june stats

it was a good month, statistically (shhhh, we won't mention the meaninglessness of it all lol lam, m'ok?)... and we fell just short of the 5,000 page views for a month (even though the chart below looks like we might have made it, the actual count was 4.939 and the all-time total was 49,737 so the spambots failed us (cuz the last few days averaged about 150 each day when the highs have been over 400... 452 and 435 to be precise), but that's ok cuz it gives us another meaningless record to shoot for another month when i feel like we're getting close and want to shoot for another meaningless record... cuz numbers are fun... titles can be found here...

June U.S. Russia U.K. Iran Ukraine Romania Israel Germany Latvia Indonesia

2013 2431 572 335 290 188 178 165 134 30 29

final stats for the month on our left we have this month's totals and on our right we have the all-time totals for the top ten countries sending visitors here... final numbers changed slightly from the last count as indonesia jumps over turkey for the tenth spot while israel and latvia bump germany back to the ninth spot... the all-time list has not changed ranking...

All-Time U.S. Russia Romania Germany U.K. Ukraine Netherlands France Iran Latvia

6/2013 21399 7728 4925 3309 2091 691 630 491 475 349

and all the countries i've found on the lists over the course of this blog (in alphabetical order): Argentina, Australia, Austria, Bahamas, Belgium, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, China, Columbia, Denmark, Egypt, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Greece, Iceland, India, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, Latvia, Malaysia, Mexico, Monaco, Morocco, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Panama, Peru, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Singapore, Slovakia, Saudi Arabia, South Africa, South Korea, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Thailand, Turkey, Ukraine, United Kingdom, US, and Vietnam...

so the page views continue to increase thanks to referral spam, aren't we excited?... for the real people out there, thank you for coming by and if you are coming back, thank you even more for your interest or curiosity or caring or all three... i started out writing for myself and still do, but i share the world here on the web hoping for communication and caring and sharing and some sort of meaning... if the words inspire your smile or thought or simply fill your time, then you add to the pleasure i get in writing... hopefully there is something positive for you here too...

take care :)

tv with jackson

we haven't sat back and watched tv together in a while if it wasn't sports, but tonight we watched rizzoli and isles that we recorded on our new dvr and we have a couple of episodes left before we are caught up to the new season... we both love to look at angie harmon (and the actress who plays isles is eye candy too)... we also like the characters and interactions as the family humor is fun and the writing is not bad at times... so we watched a couple of hours and that was relaxing (enough so i nodded off for the last few minutes of the last episode we watched and jackson gave me the run down of what i missed)...

it's good to have a roommate with similar interests and likes... jackson headed to bed (she works for a living) and i am catching up a bit on the day/evening in words with you...

sleep soon, aye? :)

yummy buffet, sorta

curly and i went too try a local buffet called koy wan and we liked it... flawed, like most buffets... and maybe more flaws than i'd like and i am looking away and diminishing them because other things appeared very good... like sushi, which is tough to make very good on a buffet... and ribs and other things, though the peking duck was very skimpy and fatty and some pieces dried out... maybe few people eat it... the flaws were fruit that was left out too long... and ice cream that had a sour milk smell coming from the scooper wash that definitely did not circulate and was not empties and cleaned often enough... that> is a major flaw... i looked up the place on the state inspection site and found typical violations in their last inspection in april of this year (78 violations, 14 critical), some critical (but many restaurants and other food preparing and serving establishments like hospitals, for instance, have some critical violations... the question is are they repeated and the norm and that requires repeated inspections)... the past four inspections showed a pattern of poor temperature control which would be precisely why the fruit and ice cream issues would happen and makes me wonder if the sushi is consistently safe... curly did find some off-tasting shishami... ok, so other buffets might be better...

checking the other local buffets, new peking buffet had much better results in their last inspection last month (and is cheaper)... past inspections showed improvements and a much better record than the koy wan... and the other local on, world gourmet, had good inspection in the only one it has had (it's new)... so the koy wan drops down on the list, like i might not be back...

splurging this weekend, huh?... time to stop now... shhhh, i know :)

more google-blogger limits?

there are some they don't tell us about (like the daily limit of posts which is, as close as i can estimate, somewhere between forty to fifty, that puts us in captcha hell for about twenty-four hours) and i am wondering if 5,000 entries is one of them cuz the closer i get to that number of entries the more i am finding "there is a problem blocks preventing me from uploading posts here in this blog... it's a weird message because it has a link that says ignore message (or something like that) and if you click on it, the message goes away... and it sometimes comes back and sometimes doesn't... maybe it's just site traffic reaching maximum bandwidth, or maybe it's specific to a blog with too many entries, too much activity, but it does get in the way of uploading entries quickly and easily and can discourage some lesser babblers, but so far, no rants required here... just noting that it is starting to happen more often...

wonder if it has anything to do with content, like some words that might be considered adult that triggers a pause...maybe those entries are sent to some goggle blogger censorship reviewer, but nobody's contacted me... so at the moment i do not know why those messages that delay uploading are increasing (anybody?... anybody?... bueller?)... hopefully nothing is wrong with the (e)thereal or blogger or google cuz even though it's far from perfect, it's definitely home and i am satisfied enough with the services and features to settle in and be comfortable here for more than ten years...

hopefully 5,000 entries isn't like cinderella's midnight, aye?...

narf :)

too old to giggle?

nope, not in my book... and i live by my book, so there is never a point where anyone is too old to giggle... and excuse me (or don't), but i giggle at the drama queen even as the drama queen is drama queening... you might have to be here to believe it and you definitely have to know me to understand on any level (yeah, all i ever needed was the one, la la la), but there is just fatigue that gets me down when i don't have the energy to be me, but even then, inside i know i am only sleeping and will be me when i wake up (yeah, love where you left yourself, la la la), so moments after (even during) the grumps and/or drama, i am giggling... i seldom actually mention it like this, i mean, explaining... i usually just type nyuk nyuk or lol lam or cha cha cha or la la la or alas (though the latter three can have much deeper meanings and are not always just happy-go-lucky giggles) or narf (which has as many meanings as any word in any language, but that's another story that will fill an encyclopedia sometime, probably), but it is this sort of giggling laughter that is me inside... (but there is so much more than giggles in giggles (yeah, and so it goes, la la la)... like, really, you are seriously serious?... ummmm, no, but i am supposed to act like a grown up on the outside ya know (like i care what others see?... well, if they are paying me enough, maybe lol lam laa)...

if only somebody understood me, they'd be amazing... narf :)

grumpo grumpo grumpo

maybe some dinner will help... still bouncy bouncy bouncy, but grumpo topo cuz of the softball cancellation... so ok, it did bring me down a little... and jackson is not coming home for dinner so i am pondering what to do for dinner cuz dinner might help... even alone... the arm is a stiff and stretching it hurts, but that's not bringing me down... the loneliness is, a little... the lack of softball or fun to share, that is a little... but it was the sudden new storm that just started (that is flooding the front walk preventing me from going anywhere without walking twenty feet through up to six inches of water) that stuck me... hopefully it'll be gone quick and the water will drain cuz i was almost ready to head out to buy some food... i was undecided between a supermarket to refill some staples and cooking something here or buying something ready made, but i was getting ready to head out and boom, central florida weather... of course the sun could be out in ten minutes, to i really a, just overreacting cuz i am bored...

i always did get good grades at drama queen school (top of my class, in fact)...

narf lol lam :)

bouncy bouncy bouncy

sometimes it's just the way it is, sometimes it's aided by caffeine... and one of the good kind teammates was given an extra mocha coffee and brought it to the fiels and since i was the only one there when he got there, he offered it to me... at first i thought, no, i've been living without the caffeine and had some last night for the first time in weeks and then, i decided to try it and it was so yummy, i took it and drank it and the good morning mood on the beautiful day only got better... i might have driven couch a bit crazy bouncing (literally) around like i did, but the energy was wonderful and once again i was the one with most energy and desire to run around and play and exert and all that... it's the story of this life as i've experienced it... some people actually wonder if i am human or what drugs i take when they get close to me for a while... i could be grandpa to some of the kids on this team and they can't keep up with me even when i am not ingesting caffeine, so i was left wanting more when practice ended, as usual... but more, i want more... more more more... more? lol lam :)

and i am still bouncy now, thanks to the caffeine and the mood and the sleep (about six hours, but good sleep) and hoping for more softball even though the fields got rained on (and there is the call that i hoped would not come and it isn't bringing me down and sitting here alone waiting isn't bringing me down and life is just that super-dee duper wonderful today)... if i could bottle what happens in my brain, i'd be rich lol lam :)

wish everybody was like this in their own way :)

up down turn around (sing and dance with me?)

