wanna be fan

yeah, i wanna be a fan and yet, it's only partly in my nature... i can obsess, as i did long long ago over the local baseball team, watching almost every game, bouncing off the walls with every pitch, going to the stadium to watch more than thirty games... but i had several friends to go with and that was the draw as much, if not more, than the team and watching the game... i'd much rather be playing than watching a game... and so i get into the local university team, UCF, now in large part because jackson is obsessed with her alma mater and sports... just like i still sort of root for ohio state cuz rasputin was such a big fan... and tonight i watch game eleven of this season and hope for the tenth win of the year... just one loss, a three point loss to a top ten team... and one of the wins was against a top ten team... they are having their best year ever and with just two more wins they are in a BCS game, the highest honor a team can get short of being the national champion... the might be close to top ten had not had that one loss...

sadly, though, jackson is the only super fan of UCF i know well enough to bounces around with watching the games and she is not here tonight, chosing her girlfriend over her love of sports (which is so not like her and one reason i am concerned she is being manipulated into giving up things she loves in other to satisfy sanford and hoping that is the right move for her... she is getting older faster than she realizes, but that is what going out with someone fifteen years older than you can do... i hope she doesn't get old sooner than she needs to just cuz her partner is already much older... what's concerning is she seems to be willing to do anything to fit into sanford's life, even if that means giving up some of her favorite her lifelong (and healthy) interests... sanford wanted her to give up softball, a game jackson loves and exercise she needs, and she has almost completely... and she has hardly watched football this season and that is a dramatic change from every year prior to this year... if i was not supporting her, she most likely wouldn't be with sanford because sanford won't and i don't know where she'd live... so am i enabling an unhealthy relationship?... she's gained a lot of weight since she started going out with sanford... alas, how do i be a best friend when she cares more about being loved than loving herself...

anyway, i hope UCF makes history this year, even if i watch all by myself... and while i hope she doesn't forget all i've done and given up (and still do) for her like so many have before, much more, i hope jackson and sanford find a balance that isn't all sanford's life...