interesting (not really) drama

maybe it's not interesting because nobody really cares about it but me (and i refer to the active in-physical-space sharing caring that makes caring a real verb/action and not just the few kind words most people share daily or every few days or even longer apart... so i lament the absence of people in the daily spaces who truly want to know and care about me and my drama, feelings, hopes, dreams, thoughts, ideas, and so on... at least i still have some real daily moment-to-moment value to myself...

odd misunderstanding with the guy jackson gave the softball team to (not sure when or how, actually, as he wouldn't have been the one i'd have chosen based on his running the last team we were both on when he basically dropped her from the team and sort of nudged me out too, but probably she didn't think it through like many things at this end in her relocation... she's still family though, so love love love, ya know?... and does always want to see the rose-colored best side of everything and everyone, even when it hurts her)... anyway, the rain came and cleaned up the misunderstanding and sure enough, i was the only one at the field and texted everyone, so i am not exactly sure, oh, nevermind... sometimes the drama really does get tiresome...

so still dealing with the all too clear fact that the sudden disappearance of jackson and happiness from my daily life has been more challenging and unpleasant than i wanted it to be because, after all, i went from daily conversations and meals and living together and needing each other and sharing mostly everything to nothing, at least at my end, a quiet empty space devoid of any sharing or caring (not to mention the clutter and work needed around here that i ignore)... i did not prepare for this suddenness (and she didn't have to as she moved to a built in daily support system in her new home and life)... but none of this is her fault, she needed to do what she did and she is too busy to share as we did and doesn't need me around (if only to take care of happiness) every day as she did just two weeks ago... so find a new person or people to share daily life with and trust it'll mean something more to them in daily life...

wah wah wah, huh?... well, not really... the weekend was much fun, even with the disappointment, let down, betrayal, and feelings of abandonment... people are people, after all... and i'll be me and continue to love them unconditionally and be here for them as much as possible (which is much more possible than anyone else i've ever met cuz, well, it is... not sure why it's not for them)... caring is what i do, full time... slipping in recent years, especially when it comes to caring about myself and this body, but there's always hope...

hope there's always hope for you too :)