part five (sorta)

screaming loneliness is not bringing me the one or any sort of partner in crime or life or even a new best friend and while jackson still calls me her bff and she is the person closest to me in the world today, here i am alone when i (was i going to write need or something like that?... in-depth self-analysis must follow, no doubt) want more than ever to cry on someone's shoulder and laugh at the silliness of taking the ideologies and materials (and money) and future and power trips and rules and stuff like that of this life as seriously as most humans do when all that matters is what we can share when we care in the moment we care and share honestly and openly and completely actually actualizing unconditional trust (can anyone really do that in the physical reality?... here i wait for another one who can) and this parenthetic aside (or is it the entry itself) is kind closer to the bottom line than intended so boom and all that whatever with a shamalamadingdong so why does it (or do i) continue through this long winter night (actually it is still very much fall and being florida, very much warm, but that wouldn't fit the metaphor i suppose) all through it, even...

is all this supposed to be going somewhere?...

narf :)