ok, who blinked?

you know why i am here (if not, ask)... so if the last time you check was a couple of days ago, you might want to check the entries you missed because dozens (many) were uploaded in the blink of an eye (in spite of goggle's opposition) and so if you missed me because i was actually gone for a couple of week (wouldn't know it now though, aye?), i am back and you have a lot of entries to read if you want to read a lot of entries... hope none feel like a waste of your time (the whole blog might be, unless you love me, but there is a method to the madness and someday we'll all understand... or something like that), but hopefully you learn a thing or two or at least find a smile... i hope i am not just going through the motions... self-doubt is a killer, but fatigue brings it on and i am seriously blurry at the moment... and when this level of fatigue comes, the mind wanders, the focus wanes, the clarity fogs up, and the negative wondering starts... does anybody care?... is it all a waste of time?...

sometimes all i want is someone to care about me... and hold me... but would i lay still long enough?... can i still trust enough?... so much stinky blurry muddy water under the bridge... and disappointments, betrayals, abuses, they all rise from the depths when long-term fatigue overwhelms... sigh... so who am i to be giving advice, aye?... at least i can still laugh at myself... even all by myself... la la la...

narf :)

she's driving me crazy

she is so needy i can't sit without being mean to her because she wants to be held and petted... i sit in a big pile of cat hair and and it's getting all over the laptop and everything i wear... she does not want to sleep alone so she is waking me and if lock her out of my bedroom she's whining and scratching at the door throughout the night... i don't know how to tell jackson it's getting to the point where i may need to go somewhere else to get some sleep, but it's been this way for every weekend jackson goes away and i am feeling burnt out... this is the worst weekend yet and i feel horrible being so mean to her... i refer to curious, the cat, in case you didn't realize that... and she's started throwing up for attention... jackson wants to be with her girlfriend and happiness is gone, but curious is more attention seeking and needier than ever... and i am whining... tired... blurry... foggy... yucky...

got to let it go... she is lovable...

narf...

google-blogger rules

the catch up was halted along with the inspiration that might have added to the babbling and while that may seem ridiculously meaningless on every level outside of my head, hey, it's my head and i live in my head and i do not appreciate google-blogger rules blocking me from uploading entries just because i uploaded more than they want me to in a twenty four hour period... so much for an explosive blogathon-like burst of creativity and whatever...

this reminds me that i can't usegoogle's chrome with blogger because chrome does not allow all the blogger features to be used... so google is dropping the ball a lot when it comes to hosting blogs, but then, free is free so i do my best to ignore the restrictions and intrusions...

and ramble on...

stephshortstak

i am really liking watching her (wiki, tweet, face, instagram, pic, pic)... i may even find her character on satisfaction enlightening... reading from sense & sensibility, no less... while the men have sex with strangers, no less... interesting show... maybe what grabs me besides the eye candy is how her chanracter is presented as wiser than wise (brilliant) in one moment and foolishly gullible and so easily manipulatable (stupid) in the next... but there is more to this girl than meets the eye and i would love to explore all that lives behind those eyes... yes, in love again, even if it is just entry by entry... after all, to go beyond the moment we must be together sharing physical space where moments blend into each other and form a timeline, a yesterday, a today, and with hope, a tomorrow... that's life, if you have a clue...

meanwhile, i wonder if i will find the time to remenisce about kelly clarkson and the early years when i was enjoying the beginnings as this year brings the farewell season of american idol... i wonder if stephanie would...

narf :)

snack binge

not a massive one, but i did run (ok, i drove) out to the store (and had to go to two because the 7-11 did not have sour cream or dip, but cvs had dean's dip which was not my first choice but i didn't want to go find a third store open after midnight that sold sour cream) so there is ridged chips and french onion dip and there is scooped tortilla chips and sweet salsa and there is (is the lack of are annoying you?) bbq pistachio nuts (impulse buy( and there is a pack of ho-hos (see how i matched tense there?) and there is chocolate milk and there is a toll house cookie ice cream sandwhich in the freezer and there is yummy yummy yummy in by ever so bloated tummy cuz i ate a ton (eggagerated by weight) of cheesy spaghetti just seven or eight hours ago and am, as usual, pacifying my loneliness and lack of exercise with food... wonderful, aye?...

earlier we won another softball game and though i went 0-3 i got up a fourth time and hit a solid line drive single through the 6 gap (a very arrogant and provoking shortstop did not have time to move, which was exactly what he needed to bring him down a notch) to knock in the winning run... cheers all around... i might wake up to do a walk for something, breast cancer (i forget the cause), perhaps, tomorrow morning but i might not... i signed up and gave a donation (trying to set a good example at work and it did inspire others to sign up and give some money), but i have been giving up way too many sleep-in days lately and this body really needs a sleep-in day off regularly now that it's getting older... so many good things to do, so little time... that's why i don't hang out late playing cards or partying anymore, just not enough sleep time... meanwhile, pigging out on junk food is quite counter-productive...

fun alone is not always healthy, but i do need more sleep...

narf :)

ok, it's time

update time, catch up time, the process time... yup, and link time too cuz that's all part of the whole shebang or sheebang or shebangy sheebangy sheeboppaloobop whamalamadingdong or something like that... relatively early evening on a friday night and i've got the place to myself with nothing to do cuz jackson's gone away for the weekend again and it's just me and curious (who is rubbing all over me for attention at the moment) and i don't feel like going anywhere cuz sitting back and relaxing is inspiring the biggest smile of all the possibilities readily available tonight... i don't have a house full of snacks... no chocolate or chips or dip or cakes or anything to munch on... no soda or caffiene unless i make some coffee drink and i'm not up for that at the moment... but relaxing is definitely the first choice so even if i don't stimulate the mind with chemical additives i will likely babble on a bit and when sleep comes, welcome it with mostly open arms... hey, i'm a complex individual with an always multi-directional focus that leaves infinite possibilities for the next moment, what can i say...

yeah, so it's time... not the usually chemically induced update catch up process and link time, but it's time... are we excited yet?...

narf :)

facebook validation

do you go to facebook for validation?... do you go because you are lonely?... do you go because you want conflict?... everyone has their own reason for visiting, reading, and/or writing online and facebook is currently the buggest community or gathering spot online, but there are themes we can ask ourselves about if we are interested in the reasons we do things... every now and then i spend hours reading and commenting and you can read all about it (as long as the comments don't get deleted by moderators more interested in control than in conversation... control freaks destroy good conversation and sometimes, meaningful communication, but that's not just on facebook, that's life among frightened humans)... so why do you facebook?...

and if you don't go, why not?...

