Sunday, April 29, 2012

foot on my mind

i started something here and never continued and opened another tab to continue so this entry was just sitting here blank since it open and now, it is what it is...

wishing someone noticed :)

self-care is selfish

but what can i do... moving the foot hurts... standing up has the foot throbbing... the boot has been on for about 48 hours straight now and i am trying to figure out how to shower... might have to take some aspirin... it's lonely to be not be able to walk... especially when nothing in this space was set up for hopping around on crutches... i wonder how much more of waiting on me hand and foot jackson can take... i've got to get better soon...

sweating

mostly cuz i am wearing the boot, sitting here with the laptop on a towel on my lap, and the thermostat is set about 76 or so, maybe 78, even... the temperature, not the number, though 78 is even too... also bit woozy too from hydrocodone,, blurry vision and queasy stomach from eating left-out food right after taking the pill, but the foot feels better, or is that number... number, more numb?... weird, aye?... so may be the frequency (kenneth never knew) or content of updates on opitates i suppose...

wush you were high, here too...

Saturday, April 28, 2012

pain in the foot

is a real pain in the neck, even if i already used that word-play... pain in the ass too, since i am sitting on it so much... frustrating... redundant... repetitive, even... should be boring soon, any time now, if it isn't already... buhler, buhler... here, this is what i wrote to a friend about it (with a bit of modification to respect her privacy and a bit of addition cuz there's always more to say about anything)...

pain is dominating life at the moment... coming and going... puzzling... and if you want more info, here are links... puzzling pain... more pain... pain sucks...

tough day today, lots of pain, trying to figure out why... i have a bottle next to me so i don't have to deal with the pain of hopping to the bathroom, at least not to pee... if that's gross, you shouldn't read everything i write cuz i write about everything sooner or later... the dog occasionally throws up and pissed on the carpet in the middle of the living room one day, so face it, pee andf other body fluids are part of life, at least around here... anyway, jackson picked up narcotics (imagine that, without me she can pick up 30 pills of the most abused narcotic in the usa, any wonder how it gets abused?)... it's not the drug i wanted and it's not working as well as i'd like, but maybe it'll start on the second pill... i will call and try to move my next appointment up sooner and actually see a doc this time... and i am starting to feel the stir of crazy from non-movement... still i somehow dragged myself to work and sat there for eight hours on thursday and friday (and maybe paying for that today) though... high doses of aspirins helped... hydrocodon will help next week... paging dr. house... jackson is taking good care of me when she's here (she had a date last night and another tonight, but still making sure i have everything i need by shopping and waiting on me hand and foot, literally, when she is here)... i watch tv and play a video game to distract/amuse me... life goes on... and that's todays (e)thereal...


bad acting and worse writing has occupied the tv for the last hour or few... sci-fi channel movies can be so very terribly put together... i guess sci-fi fans in general have low critical standard or this station would never survive... cliche's like teenagers will save the world, especially kids in detention cuz you've got to disregard rules to save the world, right?)... for me, it's a bit of eye candy in the background and an occasional interesting idea put into a story...

what's going on in your world? :)

oh ow...

as in ouch big time, like wow where did this come from level pain after two days of actually moving around and putting a tab bit of weight on it... the aspirins masked the pain... so i now sit here with the foot propped up waiting for the aspirins to kick in and hope my stomach and blood pressure don't give out (cuz aspirins block the stuff that protects the stomach lining from the HCL and also fools the kidneys into thinking it needs to tell the brain to tell the heart to pump harder, but that's more knowledge than i want at the moment)... please just make the pain stop (nyuk nyuk nyarrrf)...

i did the right thing calling the doctor (though i got the assistant to the pa... what a medical system) and they ordered some opiate for me... jackson will pick the drug up tomorrow, i hope, if she is allowed to... otherwise i will have to drag myself out there to get some... that will not be pretty... i don't want to think about what the drugs are going to do to my liver and kidneys, alas, we all die sometime...

gonna try to distract myself with the game now...

