ignoring the arm

i have not said much about the arm except for a couple of entries with pictures of the biceps and that's because there's not much to say other than to whine or complain and contrary to popular reports (by me right here in this blog, no doubt), i don't complain much... i don't interact much though and i don't hide much, so if someone says how are you i answer honestly and if that's all we share in a conversation (which is most conversations in daily life), then i've complained and that's all i do... i just don't like the superficial pretense of fine or ok when someone asks how are you...

a few thoughts about the concept of complaining... like if i mention that our dog and apartment really smells bad lately, am i complaining about the dog or the apartment or the smell or am i reporting accurately on the physical environment according to my senses?... truth is not a complaint unless you perceive it as a complaint... most people see complaint, rather than truth... most people do not want to know the truth, at least not to whole truth or the unpleasant truth... i just want the whole truth, so i don't share much in physical life... which is why i write so much...

but habit is to share cuz i love to share... so i may appear to complain because i don't hide anything, but for me, that's a matter of perspective... my intent is not to complain, my intend is to answer honestly and hope someone actually cares to know the truth when they ask...

the arm still hurts... enough so that i have not been driving cuz i have a five speed manual transmission and it hurts to shift and i don't think using the arm like that will helps it's healing... stretching, careful movements, yes... repetitive shifting with the potential of sudden unexpected movement to control the car, unwise and even dangerous on many levels... it is getting better, much better than it was last week... so the rest is helping a lot and i must keep resting... but certain movements, full extension like reaching to pick something up or to extend over my head, whipping or scrubbing motions, and twisting the forearm, that's the movement i need to do carefully and not often until it heals...

so yeah, i will not be playing softball today... i will take advantage of the fact that all my leagues except one are in the off season and this one can play without me one more week... ideally, i should probably not play until january and that may be what i decide to do, but still i will take it week by week, day by day... and i will also take advantage of the fact that i am not working by not driving... i may drive a short distance to the bank or post office or store, but no trips beyond the neighborhood... which means i will likely skip the team party this afternoon and will not go to the game after that because jackson is not coming home after church today, she has to work and so she is skipping the team party and then going straight to the field... it is 20-30 minutes to the field and i am not even sure where the party is and it would not be wise for me to do that much driving... not thinking or talking about it much keeps me from feeling bad about letting people down and from challenging myself to do too much...

and even though i would have enjoyed going out to see the team, i will enjoy sunday football at home with pizza... cuz i can :)