Friday, August 19, 2016

I Won't Give Up On Us

Close to a birthday of family adopted 22 or more years ago yet silent for much of the last 20 years and so much murky waters have passing into the abyss that any reasonable normal human mind might suggest I cross the line into insanity or at least some accepted mental disorder, obsessive compulsive or (open the DSM V and explore) whatever, but I am what I am and I do not renege on my adoptions as anyone who knows me can attest (and a new test is on-going as this date occurs, no doubt {and there is no doubt that the challenge this time is second only to the challenge last time and what does that make this, test four in this life?... A, S, G, E... others?... adopt, separate, give, [no word for E quite yet , so perhaps expect, evolve, abyss , eternity, extrapolate, ethereal, oh so many are in contention, every one with more or less potential, can it get more exciting than this?], e... or actually perhaps five [M before A but not after X or ?... ?] or more as well, but this was he second longest adoption with living together [and, come to think of it, there were at least two more N, M, after G but before H, though my investment was slightly less emotional and dependent] with dependency since the longest and age plays a definitive roll in the bounce back regeneration process, but all this [and that too], is an obscurity [multiple layers of obscurity, in fact] of many different colors [and this was a parentheses of many different levels, one for the ages, no doubt, again] that we can explore [if we remember] when we are a we again}, and it continues in this blog in some sort of mad secret life lives on some different plane of consciousness or alternate universe, even, perhaps in ethereal as the e-the-real will not let go of hope, faith, belief, or any such conceptual connections), so this added value entry appears as if it was always here, if you dare dive deep into the abyss of the ethereal with me and make some semblance of sense of the multitude of words and thousands of entries you can find here.


I won't give up on us, that's all. Every one. (wink)

Narf :)

Friday, July 15, 2016


More to follow


Reality Squared (One Year Later)

Again, maybe (not in the classic maybe, but something much more inherent and specifically referenced {as specific as references get, perhaps} in this particular blog), repleat with the usual fanfare, I return to titillate the senses (and voices in my head) with the hope of some magical mystery tour someone might join me on someday (soon would be nice). If you do not follow, you will never get there. Yeah, profound good morning to you too.

later, tater

Sunday, May 22, 2016

This Date, A Year From Now (Or Maybe Tomorrow)

Likely before next week, next year, at this time.

Today is a good day for magic
Today is a good day for love.
Today is a good day to take a chance on
that dream that you've been dreaming of.

Yeah, baby... Take a chance on the dream you've been sleeping and then take a chance on the promise you've been keeping and then take the final step past the final straw and throw all caution to the wind (to the winds, even...

then, just maybe, you can finally begin.

or end

every now and then

Always, always, always...

I miss you so.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

every now and then

amidst the structures, challenges, and distractions of life there is always hope in my mind that the most precious dreams will one day come true and that is why i will, in spite of the somewhat more official the end having already happened (though if you are reading this blog chronologically, you ought to know time/date stamps are quite relative by now and you can stop scratching your head... unless, of course, it itches), return here now and then to wake the sleeping masses of page viewers (and you and anyone who follows the links to their natural conclusions, wherever that might be) and stimulate the statistics that provide some data that encourages the illusion of popularity that provides fuel for the hope delusion in my mind...

or something like that (at least we can still find me laughing at myself without you, at least until you let me know you are there... always hope, remember?)... I am still writing daily, now and then more than ever, in case it matters...

you are missed :)

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

there's always hope...

Yes, we recently declared The End of an Era. Yes, this (e)thereal blog officially came to a point of semi-closure and a moment of moving on some time back. But did you think I was really gone?... did you think our time together was really over?... is the fool on the hill ever really done?... there is so much more to explore if you want it... there's always hope, ya know?).

Not only are there many dozens of entries left in progress in the notepad scribbles that may be pre-dated and uploaded as if they were always here somday (time is relative, after all), but just as is the case with all the previous dailies (and almost all other blogs and spaces in the written gardens), In keeping with the history (of course I should be sleeping) and traditions (in the bios) of self-inquiry (and creating me) and life (the early years) of the old world (like a fool in the chill) left behind (from the beginning) in this blogging life (and these blogging lives) from the early (behind the candoor) babbles (in The Real(TM)) and rhymes (from planet candora) and fundamental (the funda know) transition (bullsugar) into the last daily (in (e)thereal splendor) with the flurry of others (opinions and complaints) not withstanding in these written gardens, this blog shall find entries uploaded whenever the whim might lead me here (so have no fear as the long strange trip down the long and winding road will continue wherever it may lead just as the song never ends.

Follow the links and you shall find
the never ending story of my heart and mind
if you care and share, be so inclined
and you will never be left behind

I may not always be like a hurricane, but here I am :)

Friday, March 25, 2016

Unsaid, Again

Someone in Toronto may understand and perhaps others in other places too... there is a reason I left here and a reason I return and a reason I might make is seem as though I said all these things before, always hoping for more, the one who will not just say the words, but who will actually return the favor or at least show the appreciation in more than the occasional grand gesture, alas, still waiting for the one who will show the world what I offer, what I give, and maybe even let the gift of giving stay...

Somebody understands...

How often is someone concerned
With the tiniest thread of your life?
Concerned with whatever you feel
And whatever you touch?
Look over there.
Look over there.
Somebody cares that much.

How often does somebody sense
That you need them without being told?
When you have a hurt in your heart
You're too proud to disclose?
Look over there.
Look over there.
Somebody always knows.

