Thursday, April 23, 2015

the roller coaster ride (episode x)

emotional roller coaster, that is... but since emotions are driven by thoughts and experiences that produce chemicals in the brain and body that produce physical reactions and physical feelings then the emotional roller coaster ride that is an openly lived life is as physically exhilerating as any roller coaster or as depressing as any physical pressure might be... feelings are physical, after all, even when they are all in the mind... so maybe all that is semantic housekeeping so you might gather more meaning from my words and perspective of the emotional experience available in this life when not strapped down by the restrictions of fear and doubt and insecurity and uncertainty (and any other name we commonly give to fear)... i do not live without fear... i do not pretend to be fearless... i just do my best to not let fear get in the way of experiencing the maximum extremes of emotions in this life... trust has led to some profoundly helpless and hopefless depressions as i've trusted this body's survival to a few and have been betrayed, left for dead and luckily i had the strength to find a way to survive from the streets without anything beyond the clothes on my back... but the extremes were just as high when i experienced the hope and unconditional trust shared... illusion or not, it felt so real and wonderful... was it worth the fall?... i'll let you know the next time i have the chance to get on the ride (se says with a coy smirk and an honest smile)...

i am not sure if the ride has taken me on a more subdued track or if i have chosen to avoid the extreme that come from falling in love and giving unconditional trust, but then, it takes two to experience the former and i did, until late last year (when was that exactly and this is the tip of any enourmous unexplored iceberg {trauma} that has been mostly ignored since i hit it {or it hit me} whenever that was), the latter all through this life which produced the most extreme emotions of all so what is all this getting at (or what am i skating around?)...

can i ever trust unconditionally again?...

that question drops like a bomb...

but the silence is louder...

narf...

No comments:

Catch up (and know more)

musical distractions

If people had visible signs or meters that told something about them, what would you want it to tell you?

dumb poll (above), smart responders

all the previous poll votes were somehow erased, so, nevermind... ironically or coincidentally or whatever, the results were very close in practical numbers to the results above shown with just three votes, if you understand the mathematics behind that extrapolative reasoning... i will probably remove the poll at some point... it is a ridiculously useless feature...

SEARCH ME

the thing is, with my tendency to babble and meander and whine and allow distraction to take the lead more often than not, even in this blog that sort of meant to merge brevity with focus like some bloggers do, searching for key words does not always lead to specific information about the subject of that key word... but... here is a start at an easy way to search for key words in this blog... use the search box at the top of the blog to search for words not listed here... if ya wanna, that is... and feel free to suggest words to add to this search shortcut section... click on the words below :)

WORK ... JOB ... MUSIC ... LOVE ... SOFTBALL ... KA ... 42 ... LOL ... LAM ... LAA ... ... ...
...