it's been years now

yes, it's been years now since i started to start again again again again... what in the world do those words mean?... well, on the surface, i've started again (or over) many times in this life, fully completely at least a half dozen times, in the physical world life and in the emotional inner life and in other ways as well... but in thise specific instance i refer to staring a new place for blogging daily as this (e)thereal blog was an attempt at brevity following a couple of years babbling in a previous blog which followed a couple of years keeping a diary that babbled as well (and many others, even or the original journaling or scribblings before the internet or whatever words we might use to describe writing to record life and/or keep in touch with one's self and whomever might want to read the intimate details and supposed secrets of a entire life, including personal life... it's been years since i slept well consistently too, but that's another story...

yeah, so i was pondering this briefly after a rather unpleasant dream in which i was feeling as if i was being told it was time to start life over again... what the title refers to is not the fact that it's been years that i've been writing blogs (long before the word blog existed), but rather that it's been years since i chose to initiate a healthy planned complete starting over... that is in part because i figured i would do that when the one came along, but also some frustration and laziness and even that old poor-me victim mindset that is so very self-defeating and often self-destructive (cuz every poor-me victim wants to be proven right, ya know?)...

more to follow, maybe...