people disappoint again

just when i start believing in an organization again, the same old lies come around and kick me in the back of the head... we are not like other companies i was told when i was hired... we would never do that i was told when i explained the sudden termination for financial reasons at a previous job of twelve years... we are a family i was told... terminated is such a painfully cruel word... not a good fit was the explanation... sure, an honest person who genuinely cares about people and kindness and loyalty and bonding to create family in a long-term residential health care environment is not a good fit in an organization that lies about and does not live up to it's own ideals and values...

i am far from perfect, but ultimately i was set up by a supervisor who would not let me do what i wanted to do to accomplish what they asked me to accomplish so i did it her way and there was a lot less success because her way was the oppositve of my way and they don't want to accept the fact that they did not let me try my way so it's my fault for not accomplishing what they wanted me to accomplish... tie your hands together and then rearrange the items shelves in your refrigerator so they are in alphabetical order, why dontcha?... in organizational terms, they made decisions based on metrics that did not measure the big picture actual cultural changes we were aiming for, but rather measured the month to month changes and anytime there was a dip, they told me to change what i was doing which undermined what i was doing and slowed the gradual upward turn the culture was actually taking... they ignored metrics like client illnesses, hospitalizations, incidents, employee accidents, complaints, all of which were way down in the past year (3 deaths in the first three months i was there and more in the years before, none since my fourth month and clients who are just as ill as those who died are flourishing because nursing care was vastly improved by my insistance on training and systems for competency checks and improved communication and hiring a DON who agreed with doing that and who does it well)... and client health and happiness (you can measure number of smiles and smiling reactions each day and i get more than most) way up, but there's no improvement according to the short-sighted metrics they use...

perhaps i could have educated the top management better, but i did not... i wonder if they saw the connection between the staff survey rating they got (very low) and the inconsistent micro-managing they were doing... supervisors and managers (which would include me as i was managing the place without a management team for many months after i cleaned house and took the time needed to find the right people to build our new management team... alas, the one person who presented the biggest problems was the person upper management recommended most highly, but they don't seem to see the pattern) got higher scores... ultimately, they never trusted my judgement or decisions and blame the too slow to measure in monthly metrics cultural change progress on me, rather that accept that changing a culture that has been one way for decades is not going to happen in a year or two, but rather, will take a five or even ten year plan...

and in the past couple of weeks the shift exchanges, which were one of the primary improvements in communication of daily client care needs i implemented last year, were done away with... i allowed the experiment because two of the managers were very insistant on trying it and one who opposed it agreed to give it a try... supervisors complained and i asked them for patience, staff didn't care much at first, and i estimate that in another week or two the managers insisting on the new system that had an inherent potential for breakdown in vital information would see why it was not a good idea and learn from it... simply not allowing them to do it (which is what my supervisor suggested) would not teach them anything and potentially give them a sense that i was micromanaging them and that is the antithesis of the cultural change i was asked to make... but this is just one example of upper management opposing my methods of changing a long-term residential facility culture that slowed the changes that are definitely happening...

they might not even realize what they did... but as if just to make sure i would not succeed, my new supervisor for the last four months was almost never around (because she was based 90 miles away and even though she was supposed to come by once a week and talk daily, there were no daily talks and she was not always reachable and she came by about once a month to interview my managers so nothing got done on those days and in the past month... one of my managers stopped communicating changes she was making and if she was told to simply disregard me i would not be surprised, but we'll accept that could be a paranoid tought and leave it in this parentheses) and when we did talk she said i am doing well and asked if i minded if she skipped coming out this week again and again... then last week she shows up with criticism and passive aggressive questions and tried to turn my answers into something i didn't say and this week she shows up with the director of human resources to terminate... no corrective action or discussion of any performance issues at all in the past nine months and suddenly i am presented with there've been no improvements and i'm gone, no discussion, no notice, no smoothe transition where i can communicate pending tasks and potential risks to prevent unsafe situations for clients or delays in time sensitive care needs, just out the door and don't come back...

and that is not the way we do things here was the assurance the person who hired me gave me and we agreed it was not good (or safe) for clients or staff or operations, but now we disregard the clients and staff and operations and assurance and just do it... the lack of trust or ethics or consideration for the mission and values (not to mention clients and staff) and simple kindness (in a company and profession that is supposed to place caring for people at their highest goal and ideal) is astoundingly disappointing...

so maybe i am wrong and they (they being just one or two people at the corporate office who really don't spend any time at the facilities, but seem to believe they know what actually happens at the facility better than those who work there) are right... might makes right, ultimately, so i am gone and they will do what they want to do, which as i see it, is the same mistake they've been making for decades... a true restructure for a real cultural change takes five to ten years... but what disappoints me most is the way they dismissed me... let the clients wonder why the person who inspired their smiles and laughter with hugs and singing is suddenly gone... let the staff who were depending on me to change the culture (and who thanked me regularly) wonder why i left without explanation or goodbye... let the projects and purchases i was working that clients needed be delayed or on fall by the wayside... let the contractors and vendors and surveyors who trusted me to maintain communication and good professional relationships wonder why there was no transition, introductions, or courtesy in handing responsibilities and relationships off to whomever is going to develop those relationships with them now...

how do people justify such hypocrisy and ultimately, cruelty?... it keeps me awake at night, but then i don't delude myself well... sigh, someone distract me...

sad narf...

i may be back to re-read this and edit it for clarity as i am so sad and frustrated right now... but i must let go even though i am concerned about people i adopted as family.. caring too much about people just does not seem to work in the modern health care world... so i look at myself and pick up the pieces of my heart once again and walk on... at least i have good personal and professional references (including AHCA surveyors and DCF investigators) and i will move on hoping to find an organization and people who actually see the big picture, don't make knee-jerk decisions based on minimal facts and even lies, and live up to the high ideals and values they post on their walls... yeah, so maybe i am wrong and they are right...

hopefully history will not repeat itself and nobody gets hurt doing it their way...

sigh and even sadder narf...

and moving on...