no secret, really

do you want to know a secret?... do you promise not to tell, oh wa oh, oh, closer... the motivation for living for me is to love... to care... and to share the love and caring... there's a difference between love and caring, if we want to define, but not tonight... i just want to love and care tonight... just want to love and care...

secrets are destroying the world... no secret, really... not if you are willing to explore deeply enough... everything is out there, all knowledge (including all about me)... but secrets abound when we don't make the time to explore enough... foolishly some get upset, even paranoid about what they do not know when to know, all they have to do is take the time to explore, open their mind, and welcome the information... try not to forget how to do that, it's not good for you or other living things...

let your love shine and open your mind and you will find that life is kind and all you want to know is yours when you leave your fear behind and let your love shine and open your mind... it's no secret, no... no secret at all, really...

another secret?

oh but secrets entries take so long to find as they are linked within links within links within links, at least and you may never know which is the real secret and which is the magical illusion of seduction that, years later, the ones seduced will still hide and avoid all over the internet... yes, that is the trauma of the ages, the secret of the long ago, that i was a high school succubus... trademark copyright and all that jazz (ready?)...

oh sure, now you laugh... but if you only knew... to this day, decades later, they are away, not openly on the internet, avoiding contact with the reality of the power... all the love i send, all the good wishes, all the hopeful energy, they know the addictive nature of the passion so they don't encourage me, they carefully avoid contact for no one can resist... and i, one of truly harmless intent who did not know the power i contained until it was too late, until i ravaged the hearts of too many innocents, i buried it inside... innocent myself, i was forgiven by the universe, the energy of the eternal infinite, whatever you might call the stuff, physical, ethereal, non-corporal, magical, whatever you call the stuff that connects everything...

but i did know... that is the secret... and that is what they all fear... i did know in silence and i hoped to find one who could withstand the power and contain the power within herself... i hoped and hoped... and i still hope, for there is always hope...

but who takes it seriously... someone... somewhere... someday...

there is a place for us...

narf lol :)

secret threads?

perhaps the word secret in the title will surprise us with additional curious viewers looking for the threads references that may be obscure (seriously?) or hidden away like jennifer lopez's thong (seriously?) if not secret titillation in the windmills of your mind as you wonder if that was natalie portman or mila kunis in the flash-by commercial (was that perfume?) because your sexual parts are starving for the touch of your fantasy person (milla jovovich?... whatever happened to meg ryan, anyway?) as momentary as that might be (ooo, look - another sexual fantasy) and wondering if it is loneliness or lust), or lack of sleep (there's a lot of that going around lately)...

what?...

sorting through box

i might have titled this sorting through boxes, however so far i have sorted through one box and the second sits at my feet challenging me to continue... i have boxes of papers and stuff thrown together during clean-ups and moves that date back a few years sitting stacked up in the bedroom closet (and some in the bedroom cuz the closet is not big enough) and i decided to sort through one after looking for my transcript and diploma... the diploma is still hiding, but the transcript is proof of graduation and they will verify anyway... i remember seeing my diploma in the past year or so, so i obviously put it in a safe place, which means it will be more challenging to find... the secret life of boxes... or in boxes, to be more in depth, but then, they are probably two different stories and the creators of cars or toy story surely should have the secret life of boxes on their drawing boards...

the secret life of boxes concept: boxes (like toys) come alive when no people are around and in warehouses they have a distinct social hierarchy and roles and bonds and responsibilities that make sense when you think about what boxes are used for by humans, but also give each box some identity and role in their society (kinda like ants and bees to borrow more analogies and ideas)... some boxes become ornamental heirlooms when made out of wood or stone or something other than paper, but most boxes are cardboard and meant for storage... it is an honor to become a box made for special things, like wedding rings or other gifts and treasured games (these boxes get old but are loved the most and scotch tape saves many from recycling) and fun stuff and boxes are torn about being used as baby toys themselves by babies or kids, some boxes love it even though it often means being taken apart (recycling-reincarnation is an integral aspect of box-belief systems) box every box is honored to give their life to be a homeless shelter for someone on the street... there are snobby (even judgmental) boxes passed around at churches and altruistic boxes outside salvation army stores and all sorts of social statements can be written in from the folly of planned obsolescence and environmental issues to the appreciation of the uniqueness and purpose of everything and the waste of over-production as millions of boxes just sit gathering dust in storage... every box deserves respect, after all, every box was once a tree... that's my idea, copyright 2012

yeah, anything to distract myself from sorting through boxes... it's a lonely wistful experience at times, this sorting, as memories rise and fall and smiles come and go and some people are missed and some things remind us that some promises are forgotten... but clutter is not good either, so reducing the piles of paper and junk is good too...

