one life to live

at least as far as accepted believe holds up as truth right now, though many believe in a second eternal life so that whole concept of one life to live is contradictory to most beliefs so are humans confused or deluded, but that's beside the point cuz what i was referring to is at the moment, i can only live my life and no one else's... and there is also the fact that i do not share this life with a full time all-the-time partner which is one reason i share so much here in this blog...

and even with the bigger picture and history and memories resurfacing in this first week of december, there is still the daily life and today has been a bad day for happiness... what with throwing up this morning before breakfast and his increassed pee accidents, he's not feeling well at all and doesn't seem to be doing much better tonight, but he is still such a puppy at heart... he still wants to make the effort and has valiantly walked more than he does most days and pulled harder than usual to stay outside every time he went out and he was out six or seven times today so far... we walked different routes and farther and he was loving it and did not want to go back in... and he ate most of his food and has been drinking water, so he's fighting off the aging and discomfort and whatever is happening inside him... he's definitely having more trouble holding his urine in than he usually does, a lot more trouble... luckily for all of us, i'm home... hope he gets through this and feels better soon...

but he misses his mommy something fierce... he usually does when he is sick, but it's increased in intensity later... i hope it is not signs of the end as he is getting his grey hairs and shakes and lots of other signs of aging... and i'm hoping he will hold on a few more years for mommy... i just wish she had more time with him, but she works so much, she barely has an hour home awake and just a few minutes with him a day...

and i feel lonely?... everything is relative...