now that we're all fascinated

yeah, the blog stats continue to fascinate, along with the fantasy sports and all the other games, but ultimately, i play the fundamental game of life alone... maybe we all do and relationships are just as delusional as anything else, but it is such a sweet and powerful delusion... kind of like atomic fusion, from an emotional perspective...

i think i miss it...

sharing my love of number play is just one more aspect of personality and interest and brain that longs for a playmate (i mean, until my russian girlfriend arrives ya know)... since the amy mainzer's and milla jovovich's of the world are getting married and the mila kunis's and meg ryan's haven't noticed me yet, i am still available (amazing, i know) and the more i wonder and think and feel and learn and create, the more i want to share (and the more i have to share) and so, i'll be lonely tonight...

sometimes i don't think about it and the loneliness is buried beneath fun stuff i am doing, but tonight i feel lonely... alas, i have not felt the so lonesome i could die loneliness i once created within myself in a long time and i don't sense i am going there tonight and perhaps that is why i remain alone... is desperation the reason people mate?... it would follow that most matings do not last, but it is just a theory no matter how logical it may seem... after finding failure in matings a few times i decided that choosing someone based on the hunger, the loneliness, the desperation to not be alone, was not wise and definitely not for me... who understands this... finding someone who has made the same decision and understands the control we have over our emotions and desires and thoughts and feelings and... am i losing you?...

usually do, sigh and smile, but hey... the one might be out there, ya know? :)