so what have you been up to today?...

no mood for sleep

not no way, not no how... not without a human pillow, at least... so i went out after work to meet my boss to pick up her secret santa gift cuz she can't be at the secret santa breakfast tomorrow and we close enough to each other to shop at the same malls and stuff so i went to the mall cuz i also needed a card for my secret santa gift and i stayed an hour and a half or more cuz i realized i wanted to be around people and i was loving browsing the book store where i bought several books for jackson's nieces and our friend's new baby and a couple for jackson too...

the mall was not crazy busy as in rushing rude people... it was good to feel the energy and felt really good to buy stuff for people and afterward i drove home and cooked food instead of eating out or picking up food so dinner was guacamole and pretzels and then two kinds of veggie burger with mixed sauces (general zao, sweet baby rays, and a veggie mayo all cooked into the burgers and a bit of ketchup on the bun) and yummy yum yum in the tummy tum tum... that was followed by chocolates (russell stover) and some of jackson's brownies (the chocolate chip cookie part was best) and a few bakery cookies and a chocolate fudge milk shake and aren't we having just too much fun for one person?...

see, that's why i am in no mood to sleep... too much energy, too much fun going on...

and lots of narf... much narf :)

secret entries?

never give up!... never surrender!

(shhhh, the secrets could be in the links, ya know... the challenge you accepted by coming here is - how many links can you click on, read, and still return... and understand?... the current record is 142)... maybe... but no matter what you've read, the 12/12/12 thing is still fun to play with and there are some blog entries right here in (e)thereal that were not there a moment ago, that is, blog entries being written and dropped in at random dates and times in the past (or future, even) and in some cases, as if they were there all along (and some were and nobody ever noticed, maybe... in other cases, maybe not)... not telling, that is... and some secrets were always there... what?... it's kind of like people dancing, rubbing their private parts (aka sexual organs) up against each other nonchalantly as if they can pretend it is not sexual exhibitionism and the best pretenders get the most sex behind closed doors and then everyone pretends to be offended by some obscure reference on tv like a rotterdam bugler cuz humans love their secrets, scottish slings, and hypocrisy, but that's besides the point which may vary in your region and has no business in your pants... maybe...

it's just life, if you care to know (seriously?... some fantasy, but mostly life... i always wondered why people just are not honest with each other... or serious about living... cuz in the end the truth is it's all as superficial as we wanna be...

is that telling?... sigh, sometimes the best we can do is laugh and listen to the music...

still, as the night slowly slithers toward morning, we do not want to make it too easy and besides, i hear the innuendos softly whispering with only the kind of coaxing innocence can coo, coos coos, don't take away our secret entries, so they shall continue... feel free to enjoy them, whatever they are, or might be, for that matter...

i won't tell :)

till tomorrow, that is (ooooo, who gets it?... shhhh, is it tomorrow yet?... alas, laughter is so misunderstood)... there is so much more to be discovered than can be understood and so much more to be understood than can be imagined, but we can go on searching anyway cuz, after all, what else is there to do?... for the process of continuing as if our lives depended on it (it may, after all) is more telling than we know and not even reflective tape can protect us from some collisions with reality (or something like it, alas) and if you know something about the music you just might find yourself understanding the secret (and if you listen closely as you read you just might find yourself seductively haunted too) secrets as sanity cycles...

what can this be, aye? :)

not really

secret threads, that is, there are not really secret threads but if this sort of banter injected hap hazardly into the past brings some sort of interest from you, then perhaps we can weave some secret threads together...

it may have something to do with the time space continnum...

and it is december, remember?

oh?

somewhere it is written (or was)

Phhhhheheeeewwww. That was just me, blowing off the dust. Just like I take a damp paper cloth to clean in between and behind those hard to reach places in my little, old house, I have to do the same with sites of mine around the interweb. Meganddia.com is looking a little sad lately. I apologize for our lack of upkeep. I saw too many "Buy Viagra NOW!" comments to count. I'll have to wait until I have the stomach to face the spam before I clean it all up. You know how your accountant always tells you to pop open a bottle of wine, grab your calculator, and get down to business when it...

written some time before, like on the third of the month or so, but then, what is time (besides a marketing tool, ya mean?... oh, so snarky, there ya go telling secrets again ooo eee ahhhh as opposed to the telling, i suppose... and all that jazz)... semi-electronic sounds similar to the pink machine, welcome not included (so you think you can tell?) redate 12/5/2014 stamp confirmed for no apparent reason evident outside of the secret mission of the secret bearer at the secret sanctuary, boink!...

