dying balloon

i feel like a dying balloon... she tried so hard to cheer me up... notes on my door with positive affirmations... candy... a really big (like 20 inch diameter or more) helium ballon (not a cheap one, it's still floating more almost two weeks later) of a minion... everything she could do and give (except time, she doesn't have time what with two jobs, church nights, softball, and a serious newish girfriend... and though that may be what i need most, i, better than most, understand not having time... i am the one who isolated myself with work and softball over 80 hours a week and got this alone, after all)... yes, jackson is a lifesaver just as a best friend ought to be (except, as i said, for not having the time and i suppose that really is what i need from someone most, alas, as i keep repeating it into the void)... i just might actually slide into depression if she was not around, but even though she does not have time to actively pull me out, i am the giver and nurturer and will not let myself slide into the pits of despair for long enough to be in any sort of uncontrolled depression because it would hurt her... so she is keeping me safer as a child keeps a parent safer if you know what i mean...

still, i feel like a dying balloon... alone and waiting for the end... if only my belly would deflate like the big smiling minion balloon soon will, all would be well with the world... sort of...

sigh, alas, and still, narf :}