i'll just kinda slip this in here (feeling kinda)

in between all the hope and wonder and optimism and infallible spirit moments, there comes this bottomless abyss of despair, an infinite chasm of apathy, hopelessness, and blah but not just blah, a self-destructive blah of piss off people, you all suck, which is not a very successful way to be if you know what i mean... yeah, it has been a long long time since anybody actually cared about me, i mean who i am, what i want, the deeper self we don't share in everyday life and while what others think of me is relatively meaningless when determining my self-worth, there is still a point of pointlessness to the struggle, the game of business, the working for a living, when nobody really knows or cares who i am... it is so much easier just living outside of the rat race of success and failure and pressure to conform and win... if it wasn't for jackson, i might have wandered away from the working world and set off on my own again to live in my car...

playing the games of the working world just seems to ftile, so meaningless, such a ridiculously unproductive mess that it leaves me feeling kinda pathetic...

narf :}