and then, i realized someone else wrote those words, i only thought them a few dozen times, or more, over the internet years... and then they were gone, as if they were never written, as if i imagined them (which i did many times), but then, there they are, on my page, written by her, understood by me, shared alone apart unknown, unless, of course, even buried in the flurry of entries being uploaded this morning, she finds these words remembering her words as my words too...

narf :)

i tried, almost

yes, i did... i tried... i really tried... really... i turned on the computer and sent one message and nodded off in the middle of the message and sent the message and turned off the computer and kicked back in the big green chair, yes, actually reclined (which used to be one of the surest ways of falling asleep) and here we are...

several hours later, watching the colbert report demonstrating how much of a racist glen beck is (but still there are hard core black republicans, which only goes to show how powerful money is) and how many ridiculous ideas are coming from rish republican women lately (but who came up with the poisoned envelope glue on the census forms?... now that was genius, right, because everyone will laugh and no one will take it seriously and everyone will lick the secret mindcontrol drug that actually is in the census form envelope glu, but don't tell anybody, ok?), but tells us something new, stephen...

might as well chase an ambulance...

i also ate another midnight snack of cashews, deluxe jumbo colassal, some dark chocolate covered, and home made chocolate milk (made with fat free powerdered milk, nestle's cocoa powder, a couple of packets of the yellow stuff sugar substitute, ice, and the secret ingredient, two small cups of activia yogurty stuff... yup, made a half gallon of the liquidy wierdness that became close to a gallon after filled the rest of the gallon jug with ice and shook it up and let it sit a bit so the ice would melt a bit and then shook it up again and repeated the process until it was all gone and drank it all...

dinner was shrimp onion mushroom soup with a splash of honey hickory barbecue sauce for added flavor... i nodded off during st:ng (if i spelled it out, i wouldn't be nerdy enough) and woke slightly to catch some of 24 (if i spelled it out, it would not be the title) and then actually watched castle (if i had a drawing board and artistic talent, i might have drawn it)...

so i almost dieted... and i almost slept... and now, i almost babbled... not edward james, but a whole lot of almost, aye?...

who's out there (stats report)

who knows, aye?... secrets? (what secrets?... read on, conspiracy lovers)... all i can tell you is what google stats tell me, which is not much, at least not much in terms of specifics or even if there are real people behind the page view numbers, but here we go reviewing the stats once again as we add april 2013 to the page views chart...

the stats do tell us where the page views come from...

April 2013 Germany Russia US Romania UK Turkey Ukraine France Poland China

(3695) 1553 875 771 149 29 28 21 9 9 7

on our left we have the number of visits (or page views) by country for last month which shows a sudden rise from Germany with a decline from the U.S. (and the appearance of Turkey) which might have some meaning if there was more info in the stats, but as it is all we can do is say hi germany (and turkey) and thanks for stopping by :) i still enjoy letting my imagination to visit your countries and create all sorts of scenarios where we are friends or colleagues or have some seriously meaningful and/or important earth shattering reason for communicating (maybe i watch too much sci-fi?)... thanks for providing that fun too :)

top ten countries most represented this week (descending order): Germany, United States, Russia, Romania, Turkey, Poland, United Kingdom, Ukraine, Bulgaria, Canada...

top ten most represented since this blog began (descending): United States, Russia, Romania, Germany, United Kingdom, Netherlands, France, Ukraine, Canada, Latvia...

and all the countries i've found on the lists over the course of this blog (in alphabetical order): Australia, Austria, Bahamas, Belgium, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, China, Columbia, Denmark, Egypt, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Greece, Iceland, India, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, Latvia, Malaysia, Mexico, Monaco, Morocco, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Panama, Peru, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Singapore, Slovakia, Saudi Arabia, South Africa, South Korea, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Thailand, Turkey, Ukraine, United Kingdom, US, and Vietnam...

oh, what?... we want actual numbers now?... well, it might not happen (as usual) cuz after all, it takes time to gather and sort through all this vital national security information and homeland has been tightening up on the release of details for a few decades now as the paranoia scale reaches past agent orange, so it you are wondering why you are reading this, well, now you may know... hey, some total stranger recently posted something cryptic in arabic on my facebook, so you just can't be too careful, ya know?... ah, for the good old days when we felt so safe on myspace, aye?... no worries though, no fbi or cia or nsa or alphabet soup was harmed in the making of this entry...

