me and the phone

if you've read me for a while, you know my aversion to the telephone has some deep roots, but more and more lately i forget why i use to cringe when the phone rang and why i would feel the end of the world was a moment away when i pressed the buttons to dial a number... ok, so maybe i don't forget, but i seem to forget after a few minutes of rambling on or listening to someone... and an hour or more might go by before the stiffness in my elbow or flattened ear remind me that i am physically uncomfortable...

is that a good sign?...

well, freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose, but besides the slippery path of irreverence my mind might take most of the time, i was distracted for a moment by pondering naming a new person for the online babbling and that lead to my realizing there are many (or at least a few) new people i ought to name, if i haven't already... which got me to thinking if i should just use initials or go right ahead and use names cuz most of these people were met through meetup where their name is out there on the web with their photo and details in a profile anyway and what sort of privacy violating or danger could there be in mentioning them in a line in my obscure babbling anyway...

still... we'll call her jane... so jane was the one who handed me the note saying call me when you are going for a run, which was appreciated cuz any incentive and motivation is appreciated and she seems like a potential friend and that was a friend action, so yay jane thanks and she just called back and we talked longer than expected which lead me to ponder the phone... she listened to the story of my life and i am wondering if i did that and why i do that (defense mechanism?... want to be known?... testing?... have nothing else to say?... sensing genuine interest?... too much analysis?)...

yeah, so ok, hopefully the story of my sordid childhood and hopelessly hopeful romantic crashes (but it did all start with her mentioning wanting a food processor, really it did) did not end the conversations or friendship before it starts... cuz there's always hope, ya know?...

and now, to the gym... though i really ought to shower first cuz i stink... so shower and then the gym?... don't be allowing too much distraction get in the way or we won't get there... yes, we know... we are not dumb, just lazy sometimes... and amused, we are amused most of the time... meanwhile, though i still prefer face to face talks and sharing, i'm not hating the phone as much as i used to, which is a good sign....

hope you are making your day fun :)

the boring one

yeah, i know, daily life can be boring and worst of all, keeping this sort of daily ritual up like this only emphasizes how alone i am in daily life as nobody actually shares the life i record here and it is all too evident day after day... even as i am blessed by the occasional comment, distance and more, the real lives we live make the daily communication rather challenging, even if we wanted to...

this is electronic the real, e the real, life...

so today i sat back in my chair and enjoyed the respect i was getting from those who support my elevation to exalted grand pooba of the house and i was politely but coolly received by those who would seek to keep others down for their own purposes... and if you're out there, boss, you know it was not personal, just corporate politics and i had all of corporate on my side, so you did well to about break even (though i give you the win from my perspective in the salary negotiation)... i'll do my best to keep it in house and between us now that you've relinquished the power... unless corp reads this too, but heck one never knows (eerie robert klein sounds now)...

and the softball team was worse than usual... i was going to play with the work team, but the other team had two last minute call offs so i got begged over there... we pushed it into the sixth inning, but gave away too many runs on errors and lost again... sooner or later i will find a team of players that are not in their first year of playing softball... hopefully that'll be before my years catch up with me...

and then, here we are, tired and sleepy and yet, mind racing and wanting to stay awake... thank you meg & dia... music this week so far includes tom hanson, nick drake, and amy winehouse... and i reach into a random bag for a random handful of cds for the rest of the week and find a few really old elton john, linda ronstadt, jewel, lisa loeb, shawn colvin, jim croche, the the, virgin prunes, madonna, pink floyd, and led zeppelin... so what's up with you in the real?...

candor at blogspot

candor at blogspot, like candor at diaryland (and other sites) really ought to be me, i mean, just check the phone book, there are very few candors in the world and i am legally one... but others grabbed my name before i did, so i am candoor most everywhere i go... though i am candor at myspace which is probably a feat of early arrival or something... in any case, i just felt it was important to make note of this, here in the real... i am candor, even if others grabbed the name first.

fun da

Yes, fun, kind of like the funda, only without the green (for the moment, colors change in time, whether by hand or age or nature, but then, who said we were taking about colors?).