just me and the dog

that's it for today and tonight cu jackson is staying over at sanford's place... she's off tomorrow and we plan on apartment shopping (maybe one last time cuz we are pretty sure that we found the one we both want and just have to wait for the lease to be done next month)... then tomorrow night is the amy steinberg concert, so she's entitled to a night off from my madness :)

oatmeal with ground flaxseed for breakfast, yum... though it was instant and not cooked, it was still yum... muscles more tired than i would like them to be... no ache or charlie horse, just a slight cramp in the right quad when i pushed a 50 pound box with my foot... happiness's food arrived... so move with care and eat regularly and drink water and electrolytes... the temp outside is higher than i'd like for a run (80 degrees with 50 percent humidity) so later for the exercise, but still hopeful i will do a lap or few... 10 laps for a 5k, so a few laps a day is a minimum i'd like to maintain... start with two days in a row, then talk maintain, aye?...

beautiful day :)

stuff to do

i called the cafe where we are going to see amy steinberg on friday and there are no advanced tickets and it's a donation-only concert and the owner of the place said there's no cover or reservations, just come and they'll find room... hopefully they don't underestimate the power of the steinberg... hopefully the steinberg still has power around here... so anyway, that little chore is done...

texted back and forth with friends going and then registered for the january 5k for charity which hit a snag with passwords but i figured out how to fix that so i didn't have to re-register on the site again and that's done...

and then checked on the january softball tournament and it's the same weekend as the 5k which is also mlk weekend at jackson's church so bummer... hopefully there will be no games scheduled before 9am and 10am will be better... i think that may have been what happened last year (when i was running more and in better shape)... the coach registers for that as a team and hopefully the coach will be able to make it to this tournament so i don't have to do all the paperwork and stuff and can focus on playing and coaching on the field and not getting hurt... hopefully the arm will allow me to pitch and throw and play too... shhhh, think positive thoughts...

and jackson invited me to her church mlk celebration which is all weekend and she's not sure she's going to do the tournament (big bummer) but hopefully we can squeeze in everything that weekend... including work cuz i hope to be working by then too...

more stuff to do around the house so i am going to stop writing and stay positive and hopeful and try to get more stuff done... are we having fun yet? :)

up all night again

not erect, awake, though we don't ignore erections around here... not masturbating all night though, just enough to keep from being erect all night... don't want any priapism problems, eh pappy?... the mind isn't the only body part that is a terrible thing to waste, after all... can you feel the music of the night?...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

must have been a lullaby cuz i nodded off...

lost in her eyes

well, wishful thinking, but seriously lost in the internet tonight as i've sat here for more than eight hours wandering mostly youtube watching and listening hour after hour and you can find much of my wandering and viewing and listening linked in all of the sites i saw pages specially tonight and tomorrow (remind me to fix that link tomorrow if i forget) culminating in the sheer adorableness and musical gifts of zooey deschanel who helped me finally completed the specific sites i saw for amy's birthday (though natalie portman and mila kunis {especially the last link} inspired the title of this entry and sheesh, where are faces like hers around here, sigh and all that)...

alas, and where did the actual physical world romantic i once was wander off to?... not to mention the imaginary one who wrote thousands of loves songs over the years... zooey would understand... yup, i am in love (yeah, lafs {love at first site} once again) with zooey and her music (adorableness is powerful, but mix it with a sultry sweet voice singing all those standards and it's linda ronstadt and melanie all over again) and still, mila's face melts me (seriously lafs)... superficial?... i so wish i had the opportunity to find out (as i laugh myself off to la la land now :)

nite nite and make it a wonderful day :)

before i check you

i check myself...

that is, that is... what i mean to say is, as if that is not clear or something, is that in this particular sharing made up of putting words on this screen via the cyberspace highway or whatever we might call it now or then or someday, i start writing before looking anywhere else, usually... so if there are comments or reactions of any sort anywhere, like in comments (oh... doh?) or email or even on my phone (still 407-325-1482, in case you wondered how real (e)thereal still was, i mean, just look around, as in scroll just a bit, aye?), i do not know that (about the comments, reactions, etc that might be there, kapish?) until after i start writing a while, at least... see, cuz the writing started out for me and remains, first and foremost, for me... sanity and comfort and clarity and release and work and play and sing and dance and giggle and cry and scream and sigh and whatever else, the inside comes out before the outside comes in (in the place where i feel most like me)... any other way seems to be following and i am not in this world to follow, nor to lead, actually, which is probably why i am alone (amongst the many other logical reasons, aye?)... ya falla?...