but just to give you a taste of the critical nature of the rabid radicalization of the intelligence community, this vital secret entry moved up from eleventh most viewed entry to eighth most viewed entry since the last time this sort of stat report was put together (probably about four or five months ago... i know, i've been slacking, secret missions and all) and it really needs your help to rise into the top five all-time... so don't just sit there, click now and click often (and even more importantly amazing, while you are there, click on all the stuff linked in that magical mystery entry, aye?)... seriously, the fate of the top ten (and the world) is in your hands...

narf :)

almost sleep

home at an almost normal hour (for the 9-5 game) so i cooked and ate and fell deeply asleep and woke in time to watch part of sarah conner which is a story i have enjoyed since the first terminator (though it was the second that made it a relatively permanent part of my entertainment psyche) and the storyline intrigues me enough to makes it worth wondering how the story will pan out and and summer glau interests libido ego enough to draw me back to watching... and then the dollhouse cuz i'd like to know if there's a decent storyline behind it's deep dark secret (these mystery secret conspiracy stories catch my attention for a while but until i find time to watch the entire series as a pbs marathon or on video or dvd as i did with the prisoner, i don't find the desire enough to match my schedule to the show when it is actually on the air... i watched the dead zone for a while for the same reason, and nicole deboer, and lost interest somewhere along the way)... it does help when there is a face or body that appeals to libido, but that's not mandatory...

anyway, a wonderful two hour nap was, well, wonderful... i choose this cuz it keeps me home on friday and lets me take care of me and write and clean and laundry and most of all, my vegetative relaxation unwind mind dump time... it doesn't help my social life, which is stalling again, but then, i partially bored with the routines and missed my time for myself cuz dreaming about sharing everything is better than not, or something like that...

the rest has become a necessary part of survival... that is the rest, as in relaxation, as opposed to the rest, as in everything else... everything else might be vital too, but i meant the other rest, the rest, you know?...

imagine if i was awake :)

mayhaps i fell to sleeps

or sleepes... sleepies?... feel free to debate the plural of sleep in your spare time, regardless of grammatical rules, of course, but based on what makes sense cuz, as anyone with half a brain might know, grammatical rulages seldom makes much sense, especially in the language of english... it may be a little known fact that the debate began long before there was a continent known as the americas cuz those fiesty old british folk who still claim to speak english just could not agree on rules so they created many sets and layers in the north and south and east and west and that does not even include the scots or irish or welsh or any of the other kingdom they called united... the one thing they were never quite united about was language, hence, the folk known as americans inherited a rather haphazard set of rules that they further twisted into what is know as english today... and we are not even going near the aussies, kiwis, or the multitude of other quesi english speaking peoples on this planet... no wonder the aliens don't try to communicate with us, aye?...

what they don't know is the paragraph about was not the entry intended to be here but merely a distraction from the entry that was supposed to be here which may or may not be this paragraph, but certainly was not the spare time debate that nobody around here meant to have even if you took up the banner and had one yourself... the night was moving right along and so much happened and so little recorded that this is the sort of entry that occurred... must have seriously needed sleep and most sensibly, i must have actually let it happen... and tonight i was not home because i worked a long day and rushed to eat and change and walk happiness before heading out for a double header which will most likely be the subject of the next entry so if you discovered the secret to the invisible ink, congratulations and continue enjoying those who are mystified with me... or not, cuz we wouldn't want to presume you are enjoying anything, after all... i'll still love you, even if you are bored and judge me poorly... cuz that's the way i roll...

but while you are debating, an entry passed right by without even being noticed... it's somewhere, perhaps between the lines, perhaps written in invisible ink (ah, invisible ink on the internet... can you imagine how that is done?... more secret endtrails, or perhaps i mean entries after all...

narf :)

ridiculous, but true

so i am getting dressed for softball now and did not sleep and have a practice, a game, some work, another game, and quite possibly some more work... performance will diminish progressively throughout the day (and the afternoon game is a playoff game and half the team might not make it to the game)... this sleep deprivation thing, as much as i love it on so many intellectual and creative levels, is definitely getting to the body...

but i used the time wisely by clearing up some essential aspects of life necessary for better time management in my head (see previous post and if you are privy, come on over and you might be able to read my newset super secret journal that vents about everything and anything but respects other people's privacy by remaining super secret, or at least not publically shared, cha know)... now to just get that actualized in the physical world before i have a stroke or worse, aye?...

make today fantastic :)

maybe it's diet

of course it's diet, but not diet alone... everything effects the affect... everything is connected... except when the synapses forget or pretend the answers cannot be found, the connections break down and the result is human frailty, human failure, and humility... this is also known as aging, which is a choice i am making, to let go of my life (we are the world), just like most everybody else... fitting in feels like crap...