curious narf :)

when i don't feel like sharing

there are times in this life when i do not feel like sharing and those times occur more often and for longer periods than ever with greater satisfaction as they do... when i was much younger i craved sharing all the time and my alone time was usually brooding over not sharing or exploring myself through words or playing a game to stimulate my mind, all the while, no matter what i was doing, i wanted to be sharing it 99.9% of the time... these days i probably want my alone time as much as i want my shared time and only crave sharing because i do so little actual sharing (especially sharing me completely cuz nobody's ever taken all of me) these days... my babbling, and maybe a few of you have been around long enough to notice, has become much more of a distrating random irreverence than a lament for the one or anything else... sure, i still want to share and the dream of the one remains the number one personal selfish dream (the number one dream just might be peace and happiness and fulfillment for all beings cuz that includes me too so i get the selfish dream and get the wonderfulness of being in a world where everybody gets their dream too... not altruistic or some saintly wish, just logical, aye?)...

anyway, i don't feel like sharing much today so here we are, writing for me, but sharing with you just the same cuz, well, there's always at least a sliver of hunger to share in me cuz that is why i remain here, online writing publicly, not to mention alive in this world...

rational thinking is so rare these days... so i do my best to laugh at myself and at everything and enjoy the moments as life goes on...

narf :)

work can be such a distraction

so i play chess all night because i don't want to think and i take off from work because i really need sleep and i don't want any alcohol to drink but i sure could use a joint, i think... it's been years, maybe twenty since i last played with any drugs and coincidence or not i also share a lot fewer hugs maybe my whole life program has some flaws or bugs and lately i just join in as the world shrugs... ambivalence is any empty drug but it seems to work for me... while most people seem to dwell in fear or some animosity... i don't want to be an angry old man ignoring my complicity... so i do not turn off my mind, i just distract myself idly and sometimes work quite randomly...

and what are you doing with your day?...

lol lam laa narf :)

and for j

j is an online friend of mine
and she can write words that glow
simply too sensitive for this world
her body always tells her so
at least that is what i believe
she feels the pain of the truth
some of us are put on earth to grieve
the abused potential of our youth
as the sun shines on another day
she can pause and see above the fray
as most people just rush on their way
she can feel the world wasting away
and sometimes there's nothing left to say...

but i hope her hope will stay
for another day

yes i hope her words will come out to play
to glow another day
j, glow another day

this is dedicated to mikey b

mikey b is a friend of mine
who got lost somewhere in cyberspace
all his sites just disappeared one day
and all i could find was a sad face
we rode rockets out at kennedy
we hung out at old beach bars
we exchanged linguistic destiny
and the space between the stars
he would write words that would make me think
deep thoughts that poked my consciousness
others said he would drive them to drink
and even that he was a complex mess
but the laughter was the best he gave
his perspective was askew just right
some words on the way back machine (good save)
still shine his unique light
i know time space relativity
will make everything alright
but with all our intellectuality
and linguistic rationality
there are still reasons we can not see...

i miss mikey b tonight
i miss mikey b tonight
i miss mikey b...

tonight

lime lifesaver

it may be an odd phrasing to say a lifesaver sucks since it's not the lifesaver doing the sucking, but then, but lime lifesavers are not my cup of tea and so it sucks too... give me a cherry any day and i will suck it all night long... i'm not a fan of grape either... but cherry, my mouth is watering just thinking about sucking on a cherry and rolling it around on my tongue... practially experiencing an oral orgasm just thinking about it...

was it good for you?...

narf :)

kat mcdowell

as opposed to mcdonald, perhaps... sweet singer, there may even be a rocker in her... kat mcdonald, i mean... yeah, the title is no coincidence... i like the guitar, the music, the style, the look, but at first hearing the vocals are way too commercially processed for me on some songs... still, there is sincerity in her voice and meaning in her words so i'll fall in love... no belittling my irreverence, m'ok?... laugh with me if you get me, scratch your head or walk away if you don't... pointing fingers isn't nice... i mean, you don't have to be nice, but it would be nice if you were... nice, that is... meanwhile, back to kat, not alone shows she can enunciate well and has a sweet voice so hopefully she won't let them process her too much (yeah)... morf?... liking her voice on a little rain... so here is a fan blurb... and if we never make wild passionate love on a moonlit beach, well, we'll always have this entry... now you probably want to check her out even more than you did a sentence before so mission accomplished... i sense a lot of love in her, so she's got a new fan, i mean, in case it wasn't obvious...

wonder if she had a farm?... if you didn't get that, oh well, life goes on... eee i eee i oh (ho ho ho)... love is everywhere, after all... but alas, the left speaker is finally giving out on this laptop... it's got a harmon kardon system built in, one of the reasons i chose it, but the years take their toll on tiny speakers, even good ones... still loving kat though, so recommended highly, she is...

narf :)

fantasy fiasco

the pats continued scoring, 27 straight quarters with at least one score and brady has at least two passing touchdowns in each game so far... always a mistake not to grab him in fantasy... fantasy is sucking for me this year, alas... had to auto-draft on one league and that was an auto-shaft... the league i did draft in is sucking because top ten players are sucking... peterson (as in adrian), johnson (as in calvin), thomas (as in demarius), and there are more disappointments but those three are the worst underachievers... also have buffalo's defense, witten, hyde, and whatever... the first half of the season has been a write off... i'll see what i can do to salvage a little fun for the second half...

meanwhile, what's up with this song being played when brady comes on the field for warm ups?... people are just so stupid sometimes... but then, brady endorsed trump, so he's obviously not as smart off the field as he is on... very disappointing...

first world problems, narf anyway :)

good softball season so far

i am playing in four leagues regularly, pitching in each, and this is one of the better seasons i've had... on average, my teams win a championship a couple of times each year and have two (that i remember) this year so far... this season there is a chance for three more and the standings are below...

with six games left in the Sunday league, it is still anybody's championship but we control our own destiny... if we go 4-2 the rest of the season we should lock it up... it will not be easy as we still play Mojomen twice (they have the best hitting by far and we will have to play without errors and with our best hitting to beat them, we do that very inconsistently and so fdar, i've been able to pitch our way out of bad games {all but one} and i've been hitting well well above expectations, picking up a lot of slack)... we also play Onslaught again and we just barely beat them the first game... and we play Riots again and they are much better than their record this season (beaten by us, Rage, Onslaught, and Savoyeurs - four of the top five teams)... we win those four games and we are in... it is not the World Series season (that is the Spring season and we finished fourth after starting 7-1 and then falling apart with several players dropping out the second half... those players joined Savoyeurs and beating them 20-0 was the goal... we reached that goal in spite of them having a very good team... motivation works sometimes)... we can hope our teams holds it together this season and improves next season... anyway, if we win three of those four and the other two, we should have the championship as well... gonna take a lot of paying above expectations on most of our parts... stay positive, right?... one week at a time...

with four games left on Monday we tripped and lost our first game of the season this week so we need to keep winning to finish first... the season doesn't decided the championship however as there is a single game elimination tournament for all four teams that decides it... the wins were not always easy, so we need to show up to the tournament and play our best...

with two games left on Wednesday, we locked up first place, but there is a two game elimination tournament that decides the championship... we play the second and third place teams in a double header next week so that should keep us sharp...