well, the spambots are not giving me the 400+ page views days they sometimes give me so i seriously doubt i will reach the 5,000 page view month or the 50,000 page views before the end of the month, but hey. it's been a fun mostly meaningless game to play for no apparent reason other than a bit of boredom and a love of numbers and stats and an insatiable ego that dreams of millions of adoring fans flocking to be here as much as they can to hang on every word... nothing much, really...

lol lam yeah, fun is where you make it... so what else is new?... well... the weather is getting mean... booo storms when i want to play ball (though i love storms)... the radar says the fields we are scheduled to play on in three hours just got hit with severe rain... and i was there an hour ago and loving the beautiful morning, alas... it is likely that the fields will not be able to handle the severe rains because they drain poorly, but it we are lucky the specific few acres of the fields did not get hit as hard as the radar shows and they will drain and we will not get the last minute call (they rarely call before we are dressed and ready to leave... they are getting better, i admit that... they used to let us drive to the fields and sit in our cars because this league is the poorly organized league i've mentioned a few times... but they are getting better, and i hope that continues...

so anyway, we can hope... ah, wishing there was a we here now, alas, but i wait alone cuz i didn't want to go out with the morning team cuz i didn't want to spend money which is a whole other situation i ought to rectify soon if i don't want to continue getting lonelier, aye?... yup, a beautiful morning, a wonderfully wired mood, ain't no loneliness gonna get me down... well, not too far down, anyway... being as happy and bouncy and fun-filled as i am is wonderful, but it would still be better if someone was around to share it... preferably someone as happy and bouncy and fun-filled, not just an adoring fan, equal partner, ya know?...

we are having fun (even if we are only the imaginary friends like me in my head), hope you are too :)

beautiful morning

while i feel sad that i might not be able to go with the team to washington dc to play in the softball world series and they have four pitchers to replace me already (heck, i hardly even pitch at practice anymore... or get any real workout cuz i don't play other positions and they don't do any specific pitcher practice other than letting the pitchers pitch batting practice so no fielding practice and minimal batting practice (two and a half hours, ten swings, two or three random ground balls and one fly ball and the fielding practice for the infield is at a slow fungo pace, not a game pace and the team lulls into that slow-down pace and, well, i don't think it's the best way to prepare and practice but the coach doesn't take my suggestions to make it more game speed so i stand around a lot)...

still, a beautiful morning and most of my ten swings were good swings and i'm working on getting more active and more teams to play with (next thursday there's a 4th of july tournament i was invited to as a pitcher in a new league i might join) and wednesday nights should start up again in a couple of weeks and friday nights should transition from one league to another more reliable and closer to home league and maybe i'll get another team going on another day or night and hopefully i will find a way to get to the world series after all even if jackson isn't going and i might hardly play...

the best news is that i threw the ball overhand today and the lesions and scars the injury and from atrophy and healing hurt as i worked them through but the sharp pains subsided as i continued pushing the arm (a sign that the lesions were breaking up) and the general ache (charlie horse) of pushing muscles that have not been pushed in months are felt like a healthy ache and no major pain (nothing sharp or biting) after the workout and only mild aching now so that's the best news, i might be throwing normally again in a few weeks or so if i just get back to working it out more regularly (stop being a lazy fool, fool!) and so... gonna continue to have softball fun on beautiful days... '

hopefully it won't rain out this afternoon and we will get a game in :)

gotta get the laundry done

yeah, somewhere last night i was singing this song... somewhere in the musical universe a chorus sings along... somewhere there is laughter... somewhere it is wrong... but all is right with the world in hong kong (huh?)... i mean, all is right with the world when love is strong... and all i want is someone to sing along...

but i was doing laundry, gotta bet the laundry done... i was doing laundry, doesn't have to be fun... doing laundry, something something la la leeee... doing laundry, dontcha wanna wash with me...

huh?... lol...

narf :)

up for softball

late yesterday afternoon i texted the coach of the sunday morning team and found out there is practice this morning at 9am about a half hour away... and being that last night was a late night, it's not the best timing... and being that jackson hangs with sanford on weekends, she's dropping out of most softball cuz sanford isn't really into it... sad, cuz jackson so loves to play and needs the exercise, but she's living in sanford's world more than ever and sanford being about 15 years older, there's less sports activities... most normal humans don't play ball after their fifties, after all... anyway, i still love to play and want the exercise and will not grow old (even as the sedentary life so wants to suck me in when i want to fit in and not be alone)... nope, ain't gonna happen... rogaine and geritol can stay on the shelf... so out the door to softball practice i go...

and this afternoon, another game, but we'll ramble on about that later...

make today shine :)

come on spambots, lol

yeah, i know, it's ridiculous of me to encourage the spambots, especially when they could be dangerous, but my love of numbers and stats and the superficiality of ego's love of fake popularity is the cheering squad for this entry... laughing at me is completely understandable, in fact, i require it from myself... you don't need to understand, but it would be beautiful if somebody did... and the world still whirls around...

coming down to the wire, we need a huge day from the bots and they appear to be sleeping or at least playing possum... coy?... hard to get?... must i ever so innocently lift my skirt as if i think nobody is looking?... do i have to pull out all the innuendos and seo words and phrases?... sex sex sex and of course, drugs and rock and roll... hot sweat... young girls... nude nymphettes... big boobs... wet willies... naked nellies... petting pussy... tiny titties... all that alliteration, aye?... are we for real?...

don't make me get all key wordy on ya...

lol lam narf :)

and at 4am

and at 4am, here come the lonelies as i remember how much i want to be in love... and at 4am, there's one and only thing i want to find, someone who is in my mind... at 4am, all i want to do is share with someone who understands who i am... at 4am, all i want to do is care about someone who as i do ... i am... hungry for love at 3am... longing for love at 4am... wanting to love at 4am... make it honest love... make it real true love... feeling the love at 4am... reeling from love at 4am... dealing in love at 4am... actualize free love... you and i be love... at 4am... want someone to hold you... at 4am... nobody ever told you... just how lonely it can be when you only want to be in love - do you see - the deepest part of me comes alive at 4am... and in the morning all i want to say is i survived... 4am...

what?... just because i don't mention it every night doesn't mean it's not still there (here)... you know the song...

yeah, songs... hanging on the hope that there's always hope...

interesting blogger message

blogger kept telling me there was a problem with this post and would not post it until i clicked on ignore warning but blogger did not tell me just what the problem was with the post... i mean, how can i correct anything if there is nothing noted in the warning to correct?... could it have been my potentially offensive reference to a lot of stupid people out there who would rather watch other people's lives on tvc than live their own well?... or maybe my annoyance with espn, lebron, or tebow?... or perhaps my mention of new england patriots?... well, anyway, the post is scheduled (and not just hung up in draft) to upload later tonight and if this blog suddenly disappears without warning, well, i hope blogger lets me know why...

cuz i mean it would be the end of the world as we know it, ya know?...

play suspense music now :)

game nights are fun too

yup, the games are on again... though it was not exactly what harpo might have wanted, he told me to invite people so i invited people and next time i'll say no, you invite who you want... i mean, it's his house after all... he wants people to have fun and worries a bit too much about the mix and skill level of players and i keep telling him not to over-think, but he seems to enjoy over thinking so in that sense i guess he does not take after his namesake in this blog, but he's a lovable character anyway and has a heart of gold and is a little kid like me, so a little neurosis can be easily forgiven (especially since he takes my teasing well... cuz i tease lovingly, right?... of course right... honesty without harm, remember?... oh, maybe you don't remember... my philosophy or and ideal and way of being who i want to be or whatever you want to call it is honesty without harm... att erased the explanations of that {dangit att} but this used to lead to it, this being a brief explanation of why i used to sign all my letters {when i wrote letters} with honest love and not just love, but i believe we are digressing from a digression already so out, dang parentheses lol lam nyuk)...

