weight loss

and on the 19th day i reach another new weight loss high of 15 pounds... most likely the average is in the neighborhood of 12-13 as i am just waking and slightly dehydrated and i store a lot of water which is why i can drop 10 pounds in the first week of a strict weight loss dietary change, but this is a very good sign that i did not do too much damage falling off the wagon last weekend and so far i am hanging on to the wagon pretty well this week considering yesterday was xmas and there is temptation everywhere and i am not working in the office or going anywhere (i did work nine hours yesterday, but at home alone where (at least at first... when i've lived alone i adjust and loneliness goes away and will power is at it's strongest because there are no distractions, stresses, or frustrations so there is minimal or no emotional hunger but i don't live alone these days so when jackson goes away for a few days i feel the initial loneliness and the emotional hunger that comes from it... also, the desire to share is rising {in case you didn't notice in recent entries} which increases emotional hunger which pressure on will power and some of you may know that rather vicious cycle so anyway, the will powers diminish severely, especially when i am feeling lonely or under stress and there was a fair share of frustration from work yesterday)...

so will i reach the 20 pound weight loss by the new year?... doubtful, but then, that was a rather ridiculous goal (i appreciate ridiculous goals sometimes... they test my rational thinking process as i either laugh {which is a sign of rational thinking} or i become frustrated or depressed over not making the rather ridiculous goal {which is quite irrational, but mostly human} and i am laughing so this may just be rational thinking... what?... you don't test your brain now and then?... ok, so anyway again, as i started this whole dietary change on the 7th and losing 20 pounds in 24 days is not exactly reasonably sane or healthy... i am determined to be very strict this weekend though (famous last words? lol lam)... i will be facing modern medical judgment on monday, after all, and i do not want to start at anywhere near max weight... at least now i am pretty certain i will take the whole medical advice thing somewhat seriously... i do have another doctor's appointment on friday as i am shopping for a new doctor...

for those of you who have not been following along closely (or maybe you don't read my other blogs or maybe you have never been here before and don't know anything about me, in which case, hello and welcome to my babbling {and brevity and the occasional rhyme and reason, all of which happens here from time to time} which is my way even though this blog is my latest attempt at writing briefly, succinctly, concisely, and what might even be called normally... you might as well know that i don't do normal too well, but this is not meant to be an introduction to me so hello again and welcome again and everybody say hi so we can find our way out of this parentheses), i let this body bloat up and am in the midst of the initial max-cleansing and strict dietary restrictions which will continue for another few weeks, at least (we hope) with the usual binges every week or so (and by binges during this restricted dietary time i mean some pasta and meatballs and cheese or chinese buffet or some other comfort food, not a big bag of m&ms or ice cream or other extreme binge that got me to the point where the body needs to drop 30 pounds find me again (and another 10 to be where the charts say i ought to be... those charts are so wrong for me though as most people consider me looking quite ill when i am at my ideal body weight, mostly because i have broad shoulders... we shall see how far i go this time as i wake up and remember the high weight bloat does not feel good... hey, i am halfway to my first goal, so yay for halfway...

at least i am not going to my new doctors for my first annual check up in a couple of years at my max weight... i was at max weight for this life before i started this, so while good sense, reality, and wanting to live does strongly suggest i should not drop thirty pounds in a week or even in a month, i suddenly have renewed determination to stop indulging the food junkie and and return to my comfortable weight which will be determined once i get there as bodies change over time and the teenage body that was 147 pounds once upon a time is probably not where i need to be or even fifteen years ago when the body was 160... but seriously, "For your height, a normal weight range would be from 129 to 174 pounds." I was below 1% body fat as a teenager at 147 as modern medical science suggests 129 pounds for 5'10"?... no wonder anorexia and other eating disorders are so prevalent in our culture... too much bad science, not enough common sense... so i will shoot for the 180s for now and see how i feel...

besides, i carry a at least few pounds of water in my kidney sacs (water cysts or something like that inside my kidneys... abnormal or part camel or perhaps an evolutionary advantage as the doctors of the past found no harm in them) that i'll likely have the doctors check out next year... the arms are aching after the second day of workout (and minimal food intake... i must eat some protein today, but i am so not hungry at the moment... i know fasting and exercise are not friends)... the body is waking and hunger is nudging just a bit, so some lean protein for the muscles is in order... and that is the weight loss report we've all been waiting for... or something like that...