and with three games left on Friday, we tied for second with the tiebreaker in our favor so we need to keep wining to stay in second... our two loses came against the first place team (who almost broke my leg the last time we played them and pretty much reduced my pitching and hitting effectiveness by at least 50%)... unfortunately, there is no playoff in this league so the best we can do is second...

and the standings and stats each league provides are below (click on the image to see it bigger)...

changes at work

there are some changes at work that i am not happy with, but i am giving my managers leeway in their decisions... they don't seem to see the potential risks in discontinuing shift exchanges between all three houses when staff from all three houses work with clients from all houses... my boss recommends i simply tell them they can't make the change, but in the same breath she tells me i micromanage (according to my managers)... i ask how could both be true and how will shooting down an idea the managers feel very strongly about not be seen as micro-managing and she doesn't have an answer... people are so confused and confusing... sometimes you just need to give people the freedom to make their own mistakes... just have to monitor client care and staff moral very closely for the next few weeks... and i'll do my best to ignore my boss who's meddling is empowering the managers and complicating things...

life with people, not always fun, but always challenging...

narf :)

didn't miss this, did ya?

you probably didn't miss the last few years of sex pill commercials because that is where the strange and somewhat mind-boggling lines like when a woman turns romantic have been implanted into our language... i mean, do women turn romantic?... just what is it that gets turned, the woman?... a specific body part?... a paert of the brain?... or is the line simply a metaphor?... and by romantic, do they mean sexual?... sensual?... horny?... i mean, what exactly is romantic for a woman and how the hell would the man speaking know?... why isn't a woman speaking about how a woman turns?... and don't even get me started on if you are healthy enough for sex... the first time i heard that i was like, what?... is the commercial geared toward men who have not had any exercise (no less sex) for years or something?... not to mention men who do not ever masturbate, or at least not masturbate properly... so i realized that i must have missed an important aspect of the human experience, women turning romantic where romantic is equated with horniness and men who are not healthy enough to have sex and don't know it (i mean, they say ask your doctor, right?), not to mention prapism {not just for men, by the way, but they don't mention that so i suppose the women doesn't stay aroused for the whole time)...

it is all quite confusing as it makes very little sense... here, take this pill when you meet a women turning romantic and watch her reaction to your four hour erection when romantic to her meant a quite candlelight dinner and four hours of conversation and cuddling and fourplay (not prapism, but then, maybe i just don't know the commercial kind of romantic women... or maybe i just call them horny, in which case, take the dang pill if you need it and get right into your romance...

maximum upload

i reached the maximum upload number, whatever it is... i think at fifty entries the system starts asking for proof that it is not a robot uploading entries... the last entry required me to select the pitcures with a bed in it from amongh nine pictures... so i decided to pause as much out of frustration and fatigure thank anything but i was able to make it much better by being able to upload an entry inspired by mikey b who has a love hate relationship with the internet and attention like this so hopefully it's not a bad thing for you (if you are reading)... i fcan change the subject... i appear to be missing my promary credit card... a rather stressful first world problem, alas, compounded because i don't recall using it recently and there are so many ways it could have been lost, falling out of an over-stretched old wallet just being one... most likely it's wrapped in a receipt somewhere in the mess that is the paper life... so tidying up the in living room, bedroom, car, and at the office is an essential task on the to do list this week... going online and seeing the last yuse might help as well...

it's so easy to make life so hard... all we need to do is nothing... all we need to do is give up... getting up off the couch becomes too much effort... but just as easily getting too busy and disorganized can make life just as challenging... i may have thrown out my card as the last time i used it was a fast food place (something i might do every few years, actually, so there is not automatic process there... whatever whatever, right...

so what did you miss?

me?... hey, i am hopeful, in case you forgot... of course the few who actually check this writing space regularly have dwindled so it is possible no one noticed i was gone for a couple of weeks, but as we know, there's always hope... there was a softball update... and a facebook update (maybe more than one)... and a marathon rambling series of entries (like maybe twenty in one long long night)... not so sure about anything profound, but definitely a lot of entries... maybe fifty or more in all... see, i've been writing, just not completing entries and uploading them... but now (since you are reading this which means the uploading happened), it's a wonderful world of suddenly appearing entries that will all too soon slide into the past (history, even) and then they will have seemed to have been here (and there) all along, so experience the thrill of more than fifty entries uploaded in one night all for yourself while you can... don't tell the secret, but tell everyone, m'ok?...

curious is needier than ever, hopping up on me and the keyboard more often lately... she misses happiness... i do too... and jackson does too, but she spends all weekend up with her girlfriend since he's gone so curious only has me in her time of neediness... distracting, and one of the reasons i have not actually been completing entries and uploading daily, but mostly lovable... softball, work, and the cat, that's most of life these days... so maybe you didn't miss much after all...

narf :)

another silent night

at least in real time... not real time, but here in (e)thereal, in real time, if you were around during this week and last, at least, you would have experienced the silence... not that there is noise or sound here most of the time anyway, but silence of words, so visual silence... what is the word for visual silence?... blindness?... not in this context, but perhaps it could be in another context... here, it's more of a nothing to see here kind of silence... this entry will be moot, if not meaningless, once all the entries waiting for upload are uploaded but it states the current conditions for anyone interested in this sort of trivia, so it is only meaningless if you want it to be, if you are not interested, if you don't care... caring makes everything meaningful... caring makes anything meaningful... just look at the uniqueness of that snowflake... or that grain of sand... and then, squirrel...

jackson is just getting home... another fifteen hour day out at work... i remember when i did that... just a couple of months ago, actually... i've been cutting back my hours a lot in recent weeks, giving myself some time...

a story seldom told

imagine the story of a poor boy who's father gave him a million dollars and the boy thought he had it rought because it was a loan and not a gift... getting a million dollars to to start out in life is almost funny, but when you consider the distance from reality a person has to be to consider a million dollars a small amount of money and consider life a struggle given that experience, a daddy who gives you a million dollars... and when billionaires go bankrupt, big banks come to their rescue... when big banks go bankrupt, the government comes to their rescue... and who is going to bail the government out when they finally build their house of cards so high it collapses?... perhaps the poor boy's father will...

there is more to this, check in tomorrow...

narf :)

bits and pieces

that is what sometimes happens as ideas for entries (yes, there are sometimes actually ideas before, during, and even after entries... sometimes even within... cue dramatic music) just kind of pop out or slip out or jump out or slither out, even... and there is seldom time to pursue the ideal so either i ramble on rushing through babble hoping some sort of expansion and maybe even closer od the idea happens or i leave the bits and peices of the idea in the notepade until i have time to continue with some measure of concentration... for there are always amusing, interesting, or attractive distractions... we can always wonder if the precogs knew, aye?... but wait, who needs a squirrel when there is you tube...

