connective thoughts (and tissues and issues)

could be i really meant it inside, the place of apathetic procrastination that allowed weight to rise in spite of the negative health effects (or affects) and deliberate ignoring of blood pressure and modern medical science (at least in the west... is there a place in this world where high blood pressure is revered as the intense energy it may be?... is there or will there ever be empirical proof that the intense potential conscious awareness and sensual sensitivities and mental abilities are worth the risks of burning out or exploding from within?... what if i believe that, am i any more or less deluded than those who believe in magic or runes or numbers or pills or stars or gods?... feel free to share any ideas you have cuz i am open to suggestions for improvements in understanding and actualizing and life, the universe, and everything too)...

anyway, missing music is a sign that i may be returning to me (and dearly hoping it is not too late cuz i think i was scheduled to do this a few years ago, or ten, even... the body does have an expiration date, after all)... so i made a couple of doctor appointments and i may listen and may even take some pills... i'd rather see if marijuana might reduce blood pressure since i at least know that drug (from way back) and of all the drugs in the world, i might believe in it if only because the stupidity of blind greed and prejudice is so against it... but i am not ready to break the law and florida is still a backward state in so many ways... though i heard gay marriage may be legal soon, which is a sign minds are opening a little around here... anyway, i think clonidine impairs the senses a whole lot more than marijuana based on my personal experience and doctors sure are quick to force clonidine on hypertension, so let's see what other drugs the doctors offer... yes, that in and of itself is a major step away from ignoring the reality of the current physical state of this body... dropping the weight is another clear sign of waking and remembering that caring is a verb...

i really am ready to be beamed up, really i am (but wait, let me set up a foolproof plan for jackson first, ok?... and they do need me at work... so how about just renew contact and hope for intelligent life in this universe and hold off on the beaming up for a while cuz i actually do want to be here in this living space, just not in the apathetic space inside, m'ok?)... maybe what i mean is i am ready to be beamed back into me right here and now, aye?...

oh so narf :)