exercise is the essential missing ingredient... no big secret...

the secret is where did motivation go?...

are you missing it?

if you look back at the past dozen or two entries (i mean before this one because after that one will be written after this one, but that's one of the relativities of time space continuums and such that is only sometimes mentioned now and then) you may find yourself wondering whether the writer of this blog has a grasp on reality or by some chance may have lost the sanity so vital to normalcy in this world... but the secret is there is no secret (unless you know it, as that random link might suggest) and the madness is sanity for the ones whom know, but those who tell, well, they may have lost the answer and in their dramatic or desperate search they could find some comfort somewhere out there, never pausing for that moment of reflective bliss and revelation that presents the solution within (and i don't mean the 5% solution either)...

narf :)

excuses abound

yes a new buzz would definitely be on my wanna list and running would be the wisest way to go, but i also do not want to die just yet so i must be careful (and being careful has kept me sedentary for sooo long now)... ridiculous, but true... people die when doing vigorous exercise, ya know?... ridiculous, but true, ya know?...

but am i old yet?...

not inside, but there is a part of my mind letting me act quite old, and that is letting the body age more than it has to, and that is leading me to make excuses for the inactivity so what is it?... fear of death?... fear of stroke and vegetative state?... fear of injury?... fear of being alone and helpless?... fear fear fear, what is the point of fear when fear leads to destruction by inaction?... stupid stupid... who knew?... right...

oh course i know the answers... being lazy isn't a disease or big secret... it's just stupid... oh, how rude, huh?... wait, we're not done... and waiting for the one or the friend who will run with me and share every up and down of every day with me is not a big secret either, just even more stupid... or just as stupid... either way, the answer is obvious, no matter how well i ignore it... so now that we've exposed everything, what?...

hello, and how was your year? :)

secret # (secret number)

each day may have an entry, eventually, as if they were always here, at which point this entry may be gone, or not, or moved elsewhere, or coded secretly into the dna of the blog... someday we all will understand...

rest and fun

after lunch and learning more about the coaches plans for the amazing race fundraiser( which sound like serious fun), a refreshing afternoon nap came around as i was watching a josh whedon marathon (dollhouse today and firefly tomorrow)... i set the dvr to record the entire weekend marathon for future viewing... it's really like having all the shows on dvd, at least temporarily... so i didn't miss anything by letting the sweet swell of sleep wash away the fatigue from the sun baked day... and waking now i find a text message from curly about playing cards and games tonight...

so it's shower time and i'll pick up some snacks and head over to the game party in a bit... cuz weekends are meant to be fun and that's why there is often a lot more fun around cuz most people conform pretty good to the way things are supposed to be... i'm just here for the fun though, ya know?...

and don't forget to remember to remember the process continues (no secret), but what is in a name, aye?... hope you make some fun for yourself right now :)

narf :)

mind reading

yeah, i know, and don't think you don't cuz we both know you're sitting out there watching the simpsons or much music or something wondering just how long is he (he being me) gonna keep this up, writing as if it matters day after day after night and more often, even, with nobody acknowledging the existence of these words (except maybe once when nobody was watching cuz you're really into obvious secrets that nobody knows) not even entering my mind, much, or apparently anybody else's (but that's the secret, right, yeah, shhhh, we know)...

meanwhile, some stuffed clams, crab rangoon, shrimp rolls, and mac n cheese later, the evening begins after a fine day of workaholism at the nut house (of course i mean my office, not the psychiatric hospital all around it) where progress continues on finding my desk (it's under all that paper somewhere) with a sigh and a 'nother sigh cuz fatigue is gonna keep me right here watching the adorable tv terminator and the semi-soft mind-porn show that follows it...

you can mind read what comes next...

nite nite :)

get positive (and reflective, apparently)

not in a medical test sense, which would not be a good thing most of the time, but in the positive perspective and positive energy and positive action sense... and balance, balance is just as vital most of the time as positive, so get balanced... and then, stay positive and balanced... that is the secret to life and to survival in life...

or one of them...

so i assess my options given the most recent challenges presented and i find that not saving precious leaves me quite imbalanced internally (emotionally) and yet paying precious's back rent would be way too imbalanced for me financially at this time and most likely for her in the bigger picture as she must find her own solutions in life and given she has a place to stay for free (besides here) which is a solution... even though her first choice would be getting to stay where she is, balance requires her to find another solution to staying where she is or to move...

i think it may be (e)thereal balance required at this point in life...