and then sometimes i simply run out of words... fatigue is the usual mental energy drain that does it... sentences grow shorter and seem only semi-logical... like how can something actually grow shorter?... in any case, life goes on and sometimes the bits and pieces come together to provide some sort of meaningul message or something like and and sometimes the entry is never uploaded because it is meaningless drivel or something like that and sometimes the entry falls somewhere in between, like this one...

for what it's worth...

narf :)

more fatigue than i need

almost a rhyme there, perhaps a song for the desperate generation if they ever return (there are signs, we've got bernie, where's the timothy leary of the day?... give me the money to survive without working and i'd consider continuing the mind-expanding experiments... are you listening, cia?... or whatever secret organization looking for the most adaptable mind in the universe, i mean, i'm no beetlbrox, but i can handle my gargleblasters and the total perspective vortex too) and i will blow minds better than dylan, the byrds, and all the contributers to the beatles combined and if you don't believe me, just come look into my eyes and watch the amazing fireworks flow into yours (MDMA, DMT, MXE, LSD, and a host of others including all the different supposedly limitless pills, optional)...

still, i am currently in the midst, speaking in the long term, of more fatigue than i need so the brain cells are not putting out as they can when fully refreshed and awake (which might be why i am considering the assistance of chemicals, but then, sleep is the first additive to life that i ought to try)...

so tired (remember that song?)...

narf :)

food please

perhaps curious has me trained... i just sat down and grabbed the laptop to distract me from the food sitting right behind the laptop because it is too hot to eat and i am hungry enough to attempt to eat it leaving me with a burnt pallet or worse so here i am typing but the reason i did not sit down until now may have been because i was cooking and monitoring the food closely but also may have been influenced subconsiously by curious who was doing her best to get my attention... maybe... or maybe i am just trying to distract myself and using curious and anything else i can come up with... hungry, that's the answer... gonna try the food now...

yum... bold mesquite turkey and black forest ham and sweet salsa and mayo and swiss cheese and american cheese and butter and milk and eggs all fried up into an omelete...

hunger abated (and mischief managed, even) :)

sleep please

the dvr helps the night owl way too much... there are a dozen or more shows (where is that latest list and is it even complete?) but lately i've been wandering facenook and the web more than i have for months and then i remember why i don't cuz i find information like these economic obscenities seriously, right?...

anyway, i really really really need sleep...

so sleep...

zzzz...

random questions of sorts

so when that annoying silence followed by the even more annoying buzz-beep sound that puts a banner at the top or bottom of the tv screen announcing the test of the emergency broadcast system comes on during a commercial, does the advertiser get their money back or at least a discount?... i mean, it i spent thousands (or a whole lot more) of dollars on a tv ad and nobody heard it because the buzz-beep and silence and banner completely sucked whatever was in the commercial down the drain, i'd be livid and talking to lawyers... i wonder if there is a clause in tv commercial contracts that say tough luck (or tough titties, even) if the emergency message kills your commercial cuz it's kind of random and the government forces the tv station to do it... that would suck...

pc does what?... meanwhile, in the annals of history or politics and religion, the power hungry are so addicted to themselves and their words and power that they destroy most any freedom anybody might have unless they are rich enough to buy the freedom they can buy... just ask anyone running a facebook group... or chance the rapper, for that matter... how to make millions repeating mostly incoherent three to eight word phrases ending in over-emphasized rhymes...

why am i still awake?...

lol, narf :)

supergirl delivers

that's what they say... they didn't say how to put an order in or whether there are limits on what she delivers and there are probably a lot of people and not just males who heard supergirl delivers and thought (or dreamed) supergirl puts out... i think it's the mini-skirt... mini-skirts have always been so much more seductive than just tights or underwear cuz the imagination is so much more sensuous than the senses... kind of like anime... or cheerleader costumes... save the cheerleader, save the world... so they brought back supergirl and tell me you don't want to see what's under her skirt?... pervs... i'd like her to deliver pizza and deli from new york...

speaking of squeaky clean white girls, can you really call a rap music?... i mean, is the term rap song an oxymoron?... sure, alienated all the rap folk out there... rap folk?... that might be an interesting genre to start up...

don't be offended, dance :)

alas, winning streaks are not forever

after eight straight wins and taking the season record to 32-3, we dropped our first game in the monday night league to drop to 5-1 in that league and 32-4 overall this season... alas, too many errors, not enough hitting... i had a great hitting game smacking a line drive down the right field line past the first baseman and beating out an infield single to second and then burning the right center fielder for a double... unfortunately, we did not put enough together and gave up way too many runs on errors so we lost 14-8... hoping for four wins in the next six days and then returning to winning on next monday and rolling into another winning streak cuz that's the kind of season it's been... i've hit more clean doubles in the past few weeks than i have in a long time and i'm not even thin and exercising...

speaking of exercising, if i go to an approved gym twelve times a month next year my health insurance company will give me $50... of course it will cost a lot more than $50 to join a gym for a year, especially if the cheap gyms are not on the approved list, but i might do it anyway cuz it would be like getting a $50 discount on an annual gym membership... and the exercise would be exactly what the would-be doctor orders (would-be because there is no doctor at the moment and i really ought to get one, but they are all such money-grubbing hypocrits it's frustrating dealoing with them... ok, so not all of them... i've just yet to find one who isn't)...

so have you been enjoying the ride? :)

facebook follies

as you might have seen if you were actually here before the sudden upload of many dozens of entries as if they were always here, i spent more time than i have in quite some time (time being relative, after all), wandering facebook and writing comments and completely wasted an entire afternoon one day trying to converse with trolls who created a website supposedly for their candidate, hillary clinton, but what they were really interested in is bad-mouthing, mocking, and laughing at other candidates, especially bernie sanders, which i found typical of politics and when i called them out on it and had many people clicking like and talking to me about it, they deleted me so you can't read any of those conversations as if that entire afternoon never happened and that, dear friends, is the internet... with the click of the button, it's can be and in specific cases like this one, gone in a moment... serves me right for trying to help humans be truthful and real... see for yourself if they let you in... alas, the deceptive underhanded way politicians and political parties try to destroy each other from within is just one of the ways this country is self-destructing...

but not all of the links below are deleted, there are all sorts of momentary comments that you might consider worth reading (cuz i'm so profound, right?)... and if you have not been hearing me laugh at myself, well, you have not really been listening... come, waste some time with me, click click, click :)

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lol, lam, narf :)

i want what i want when i want it

and now i want sleep... .. . .. .. . .. ... ... ... and so i fell asleep... upon slightly waking i was feeling like nobody cared about me and i needed rest and was not getting support at work and being undermined by my boss and she was empowering one of my managers to undermine me as well and on top of all that (or the cause of the weak paranoid perspective), i was feeling very sick in the head with congestion and cough and tickle and so on and so forth, like fluish or worse... so i am going back to sleep and skipping work today and will likely do the same tomorrow... cuz sometimes self-care comes before everything else... cuz if i am not healthy and happy and strong, i can't do my best for anyone... cuz if i don't love myself, i can't love anyone else... or something like that...

and now, back with part two of this catch up madness shortly...