Friday, April 27, 2012

home from work again

ordinarily i would be all jazzed about a short work week and softball in a couple of hours, my friday night double header, and here i am hopping home on crutches with at least a positive outlook on walking without the crutches a bit really soon... like even now... and the pain is not too bad... yay for the moment, hopefully it is not just the aspirins masking the pain as i do more damage... shhh, stay positive...

did not catch up on the work from the days off, so monday i shall continue catching up as more piles on... took the foot out of the boot for a while and gentle moved it around, which is the recommended course of action according to the latest medical knowledge... and home to be taken care of by jackson (though she has an out of town guest tonight and will head out to play softball and then out to dinner and i was invited, but the foot is starting to hurt after work so i am staying home)...

see all the fun you are missing? :)

am i so strange?

rhetorically asking, of course, cuz even if you were to answer this one particular question out of all the questions and entries overlooked, the answer is of course, depending on perspective... i mean, people are strange, especially when perspectives are different and isn't life strange? anyway?... musical references aside, is it so strange to want something like this to mean something wonderful profound and/or meaningful to someone?... or this (this?... or this, even (or odd, depending on perspective)... yeah, collections, history, me in all sorts of different costumes and customs... isn't anybody going to listen to my story...

at least i have the music :)

Thursday, April 26, 2012

work returns

and with more aspirins than is good for any stomach, i survived the day... the aspirins are wearing off now and the throbbing and aching and burning and biting and well, pain returns... i hesitate to continue the high aspirin regime cuz if the stomach gives out i have bigger headaches than foot pain... alas, i don't know about you (no really, i don't know about you, ahem, nudge nudge wink wink lol, ya know?), but i am quite bored with this, but reality is foot pain continues to dominate life...

i must shout out a big yay to some people around me in the physical world though... a couple of people in the office hallway have come through asking if i need help throughout the day, including asking id i needed a drink now and then and if i wanted lunch... the work piled up as usual, unfair, unprofessional, and ridiculous really, but that's the way it is and hopefully i might catch up on the piles tomorrow...

home is good, cluttered and in need of chores, but still good... you? :)

limp limp whimper

yes, the foot really hurts... and it's keeping me awake... and i want to whine and complain... jackson's been really super great listening and waiting on me hand and foot (pun not intended) and buying stuff and bringing me stuff so i don't have to get out of the chair at all except to go to the bathroom or go to bed... trouble is, i am not sleeping cuz it is challenging to find a comfortable position... and everytime i move when i am sleeping i wake up sharply and the foot throbs a while making falling back to sleep challenging... stubborn me, i did not ask for pain meds... i don't even like taking aspirins... and the aspirins only work for so long... and the stomach isn't liking the 4 aspirins at a time too often... am i whining enough to satisfy me yet?... at least i am not whining about the changes google-blogger is making like changing default page break options that is changing the format of blog entries without telling me... blah blah blah... i really should get sleep...

sheesh...


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

dang pain in the foot

yes, well, so this is dominating life at the moment... mostly cuz i must go to work and not sure how i am getting to work and from the car to my office (and back) tomorrow, but it's the plan... taking more time off is not good for the workload, which is ridiculously sad and unfair (unfair because there is no back-up for me at all), but that is the job i have and choose to stay in... so me and the foot will find a way to deal with the pain and need to ambulate tomorrow...

meanwhile, the day was just sitting here playing the game, watching tv, and writing a letter to a friend... oh, and hobbling to the bathroom a couple of times... except for the hobbling part, this was best for the foot... a week off it would be even better, but that's not gonna happen, so life goes on, without or without a foot...

in spite of all reading i did, i really do hope this healing phase doesn't take more than a week or two... please? (am i acknowledging it might with that pathetic please?... oh shut-up)...

foot pain

i have a bad sprain, either a grade 2 or 3 (can't tell until the swelling goes down and it really doesn't matter cuz the only difference in treatment is the grade 3 hurts more and takes longer to heal)... grade 2 is a partial tear in the ligaments holding the ankle and foot together and a grade 3 is a complete tear, the latter needing more support (cast/boot) for longer... there are also a couple of bone chips off the bottom tip of the tibia... same treatment, immobilize... of course rich people and pro athletes would have had surgery already and be rehabed in a couple of weeks... i hope to be not much longer than that cuz i am too stubborn to sit for long and i want to get back to playing softball and running, but realistically i may be wearing this expensive boot for a few weeks (everybody says longer, i say wait and see)...

