later than intended

yes, so the fool i am called and got invited for cards instead of staying home and enjoying football and relaxing and falling asleep early and now, well, just look at the time and here i was going to wake up and car shop tomorrow, dangit... so i need to wake up and call the rental place and tell them i want the car for another week before it expires tomorrow, double dangit... coulda put this $700 in car rental money to much better use ya know... like the electric razor and other stuff i've been wanting and hey, not that i actually buy gifts unless i am actually with someone or programmed (like a secret santa) into it cuz i am not a consumer conformist like that cuz giving is not a scheduled activity for me, it's a feeling that comes when i am with someone and i sense they want something and then, that is the occassion, they want something and it is right there, gift giving season is coming up...

curious nuzzled her way into my hands for a good fifteen minutes just moments ago after i walked happiness... he was a good boy, i am pretty sure, and held his pee and poo until i got home... he was wide away standing in the living room when i opened the door... poor baby is used to going to be early with his mom, but jackson is away again tonight so he had to wait for me... he's alwake and looking for his mom right now... so is curious... they take turns staring at the front door and looking out the patio glass doors, then eventuall curl up around me wherever i am and fall asleep... but happiness, especially, does not sleep well when she is gone and the second night he hardly sleeps at all until he can't hold up his head anymore... poor puppy has been sleeping with his mom for most of his 14 plus years and just doesn't know how to sleep comfortably while waiting for her to come home unless i stop what i am doing and sit with him a while... and coming back this late, well, he's all discombobulated and wants more food (emotional eating... and don't i understand that too well) and wants more attention... he kinda reaches a near panic mode the second night which sometimes gets worse the third night and sometimes just levels off until she returns...

he's heading into the bedroon now, whimpering and sniffing, and moments later he comes out looking so lost and he just stands and looks around the living room turning from the dfront door to me and then to the patio and back to me... time to give him some undivided attention as he's starting to nip at himself... he gets crazy itchy sometimes when she is away... sometimes when she is here too, but it's more pronounced and often starts when she is away... such a sad face...

i need my writing time, but he needs some cuddle and scratching time and we both definitely need some serious sleep time... i've been up more than 24 hours, come to think of it... but this is who i am and part of what being empathic is about, i feel and will not ignore life suffering in the same space i am in... it's tough enough not to think about the horrible suffering so many billions have far away as we share the same air and planet, but in the same four walled environment, well, that's too close for pushing away the comfort...

yeah, it's a dog's life sometimes, but not always, alas...

narf...