narf :)

try to sleep

but what if there was a being, someone with power to control your dreams, would you want to sleep then?... what if telepathy became real and advanced to a level of external control that makes no sense to anyone because sense is removed from the equation when you have no control over your dreams so sleep as you wish if you dare if you want to and the sandman will take care of all the rest... let's all just hope the sandman doesn't lose his mind trying to control everybody else's... so maybe that's why i don't sleep much or maybe i am him... everybody needs a best friend, after all... hopefully a partner... the one... and then, the dream comes true...

whatever happened to my afterbite?...

narf :)

moments of inspiration

though i really ought to be sleeping, the words are still flowing... work in four hours and then la cage aux folles with jackson in the evening if she can make it... still, i feel inspired to keep babbling and wish and hoping and believing dreams really can come true...

it does not have to be profound like love that makes the world go round it does not have to make much sense in fact it could make none at all it does not have to be worthwhile beyond inspiring just one smile it does not have to be intense in fact it could be a bird call it just needs to me something that means something to just one person who finds something in something to inspire just one smile just one smile just one smile... yeah, so i smiled and it would be really nice to have a second smile, or a third, or more, but you know the truth, if it makes you happy it can't be that bad, or something like that... seriously though, the babbling serves so many purposes for me and in the end, it makes everything alright (not too unlike the poetry man) as the references and irreverence and serious and nonsense all merge to allow the process of resolving disappointments and other challenges can happen and when all is said (or written) and done, the peace and joy and wonder of life shines through and i can smile...

hope you find your way too :)

maybe tomorrow

as in, i may upload all the entries written tonight tomorrow as i do not feel like going through the steps of uploading all these entries tonight cuz i'd rather be babbling and when the babbling runs out i'd rather be sleeping so hopefully i will be (sleeping, that is) sooner rather than later cuz i really even as 2,032,682 files were scanned by kaspersky (and no threats were found) as this near blogging marathon started (and i found another fun bit of questionable statistical distraction and that, my friends, was that as i wander off to read all two and a half dozen or so statistical improbabilities with and without agreement and in the end the love i saved was equal to the love i gave so there is more than enough for the one especially since what goes around comes around so all the love that ever was is what the one will inspire and the time to rest will finally come and nothing else matters...

no matter what, it's a wonderful life...

narf :)

might as well have been a blogathon

yes, for what it was worth, the search for the ultimate distraction as evidenced in one or more of my favorite coping skills (babbling, sex, chocolate, other comfort foods, and others... you can try to figure out which i used tonight and i will tell you that i did use at least more than one) has brought us any number of entries that may or may not have been blogathon quality or worth reading, even, but here they are or there they were or something like that just as soon as i upload them all whenever that may be as the night does it's usual thing which is waking me up and the sleep slowly slips away and the wondering of the worth or value rises from the fatigue with the understanding that each individual see from a different perspective and i want to know every perspective so thank you very much for sharing yours whether it is a smile, a frown, a few words, or a thousand word in-depth study of the meaning and value to you and only you of the many entries dissected line by line as only you can do it and do it to me one more time cuz it's never enough for me and if that is the way it is for you then we've found some compatibility already even if you are not the one but do not be fretting if you are spinning your wheels or lost in the babble for you too, with a modicum or a lot of practice, can chew gum and scratch your head simultaneously...

all you have to do is want it enough...

and narf :)

return to narf

the whole world can end but the concept lost and found in narf will carry on forever even if only a couple of us ever really get it... yeah, a pause for an ellipse... and another, but before we break into a monty python sketch, we can mourne the great collapse of the cubs starting pitching and the mourne and celebrate great power of the mets pitching and the way confidence creates hits and lack of confidence destroys great hitters and somehow tolerate the horrible talking heads just to see the highlights but that's enough, the channel must change, to sport center or mlb tonight where people actually might know something more than the repetitive pablum pandering on tbs and that is one step back to narf laughter (which has been coming and going consistently tonight if you don't know the difference between :) and :} in or outside of parenthese) and that's before i even begin to indulge my love of stats or any other such references or rationalities or and more heart-attack food than i've already eaten tonight and maybe like back to the future was a year or two off, i am an entry or few off pace for the magical number that will bring the magical the one to me (as unchained melody leads off the inning in my mind) and the magic of babbling help me find the peace and contentment that is more than kind and the joy that the hope has not been left behind...

do it again, do it again...

narf :)

still ain't over

yeah, this single season is over for the cubs, but the cheering and love of the game and hope for a team to win is not over as i shift to send positive energy to the mets after i sigh and feel bad and then feel good for the cubs because they are so very young and to make it as far as they did with more than half of their starting lineup in their first year in the league is something to be very proud of and hopeful and happy about and now it is the mets turn and i cheer on and look forward to more cheering even as all this typing tonight has finally cramped the neck as it does sometimes even without a champagn shower or any such celebratory overachieving but i push on through like the song says through the wind and the rain and the cramp and the pain and this may be insane but it's ever so plain that i'm in love again with the party in my brain even as the body feels the bloat and the frog in the throat wants to leave this little note to remind me not to choke as imperfect the rhyme it is still right on time cuz i wont be the goat which would have rhymed with note better than the word choke so it still gets my vote over cursing the goat which may be a bad joke even without a toke or a poke of a smoke...

ridiculous references r us?...

narf :)

around midnight

coming up on the so-called witching hour just ten days before the so-called all hallow's eve and no longer feeling peckish but still wishing i had some seriously cream (or creme) filled donuts with profoundly abundant chocolate icing (or frosting) cuz that's the topped for most any comfort food and the emotional draining this evening has been calls for that level of comfort food topping but being that i am not quite completely suicidal and it is around midnight and i do want to be responsible and be at work in the morning and i do want to live that long, at least, i will not push the sugars or fats or carbs or ridiculously decadent dietary choices any more than i already have tonight even if i am not feeling like falling asleep and still rambling on not even the announcer with such a thick accept that he is incoherent at best and at times, incomprehensible which is ridiculous for a national broadcast of the league championship and i hope the world series is on a station that has professional baseball talking heads and not a team that might have been put together mostly for the sake of pandering to a confused audience...

yeah, i said it, cuz it's real...

narf :)

so onward

yes, the sour taste of bad umpiring taints the mets victory (which, as a long time mets fan and one time absolute mets fanatic, i could really have enjoyed a lot more than i am at the moment cuz i hate bad officiating deciding or having any influence on a game, no less a playoff series and the announcers clearly stated and the camera clearly showed there was too much umpire decision influencing this game and series) but tomorrow i will be rooting for the mets to win the world series (even if jackson doesn't, though she said she would if the mets win and that makes sense to me cuz it seems to be a betrayal to your team to not want the team that beat your team to be the best team, but then, that's my reasoning) and, after all, the mets originated you've gotta believe (or ya gotta believe, even... tug mcgraw, i believe, or perhaps i am mixing my metaphors and championship years?) but i just wished it was not so sadly brutal for the cubs and the mets would have won it in new york cuz winning at home is so much better for fans and probably better for players too but whatever, it is what it is and that's all that it is and you don't need to be popeye to understand all we can do now is continue to continue hoping and believing and enjoying life, so onward through the fray to cheer on another day...