anyway, whatever i was rambling on about might come back to us for more later, but for now, i am out enjoying fun games with fun friends... hope you had some fun tonight too :)

buffets are fun

yes, it's not the best buffet around, but it's got a good variety of foods i like... shrimp and meat loaf... gotta add cheese to the mac and cheese to make it good, but mac and cheese... sometimes they have ribs, which is definitely yay... and a good salad bar... and decent desserts (though they can improve there), including whipped cream... steak if i want it (and grilled onions and peppers, yum)... and recently they added wings... and i am sure i am leaving out some things i enjoy there and whenever i go to a buffet i start missing some of the better buffets i enjoy like texas de brazil and lobster feast but they are both three or four times the price, or more, so golden corral is a reasonably good and enjoyable buffet for me... if you are around here and know of good buffets, let me know...

friends make the dining experience all the more fun... so don't just share information about your favorite places to eat if you are a local foodie, give me a call (number is on the right sidebar) and share a table with me... and if you are a foodie from somewhere else, i want to know your favorite places (and why) so if i am ever in your town i know where to eat... food is fun, buffets make food even more fun... and friends sharing food makes food even more fun even more...

burp... excuse me :)

espn makes sports annoying

while espn was a good idea when it started, it is really just become mtv for sports... a reality soap opera entertainment news station more interested in the drama and hype than the sports (just reflecting the corporate professional sports and the culture itself, i mean, there is virtually no actual journalism on television anymore, unless i am missing something {feel free to suggest}, but still, it's annoying)... i am turning it off more and more lately... the mention and adulation of lebron is getting as bad as tebow was (and still is sometimes, though they seemed to get the message as they started the swing that tebow flag again when new england signed him and it seems they dropped it like a hot potato... speaking of the patriots, i think they should use tebow as a tight end even more now that they lost both of the starters, though gronk will be back sometime during the season)... there are a lot of stupid humans out there trained to want to watch other people's lives on tv and tv is just giving them what they want...

oh, did i offend someone?... wait, i'll find some more drama to write about any time now (until then, let's just snicker as if we are somehow above the fray... or something like that)... you keep me grounded, by the way, so don't stop letting me imagine you are out there... that especially goes for the one...

we all live in our own chosen fantasy, after all...

narf :)

much slower today

the energy level has been a lot lower today than yesterday... probably mostly because i burned energy on the jog/walk this morning and i have not eaten much (a yogurt) because i want to eat to my heart's content at the buffet tonight... and i also ate a bag of chips for dinner last night, which is not exactly wisdom or balanced, but whatever...

the first day back after a week or more away from exercise is always wonky... the left neck has been aching (and once again i wonder if that is thyroid driven aching since i did not eat or is it nerve or muscle or what because it is a puzzle)... the right foot planar fascitis is not aching even though it was hurting as i was jog/walking and i've been barefoot all day, so perhaps that is a good sign of fading... or just a good day... while i have a lot of time (too much time on my hands?) to mull over the aging body and all it's minor aches, pains, and ailments, it is an aging body and i've just got to accept that and do my best to keep it healthy and in shape...

so what else is new?... or old, for that matter lol...

narf :)

a moment of stats

whatever the draw for the spambots, this entry has almost had 500 page views recorded this month and even with the added links and editing, there's nothing about it really... the attraction is baffling... the word stats?... while this one has almost 300 page views recorded and says even less... though i could use some gourmet coffee today... and then there's this one, i mean, why?... anyway, i am still making a bit of effort, though not full blown, to reach the 5,000 mark for the month... even though it's meaningless spam, it's a game, ya know?...

other stuff has been written in other blogs as well, though not in the rhyming ways this weekend... and today, the energy has been lower... so the stats say we are over 4,700 page views for this month and since the site referral spam has slowed down so making this the first 5,000 page view month is tricky, especially since i am heading out and not just sitting here typing all weekend... i mean, i have a life, after all, ya know? :)

a moment of stats, ya know?...

ok, sort of

that is... ok, back to the jog/walks, but not really ok cuz it has been too intermittent and passive... still, six laps today is better than no laps today, so ok, sort of... and the tracker software remains enigmatic, but the progress feels mostly like progress, albeit slow, extremely slow...

6 laps... 36:37 total time... 3.55 miles (for the same six laps, i know)... 5.8 mph (for the same 36:xx minutes, i know)... 10:20 average mile pace (yeah, i know, as unreliable as the rest)... max speed 9.8mph (this feels like it might be accurate as i did jog the first lap and picked up the jog a couple of times in other laps)... 557 kcalories... and now, on the the laps... 4:55, 7:02, 6:34, 6:36, 5:46, 5:40... and lap speeds (as unreliable as they are)... 5.9, 4.7, 5.9, 5.2, 6.4, 7.0... so somehow the speed for the fifth lap was much slower than the speed for the sixth lap when the times were virtually the same and the speed for the first lap when the time was dramatically faster was slower than either the fifth or the sixth... right... alas, i wish the numbers were accurate cuz, as you know, i love numbers... and stats... mile times were 11:25, 10:29, 10:12, and 4:35 for the final .55 mile (remembering last time we just reached 3.07 miles for the same six laps)... meanwhile, the discrepancy in distance shows the flaw in this software... for each lap: .49, .54, .65, .58, .61, .67... so how does this software measure the same lap with such drastic inaccuracy?... i am sure the manufacturer would have some pseudo-scientific response, but as they say on sports center, come on man...

and last time we recorded 5.2mph yet completed the 6 laps in 35:37 while today we recorded 5.8mph completing the same 6 laps in a full minute slower time... cha cha cha... i do see, looking at the map, one flaw that appears to be causing the discrepancies in distance and that is the tracker seems to be over-reading (for lack of a better term) one or two step variations along the same path and adding considerable distance to the lap distance because of that... the path track has me crossing streets and going through buildings (impossible) way off the path i walk/jog on some laps so the gps sensitivity and accuracy is way off... i suppose this sort of tracker might be more helpful on a trail run, but it shows serious flaws and inaccuracies on a lap run which would lead me to question the accuracy of distance (and all other stats except the actual time) of any run tracked with this software... unfortunately the other software i've tried is no different and shows the same gps variations, flaws, and inaccuracies... so we live with what we've got and the bottom line is the lap times and the overall time and the physical assessment by my own senses and feeling is what matters when comparing progress...

kilometers, aye?... 5.72 km... 9l3 km/h... 6:25 mim/km... 15.7 max km/h... and the laps... 9.6, 7.6, 9.4, 8.4, 10.2, 11.2... and per km... 6:34, 6:42, 7:04, 6:45, 5:58 and 3.37 for the final .72 km... the distance per lap discrepancy, as expected, is similar to miles... .79, .89, 1.04, .93, .98, and 1.09... baffling...

still, it turns me on to know and feel that i've gone out and done this once again... not dead yet...

wow, huh?

the title is a reference to the flood of entries prior to this one, which is a minor flood in the big picture, but still a bit of a flood especially when we consider the volume of words and the fact that they were written in just a couple of hours, or less (shhhh, don't tell the time-date stamps)... and most of that time was spent finding drug information that i linked in the drug post, or one of them... cuz that's how i roll, sometimes... at least when i am awake...

the interesting change over the years is that lack of sleep used to inspire a massive surge in writing just as much as a long deep sleep did... in fact that was better than drugs for many years as i found myself in a stupor that tuned into areas of my brain and creativity that were not as accessible more wide awake... the emo stuff, especially... and the dreams... and the fantasies... and the memories... and the rhymes... and every now and them some science fiction, but mostly emo and weird stuff...

