ok, who blinked?

you know why i am here (if not, ask)... so if the last time you check was a couple of days ago, you might want to check the entries you missed because dozens (many) were uploaded in the blink of an eye (in spite of goggle's opposition) and so if you missed me because i was actually gone for a couple of week (wouldn't know it now though, aye?), i am back and you have a lot of entries to read if you want to read a lot of entries... hope none feel like a waste of your time (the whole blog might be, unless you love me, but there is a method to the madness and someday we'll all understand... or something like that), but hopefully you learn a thing or two or at least find a smile... i hope i am not just going through the motions... self-doubt is a killer, but fatigue brings it on and i am seriously blurry at the moment... and when this level of fatigue comes, the mind wanders, the focus wanes, the clarity fogs up, and the negative wondering starts... does anybody care?... is it all a waste of time?...

sometimes all i want is someone to care about me... and hold me... but would i lay still long enough?... can i still trust enough?... so much stinky blurry muddy water under the bridge... and disappointments, betrayals, abuses, they all rise from the depths when long-term fatigue overwhelms... sigh... so who am i to be giving advice, aye?... at least i can still laugh at myself... even all by myself... la la la...

narf :)