and i am watching old ncis episodes because there is some strange sort of comfort in pretending the characters are friends, especially when reality is painful... vance's wife and ziva's father died in the same episode... fake drama is so easy to process and somehow, letting the emotions roll the coaster in the imagination and subconscious helps process the real feelings process as they rise into the consciousness... once jackson accepted reality and decided, i held his body, she held his head, the vet injected the drug and we said goodbye... happiness is gone...
the empty space where he used to lay is screaming so hard it is blinding... or maybe it's the tears... we seek comfort in the truth... no more struggle, no more pain, peace at least... the loss will pass and the good memories will remain...
and my first doctor, the only doctor i ever trusted, reminds me...
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