and the tears still fall

i fell in love with natalie wood when i was a very young child as i watched miracle on 34th st and her character was just as skeptical as i was at that age (and younger) and i so related to her personality and thought process (and being adorably my type, yes, even as a very young child libido was quite developed and i had a type... but this crush was first about the character and the story as in spite of my serious skepticism, i still want to believe and welcome any {that was a typo that said amy at first, go figure, a typo describing by type} certainly helped) so much that it (the character even more than the film, but the film too in as much as an archaic provincial early 20th century morality play and production can) because it presented the opportunity to believe, if just for a few cathartic minutes, that someone does exist who lives to give as much as i loved to as a child (and still do) and maybe someone will believe as i do in that magical one on one unconditional trust in the physical empirical world with me as much someday and take the leap into each other as i've always dreamed of doing with someone, the one...

so every now and then when the original film is on (or when i watch the video, though i wait for someone to share it with me these days so it's more an accidental viewing on the tv), i am almost surprised by how much the movie still moves me and how i let the water works pour out as they find the house and natalie takes over one of my favorite scenes... and it feels so good to remember i am still alive inside, the childinside is still alive inside, even though i so rarely share the depths these days...

i still believe in love...