expanding me

and i mean physically, so this is not in a good way... looking at recent photos of myself show me that i have enlarged my presence, widened my body, and generally look huge compared to how i think i look... after all, i can wear a men's large t-shirt (though i prefer extra large cuz i like baggy t-shirts... i can wear a men's small sports shorts (i bought a small by accident last week and wore it eighter to play softball or run a 5k and didn't even realize it until i washed it)... and yet, i look huge in photos... strange... it is not a distorted body image cuz when i look at photos i see a much bigger body and face and neck than others have... and body weight charts do have me about 30 pounds over what is supposed to be my ideal weight... and why?... well, cuz i eat too much, duh... and the last five months i have definitely done less exercise than usual, like none for a few months... amazing i didn't gain dozens of pounds...

ultimately, i feel better when i am lighter... i move more easily, feel more energized, and simply feel better overall... and yet, i feel great after pigging out at an all-you-can-eat buffet and drinking a huge amounts of code red or other sodas... so it is mostly a matter of sensory satisfaction, taste buds and food-rushes win out over the overall lightness and energy of thinness... medical science tells me that this is a recipe for diabetes or heart disease or stroke or any number of other health issues, yet here i am in this body getting older every year still eating as i please and playing softball and running 5ks and the bottom line is i eat a very balanced diet because i eat even more vegetables and fruits and what are considered healthy foods than i do sweets and fats and what are considered unhealthy foods... i just eat more calories than i burn most days, or at least the same number as i burn, so i do not drop the 20-30 pounds... i may have gained 10 in this five months of foot/ankle-injury idleness...

and all this thinking about this has me hungry lol :)