When your world spins too fast,
And your bubble has burst,
Someone puts himself last,
So that you can come first.

So count all the loves who will love you
From now 'til the end of your life,
And when you have added the loves
Who have loved you before,
Look over there.
Look over there.
Somebody loves you more...

Thursday, March 10, 2016

End of an Era

Did you read the last entry?

So whatcha think?

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

insert #1

as if I might insert an entry out of chronological order without mentioning it or even call those entries "insert #n" we can leave that impression for the first time with this particular perculiarly titled entry and to even add to the illusion, the subject might, Yoda not withstanding... this blog was home for a long time and while we know i would ramble on alone in a vacuum i want you to know that i very much appreciate the a few of you visited regularly and i care about you and hope you are as well as you possibly can be and still want to know so even if you do not follow me to the new two-step sometimes trilogy that are now the daily blogs plus, you can leave a message here and i hope you do leave a message here or follow me or both... this blog was becoming more and more a rambling distraction than a daily record of life and the new record of a life never really did get off the ground as the babbler was most comfortable here (and we were going less and less to the old babble places even less than less to the fun old and new semi-daily and occasional blogs so this blog just continued to be the primary depository for daily words whether there was something to say or not and that is just the way it is and was and still may be inside of me even as I appear more organized on the outside in the new daily blogs...

I meant to say something, really I did lol lam :)

Monday, February 29, 2016

how many days?

as if I forgot how to come here and type, but no, i was elsewhere (links to follow, perhaps, if anybody cares... maybe even a whole new blog... what?)... so time passed... and nothing changed... and everything changed... that's life...

wasted a lot of time on facebook . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . sigh... (yeah {yes, even}, that is the sound of time passing in links in multiple ellipses, ya know... for explanatory notes or details you'll just have to care enough to reach out and ask... or wait for the paperpack)...

and I mean I may actually mean wasted... at least for now... but then, waste is relative to perspective, discovery, and personal value... i mean, all this could be wasted time too... on the other hand, it's good for me, even if nobody ever knows...

who cares?... there's a blog for that too (laugh, wink, and la dee dah)...

so where've you been?... in case it matters to you (and you miss the dirt, drama, and details {and emo} you've come here for all these years), you might find me here now... I hope you are well...

Thursday, February 25, 2016

What I Said (every now and then)

every now and then
I will
travel back in time
I will
remember a rhyme
that will
lead me to sublime
and will
reveal an old crime
or maybe this
something we miss
something we feel
being here
being good
being real
what we had
was not bad
in the real

Remember me?... remember reading me here?... remember anything about the dream of you being there? It was another time... it was another place... it was another fantasy with yet another face. I miss it now. I miss you now. I miss you now.

A year later and the changes happened just as the might have been foretold in many real entries before this here and elsewhere. the illusion of sharing only last as long as it is shared. People move on. Year together dissolve into memory and often memory dissolves into the ethers (or aethers), the unconscious (or subconscious), the nothingness where no though returns except every now and then... like this (my way) or that (your way) and here we are.

Still refusing to say goodbye, even though we are gone.

Sometimes though, when tomorrow pauses...

Narf :)

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Getting Scary

I can't be sure where I will be in a couple of weeks when the lease runs out here. Jackson has not offered her couch because it is Brandi's house. I kept paying for a two bedroom place just in case her move out of state did not work a few years ago and it didn't work so she had a place to come back to and I paid most of the rent and all of the utilities for most of the years we lived together. She says she can't help me. Ouch.

I am going to see if Curly will let me stay in the unfinished room he's used for storage in a house near here for the last few years. I lost a lot of friends helping him out of a serious jam, testifying in court for him. Hopefully he will let me stay there a while. It's not comfortable, but it's got a roof and a toilet.

Job, please.

Thursday, January 14, 2016


and when i'm feeling kind of lost or simply bored of everything, i come here to resurrect the dreams i left behind up on a shelf where they are sleeping or is that my state of mind? every now and then i wish the world was kind... as i teeter on the edge of wishing i was blind.

maybe the wax in my ears is there for a reason.

Monday, January 4, 2016

For No Reason

Unless you now the reason. I stopped uploading daily. I stopped maintaining the table of contents. I stopped caring enough about whether you are reading or if anyone cares to continue keeping in touch. Just look around, it shows everywhere. If you care. If it matters. Even my Facebooks (and yes, I do have a few... but I shall let you find the others on your own) and the many (dozens) 0 comments Links to this post

Catch up (and know more)

musical distractions

If people had visible signs or meters that told something about them, what would you want it to tell you?

dumb poll (above), smart responders

all the previous poll votes were somehow erased, so, nevermind... ironically or coincidentally or whatever, the results were very close in practical numbers to the results above shown with just three votes, if you understand the mathematics behind that extrapolative reasoning... i will probably remove the poll at some point... it is a ridiculously useless feature...


the thing is, with my tendency to babble and meander and whine and allow distraction to take the lead more often than not, even in this blog that sort of meant to merge brevity with focus like some bloggers do, searching for key words does not always lead to specific information about the subject of that key word... but... here is a start at an easy way to search for key words in this blog... use the search box at the top of the blog to search for words not listed here... if ya wanna, that is... and feel free to suggest words to add to this search shortcut section... click on the words below :)

WORK ... JOB ... MUSIC ... LOVE ... SOFTBALL ... KA ... 42 ... LOL ... LAM ... LAA ... ... ...