yeah, that's the ticket...

narf :}

thank you cubbies

yes, even in the struggle to survive the gift i personally received tonight is the inspiration to reach deep inside for the babbler who is proving beyond the shadow of a down that babbling is still alive and well in the windmills of the mind containing the being i used to know as me and there is the greatest gift of all, the hope that i still exist somewhere inside amidst the disappointments and betrayals and cruel tortures life has offers (and i certainly aceepted, diving in head first to try to find proof that unconditional trust reallt does exist outside of me and all i found so far is a whole lot of pain and evidence to the contrary but never give up never surrender never say die and always hope cuz there's always hope cuz i hope there is always hope and believe anything is possible (yes, not just in cartoons) so here we are going into the ninth inning feeling stronger than ever in the belief in all the positivity i ever knew and created and shared and this latest explosion of the right stuff is inspired by and brought to us by the madness and genius (and superheroness) in the brain that contains the mind that contains the being i know as me and yes, by the cubbies...

yay for jackson for bringing me to the cubbies and yay for the cubbies for bring me here...

narf :)

of course i should be sleeping (yet again)

cuz it's later than i think (in oh so many ways) in this comic tragedy (or tragic comedy and there is a difference just as there is a difference between serious irreverence and irreverent seriousness, but we won't get into that just now) of this life i loosely call mine and as much as wishing you were somehow here again is a theme i have so often played in the head (and not just for amy, but that's another story we won't get into now) there is more certainty than ever that the one is a being i have yet to meet or interact with on any level in this life (all the tired horses in the sun, how'mi s'poseta get any writing done... don't be sad, cuz two out of three ain't bad) and still hope rises above all else to lead me to believe in finding the one can all i've ever need was the one and dreaming while awake is still better than any other dream i've ever know so as we head into the miracle ninth we know all it will take is six hits or five walks and a big hit or four walks and a small hit and a big hit or (the permutations are obvious to people like the characters on the big bang theory, not that they'd be interested in much more than the numbers) many other possibilities so don't let the sun go down on your hope either, m'ok?...

and a voice in my head says stop being so awake, will ya?...

and i laugh...

and i sigh...

and narf :)

murphy's law

maybe it is murphy's law, at least for the cubs... certainly everything is not going wrong that could go wrong for the mets, quite the opposite almost, but even more to the point is the record breaking sixth home run in six consecutive post season games by david murphy (how can i babble on about this game or series without dropping his name, aye?) as his feat is unprecedented (which is what a record is, after all, as i resort to the obvious to distract from the pathos of watching the rookies who had such great seasons completely collapse in this four game series, so far at least, but it's not over {no it ain't} so chris bryant prove that by belting a towering home run and you've gotta believe it is not too little too late cuz even though the cubs are trying too hard to hit the home runs and getting mowed down time after time, there is all the hope in the world cuz i've seen it before and experienced it before and i have been part of it before and nothing is impossible cuz anything is possible (and not just in cartoons, remember?) so murphy's law could switch sides at any time and that is the hope in the cheering clapping fans even as the bottom of the eigth drags on ever so painfully out by out, inch by inch, centimeter by centimeter, like that line drive just snagged with bases loaded that could have turned the game around but for an inch or two...

it's not rocket science, after all...

narf :)

a game of inches

centimeters, even... and when an umpire gives pitchers an extra couple of inches on either side of the plate as the umpires have done in this series, it is up to the pitchers to recognize that and use their control to hit those spots and the mets pitchers have done that and the cubs pitchers have no as the mets pitchers moved the ball side to side and the cubs pitchers moved the ball up and down and that's just the nature of the game and i see it all the time pitching softball and yet the announcers just called out the ump for calling the game differently for the mets than they are calling it for the cubs flat out saying the ump gave the mets a bigger strike zone which is ridiculous at this level of play and why the leagues do not reprimand umpires when unbiased sports announcers call the ump out (not to mention electronic measuring machines prove it physically) is beyond me except that people in charge are ok with mistakes by umpires deciding who wins the world series just as mistakes by referees decide superbowls and and basketball championships or worse, the people in charge of sports all umpires to decide outcomes so they can make more money gambling, but then, it's still up to the pitchers to hit those spots that the umpire is giving and it is up to the hitters to stop taking pitches in those spots even though they are actually balls as called out by the unbiased announcers and cameras...

the team that reads the umpire best almost always wins, and records are set...

narf :)

comfort food for the win!

and luckily i know how to turn cheap boxed powdered cheese mac and cheese into decadent comfort food cheese and mac (i did not say gourmet) by combining two packets of powdered cheese with a lot of soy spread and ketchup (cuz everything's better with ketchup) and large dollups of cream cheese and a slice of colby cheddar (cuz that's all the chedder-type cheese left in the house) and mushy macaroni (cuz there is comfort in mushy macaroni) and microwaved steaming and stirred vigorously and microwaved a bit more and stirred vigorously again and after sitting for a few minutes long enough to not be a serious burn risk to the palate, consume vigourously with a spoon... yes, decadent comfort food... and smiling as only cubs fan can smile as their team implodes and a batter in the on deck circle gets hit in the head by a foul ball (luckily his helmet didn't crack and lucky it hit the catcher's mask before it hit him... maybe it's lucky, hit two batters in the head with one foul ball... hey, there is no scientific rational in rally caps either) and he laughs and smiles at the fans and the fans smile back but there is not magic in getting hit in the head and with two innings left to extend their season, thank goodness for comfort food...

yes, so far comfort food is winning...

narf :)

optimism is a great painkiller

at least it works great for me, especially on emotional pain, so the world is breaking into smiles once again as i return to the hopelessly hopeful wisdom i found long before i understood anything else and by hook or by crook or luck or whatever (genius, madness, or obviously super heroness, no doubt) the strongest certainty within the consciousness (and unconsciousness and subconsciousness and all other consciousnesses) in this head that contains the brain that contains me so there is no giving up and there is never surrender and with the sheer blissful wonderfulness of comfort food on the horizon i can cheer and believe i gave my all as in every bit of positive belief i can create or imagine to the cubs tonight and i will continue long after the game no matter the outcome cuz that is just what i do...

getting to know me yet?...

