no really, what's it to ya? :)

as in, the previous entry that still had more to say but i paused to sleep and still did not sleep anyway and here we are some nine hours later after ffour and a half hours on the field and still i want more with no sleep and a bum foot throbbing and four and a half hours pitching and hitting and round the horn infield practice and more pitching and more hitting and playing second base in the heat and humidity older than anyone else out there and at the fields longer than anyone else out there (cuz i practiced with two different teams), i still want more... not i could probably fall asleep for an hour but i want to write and need to be back on the road to pick up jackson in two hours so i may babble a bit or i may nod off and hope the alarm wakes me... but i still want more (being insatiable and relentlessly stubborn has always been my saving grace for even at my lowest most helpless moments in this life i simply will not be satisfied giving up for long... even when it is starting to make more and more sense as the years pass, stubborn makes me the fool who won't completely quit and always wanting more makes me the fool who just won't close all the doors on hope for finding the more i am looking for... yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

could be i've simply learned to hide how unbelievable wonderful i am so well that nobody actually sees or knows how unbelievably wonderful i am... so maybe i am finally just normal and average and conforming like everybody else... innocuous living breeds in the numbness, numbness leads to peace and happiness...

fulfillment, as most people know, comes after death...so what's it to ya?...

narf :)