why so down?

yes you, i am asking you... i know why i choose to let myself down from time to time... i want someone to care about me close up and personal and nobody does... and maybe it's mostly cuz i don't let anybody close enough and maybe that cuz i am so tired of lies and pretenses and users and abusers and frightened people hiding in delusions so widespread many will kill to defend them... or maybe it is because i feel the insecurity is like a disease, a cycle of empowering fear, and it repulses me as much as the lack of self-love that leads to useless fat that most people seem to choose these days... and the weakness of shirking responsibility, the pretending there is no choice, the bullshit of human frailty that all the religions shove at people to keep people from feeling empowered, opiate of the masses and worse, religions are the cancer of the masses... sure, make friends and influence people with that attitude, will ya?... right, who cares, right, so bored... maybe random... all the tired horses in the sun, and the next steps started years ago just linked here, what happened to the life i wanted to share?...

where does the positivity go?... where does the hope go?... how do we forget it is all a choice?... attitude, perspective, optimism, hope, it is all choice... what makes you choose the downbeats?... why do you give up?... why do you choose suicide over honesty and life?... old news?... heartbreak?... do you known ptsd too?...

narf! dammit, just narf already...

weak nyuk :}