that was back when i used to write in the prone position most often... it helped by physically straightening the spine and therein let the synapses function better... anyway, this is one of those entries that just observes and expands like many of the entries when i am just writing entries because i want to write (babble) or have some strange meaningless stats goal...

for what it's worth, aye? :)

ok, drugs

yeah, i mentioned drugs in a less than evil way in the previous entry so i decided to provide my opinions on drugs cuz, after all, you want to know... and being relatively experienced in the actual effects and affects and prefects and etch-a-sketches of drugs through experimentation in this body (the cia really didn't like me telling them that when they asked, but hey, the truth shall set you free it you speak it just right... and i will leave you to wonder just how much truth and how much illusion is in this paragraph cuz, well, that's part of the fun of blogging and even more to the point, those who care ask and learn and why bother explaining anything to those who don't, cha know?), i can provide you with a perspective some may never know... so the dear super-repressed teacher on south park says drugs are bad, mok? with as much interrogative as statement... and i say, everything is bad if you abuse it... drugs are life... drugs are chemicals... chemicals are life... so the question becomes which drugs, i suppose and since the previous entry lead to this entry and was mentioned three drugs in particular, here is my take on those three...

lsd is a wonderful experience if you are ready for it... being ready for it includes being not afraid of yourself and not afraid of opening your mind and seeing things in ways that might scare you... if you can handle your own fear well, lsd is an amazing experience... however, if you are prone to anxiety, even slightly paranoid, doubt yourself, have low self-esteem, or in any way enjoy abusing yourself (including commonly excepted forms of self-abuse), then the probability of lsd providing you with what is commonly called a bad trip increases directly proportionately to how much you fear yourself or are prone to anxiety, are even slightly paranoid, doubt yourself, have low self-esteem, or in any way enjoy abusing yourself (including commonly excepted forms of self-abuse)...

mdma is an amazing experience, again, if you are ready for it... mda is sometimes found when obtaining mdma and mda is closer to lsd and so read the previous paragraph too because you can't always be sure you are getting pure mdma... pure mdma lets you relax and trust if you know how to and can relax and trust... trust does not mean let yourself be used or abused, so if you are not sure if you know how to trust (it starts with trusting yourself first before anyone else), then do not try mdma in public where someone might take advantage of you... even friends can take advantage of you if you are not aware of yourself... and again, if you are generally afraid, insecure, anxious, paranoid, half low self-esteem, or in any way abuse yourself, you will likely abuse yourself or be abused under the influence of mdma...

htc is an amazing experience with much less power than either lsd or mdma (or mda), again, if you are ready for it... being ready for it means the same as being ready to some extent the criteria above, but more being ready for the questions below...

and if you are ready for it does not mean you want to be ready for it... being ready to experience these chemicals means you are free of most common fear and insecurity, anxiety, paranoia, and self-abuses that the vast majority of humans are not free of... ask yourself how you would feel walking into a police station or talking to a police officer under the influence of any of these drugs... how would you feel about walking into a hospital and telling an emergency room nurse or doctor that you took these drugs?... how would you feel about sitting and talking with your mother or father under the influence?... and how would you feel about telling your mother or father that you are under the influence while you are under the influence?...

if the answer to any of these questions is no way! then think again, you are probably not ready or at least have a much higher risk of a bad experience...

the most important questions to ask yourself (and most seriously, you are a fool not to ask yourself {and answer honestly} before playing with these drugs) are... who do you trust to take you home and put you to bed if you are unconscious?... and less likely, but just as important who do you trust to get you to an emergency room if you are in physical distress and not able to get there by yourself?...

if the answer to either of these questions is no one, then stop and re-think the prior questions because you might have to take yourself to a hospital and if you are not ready to do that, you could die wherever you are... this is a real possibility anytime we ingest any chemical (heck, it's a possibility with food poisoning, though the probability is much lower with food than with street drugs)... remember that you don't know what sort of quality control the manufacturer of the drug you are buying from some stranger (and even if the seller is a friend, the source is almost always a stranger in an uninspected lab somewhere who is much more interested in making money than in health and safety or sanitation)... lsd or mdma or mda can too often contain ingredients not intended to be there, but deadly or at least stuff that can make you sick and need a doctor... this is why the readiness to face an emergency room is so important... and depending on where you live, the hospital may have to, by law, notify police... these are just facts of life in our culture that sells some drugs legally and makes other drugs illegal...

the bottom line (or at least one of them... oh, here i go getting into a socio-economic political rant on us), the education we get about drugs in the good old u.s.a. is as biased as every other bit of education we get, mostly controlled or at least heavily influenced by the holy dollar of corporate america... drugs are bad, m'ok?... of course alcohol and tobacco are not included in that statement because, after all, there's a whole government department and many billions of dollars at stake if we decided to really see the harm in alcohol and tobacco abuses... but not to belabor that point (much), here is some more drug reading for you if you are really interested in learning about drugs through the written word... misconceptions - wiki one bad trip looking outside the u.s.a., we can find a much more rational (and not corporate money driven) assessment of drugs... drug news the good drugs guide more news toward new drug harm scales drug harms in the UK alcohol or heroin? ...

there is some of my perspective and opinions on drugs in general and on a few drugs i've experienced... my experiences, personally in this body, were wonderful... my experiences with others were mixed, partly because there were people who were not ready and needed a whole lot of help getting through, even surviving the drugs... and sometimes others required emergency rooms and sometimes i watched people die... so while i personally physically and mentally and emotionally loved my in-body experience, i did not enjoy being with others who either obtained poorly made drugs that contained other harmful stuff and i did not enjoy being with others who simply were not ready to relax and enjoy the experience...

i do not recommend drugs... i don't need them myself, for the highs i experience in my brain are even better than those i experienced on the best trips through drug experiences... but for the alternative perspective, i would personally use, probably just a few times a year if that much lsd, mdma, and thc again if they were legal... thc i might use a bit more often as a relaxant more than anything, though still probably only a few times a month if that much... i do not use alcohol or tobacco because the side effects are way more harmful to my health than the benefits...

so there is everything you wanted (or didn't) want to know about my perspective on drugs, most specifically four relatively popular illegal drugs...

so many thoughts

yes, the brain is spinning through thoughts (or perhaps it is more accurate to say thoughta are spinning through the brain, but in their case, there's lots of synaptic activity going on under the scalp) and it's just as wonderful as ever... it's so much fun to have an awake brain... and this blog might only be able to provide a fraction of a percent of the actual activities and experiences i am experiencing at the moment between the ears... it's a wonderful life, truly it is... wake up and feel the head trip...

it used to be that i knew people who expressed similar cranial experiences, but they usually used drugs like lsd (and more takes on it cuz there are pros and cons to every drug, and everything, for that matter) or mdma (more recently known as ecstacy and don't forget the government's dark side of drugs) or even, on a smaller level, thc (commonly known as cannabis found in marijuana or pot) and as much as i enjoyed sharing those experiences (yes, i did drugs in my wayward youth... so if you don't vote for me for president, oh well), but i find the experience with or without those drugs to be quite similar when i am awake... and all it takes (for me, at least) is sleep...

so much fun it is to ride in a wide awake brain, oh...

narf :)

nuts

i've been eating more nuts than i usually do this week... nuts are not cheap and my food budget has been mostly cheap (though there are rib-eye steaks and salmon filets and crab cakes and other not-cheap food items in the fridge or freezer... food is the very last place i economize and while i have been seriously economizing even in the food area, i allow a few splurge items every shopping trip... i've just cut down shopping trips to a couple a month, instead of every few days or even daily... anyway, where was i?)...