as modern medicine goes, i had a pa look at it and the xrays and he didn't see the fracture and didn't consider it a serious injury because i played on the rest of the game and then another game... so my foolishly high tolerance for pain is what he based his diagnosis on... i made an appointment with the actual doctor for next time, but unfortunately that is two weeks away... the wrong diagnosis doesn't change the treatment either, for us poor folk, that is...

sucks and hurts a lot, but sucks more... i have five softball teams scrambling for a pitcher now and i lose the time and at this current body age, that sucks sucks sucks more... stupid new reebok sneaker and a wet surface caused it, but then, i chose to put that sneaker on and run recklessly on the wet surface...

sucks sucks sucks...

:}

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

changes why?

and the change has come... this blogger new look is finally forced upon everyone and my first reaction is similar to my last reaction when i checked it out, why?... for me, the drawback is fewer blogs and less information fits on the screen, so there is more clicking and scrolling to access and manage my many blogs... on the other hand, the cleaner look with bigger fonts and bigger buttons probably works for most who are not afraid of change... so ok, it's done, i'll get used to it...

meanwhile today was challenging... after standing less than five minutes yesterday, today i headed out to the doctor and why does modern medicine have to aggravate an injury or illness by forcing the body to do exactly (or close) the opposite of the advice the doctor finally gives after the waiting... i was elevating, icing, immobilizing, and resting except for the hours i spent at the doctor's office where there was no way to elevate, ice, immobilize, or rest... not to mention exposure to many more germs and bugs than i would have been by staying home... so the foot is more swollen and hurting much more tonight than last night...

i stopped at work to take care of something very time and legally sensitive and found the actions needed to be done by others were not done since i let them know what was missing last week... a few key people just don't seem to care about very important things, alas, and the challenge to keep the place safe, open, and free of expensive lawsuits continues...

and jackson loves me... she took such good care of me the past two days, i would have been seriously hurting a lot more and feeling very depressingly alone if she wasn't here so yay for my roommate and friend... i don't know how i am going to manage tomorrow as i need to get into work but also need to keep my foot elevated, not walk on it much, and not push it too much... but if i don't drive, i am stuck there until jackson can get back and if i do drive, that will be painful pushing a clutch with a boot on...

did i mention i have an immobilization boot?... a bad sprain with a few bone chips, ain't that a kick in the ankle... and that sums up the painful news from the medical world... and the day that was... i know a few of you, maybe more, care and want to know, and i appreciate that (even without the interactions here)... if you were wondering, now you know...

take care of you...

Monday, April 23, 2012

holy away time, batman

nine other blogs saw entries, some multiple, since i was last here keeping in touch with myself (and you)... that might not be healthy, but it happened... so did this, which could very well be proof, no doubt, even though i left here in a good place (see previous entry, or one of them), ya know?... laughter is not helping me walk (or lessening the pain), alas, but it continues nonetheless... laughter is like that :)

thank goodness, aye? :)

anyway, i just spent the last six to eight hours writing personal blog-letters to an old friend in private blogs, so I'll be back later for more if the foot stops throbbing a bit... for now, i shall watch some eureka and hope the distraction works...

you? :)

Sunday, April 22, 2012

filling in the gaps

yeah, i know, this entry wasn't here when this date first passed... i wrote it somewhere else... but it should have been mentioned here, after all, this is where i let you know what is happening to me... ok, then... so as if the universe knew i would need more time to sit around resting and writing and whatnot today, it broke my ankle... so i could be stuck in a chair all day today... ok, maybe i exaggerate, a bad sprain, at least... very bad... i shall survive and hope to be playing softball friday night (i know, slightly crazy, or so i am told)... i will see about walking out the door with crutches tomorrow and contemplate whether i head to work or to the doctor, not that i have one or can find my insurance card)...

this is the first injury that is serious enough for no walking... boo...

