how do you define friend?

my first and ultimate definition is someone who actively, as in physically (cuz caring is a verb) does things to involve themselves in your life to help in any way possible to inspire your smile without expecting anything in return, with only the hope for a smile... pro-active unconditional love, actualized all the time in the physical reality, in actions... that is a friend...

so far in this life i have come close, but not had an actual friend for more than a little while... people do not seem to be able to, or willing to, actually devote themselves to being a friend by the my definition... and for many years i would not use the word friend... my hand written writings (everything before the late 1980s) are full of sighs and laments and acceptance and acknowledgement of many aquaintences and some part-time friends and a few almost friends, but no real true friends by the definition i used...

in recent years i have accepted the word friend as most others use it, as i call jackson my best friend but in many ways she hardly knows me and doesn't really want to, but she's the closest person to me in physical space so she gets the title by default... meaningless to the bottom line child, but the core of me sledom looks around anymore... heck, the core of me seldom wakes up in the physical reality anymore... enter exercise... exercise wakes the childinside, the peanut gallery, and all the other aspects of me that sleep most of the time...

the psuedo-science of psychology might call these apsects the subconscious, unconscious, id, ego, and so on... super-ego is usually awake cuz helping others is the primary activity for me (cuz i like it and cuz the availability of opportunity to do it is infinite)... in any case, do you understand any of what i am relating here (personally or analytically or philosophically or in any way shape or form?...

feel free to share :)