it's not insomnia

it's more like silliness... staying awake is almost always a choice for me... on some levels, the silliness is a practically desperate hope that if i stay awake, someone will share with me... someone will care about me in an interactive daily way that lets me know i exist in this world beyond the synapses that play in the head that seems to contain (or tries to) the being i call me... i wish somebody understood me...

yeah, you might think you do, but you understand some of the conditions i describe... loneliness... sadness... depression even... and joy and happiness and excitement too, but you understand your version of these experiences and emotions expressed in these words... you can only imagine mine to some extent... if you've experienced time with me in physical space you can imagine a bit more, if you let yourself remember, but you still don't really understand me...

and that leads to the question... can we truly understand each other? as in can we truly understand each other's experience in this life?...

the answer is no, logically, but the dream is that someone shares so much of everything, so much of the physical experience through being together with someone and so much of the imagination through communication in any number of ways that actual mutual experiences lead to a bridge between beings that allows for a true understanding of each other...

yes, of course it is an illusion (secrets?), but getting the illusion aligned, getting the illusion right is possible in this physical world...

at least that's why i remain here... and awake... and hoping...

narf :)