Friday, April 20, 2012

meanwhile, in life offline

meanwhile, in the life offline, it was yet another ridiculously busy day at work and i finally took a breath just before leaving to rush off to softball and after a couple of innings it was rained out, alas, so then jackson and i went to dinner at toojays, florida's attempt at new york deli, and then home and here watching the women of saturday night live and writing these words for you...

filling in the gaps...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

good place

just getting home from softball (subbed in for a friend's team) and went 2 for 2, a triple and a double, and five rbis and one run scored (they left me on third after my triple)... the game was called after two innings cuz we were up by 20 runs... good night, though i would have liked to play longer... long day at work with many complications (and still getting phone calls and texts)... anyway, good day, better night, busy, tired, feeling good...

still, so little time for the words, the thoughts, the feelings, the writing... alas, and for the one (of course)... gonna play the ncaa football game now... i mean, what's the point if she's not here or what's the point if nobody's reading or whatever, ya know?... whatever still inspires a giggle... there's no depression here, move along (we see things as we are, not as they are, remember?)... moods are so momentary lam... when i get this tired, i consider checking myself into a funny farm... trouble is, i haven't found one funny enough for me yet... did i mention i am in a good place? (even alone, aye? :)

hope you are too (in a good place, not necessarily alone, unless you wanna be :)

when i am a hundred

the old guy who adopted me when i was 14 years old (after entering my life when i was ten or so years younger) was born on this date... too bad he died late last year or he'd have been a centagenarian, centurian, centipede, whatever, however it might be spelled... too bad his sons apparently became like him and somehow usurped his will... too bad the woman he married who adopted me and had a ton of money died before he did so all her money went to him and therein his sons... i knew she lied when she said i was in her will, but that's the way that family was... anyway, it's the number 100 that i find interesting... i wonder if i will live to 100... i doubt it...

not as somber as it might seem here, actually... just getting home from softball (subbed in for a friend's team) and went 2 for 2, a triple and a double, and five rbis and one run scored (they left me on third after my triple)... the game was called after two innings cuz we were up by 20 runs... good night, though i would have liked to play longer... long day at work with many complications (and still getting phone calls)... anyway, good day, better night, busy, tired, feeling good...

wonder if i will still be playing softball when i am a hundred... whatever... whatever is such a good place to be for me cuz i care more than ever there, just not needing anything... i miss needing a little, sometimes more, seldom a lot these days... too busy... alas and all, but whatever inspires my giggles...

Monday, April 16, 2012

too tired to be too sad

a little sad cuz i found new music that inspires me to want to dig deeper and share and it's still the same old story, sharing takes two, so life goes on and so it goes and the weekend that passed was too busy for much writing (dig deeper to find what did come out if you have time) and yawn, who cares, where's the bed, aye?...

stayed up to watch the start of the end of eureka and once again, disappointed... taking care of happiness for a couple of days, so less sleep cuz he's such an attention hound... like looking in the mirror ya know (why you laughing?... dumb humans so turned off just don't understand, cha... no worries, too tired for the lament or rhymes, but you do, right?)... see previous entries for something more interesting and clues to the secret of the universe if you're disappointed, or something like that...

boring night, sleep, hope you are well...

Saturday, April 14, 2012

catching up with the web

many dozens of entries (that could be anywhere from 60-hundreds you know, but who's counting?... i used to... no time for some of the small stuff these days... no sweat, aye?... count if you'd like and let me know and i shall smile at you)... yeah, many dozens (hint: last entry before today was october)... and i've been listening to music like i haven't in a while (in case you didn't know, music is the fluid that carries my spirit through my soul and words are the cells forming the body of my dream, but that's another story of a life)... so like oh wow, if you know what i mean...

slept only a couple of hours since yesterday, so nap time... laters :)

wish i knew craig

as in craig ferguson you see, cuz he and i would get along splendidly, at least, in a very manly way, of course, with all sorts of so many private jokes we'd have to start nudge nudging in a pub, no doubt... yes, few people would understand me as well as @craigyferg and all the people who every visited all the sites i saw over the years (a loosely disguised segue into mentioning that i just may finally update the long sleeping sites i saw blog that sorta keeps track of all the sites i saw as i wander the web which i don't do nearly as much as i used to since ncaa football from ea sports and jackson and happiness came home and i started getting older and needing more sleep cuz i am burning myself out at work and not exercising enough and eating kinda haphazardly, yeah, those were the good old days, nyuk, nyuk, narf...

