and so what's really going on?

the down deep desires are bubbling up a bit, at least they definitely did today (which is now yesterday)... desires to share more... desires for eye contact and caring and sharing of minds... desires for more friends closer to my wavelength, so to speak... yeah, desires to share that, unfulfilled, create loneliness...

loneliness can suck, ya know?...

still, it turns me on... and amuses me (at least for a while, never said i was not strange ya know... especially at first cuz it's exciting cuz it means i just might do something even more exciting in so many ways... shall we dance?)... but after a while it gets to be a wet blanket so i must get creative with funding (cuz any real chance at a meaningful social life with like-minded people {still a very weird phrase to me} requires funding in our culture)... the good news is i've started exploring meetup and facebook activities more recently and put a desktop calendar on my desktop which is how i remembered the activities tonight (which i originally found on facebook)... so yeah, the social life is out there, i just must spend wisely and keep hope alive...

i didn't stop for the push cart hot dog with cooked onions in red sauce... i am hungry and nothing in the house is appealing to me cuz my tastebuds were kinda set on the salty greasy oniony tomatoey bready flavor of push cart hot dog with cooked onions in red sauce with ketchup and mustard and fooey for not getting one now... some healthy influence must have taken over me on the walk back to the car... where are my decadent friends who stay up late eating junk and exercising it off at odd hours?... i so do not fit in with this culture, really... sigh and all... why are we laughing?...

did i mention the guy who parked near where i parked mentioned he was desperately trying to borrow rent month while walking to our cars?... how do people know i love to give and have given away so much in this life (everything a couple of times) that i may never retire... it is a rhetorical question... all we can do is continue laughing, i know... nice guy, wish i could help, but (the sound of brakes) not at this time...

hey, i'm a survivor, i know when to fold 'em...

unfortunately, as cool as some of the people were, nobody woke libbo... alas, the physical loneliness does not like to hear that but then, i am too soft and bloated in this body to want to share it anyway at the moment, so that plays the biggest factor... and yet, if the inspiration was out there, waking libbo is a definite strong motivator for me to kick the body into gear and feel more sensually comfortable for physical sharing...

what?... you didn't read the title?... continue laughing if you understand me, continue doing whatever else you are doing if you don't... this is the process, honesty leads to laughter with or without self-mockery...

oh, and i should have put the packer's defense in for my fantasy league... hopefully the new england defense will do well for me instead... yeah, priorities, right... get it yet? :)