nuts, yes, more nuts than usual... kirkland brand (costco store brand) extra fancy unsalted mixed nuts, to be precise... still way too many almonds for it to be a true deluxe extra fancy mix, which is a rip off because almonds are one of the less expensive nuts, but no peanuts and a fair amount of cashews and pecans... maybe 2% pistachios, if that much... they cheat by putting different kinds of almonds, roasted, blanched, raw, even halves, so the mix looks like it's got different kinds of nuts, but it's more than 60% almonds, at least... no macadamian, no brazil, no hazelnuts, no walnuts, and so on (there are so many nuts in this world, after all... and i am not even considering alien nuts or nuts that are not really nuts but generally considered to be nuts, ya know?... i mean, the four nuts in this nut mix are not actual nuts, but nut-like drupe seeds, but this technical biological stuff is knowledge not needed to enjoy the nuts, or drupes, in this case... ain't language wonderful?... and biology?... and science?... and maybe i ought to just close the parentheses now and see if this entry had any point at all, aye?)...

ok, to be fair, the label only lists cashews, almonds, pistachios, and pecans, but the percentages i'd estimate are 60% almonds, 30% cashews, 9% pecans, and 1% (if that much) pistachios... and you might already know pistachios are my favorite nut... so i should ahve looked a lot closer at the container and not just assumed it would be a more balanced mix, aye?... pistachios have gotten so dang expensive though, alas... lament and all... anyway, i've been eating more nuts lately... cuz you just had to know this, right?... so have papayas, one of my favorite fruits, right up there with pineapples and cherries and... but this is an entry about nuts, well, kinda sort of (at least what most of us call nuts, ya know), so we won't go into fruits just now, m'ok?...

narf :)

cuz it's better than nothing

babbling here and imagining i am not as alone as i am... i set up dinner at golden corral for tomorrow night with a handful of friends and after that, we'll head to harpo's house to play cards... but tonight i feel like feeling lonely... i don't feel like friends or strangers, i feel like intimacy and i don't have any intimate friends or lovers or partners or whatever word we might use, so i am writing... and there are half dozen entries are already written and ready for upload so there will be entries uploaded after i fall asleep, which will hopefully be just after midnight but will likely be later than that...

and the words, writing the words, exploring the mind, the ideas and perspectives and opinions and thoughts and feelings that kinda sorta define me, at least for the moment... cuz you never know when the one might come along and read all this... but more is needed tonight cuz i want more... so i am watching the movie red which is sort of about the cia and spy stuff after an episode of castle that was about fake spy games that turned into a real murder, well, the tv is amusing me... imagining the people i am watching are real and part of my experience... imagining i am not alone and have some vital importance... cuz it's better than nothing...

narf :}

alone again, bag o' chips

naturally... so instead of heading out for some exercise, i headed into the food stash and ate a bag of chips... yummy dinner, crab cakes and sweet potato fries... not enough though, so... the chips... something tells me i will not reach that under 200 pounds point by the end of june... alas, i have dropped some weight, but i definitely did not drop under 200... right, so revising the projections (not goals, remember?... at least i don't think i called them goals... goals are a set up for failure, logic rules, cha cha cha), let's say under 200 by the end of july... yup, cuz there will be opportunities for lots of good food cooked outside this week...

so it's movie night... red, then defiance and continuum and then, maybe sleep...

what about you? :)

softball nights

boo boo booooooooo!... yes, that's right, rained out again... fairview park has gotten bad at handling rain (hopefully it will be better after the planned revamping, but that won't be done for a year or more)... and this is the league that doesn't reschedule every game yet do not offer refunds (which is one reason i won't be back next season... the other reason is i have a team much closer to home on better fields with asssa rules which means better bats and balls... the loss is i play one game instead of two)... next season i will be playing at merrill park which is the "Official USA Softball National Team Training Center - East Coast"... and on thursday nights i will either be playing at fairview or at douglas fields (douglas being much better, but i have to find a team there)...

well, that leaves more time for writing, doesn't it?... why are you running away? lol lam :)

anyway, no softball tonight... booooo!... and with jackson gone for the weekend and all my other friends busy (cuz i am always telling them i am busy on friday nights), i am home with the tv... the temptation to order in food will not be given into... i shall cook something in the house... so there, temptation...

are we having fun yet? :)

softball ahead

as long as the rain holds out, which is like maybe... there is a 50% chance of rain just about every day around here and a 70-80% chance of rain every afternoon at this time of year, so while i love rain, boo on softball nights... the worse thing is none of the softball fields in town are put together well enough to drain properly so there are a whole lot of rain outs... they are currently revamping the red bug lake fields and hopefully they will drain better and be able to handle rain better... the two fields closest to home are two of the best in town, but i've been playing at the others for years and teams don't want to move...

anyway, heading out and booing the dark clouds :)

food frugality

i have been frugal about eating out, mostly (jackson and i went to a deli called jason's deli this week, but other than that i don't think i went out to eat in the month of may... i think... i may have forgotten... but i did spend hundreds on food for the house during may and june, so that is why i cut down everywhere else... anyway, i am considering golden corral cuz i love buffets and even though there are much much better buffets, golden corral is cheap compared to the really good ones (like texas de brazil, for instance)... there are chinese buffets too, but i don't have too many friends who like buffets or chinese buffets so i don't go as often as i used to when i had friends who liked buffets (and more money)... and since harpo is close by (though he prefers sweet tomatoes), i left him a facebook message (cuz he has no text capability) to see if he wanted to over the weekend...

any local foodies who are also buffet fans want to enjoy buffets with me, say hello... i actually do not know any serious foodies...

hello? :)

maybe dinner this weekend

and harpo got back to me and we spent umpteen minutes on the phone while he looked for coupons and other information and talked about this and that and the other thing cuz thats harpo and i ought to be doing everything i can to save a dollar here and there, but i don't... i start to, i read supermarket flyers, but i lose interest in all the organizing and planning that involves... i much prefer living life without pinching pennies even when the wisdom of budgetary restraints suggest (or demand) pinching pennies... my way is that i simply stop spending money on anything but essentials and then when i want to go out somewhere i just do it and i just don't do it often and if i look at the savings account and it dropped a lot since the last time i looked, i return to no spending at all for a while...

anyway, harpo went online and searched and then called around for discounts and called back twice and as i thought, there are none for golden corral but there is for sweet tomatoes... i like the latter, but have not been to the former in months and would rather a change (cuz the most frequent buffet i go to is sweet tomatoes cuz jackson also prefers that)...

to maybe tomorrow night...

shopping

i am considering doing some shopping today... there are about a half dozen things absolutely needed (like lunch foods {cheeses, meats, yogurt, honey, veggies}, ketchup, laundry detergent, a water filter replacement, a toilet brush, band aids) and another dozen needed but i could survive contently without (like bleach, rose bush food, flying bug spray, more veggies and fruits and meats and cheeses and stuff for the house), and then there are things on sale i'd like but will avoid...

i sent harpo a message via facebook (cuz he does not have text {yeah, really} and his cell phone is an emergency only and it's too early to just call cuz his mom lives with him (she's a cool old lady and he's all she's got left so he moved her in), but who knows if he'll wake up and respond... we both sleep odd hours cuz we both don't work and some days we just don't feel like connecting with the outside world cuz it's so insensitive and, well, sick out there, ya know?...

anyway, if i go shopping i will certainly probably use that as an excuse to write yet another entry in this end of june marathon... toldja it was silliness lol lam...

narf :)

goals are strange

especially when they are relatively meaningless... and it is definitely mostly silliness, especially when there may be nobody out there reading... though i know two of you still come by mostly regularly and i love you dearly for reminding me i am not alone in this aspect of this life, but that's another story, headspace and all, right?)... like if, say three days ago, i set a goal to reach 50,000 page views in this month of june i probably would have easily reached is... and if i set that goal today i probably will fall just short, but that is what makes the idea of setting the goal all that much more fun... do i want to spend the next six to eight hours (and some of the weekend) writing entries for this blog that are, well, babbling entries (as opposed to the natural entries that come when there is something to tell about the (e)thereal life in the momentary experience in the physical world that this blog was supposed to be created for)... maybe lol...

it would probably take about thirty more entries in these last few days to get the 700 or so page views that would set the 50,000 views mark and then what?... meaningless cuz the page views mostly come from referral spam and maybe 3-4 per entry actually come from actual real physical flesh and blood people like you... sometimes less, sometimes maybe a bit more... while i'd like to think a dozen or so of you out there check every entry, most of the regular readers (as in actual people) have drifted away and i believe there are two of you left who check on a relatively daily basis... feel free to let me know if you are not j or z, cuz i don't want to dis you and i definitely want to encourage you to spend some time with me here as often as you'd like...

