first day fail

ok, so today was supposed to be the first day back of a serious calorie intake reduction and it was a fail... two sandwiches and a can of pasta and chocolate milk is not cutting calories and the fool has more power and control than i anticipated, so i chalk this up to emotional weaknesses brought on by repeated mistakes that leave me in an untenable situation that will end this life experience earlier and less comfortably than necessary and ultimately using food to help distract and feed the denial that allows the stupidity to continue... yeah, simple... i could have fallen asleep hours ago, but waited up for jackson and watched the ncaa women's finals with her just to to have the minimal social interaction not nearly enough to satisfy (as the indulgence of the can of pasta after she went to bed demonstrated) but better than nothing for the emotional hungers even though it is suicide for the physical body... alas, knowing too much is not always fun, but ignorance is not bliss for me... and loneliness is a powerful master i must undermine and enervate asap...

so now it's tv and words, as it is on nights like these... hopefully tomorrow i will shut it down much earlier after minimal (or even no) calories... that would be the kick start the caloric intake reduction might need to get refocused again... until then, i recommend (and request, even) clicking on the links in this entry and while you are caring to spend a little time here, doing the same for this entry because the words you will find feel much better (for me at least) than this entry and i so would like you to know me better... seriously, my humor only tries to make the emotion less overwhelming (or something like that)... cuz i ain't too proud to beg, ya know?...

meanwhile, narf :)