lol, hope you woke with a peaceful smile too :)

listening to this
(in the place where i feel most like me)

thousands

over the years i've written in diaries, journals, blogs, and wherever regularly so that just about every day i record thoughts, feelings, perspectives, dreams, fantasies, whatever may be borne of my own mind or just passes through from sensory input... there are more than a few threads, strings of entries (or posts) from different perspectives in my head and more than a few of the writing spaces have more than a thousand entries, this one included... if you ask why, the simple answer is i love word play, literary expression, and keeping in touch with myself and the dream of communicating with others, especially the one... care to read and ask for more and the deeper layers of meaning, reason, and rhyme (and the secrets of the multiverse, even) may appear for you as communication personalizes...

here in the primary public writing space i am skimming the surface most of the time and even those i mention are re-named to respect privacy (for others seems to want much more privacy than i do) and even when i am away from this writing space for a day or few, i am still writing somewhere... writing is for my mind what singing is for my body and spirit, exercise, release, play, connection to the core and flights of fancy to freedom and infinity (and beyond :)

if you have an affinity for the written word (or for singing and/or music), perhaps you understand... you are welcome to read along and encouraged to share your words as well, here, there, or anywhere... communication is one of the primary gifts this life offers and i love giving and receiving... hope you love what you do too :)

time goes by too fast

yeah, a harry chapin song comes to mind and i've been off in my own little world (mind) but this time i might remember a bit more than last time cuz i recall downloading and uploading dozens of videos to the pop news blog that i know everyone just loves to enjoy...

someday :)

it's good to be delusional, as long as the delusions are hurting or condemning anyone, ya know... so otherwise, jackson is off to chicago and it's just me and happiness for the next week or so and i head back to work tomorrow (alas) and i shall find a way to carry the wonderful remembering to explore my own head back with me into the mad mad mad mad (etc) world...

hope you've been great (and now too :)

yeah, really

omigosh... not the sudden blurted out omigosh as one syllable, but the oh-my-gosh of wonderfully wonder-fulled wondrous memory re-incarnating feeling so purely sweetly beautiful that there are no words... of course music bring me here again... tonight, the music of jay & the americans and many other related songs found on youtube... righteous brothers, moody blues, association, elvis, four seasons, lettermen, and so many others... so i've got hundreds of vids to download queued up when i finally stop listening as the library grows... oh yeah, really, all i can do is smile :)

music (and lyrics) makes thereal the best place to be :)

softball later, music now

with softball tonight and nothing planned for the next few hours and jackson at work, i am finally turning off the tv and turning on the music (via my long lost myspace playlist that i forgot about... starts out dreamy, i'm curious to see where it takes me today :)

eve-n now

if may be new years eve for most of the world, but it is a bittersweet memory for me for oh so many reasons that i will not get into at the moment cuz the mood is not here and the time is not here and i am not here, but still, somewhere deep down buried by time and confusion and way too many scars, there is something magical...

happy birthday mel

oooo, look at all the dark clouds up there

yes, because i am under the weather, you see... i decided to spend the evening adding cds to my laptop hard drive cuz i have hundreds more cds than are currently on this hard drive cuz i most of the cds were on the old laptop that died and the mybook hard drive that i have not hooked up to this laptop, ever, yet, so there is a serious need for more music on this laptop and that's what i've chosen to do tonight while i sit here waiting for the weather to pass overhead...

and some crap tv in the background...

how are you? :)

all through the nights

yes, the real is quite full of emo tonight... and to think, i almost slept through it, but something woke me and the sleep went away and i found magic and the timing could not have been better as i am off tomorrow so the night calls and i answer... and the words flow... and the only things that could make the night better is a return to optimal physical balance and to share it all with the one...

all through the nights, the dream survives...

and that's the realest of them all :)

almost excitement

between the championship and spirit award and mvp wins over the weekend and the pending eight days in a row away from work (i hope) starting tomorrow night, there is almost excitement abounding around here... and that's without caffeine, even...

did i mention jackson talked me into starting yet another team?... yeah, another softball team takes the field to fill the sunday afternoons... co-ed, and this one will have more girls than boys... cute girls too, and cool people inside the cuteness... unfortunately for my dreams of intimacy and falling in love, they are mostly not interested in boys that way... yeah, i mean sex... ironic, i look around at most of my best friends and find they are gay and while i am comfortable enough (the flex boys will all be sharing beds at the tournament to save money on hotel rooms, after all), my libido still lusts most for that dream of adorable petite girl...

