because i am, especially in the middle of the night and even more especially when i am dealing with the first day or two of a major life change, crisis, trauma, or something like that, a pathetic little kid who just wants to be coddled and waited on hand and foot as if i am helpless cuz then i might believe i am worth being cared about that much... usually i don't even get a hug cuz i don't let people get that close anymore and year after year i trust less and less... such a sad introduction to this next bit, which is a message to jackson...
I need to remember to do this... first I need to remember where the epass is... I think I left it on the living room table... it might be there, but i am asleep so it doesn't make sense to get up to look for it right now because my eyes are closed so i wouldn't see it... maybe you could remember to remind me tomorrow if you think this is more humorous than pathetic and want to laugh when you see me... hopefully you will have your eyes open then or you won't see me, but if you do see me and laugh, since your eyes are open, maybe you could help find the epass?... thank you for putting up with my way of processing the challenges life and people offer...
yeah, that kind of might be a silly little message that could even be amusing if you kind of might be amused by silly little messages and do not focus (or know about) the pathetic helplessness that might be behind it... go ahead and laugh at me, i am... sorta...
narf :)
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