but sex, it's all about sex in the end... well, not actually in the end (see what i did there?... craig did, and i won't even charge him for it), and love, love is everything... not that i would want to sleep with craig, but i probably would find more opportunities for sex with people i would actually want to sex with craig than i do buried in the working life, so i made this idle suggestion rather nonchalantly on the twitter and soon, retirement, or perhaps laughter... we do enjoy our pretenses of friendship with strangers we never met and i don't mean reading mail and tweets, i know...

so now, back to the uploading and enjoying the night... hope you are too :)

Thursday, April 12, 2012

later

sometimes i write and entry or two that has some kinda of sense of meaning that makes me want to add it to the list of links on the right side of this blog and sometimes, nada... maybe i am referring to the last one, or maybe one earlier in the week, or tomorrow, even...

meanwhile, later on, the foolish wisdom of this life i loosely live and call (loosely, mind you) mine continues and it's so much the same with a little sprinkle of difference injected into each day... and night... and the sharing is fun, even if i'm not in love (and don't forget it, or something like that) and i still know i need to be in love, as much as i need, so i am, even alone...

it makes sense if you understand...

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

every post you make

or i make, for that matter... every post i make is a multiple purpose, expressing myself, releasing mental stuff (that allows more space for peace of mind), trying to share something positive with the world, and a call for response, among other things... even as it is all about me sometimes and all for me like a literary orgasm (wait, are you still here?), sometimes i am begging for a little attention, appreciation, and when i write my heart out, praise for the expressions, even if they don't rhyme (but especially when they do)... and i was realizing as i was commenting on a few entries a friend posted, the first she's posted in many weeks, that i am a relatively habitual commenter... and then i thought, geee, i wish i had one... and then i thought, maybe not, cuz i would feel obligated to keep checking and responding and i am kind of a freebird floating wherever the moment takes me and don't particularly like an obligatory schedule anymore (which is why i am so alone, right?)... and then i wondered if i might be that longed for yet kind of uncomfortable obligation for someone else, like do i become a burden of sorts for someone who wants to fly away alone and free?... sheeesh, maybe i think too much, aye?...

meanwhile, back in the real world, work keeps me tied down each day, especially this week as i am on clinical on call (which adds to the possibility of calls as i am always on call anyway) and so far, every night another emergency had me taking a few calls including tonight... which is why i treasure the moments of free falling or flying i can find in each day... even alone, if that's how it must be (la la la :)

really need to exercise more though... hope life is good for you :)

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

it's all about the kit

actually, it was tonight that i was sleeping so sweetly but the entry linked here found it's way to two days ago cuz the blog box has been open for two days and i haven't made time to write in it even though i've been writing elsewhere which is grounds for an apology to me (and you, if you are here daily missing me too) cuz if i make time to write (or babble, even) elsewhere i should keep the connection to myself and you going here as these entries can be brief as they need to be just to keep in touch and kit is the most important thing we can do in this life cuz it shows we really do care...

so i thank myself for the reminder and remember the day... another long work day of eleven hours or so, which appears to be a habit on tuesdays lately as i make early rounds... woke before sunrise and in before 6am and rounds for the first hour, check mail, print orientation materials, morning meeting, orientation, then an afternoon of work projects and reports and blink, it was nearing 5pm when i first took a breath and paused... so i headed home and walked happiness and ate dinner and played a game and nodded off and headed to bed and then, the phone, work, people not doing what they are supposed to do... i'll clean up the mess in the morning and keep hoping for more accountability and responsibility from those who continue to get away with nonchalant attitudes and careless errors in process and documentation (not a good thing in a hospital)... so much insecurity in the world, alas...

and now, awake again, i shall write or play or something until i fall asleep... lonelier than usual tonight... wisty, even... wish you were here :}

Monday, April 9, 2012

a wisty wind blows tonight

so life continues without you even though we share here when you stop by and that is a sadness i carry around all the time because i love you still and always will and this goes out to more than one, many, in fact, but a few most of all still and always will have vacant rooms in my heart kept clean and comfy just for them in the hopes that they will visit and if you did not know this sentimental side of me is the dominant substrata beneath the irreverent surface then you've never really looked into my eyes or asked to know my heart, but that's ok cuz we can enjoy the surface giggles and play too...

