some other time

referencing the sad, heavy, etc, some other time (when someone cares to ask, perhaps, or when i make time to remember again, if i do before this body dies, that is)... so back home and alone again, naturally, and if the place was empty or clean it would be a new adventure with more excitement but the place is a wreck of boxes and dirtiness and much of jackson's stuff that i must sort through and find a corner for and so, find the time and clean it up and then, a new life...

i could just sit here for days or weeks in this mess as work swallows most of my time and vegetation swallows the rest (the self-pathetic baby inside likes that idea cuz the spb is stupid), but then, maybe somebody will actually reach out and keep in touch (like a friend?) and motivate me to motivate myself to sing and dance and get back into the show (life, the show, who remembers?)...

meanwhile, for the moment, i really don't know what to do with myself (obviously i don't want to know, but shhhh)... don't want to just go out for distraction... don't want to do anything around here (though laundry would be wise as i am working tomorrow)... just want to let go in my way, slowly, meaningfully, like all the time shared really mattered a lot... no wonder i am so alone, aye? :}

maybe i'll catch up on sci-fi monday tv (if i don't focus on having nobody to watch with me, right?)... hopefully some time this week i will remember to think about the feelings and events of the past week and catch up a bit cuz posterity would be upset (or so i hope, aye?) if i didn't record the details... cuz even if nobody else has time to share it all, ever, i can hope someone will someday, somewhere (you know, in that place for us?)... some other time... cuz the bottom line (the point and all) is that when i am not avoiding or feeling so lonesome i could die or some other sappy poor-me song, i care and want to know...

and how are you?