and floating even closer to the core of the experience i've known as being me in this life, i still live in a very different place from everyone i've ever met in this life... and while it does get lonely where i am, i still wouldn't want to live anywhere (or anyway else)... so while i mock the excitement of life as harry and his band did when he'd say and the excitement continues to build, i still find the most exciting thing in this life is being me and the possibility of sharing...

anybosy wanna share? :)

so, seriously

i was born already gone (like eagles) and moving farther on (did you know jackson brown uses more than a dozen different guitars in his one man concerts and he has no planned set-list so he never knows which guitar he's gonna use next cuz they are all tuned and specialized to specific songs?) but enough about me, there are too many tracks in my mind to focus on any one trail without blowing in the wind and who really wants the answer after all, so i spread my genius so very thin that it's transparent and therefore, invisible to the human mind...

here, there, and everywhere (and before we ask if was marianne was really faithful, let's ask ourselves, even if it was any of our business, would it have mattered... john and paul gave their all and we were blessed again and again, here, there, and everywhere)...

and here, here, and here (cuz meg and dia point to your heart and mind and ear so well, even if you never feel or think or listen, but there's always hope) too...

if he had lived

i wonder what would have happened if he had lived... harry chapin, i mean... and the question can be asked about john lennon and many others, but this is the day after the nineteenth passing of the date harry died, so the query is more about harry than anybody else...

i wonder what would have happened to this world...

4am pizza

hey, it's either pizza or chocolate or karen carpenter singing need to be in love, so tonight it's pizza... of course this is self-defeating (or is it merely childish rebellion) as i am going to dinner (i think) and a party with a a person of good healthy influence tomorrow night... but the mountain dew with a squirt of pineapple is just so good (oh, the oral people understand, dontcha, even if you don't want to admit it)...

after all, no matter how much i am loving this month's favorite song, a sensuous child does not live by music alone... after all, i don't have a ping pong table or anyone to ping or pong even if i had a table... so pass the pizza and sing me a song piano man... or cute new singer.. and enjoy the night for all the wonders and excitements and sensual pleasures there can be...

how you doin? :)

life is a song

at the risk of repeating myself (risk?... what a silly saying), the song is on repeat in my brain (it happens now and then when a song catches my imagination... and it helps when there's a person or performance or visual or a video that inspires laughter or some other memorable emotion... the more affected the effect {or effected the affect}, the long it lasts and the longest lasting end up in my top hundred or higher of all time, which i'll tell you about one day if you are into music, want to know me, and are too lazy to find it in my web world yourself, nyuk, nyuk), so you might as well get used to it cuz it's playing all around me for the moment...

meanwhile, life goes on... how's yours? :)

just enjoy the show

sometimes a song and a visual personality catches my attention and i find myself bouncing or bopping to the rhythm and feeling the melody and hearing the words singing in my head and seeing the smiling and laughing the giggling and feeling the comfort inside and outside and that, my friends, is love... so i am in love again, naturally... you would be too, if you were me... and if you are too, then maybe you are (close enough to play in the secret garden with me)...

who needs (e)thereal when there's love :)

make it so! :)

skipping right along

the dishes are done and in the dishwasher (though clean, they've got to dry somewhere and i like to hot water blast them when i have a full load in there) and i am showered and shaved and not stinky (hopefully, not having an intimate partner, i only have my own nose to go by and human noses can be deceptively selective in catching scents that are always around, ya know)... and life is good this morning (even if it is more rushed than i'd prefer, but then, that is part of the price paid for being a responsible citizen in this modern human world... i'll nap on the plane and relax at the hotel, ah yes, reservations later... and rental car... and clean out mine so it's not a target at the airport parking garage)...

if i keep writing it, it will get done (or some baseball players might come out of the cornfield and if they are willing to slow it down and play softball, we'll have a fun game)... i hope you make today exciting and fun no matter how rushed with work or other life responsibilities you might be... and if you have an intimate partner or best friend to love, please remember to give them all the love you can give every day of your life for as long as you live (and clumb every mountain, too)... and if you are enjoying being alone, enjoy it all the more...

it's a beautiful day :)

frying brain cells

beer, sleep deprivation, softball, so much to do (fun and life chores and work) and wondering how many brain cells i fried this weekend so far... i'll catch up some more when i am more awake... too much to do, must prioritize... too sleepy... maybe a nap... what must be done before the nap... reservations, laptop... too late for laptop?... i think so... in the morning?... is there time?... dangit, bzzzzft! :)