anyway, if you've read all that, then thank you :)

wide awake?

maybe, definitely much more awake than i've been all week and dancing through the synapses as the brain has so many ideas and thoughts and stuff flowing through it, some floating, some spinning, some speeding about so fast it is challenging to identify just what it is... i love it when the brain does this... or when i allow the brain to do this... wish i could describe it better, but even jackson who is here observing me doesn't have a clue as to what is going on under the scalp at the moment... she laughs at me though, which is fun...

so good morning, and good whatever time of day it is in your time zone... i hope your day started off better than most days and more, i hope you give yourself some love today...

sleep is sweet :)

it's not insomnia

it's more like silliness... staying awake is almost always a choice for me... on some levels, the silliness is a practically desperate hope that if i stay awake, someone will share with me... someone will care about me in an interactive daily way that lets me know i exist in this world beyond the synapses that play in the head that seems to contain (or tries to) the being i call me... i wish somebody understood me...

yeah, you might think you do, but you understand some of the conditions i describe... loneliness... sadness... depression even... and joy and happiness and excitement too, but you understand your version of these experiences and emotions expressed in these words... you can only imagine mine to some extent... if you've experienced time with me in physical space you can imagine a bit more, if you let yourself remember, but you still don't really understand me...

and that leads to the question... can we truly understand each other? as in can we truly understand each other's experience in this life?...

the answer is no, logically, but the dream is that someone shares so much of everything, so much of the physical experience through being together with someone and so much of the imagination through communication in any number of ways that actual mutual experiences lead to a bridge between beings that allows for a true understanding of each other...

yes, of course it is an illusion (secrets?), but getting the illusion aligned, getting the illusion right is possible in this physical world...

at least that's why i remain here... and awake... and hoping...

narf :)

while i am sleeping

entries form in the mind as i sleep... some people dream and i suppose i do too, but it's not the same for me cuz i don't remember dreams the way other people say they remember dreams... my dreams are more feelings than images, wonderful feelings most of the time... yes, sometimes sexual and wet, doesn't everybody?... almost always some soaring (not as in flying, actually) feeling beyond expression... sometimes i wake and find so many words they barely make any sense... sometimes romance comes out as pure and innocent as i first explored it... sometimes the world isn't ready (or perhaps it's me) for what i find...

still, it's not just filling in entries while i am sleeping... it is releasing the words that would not come while i was awake... it is practicing... it is playing... it is relaxing... it is freeing... it is imagining being in a world that is right for me...

someday, somewhere, somehow...

early to bed?

yes... i waited for jackson to get home and and was in and out of grogginess all day but she got home a bit early and we went to the clubhouse cuz they had bubbalou's (barbecue place) for free but unfortunately they just had burgers and hot dogs (which i didn't even know bubbalou's sold) and not barbecue and ribs (so maybe it wasn't bubbalou's after all)... anyway, free dinner was cool and i am glad jackson got home early enough to remind me it was there...

she went back out to see a client and now, trying to watch tv and spend a little time with her, i am nodding off... she is too, so we are going to bed early...

sleep?... that would be different...

narf :)

long slow day

wondering what i am doing half the time, watching tv and sort of napping and waiting for jackson to get home and waiting to eat dinner and am i writing an entry for myself or for happiness... yes, this is the way of my mind, i channel... and since the only being around me most of the time is happiness i am channel his thoughts and feeling and experiences... all in my mind?... just illusion?... imagination?... maybe... but it's as real as i am, for me...

as for me, i could head to the pool or take a walk or see if harpo is awake (he works from home, sort of, and sets his own schedule), but i am vegetating mostly... sometimes though, if only for posterity and being real and my own sanity and maybe, the one the long slow days need to be recorded too...

as if it matters...

need lots of fillers

you see, logic will win out even exhausted and brain dead (or near it)... if i am going to kick some stats butt (as meaningless and sill as it may be), then looking back at today (from tomorrow), i see this blog needs a lot of fillers... this sort of entry probably wastes all of our time, so i ougt to apologize and yet, i never know just what might turn up in these sort of forced entries and sometimes some of the most profoundly revealing information (worth something to me, if only me) just seems to randomly emerge in entries that start out just to give posterity the impression that i've been writing every few hours or more all along...

once upon a time i did write much more... writing has always been my first creative love after singing (and singing is intrusive into others space so writing is the most often creative activity in this life)... therapy and friend, education and play, master and slave, mother and lover, so many way writing means so many things to me... back in the day, whatever that might have been, if i had an online blog i'd probably have posted a dozen entries a day at minimum and each entry would be five or ten times the length of the entries in this blog, at least... but those days of leisure were replaced by a life of a workaholic and that left a lot less time for free association and mind dumps and writing in general...

still, it turns me on...

yeah, so anyway

i wonder how many times the title of this entry has been used in my blogging... many thousands of blog posts over the years, it must be there a few times... yeah, so anyway, i am pondering the babbling... unfortunately, lack of sleep has softened the brain and the mush does not babble the way it used to... oh no, not aging... it is such a sad story... the body deteriorates cell by cell as new regeneration simply slows or stops... the mind experiences a similar physical process but more, the synapses fire slower and the motivation, the discipline, the desire wanes over the years as everything get repetitive and the sameness becomes less inspiring, boring even... and the repeated failures, that sets the hope back and inspiration to go on weakens even more...

even for a perpetual child (just ask all the grown-ups i annoy every day) like me...

narf :)

fried synapses

lack of sleep is the primary reason i sit here staring at the screen with little or nothing to say and that is an awkwardly unpleasant feeling for me (and you should have see all the typos in this entry before i corrected them... yeah, so the brain is so dulled and sluggish it is telling the fingers to am correcting typos... or at least most of them... after all, typos are fun and we don't want to edit all the fun out of the entries)...

still, dull brain here... sleeping synapses... fading inspirations... stalling hope... blah blah blah... ah, the same old story, no glory, so boring... maybe i need an emo movie or something... falling in love would help... ah, perhaps i shall indulge in a long full night of sleep tonight... that could be sweet, even alone...

narf :}

a big finish?

that's the ambivalent brain cells asking the rest of the brain if we want to go for a big finish for the month and give this little blog the chance to set a new record of page views over five thousand (5,000+) instead of just settling for the new record which is already set in this month (previous record 4,018, currently approximately 4,400)...

yeah, well, so if i push i might do it, if i feel like pushing, if i decide it's time to stimulate the writing madness to babbling levels... but this (e)thereal place is not supposed to be where the babbler comes out, remember?... and yet, it is inevitable i suppose... is that why i don't attract an audience beyond the few dear friends who followed me here from previous blogs?... i do love you for sticking around :)

anyway, consider this a potential warning for the flood that might come...

narf :)

sleeping less

which is not a good thing... and going out less as well... of course that changes day to day and i was out all suited up just the day before yesterday so the fog of sleeplessness clouds and depresses the perspective so it seems as though i have been home a lot simply because i was home all day yesterday... and the fact that jackson was not home so there have been no interactions adds to the sense of isolation and doing nothing and not going out and waking as sleepy as i am provides a foggy (and repetitive) perspective)... foggy groggy gooey la la la...

and then there's happiness who seems to be constantly there begging to go out... i know i should just go to bed and sleep my schedule, but he has a schedule and i feel his presence... too sensitive, i know, my fault for being too sensitive...

narf...

and a few more hours

stolen by att, yes att still sucks... so i just spent a few more hours "fixing" my email addresses that i've had for more than a decade because att still cannot upgrade their services without making customers jump through hoops and in some cases, simply go away... that is the att message to customers who were drawn in by services they no longer want to provide... "we're sorry, now just go away"...