some of you understand more cuz you've been there and shared a moment with me in the real, not just in (e)thereal, and i miss you more because we shared more... cuz it's basic computational logic of the heart, the more depth and emo and truth and meaning and intimacy shared, the more there is to miss when the sharing pauses... long pauses for some... a wisty, as in wistful wind, indeed...

take care of you, ok? :)

Sunday, April 8, 2012

was sleeping so sweetly

and work woke me with more of the same foolish incompetence and several calls later i at least know the mess i will ask the director of the department that screwed up to clean up in the morning, but am now awake again... thought i was gonna get a great deep long night of sleep for a change, alas... anyway, i did get to touch base with an old friend and catch up a little with jackson who was away over the weekend and forgot to tell me some news (like she found another job, nothing important nudge nudge lol) and now she went to bed and i'm gonna... play a game?... write some more?... catch up here?... dunno... would rather be sleeping but kinda wired again...

started yet another new blog (shhhh, i am only crazy if you are not addicted to writing like i am... and you think i am not writing when i am not here?... silly people, i am always writing, even in my sleep)... the blogging life blog has it recorded and maybe it (the blogging life blog) is finally doing what it's supposed to do, like record changes and stuff and thoughts and feelings about this blogging life, aye?... you may not want to read the new one, it's one i thought about before but must have only dreamed that i created it cuz i couldn't find it (bullsugar? and the long and winding road once again obscures the laughter creating even more laughter, or something like that... maybe it's time to change the subject again?...

so life continues without you even though we share here when you stop by and this will lead us to the next entry... take care of you, ok? :)

Saturday, April 7, 2012

and the yummies continue (party time)

what a wonderfully full moon tonight that a couple of hours ago was huge on the eastern horizon as i pulled up to mellow mushroom to pick up eight hoagies and a calzone (and should i mention stopped at the the corner circle k for a 69 cent 44 oz code red and chips {and a two liter orange crush for later/tomorrow} and and then the cvs {the other corner} for ice cream {four kinds cuz they were buy one get one free} and kit kat {buy one get one free too} and mrs fields chocolate chip cookies and chocolate topping {for the ice cream, what?... you expect everything in the precise order when this much excitement is bursting forth?} and probably some other goodies and it is party time cuz it is :)

i would have invited you and everyone else, but i woke late and the place is a mess and i am laughing too much to remember your numbers (sure, just me and my dreams, that's how i celebrate being alive once a year, at least until the one shows up or when somebody invites his or her self)...

food is the second (or maybe third) best physical experience there is, after all, and it's so much easier to find and do than the other two (i'll leave youpondering the other two for now cuz every good party should have a bit of mystery, ya know)...

it is still a wunerful life :)

PS... wrote this about that

by that, i mean this, the previous entry, that is... and by this, i mean this (though written in a private blog i share with an old friend/lover/soulmate kinda gal, sometimes i write stuff there that can transcend to here, there, and everywhere and for everyone cuz that's what sharing without inhibitions is about {especially for the babbler who adds frills and fluff and sometimes deep semi-obscured profound stuff to the babble} and so, as i was saying, i wrote this about that (cuz it's for you too):

days go by

yup, that's the way of time... we miss what we do not pay attention to, what we do not make a priority, what we forget about... we choose what we focus on and make time for and care about and here i am once again making time for you, caring about you, and hoping all is well in your world...

wish you weren't missing so much of mine (sigh and all), but it'll be here and a lot more elsewhere (yeah, that elusive elswehere, aye?) whenever you decide to make time again and we'll have fun fun fun with or without a t-bird... it's been a wonderful day, a yay day in many ways in spite of giving 10 hours of it to work (hey, they got me a cake, that's yummy) and going 1 for 2 in softball games tonight (but i got a hit every time i got up, except for one walk, and felt so alert and in touch and fun fun fun and good people all around, even in a church league (i'm such a recusant, sorta :)

we (jackson and i) ate yummy mellow mushroom pizza for dinner and decided to impulsively jump into a trivia contest and came in second, go figure and might have come in first if i went with my first response to titan is the largest moon of which planet (saturn) but i over-thought and went with jupiter, the first rule of trivia contests, go with your first thought...

