i guess what i mean is

yeah, as if i need to guess... the written gardens, this writing life i've created since i could first hold a crayon and dove into and lost myself in after the actualization of the purity of unconditional trust and true love failed (after amy) and all that was left to do was fantasize about a life in which it did not fail, a fairy tale life of illusion and hope that someone could understand and actualize sharing that illusion and that is what i loved (and still live) on, the hope... the hope that someone will return to the beginning with me and actualize not only the illusion of the purity of the first time, the unconditional trust and true love and perfection of a life where love never fails because it surpasses any previous experience and defines itself in a brand new moment that creates something that wasn't there before and doesn't erase all the loves, but simply redefines them as almost perfect and replaces the failures and pains with the knowledge that they were not real, that this magic moment, this brand new sharing is the perfect love so long sought and nothing that came before reaches it...

and the dream is no longer a dream once it is shared...