narf :)

bottom of the fifth

yes, we are coming to the bottom of the fifth and hope remains stronger than ever cuz that is what hope is supposed to do and far be it for me to prevent hope from doing all it can to be all it can be in spite of what might be going on in the world around me cuz i live in the world inside of me where it is much safer and happier and more optimistic and wonderfully wonder filled than anywhere else even if it is mostly (or even completely) unbelievable and lacking in common sense to the rest of the world and normal people cuz i've been through the reality of scoring ten (and more) runs on two outs and even in the bottom of the ninth (relative to softball) more than a few times and it is sweet and possible so there ain't no way i'm gonna make yogi a liar by giving in to the folly that it may be over before it's over if you know what i mean cuz it really ain't over till it's over no matter what ever anybody might think and this young cubs team really is so very young and so very talented and must believe and never give up and never surrender and finish with a bang no matter the outcome of that bang regardless what the other team might do to foil the miracle that could still happen so help us babe and the other baseball gods...

religion comes in all flavors, after all...

narf :)

comfort food ahead

so ok so i got up so i'm giving in so i am making cheese and mac so i will have comfort food so i don't stay up too late cuz if i wait until the game is over to cook i will eat way too late and the caffeine i drank during the day will be triggered by the carbs and i don't want to get no sleep tonight even though i would like to keep this babbling going for another few dozen entries or hundreds, even, but the no sleep night would not be wise as this body is not going to be able to withstand the ridiculous diet and sleeplessness forever as it has throughout this life so i am cooking the comfort food now and will eat before the game is over and win or lose hope to fall asleep not long after that cuz that is the healthy thing to do even though eating cheese and mac this late before bedtime is not at all a healthy thing to do but sometimes life needs comfort food more than longevity especially without the one who is probably the only one who would keep me from eating comfort food tonight by giving me an alternative oral pleasure that would bring wieght down to optimal levels and probably bring back a fitness level this body has not seen in many many years and by all modern medical predictive standards prolong the life for many years to come but in her absence i will enjoy my comfort food and shorter life and continue hoping she will come along cuz that's what hopelessly hopeful beings do, don't cha know...

wish i had some seriously cream filled heavily chocolate iced cupcakes too...

narf :}

back to life, back to reality (sorta)

and in walks jackson and she doesn't want to watch and i don't even think i can imagine how it feels for her even though i want to believe it is somehow easier as she's lived with cub disappointment her whole life and it is, at this extreme level, relatively new for me, but i may be very wrong about that and everything i've ever known even though all through this life i've believed in the hopelessly hopeful mantra of you gotta believe and firmly base the perspective i choose in this life on anything is possible and not just in cartoons even if that brings back some smiling memories even as smiling is not the easiest thing to do at the moment as i hope the top of the third inning brings some sort of turn around in the cubs fortunes cuz they've got to find more heart than they are showing if they are to really be serious contenders over the next few years and everybody who knows baseball agrees they will be serious contenders over the next few years or longer and i want to believe the experts who are saying the will be serious contenders over the next few years cuz if there is any team in any sport who deserves a dynasty it is the chicago cubs so i am going to continue to be me and repeating my mantras and maintain my perspective so there...

and i'd do it again...

narf :}

methods, madness, and magic

the method to my madness has always been magical ever since i could remember (and my memory is timeless, so it must go back an unbelievably long way) cuz i want to and therefore will continue believing the cubs can somehow suddenly wake up and find their confidence and come back and win this game and the series and the next series too and not just cuz it's been predicted by some writer in some movie for the almost ridiculously unpredictability of it but the odds that they still have not won it all since that prediction in that movie (of course i refer to the back to the future series and the prediction that the cub won the world series in 2015) is almost as unlikely as not winning it all for 107 years from a statistical standpoint (math nerds unite!) and there is no way to give up in the mindset and perspective i somehow found in the brain that contains the mind that contains the being that i know as me and that leads to hope that there is always hope so there is always hope because it is a self-perpetuating cycle whether it is prophesy or fantasy or destiny or a simple decision that makes it reality that is the method to the magic that merges madness with genius or something like that...

uh-huh, yup, alright...

narf :)

i need a hug

i recorded the game last night and am recording the game tonight because there is always hope, at least in my mind, but i know jackson will not want to watch or hear even as she forces herself to check in as the cubs seem to be self destructing and it's just halfway through the second inning which is ridiculously early in the game so stop the stress (how?) and start sending the cubs all the positive energy in the world even if it drives craziness into the brain and increases the twitch above the temple (actually, it's not increasing and may even be subsiding and i might know if i was paying attention but i am in a seriously powerful distraction mode that can only be reached by super heroes, geniuses, and the partially insane and i will leave it for you to try to figure out which one or more of those i might be as i continue this babbling and lose count of how many entries have been written in whatever time frame it's been cuz timlessness and lack of detail is the way to get lost in babble even as detail slips in excrutiatingly at random moments when you least expect it and am i still in a parenthese and if i am i wonder what i was rambling on about before the parenthese might have started and if i type a close parenthese character would it just me imaginary or would you really be following any of this and if you are, please send a hug or something like it whatever that may be cuz all the positive energy in the world would be nice right about now) and sends everyone out of the theatre screaming as if their hair is on fire...

really?...

narf :}

surely not murphy's law

as the cubs pitching seems to be falling apart and a twitch suddenly develops over my right temple (don't ever remember having a twitch before which has me wondering how many cubs fans have twitches, but that may just be another failed distraction as i grasp for straws or something like them) and the fielding isn't helping and the hitting falls asleep i must give credit to the mets pitching staff as they dominate as mets pitching staffs have done before as kornheiser compared them to the 1969 mets team that so surprised the one of the greatest and most dominating teams ever ('69 orioles, look it up) and he even said (or somebody did) this pitching staff may even be (or is?) better than that staff that included seaver and koosman and ryan and gentry and mcgraw and more which is a scary comparison even for baseball fans who are not cubs fans and all i can do is continue this mindless (not really, but who's paying attention) babbling which is at least keeping me from self-destructing by getting up and cooking some cheese and mac (cuz i prefer more cheese than is natural or acceptible or healthy or even right for normal people or should even be allowed and probably should be illegal in mac and cheese) all cuz i caught being a cubs fan from jackson (yes, it's her fault and yes, it is possible) so what else is new?...

stop me before i hurt myself... unless you are laughing, then, encourage me...

sheesh...

narf :}

maybe some comfort food will help

nine batters come to the plate in the top of the first... three batters come to the plate in the bottom of the first... i suppose the score could be worse... but i am obviously affected as the elipses finally return as the babbling has been somehow chased as the mood is definitely depressed as the hope is all that is left as it has been so often in this life as it has been at the core deepest desire all through this life almost every moment of this life so perhaps this is the most appropriate experience i might have at this moment and i wonder how jackson is going to react to this experience and i wonder how jackson is going to react to my reaction to this experience and the multiple texts i sent her which started out so babblingly positive and rolled somewhere else before it came back to the title of this entry and i wonder if that is really ibm watson conversing with people in the latest commercial for whatever it might be trying to sell because wondering that is surely more fun than watching the game at least for the moment as somewhere in the distance i am hearing don't let the sun go down on me as if i was always and currently am a cubs fan or even a cub and i wonder if anybody will every read the last half dozen or so entries and i wonder even more if anybody really understands my experience cuz i'd really like to be understood and not be alone right now...