eating yummy cupcake jackson bought me and then, some video game into the night (cuz still no one stays awake with me, and i sing softly to myself as i amuse myself la la la) wish we were sharing, but at least you have words to read when you return... hope life is getting better in your world... and you are taking care of yourself... stay positive (or get positive if you are slipping away to the dark side, aye? :)


yup, so that's what i wrote about that, the other that, the previous entry, that is... and yesterday, which is what that and the other entry were about... cuz it's nearly 4am and i am, as the song goes, wide awake, and loving every moment of life but still needing to be in love so i write as if these words will find her and help us fall in love and you, yes you, all of you, are witness to my testimony to my love and the dream of finding her and this doesn't have all that much to do with anything, that, even, except of course unless i wished for her but i wouldn't tell you that cuz that's supposed to be a jinx or something but then, since i am not superstitious, maybe i did snicker sckicker nyuk nyuk nod nod wink wink narf)...

hope your latest year starts off with just as much (or even more) fun and joy and giggles and smiles and yummies and dreams (thank you brandi) and everything you ever wanted... especially at 4am :)

wunerful life

another year and more than in most years, people actually remembered and not only remembered, but celebrated my birthday... they bought me a cake at work and two cards and more people showed up than usual which is a sign of recognition i haven't had before... and jackson bought me a yummy cupcake and one of the most sentimental glowing appreciative cards i have ever gotten (like wow, so much serious emo in it, seriously)... and softball was much fun, more than usual, and i went 8 for 8 with a walk in two games and running and scoring too and both teams wished me happy birthday too... smoking hot... then yummy mellow mushroom for dinner... life is wonerful...

hope yours is too :)

Thursday, April 5, 2012

daily updating

some times i do it, this daily updating thing, taking a few moments, sixty, ninety seconds, a few minutes even, to record the experience i know as life in this world... it changes with each moment, but until the brain is tied directly into the computer, updating more often than daily (or a few times a day now and then) probably won't happen too often (except for the occasional blogging marathons {for more info} i used to make time for)... some times i do not do it and days or weeks or more time frames go by without a word... but lately, daily updating seems to be happening with more or less regularity...

home early from work today and enjoying the peace and quiet of being home during the day while most of the world is away at work... gonna enjoy lunch soon... it has been a good week in spite of the workload... the survey went very well...

how are you? :)

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

busy business as usual

long hyper-busy day at work that started before 6am (the annual survey is going better than expected so far) and then a nap after a light dinner and the ncaa women's final game tonight and hopefully back to sleep right after cuz tomorrow is another day like this one... luckily i do the job because i love it and not for appreciation or monetary reward, but both of those would be appreciated now and then... i keep hearing about the great come around lol :)

hope life still has you in it :)

Monday, April 2, 2012

pretending

from somewhere else again: the bottom line permeating all of my writing, especially online, is pretending... pretending someone is reading... pretending someone is paying attention... pretending someone actually wants to know about me... there was a time when i lamented a lot even as i did my best to remember how to dream... much of my babbling was thinly disguised whining about loneliness (or is that just blatant begging for attention, sigh, alas, la la la... yeah (with a dramatic pause), many thousands of entries still online (and even more deleted that no one may ever read as far as i will ever know... i think i whine and lament less now, though that is just my perspective and who am i to judge myself all by myself, ya know?...

feel free to give me your opinion, aye? :)

anyway, all kidding (and most pretending) aside to allow for just a brief moment for a splash of the hard cold reality of it is what it is, i can continue here with or without you until the time constraints limit me more and i pull back to the briefest notes here or in whatever the current momentary daily word-place might be... hoping it's not all pretending and you are in a good place even without communicating... and i really should sleep now cuz i will be up with a very challenging day tomorrow in just six hours...

