and the very next next night

mostly more of the same but another long day brings me to want to close my eyes earlier than last night (i finally fell asleep about 1:30am after jackson got home) because rest is the cure and the back did a lot better today in spite of little rest (though i did sleep in until after 8am this morning) and jackson is working and supposed to be home soon and i after leftover sandwiches that i ordered last night and that is destroying the weight loss as i rise back toward 200 pounds once again out of frustration and convenience and resting the back and indulging comfort food and depressive tendencies and loneliness and most of all stress and anxiety (what little of that that actually happens in me cuz i do tend to be a mad magazine (what, me worry?) poster child much of the time cuz life is, after all, transient and given the choice (which we all are, given, that is), i'd rather be happy, relaxed, and at peace than agistated, frustrated, sad, or in turmoil so i choose the former most of the time except when i step out of the illusion of comfort and remember i am still bleeding retirement savings and not getting any younger and will likely have nobody to care for me when i am older and unable to care for myself independently which is so very sad since i've cared for people and taken care of them and paid their way and been there for them throughout this life (as i am right now these days) and it is so easily forgotten when the wallet runs dry but that's life as i've known it among the human beings and so i don't think about it much and focus on the moments of pleasure that come from simply being alive and having most of my senses and perceptions and perspectives and fun little kids running around in the brain...

close the eyes now and say night night...

narf :)