sigh...

narf :}

i want junk food

i may be starting to actually understand how cubs fans feel but there is no way i actually could understand how cubs fans feel and i really don't think i want to because at this moment i really don't want to feel more pain than i am feeling and maybe not wanting to feel any more pain than i am feeling is a slightly tiny slice of proof that i might slightly have some slight idea of how cubs fans feel even though there is most likely no logical way i really actually could understand how cubs fans feel because this really sucks and the top of the first inning is not even over yet but there must be some amazingly hopeless hopeful sense of hope in cubs fans and i've always been the most hopelessly hopeful person i've ever known (see previous entry, perhaps) so maybe the one is a vubs fan (and it is so very wrong to be laughing right now as the young players on the cubs simply self-destruct like i've never seen a team self-destruct before and i so hope they bust out of it before this game is over and if they don't i so hope they can leave this series behind and rediscover the innocent hopefulness and confidence they had (that may have simply burned out} as they dominated the two teams in baseball with best records in baseball this year just to get to this point to be one of the four teams left still alive with a chance to win it all) cuz there's always hope (right?)...

gotta believe is an ironically bipolar feeling at the moment...

narf :}

hope?

and since i want to reach some record breaking number of entries or at least reach a number of entries higher than the average number of entries i write in a year because somewhere in my mind i want to believe that the more words and entries i put on the internets, the more change i have of being noticed and the more i may be noticed on the interwebs, the more change the one might find me and the mission of this lifetime and deepest rooted dream is still, in spite of the appearance of very real ambivalence in recent years (or decades, even), so maybe i've been babbling on and on for that reason and not for no apparent reason as i sometimes tend to suggest or even appear to be doing as i might or might not be appearing to be doing (or even actually doing, deliberately or not, consciously or not, what or not) right at this very moment rambling on here in this fifth entry since i rose from a few moments of nodding off some little over an hour or so ago and if that is they case (whatever the case may or may not have been or is, even), then hope springs eternal somewhere inside even if i seem to live as if it doesn't or could possibly even appear to forget sometimes in this or that way...

whatever...

narf :)

don't take it personally

so i ask myself (and anyone who cares to answer) how in the world does tbs get the baseball playoffs when they suck at sports announcing and their only experience is televising braves games and the braves have mediocre ratings because the braves have not won in quite a while so the really good talking heads are not attracted to and single-team sports announcer crews are seldom well-rounded or interesting because they have not been on a national stage and cater to their audience which is, in this case, southern us, which is, for me, not educated or sophisticated enough to be interesting and the evidence is in the repetitive superficial jagged commentary because they don't really know enough to do much else but read scripted repetitive pablum written by people more interested in ratings than baseball so i am bored and considering turning the sound off and listening to music while i glance up at the game especially since jackson is going to be home late again and she wants to watch the game more than i do even though she has to run out of the room and distract herself because she gets too anxious to sit still and watch because she has natural anxiety but also knows her cubs well and they haven't won it all in her lifetime (or her parents lifetime or likely even her grandparents lifetimes) so the concept of winning it all is so exciting and unknown that it produces anxiety especially in people who like to know if you know what i mean...

so?...

narf :)

what are the odds?

so the talking heads on tv are doing their best to sound intelligent and meaningful but they bore me as most talking heads on tv do because they are so monotonously repetitive and really, the wind blowing out of wrigley ought to be favoriting the cubs because they've hit so many home runs but it didn't yesterday and they are sticking to their story today as if the failure of their hypothesis yesterday never happened but what is truth is a team that depends primarily on the home run to win will fail more times than not, especially when the other team has hot excellent pitching because great pitching usually beats power hitting and whatever the masses want, i prefer watching teams that known how to adjust their games to win rather than a bunch of players swining as hard as they can for home runs even though that is the best way to fail against power placement pitching and i see it so often on the softball field that it is frustrating and i am so happy that this year more players on all of my teams are finally listening to me as i've repeated season after season that a lot of hits will win softball games more often than swinging as hard as you can so this year my teams are winning a lot more than most years and i am, merging all of my teams, currently on a seven game winning streak and if my next team loses their next game (which is the friday team which is the last of my teams to lose a game cuz they play in the toughest league and have the most wanna-be home run hitters who don't seem to be able to or interested in having any control their swings) then perhaps the whole jinx concept could be asserted, for what it's worth...

aye?...

narf :)

visual hunger

so i may or may not be hungry but seeing grills full of food on the tv at the start of coverage of the cubs-mets game from wrigley field perked up some form of desire for grilled food because some of my favorite flavors in the universe are grilled foods, especially grilled burgers and hot dogs, and that is exactly what they showed on the tv at the start of the cubs-mets game tonight so i may or may not not eat before falling asleep and the odds have gone way up that i will eat before falling asleep but i can't exactly call it hunger because i have been feeling someone, quite even, bloated in recent weeks as i let the body weight rise to the 210 mark once again because my craving for pasta and cheese and meat has been indulged most every day for weeks and even though i was nodding off about an hour ago i seem quite awake at the moment based on the babbling happening though i am not sure if i can describe myself or the feeling as wired though for all intesive purposes the writing stream may appear as though i am wired as the fingers are typing at at least eighty words per minutes and i don't understand how people do not have any control over their accents, especially when their accents make it challenging to understand what they are saying, especially when their job is to talk about things on tv, but that may be beside the point, whatever that was, or is for that matter...

huh?...

narf :)

it's too easy

the cubs have made it way too for the mets through one out in the bottom of the ninth in game four of the national league chamionship series and it is left for the bottom of the lineup to make a stand, to extend the game, to start the rally that is all too easy when it happens cuz all it comes down to is putting the bat on the ball and tapping the ball into gaps between fielders which is all too easy when it is done and a seemingly impossible miracle when it is not done even with two outs in the bottom of the ninth against a reliever who is so hitting his stride cuz as inexperienced as they are the cubs just need to believe in the bat and ball and themselves and it just doesn't seem to be happening for them tonight or in this series and here is the 2-2 pitch and it's 3-2 and the bottom of the ninth remains and the hope remains and there is a walk with a lot of help from two umpires who have been helping the mets so consistently until this bottom of the ninth so one more batter gets up to the plate and if fowler's instincts would not have kicked in it would be first and second but not everyone is rizzo so the rookie nerves betray once again and the two stroke pitch is fouled off (fowler is a fouler) and one more pitch comes down to a possible gift from two umpires and another pitch brings yet another 3-2 count in the bottom of the ninth and this babbling is all that is keeping me from screaming and there is another foul ball (fowler the fouler, please help) and one more pitch comes and there is another foul ball (this is too much a literary joke now) and one more pitch comes and the ump behind the plate decides it's over on a borderline high pitch that no cubs pitcher ever got in this series and that is simply wrong all around and i really did not want to end this series with this obvious truth that wipes the smiles away...

it's too easy when the ump is so inconsistent he appears biased...

narf...