratingly slow (att sucks, microsoft vista sucks, the usual suckages) and mostly i am enjoying sitting and vegging cuz it was a very long weekend and while mostly fun and nothing hurts (yay for the durable old body, aye?), fatigue is blissfully high...

hope your weekend was as much fun as mine, even more, even :)