"so just die", just die already...

that's the answer from att... sorry we can't help you recover your online identity... it is gone and will not return... we deleted you... we killed you, online... anyone looking for you at the address you've lived at for years will be rejected... we can't find you anymore because we've deleted you... you've died, now just go away...

thanks att, you suck...

stolen hours

i am too tired and burnt out and achy necked to even write a good meaningless complaint, but this afternoon (and evening) deserves one... hours and hours fixing another att snafu as they merge with another monster of poor service, yahoo... a whole day swallowed by att and yahoo, sitting at the computer until my neck is sore and head hurts and i can barely see straight and the brain is blurry, just so i can continue getting email... crap service blah blah blah grrrr...

and it was such a beautiful day before i got lost in the madness...

barf...

who's a stats ho?

yeah, well, it looks like june did come busting out all over and with five days left, it appears there will be a new monthly high in total page views mostly because the time wasters are targeting this blog for whatever reason they do that... likely up to no good, and not in a fun harry potter sense either... anyway, the stats are flowing and new countries are growing fond of this peculiar brand of babbling nonsense (with the occasional sincerely serious caring inserted somewhat randomly here and there, or anywhere)... we might even hit 5,000 page views for june and we will reach 50,000 page views in july as we approach our monumentus 5,000th entry which we should also reach next month, for whatever that's worth (lam)...

June U.S. Russia U.K. Iran Ukraine Romania Latvia Israel Germany Turkey

2013 2488 557 349 319 185 183 131 117 34 23

on our left we have this month's totals and on our right we have the all-time totals for the top ten countries sending visitors here (many of which are referral spam, but maybe some actual visitors are counted in there too (there's always hope)... and this month we welcome iran to the top five and to the top ten all-time... must be my mastery of diplomacy, aye?...

All-Time U.S. Russia Romania Germany U.K. Ukraine Netherlands France Iran Latvia

6/2013 21118 7668 4884 3306 2090 653 629 489 449 346

and all the countries i've found on the lists over the course of this blog (in alphabetical order): Argentina, Australia, Austria, Bahamas, Belgium, Brazil, Bulgaria, Canada, China, Columbia, Denmark, Egypt, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Greece, Iceland, India, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, Latvia, Malaysia, Mexico, Monaco, Morocco, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Panama, Peru, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Singapore, Slovakia, Saudi Arabia, South Africa, South Korea, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Thailand, Turkey, Ukraine, United Kingdom, US, and Vietnam...

well ok then, stats ho

as i said in my previous entry, if you missed the interview news and were looking for it (thanks for caring), it is here too... and now, on with this mostly serious and kind of important or at least good information for every blogger to know entry...

so ok, i have had my fun laughing about the ridiculous stats and tricks to encourage (lure?) unsuspecting people like you to come and read my babbles, but here is a serious entry on the subject (as serious as my entries get, at least)... i just spent most of the last half hour searching through my almost 5000 entries for any links to the sites that send lots of referrals to this blog... and i removed those links...

i refer to them as zombies and vampires and werewolves (oh my), among other names, because their site addresses have those words in the address itself and i found it amusing... but they can be dangerous to your computer and your blogs, so here is my public service announcement to correct my previous indescretions in associating myself however loosely with those and the other sites out there that looking for suckers... don't be one... as in don't click on those links if they appear in your stats ya hear?...

or, for those of you like me who will almost always rebel and click when i am told not to, have your virus program and malware programs up to date and running, please...

really truly caring seriously, take this good advice if you are finding lots of visitors from specific sites you don't know to your blog(s)... here is google's take on it... they have no solution to offer and even seem tired of hearing about it... annoyed, even... so as i said, take this good advice and just ignore those sites...

and another beautiful day begins

cuz i know some of you are real people and actually care about the mundane details of this life i loosely call mine as i babble on about it here and also cuz i recently uploaded a whole lot of entries cuz another catch-up session just had to be completed and when i do that some entries might get lost in the shuffle, here is the first interview update (immediately after the interview)... mostly good vibs, though it will be another ridiculously overworked underpaid 24/7 gig, alas... we await news and hopefully will hear from them by next week sometime...

texts have been flooding my phone this morning... two friday softball teams checking in... i don't think i am returning to either of them... it's $45 per team, no bargain, and every season they cut the schedule shorter because the do not want to extend the season due after rainouts and yet they keep the money they do not spend on field rentals, so it is a rip-off and more important to me, half the time the teams don't show up so there are a lot of forfeits and the bottom line is i play less softball when the intention was to play more softball... so i am almost certain i am switching to another league with another team i used to play for who's been asking me to come pitch for them... jackson will be playing on that team too, so that ices that cake...

and notifications of twitter and facebook friends updating statuses... statii? lol... and the sun is mostly shhining bright and i am going out for a bit... hope your day is smiling at you too...

make it so, dangit! :)

another morning

and if i am actually going to get back into the 24/7 corporate grind, i better start training the body and mind to wake and be fresh for the early morning meetings and work and all that good stuff... success requires some preparation in this modern day madness... and what about the exercise, aye?... yeah, not exactly on point with that either these days... but hey, i am all for it if it happens (shouldn't be laughing about it, huh? lol lam narf :)

texts woke me, i'll check them in a bit (hey, i am not in the corporate grind yet, ya know?)...

good morning sunshine :)

eating food helps

almost as much as exercise, and it is necessary for life as we know it at this point in our knowledge of life as we know it, so i ought to do it more regularly... eggplant parmesan and pasta for the classic middle of the night dinner... cuz breakfast lunch and dinner was a yogurt and nuts.... seriously delicious with the multiple cheeses and three different sauces... variety makes almost every meal better... my taste buds say so... anyway, exercise would be wise, but sleep might come following eating and i shall allow the subconscious to decide tonight...

napping a lot on the couch with jackson way and happiness playing needy dog and me unwinding from a triple-decker of excitement last night and this morning... and so why does the year 3000 play vinyl recordings to listen to music? (futurama question)...

narf :)

where was i?

somewhere between going to bed and cooking dinner and unwinding from multiple excitements and glancing at background tv and enjoying relaxing and playing with happiness and sinshine and lollipops and rainbows and dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight, or something like that... what?... you expected maybe a serious answer?... well that was a serious answer... you can handle the truth, don't believe everything jack says, ok?... stiff upper lip and all...

life is fun, then you die... and if it's not fun, make it fun cuz it is up to you, really... i wish everyone truly knew that... enjoy whatever happens, it is your moment, tickle your funny bone and let your mind take you where your heart wants to go :)

Dream on it. Let your mind take you to places you would like to go, and then think about it and plan it and celebrate the possibilities. And don't listen to anyone who doesn't know how to dream.
~ Liza Minnelli

yeah, but there's a song that says it even better... anybody?... anybody?... bueller?... who? (clue?) lol lam...

phantom narf :)

it was a reasonably decent nap

at first i was going to call this entry it was a wonderful nap, but as the brain read or wrote or heard thsoe words, the brain said no... wonderful is overstating the assessment of the nap and so the nap was downgraded, in retrospect, to reasonably decent... the reason for this is though the nap came rather suddenly, relatively speaking, the body was not placed in a comfortable position and so some crmping of muscles and unrelaxed nerves prevented the nap from reaching wonderful levels... it's ok though, because sometimes the suddenness of a nap is better for the brain even if it appears to catch the body by surprise... it's really no surprise though, it's just the brain letting the body be lazy and letting sleep come before it puts the body in a comfortable place or position...

life is wonderful, even with merely reasonably decent sleep, because the brain was definitely deep into rem and restful sleep and the brain decides what life is like much more than anything else... the body is not hurting, it just feels a bit less rested than the brain... this was explained above...

i could go to bed... or i could give into hunger, since i ate very little today... time will tell, maybe...

narf :)

days pass

or perhaps they do not pass, perhaps we pass through days... we are the ones moving, after all... unless our movement is an illusion and we are actually going nowhere and it is really the time moving past us, leaving us behind... could an accident of semantics know more than we do?... or did those who first initiated language know more than we do now?... and in other languages, is it time or people that move?...