till tomorrow, aye? :)

for you too

so i wrote the following elsewhere to catch up on the surface of life as it plays out before me (or, from another perspective, as i create it) these days and it makes sense that i share it here as it is the real that makes this the (e)thereal as in electronic version of the real life blog (what?... you really never understood the blog address title thing?... shhh, we don't have to let everybody know, m'ok?... nyuk? nyuk? grin?) and of course you come by here now and then (or every few hours, in your case) to find out what is happening in the life offline that i loosely call mine, cha cha cha, so here it is for your edification and so on...

so today (and this weekend) was fun and relaxing with a touch of frustration over poor play by my softball team and over jackson's poential unemployment (and why can't i find a rich roommate or better yet, a rich adorable nubile the one for mutual falling in love and happily ever after?... i mean, it is a better life goal than hoping for a sugar momma, isn't it?... oh be still my heart or something like that, i tease, i jest, i might even be kidding, but seriously now, it's only money... by the way, the parentheses is an instant addition to this previously written paragraph exclusive to (e)thereal and just for you, don'tcha feel special now?), but much more fun and relaxation and some indulgence in my love of foods both healthy and unhealthy (or so modern science and medicine would have us believe)... while the expansion of social life has slowed to almost a stop and the possibility of finding the one has come to an almost equal halt, the comfort and reduction of overall loneliness of living with jackson is a smile (even if she never shows interest in reading my ramblings, which may be a good thing given the occasional potentially too revealing parenthetic asides, aye?)... that's life at home...

meanwhile, life at work is busy and this week is gonna be one of the busiest of the year with one of the annual audits coming in and that keeps me running non-stop until they leave (usually three full long days)... tomorrow is gonna be a long day of preparation (so what am i doing still awake and writing this?... well, it was about four hours ago i wrote the entry surrounding these parenthetic interruptions and started this entry with the entry i wrote elsewhere and then i started playing ncaa football and got carried into the game and still am not nodding, but decided to pause the game and try to lay down and sleep but before i do that i felt like finishing this entry so here we are, end another parentheses, ok?), tuesday through thursday (and hopefully not friday) will be long days (and hopefully not too late into evenings) of keeping the customer (in this case the government who pays most of the bills) satisfied... and that's life at work...

life online is busy with yet another new blog opening over this weekend and other blogs getting fed and the continuing almost daily blogs getting almost daily entries (like this one and the one from which the sorta superficial life summary surrounding the parentheses, for instance) and the response is negligible to nil (in case you haven't noticed, ahem), which is sad, but i do not write for response so i continue... i stop in at facebook (and my softball league sites) and other places now and then and others post photos of me on facebook now and then and others comment on those photos now and then and that's a smile... i seldom check email... and that's life online...

incidentals and other lives shall wait for another time when i feel like digging, thought extremely superficially, once again... i just felt like catching up on the three primary things that consume time in this life these days (besides sleep and daily stuff like food and cleaning and such) cuz you want to know and i want to know even more... and that's why i'm here...

your turn :)


oh, did i not mention it was a challenge for you to do the same as in share your daily real, your the real, your life as you know it?... well, i want to know even if you don't, so i chide and tease and make all sorts of efforts to convince you to respond or share somehow someway somewhere... and until you do, poke poke nudge nudge wink wink, here we are :)

so make life fun, rewarding, and happy as you can and kit, dang it :)

Catch up (and know more)

musical distractions

If people had visible signs or meters that told something about them, what would you want it to tell you?

dumb poll (above), smart responders

all the previous poll votes were somehow erased, so, nevermind... ironically or coincidentally or whatever, the results were very close in practical numbers to the results above shown with just three votes, if you understand the mathematics behind that extrapolative reasoning... i will probably remove the poll at some point... it is a ridiculously useless feature...

SEARCH ME

the thing is, with my tendency to babble and meander and whine and allow distraction to take the lead more often than not, even in this blog that sort of meant to merge brevity with focus like some bloggers do, searching for key words does not always lead to specific information about the subject of that key word... but... here is a start at an easy way to search for key words in this blog... use the search box at the top of the blog to search for words not listed here... if ya wanna, that is... and feel free to suggest words to add to this search shortcut section... click on the words below :)

WORK ... JOB ... MUSIC ... LOVE ... SOFTBALL ... KA ... 42 ... LOL ... LAM ... LAA ... ... ...
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