too much of the personal life? (hey, hey, jackson)

when i want you to know who i am, click here

i mean, too much complaining about others?... probably... but without a close friend to talk to about stuff, i write it out and if i start censoring myself i might as well become like everybody else and that's simply not happening (i tried and it's the one thing i gave up on cuz it's just not for me)... i feel like i am just stating the obvious, anyway... at least the obvious to me... and it's my blog, after all... but perhaps others in the real physical world would not appreciate or like or even be upset about the way i share whatever comes to mind here... most people are much more concerned what other people think of them than i am... so what do i do?... isolate myself, i suppose... or stifle myself... or write in a private blog nobody will ever read until i meet the one or maybe some really trusted friends who want to read... but who are really trusted friends and how do we know?... isn't that one of the reasons i write publicly in the first place, in the hope of finding really trusted friends who care to read and know?...

it's all as superficial as we wanna be...

still, there's a voice inside telling me jackson wouldn't like some of what i write about her... so how to sort through the stressors and frustrations and life stuff that needs to be explored and digested and resolved, at least in my mind?... without writing?... like everybody else does?... nope... more privately?... i suppose... but there are almost 4500 entries in this blog alone and i don't really want to spend days re-reading them all by myself... but asking jackson to read would be futile cuz she doesn't have the time and has no interest in blogging (she has one but doesn't use it... and i'm writing about her again, huh?... well she lives here and is a big part of my life and that's what this blog is about (my life) and sheesh, why didn't i ever learn how to feel the need to hide?)...

what secrets?... please be laughing jacks, you know how much i love you and nothing i do or say or write has any intention of hurting you and so, remind me to point this out if you ever do read any of these entries and don't like it... please tell me, m'ok?... cuz as much as i don't want to censor myself (i mean, my head might explode, ya know?), i'd do it if it meant a choice between censoring myself or pushing you away... so?...

anybody?... beuller?... is it really so challenging to understand who i am? :}

narf! :)