meanwhile, wherever (or whenever, aye?) we might be, the recent past was relaxing... hunger called, but since food has not yet learned how to cook itself, no really, it's true, i reached for extra fancy unsalted mixed nuts, the kind that you buy at the store, not on the street... and water washed it down and then, the lack of sleep from the night before, which would be last night, apparently, and if you want some, you need to come over... but what i am leading up to is a nap, a nap will suddenly come and wash away consciousness rather suddenly any moment now because the body and brain needs sleep as days pass, or as the body and brain pass through time, or space, or whatever is going on... it won't come without warning, because i just mentioned it, by any moment now sleep will come and the words will suddenly

felt like a good interview

actually, a very good feeling... partly because the president of the place appeared easy to read and in need of help... no arrogance, ego, or paranoia like the last two bosses i worked for... a genuine sense of please help us as opposed to a formal grilling and typical interview discomfort... perhaps we shall be friends... though she may be a bit too ensconced in dressing to impress (though that is a requirement in this town, so to truly be well connected is a challenge unless you play that snobbish game)... i sense someone who is hanging on as well as she can and welcoming help with trust as opposed to hanging on as well as she can and demanding help with no trust... fun?... not totally out of the question...

the job, however, is ridiculously underpaid and over-worked... it is pretty much doing everything needed as much as possible including Risk, Quality, Utilization, Compliance, Safety, Human Resources, direct supervision and a whole lot more... more than the previous insane job for about the same money... on the plus side, there is the rapport and sense of team i felt, which is so vital to a happy workplace no matter how much work there is... the physical environment is old southern mansions (ok, small mansions, but 8-10 bedroom homes with circular porches and huge entryways and large staircases, if you know what i mean) as opposed to sterile corporate offices... and then there is the proximity, about ten minutes away without tolls (even less without traffic), which saves thousands a year in transportation expenses...

if they offer, i will take it... for the alternatives i've applied for would cost at least $300 a month in transportation, so unless they offered $5000 or more over what this job is offering, it would not be worth it financially... those jobs would be less comfortable, though probably less work... still, the pros for this one, at least for the moment, outweigh the cons in my mind...

good morning, good morning, yeah

so i slept about 4 hours and woke on my own (still wired from last nights movie and game and the excitement of the pending interview) and i am showered and shaved and wandering around waiting for the time to dress (don't want to sit around in a suit) and drive to the interview... jackson and i watched the blackhawk's stanley cup win a few more times this morning... almost as exciting as the san antonio collapse, though i did not want to see san antonio collapse so i don't watch those highlights much... and then a few more times... and then some other sports related stuff... and she walked happiness and made breakfast and lunch and showered and dressed and hung out a bit...

and it is time to head out for the interview (are we sitting on pins and needles?... well, probably not since i did not upload this in realtime, but hey, it's exciting in the highlights, right? (am i rude to snicker?)...

stay positive :)

so wtf, as usual

yeah, still awake... some writing, some tv, some facebook... dang facebook... for the first time in weeks (maybe longer) i went to check in there and click, click, click (etc) and here we are... a few comments and conversations and saved pictures and pages and files and readings later and here we are (are we here?)... yeah, wtf, i was intending to be awake in 5 hours, minimum, and better 4 hours to give myself time to shower and groom and dress and relax (relaxation is vital for these things) and prepare (preparation is kind of important too ya know) before the interview... am i self-destructing?...

i am laughing at myself (lam, in case you've been wracking your brain trying to figure out what lam means... it often follows lol, in case you've not been noticing... anyway), somebody put me to bed already lol lam :)

nite nite :)

a touch of catch up

not ketchup, though i do love the stuff)... and some unwinding from the fun film and watching highlights of the fun game and some catching up on the fun and frolic and dancing in the streets of last few days (do i exaggerate?... only in my dreams lol lam) and now it is time to let the unwinding free fall into sleep cuz in nine hours i will be dressed in a suit and tie (first time in years, maybe six or seven years or more... or am i just blocking the suit and tie gigs lam) sitting for an interview for a corporate director position and being well rested mentally and fully awake and alert would be much wiser than showing up on less than 8 full hours sleep... yup, being a big shot requires seriously focused energy and some high powered impressions... and expensive clothes...

so hopefully you are doing something to inspire your smile (you have the power!)...

and hopefully i will catch up tomorrow...

narf :)

fantastic finish

and i am in the car with a sports non-fan trying to get home in time to see the end of the game and the movie, which was the lone ranger and much fun, ran so long and we hung out an extra few minutes checking out the disney dinner theatres and so i missed game six stanley cup the fantastic finish live (though jackson texted me updates) and minutes before i got home jackson went to bed (and turned off her phone and i ddn't want to wake her what with her work schedule) and so yay for a great game and an amazing finish and for jackson's team that won it all, but boo that i missed the fantastic finish and even more boo that i missed celebrating live with jackson but still, the film was fun, maybe even fantastic too...

now that i am all wired and bouncy from the movie and the highlights of the game (i've watched the last 1:30 six times already), i must (as in seriously must must must get to sleep cuz i have a suit-and-tie corporate level interview in the morning (yes, i know, i could have made the interview and movie and stanley cup not coincide so much, but maybe this energy is exactly what the interview needs... if it sticks around until morning after some sleep, aye?)...

wish you were here to share the bubbliness, hope you are smiling too :)

fun, film, mad movie

as in mad-cap adventure, cuz mad can be such a misunderstood word, ya know?... seriously fun and very well done... especially for lone ranger fans... yes, the lone ranger was excellent... great casting, well acted, fun story, enough goofiness to amuse, enough twists to be new, enough good lines and plot twists to be well written, enough machoness for fight lovers, special effects to be exciting, enough supernatural to keep comic book fans happy, and enough sentiment to bring a tear to the eye (even some noble gestures and very a current concept that occupy supporters might applaud)... i am not a typical comic book fan... i always prefered the toons to the super heros in comics and on tv... the world of life-death, good-evil, violent macho struggles turns me off... but this was a very enjoyable movie on many levels... should have known it would be since johnney depp was involved... he is one of my favorite actors, even if he is sometimes just another tool of disney corporate (not a big fan of disney corporate)...

so all in all, the lone ranger is my highest recommended movie so far this year... i may have seen three though, so it's not as if i am some knowledgeable source... it was, for me, better than man of steel and i'd recommend that too, especially for superman fans...

timing, again

another beautiful sun-shiney florida day and i am about to head out to drive down to the movies at disney (about 50 minutes away in rush hour traffic) and of course it starts pouring... and i will have a passenger so my car's leaky roof might be a pain once again... and the sours scents of florida swamps, mildew, always floating around and all the more now in my car... yes, a new car would be nice... but this one is still in great shape under the hood and under the body... it's the plastic, rubber, and cheap american cosmetics that are literally craking up and falling apart... i would like to take pride in the u.s.a., but they make it so challenging when i buy u.s.a. products... alas, the fall of a great idea may be coming sooner than we think...

wait a minute, it stopped raining (and before i break out into an allen sherman song, i am off to the races... ummm, movies)... hi ho silver, and away...

narf :)

not so much manic monday

yeah, this life of leisure is quite addictive for me... others might not be comfortable in retirement, but i was made for it... just wish i can get there before the body dies, ya know?... yeah, i sort of jest, but being me, i give away more than i save and so i will not be retiring life others who lived a more normal life and i still would not change much of anything i did... though i would change the world if i could... anyway, feel free to donate to the retirement fund if you suddenly come into a windfall and simply have too much money just piled up around and need some extra space... winning lottery tickets accepts...

it's a good life, work has been fun, mostly, but retirement is even more fun... how about you? :)

another media circus

another local trial broadcast live that will be a ratings storm for the news media and their advertisers for as long as it lasts... just as with every prior news media circus, this is another sad example of how immature and mentally ill the majority of the human race is at this time in social and evolutionary development... it is a sign of how pathetically empty human lives are at times how emotionally involved people get in reality tv drama, or in tv in general... here's my take on the opening arguments...

watching some of the opening arguments, the prosecution was concise, professional, and well organized... the initial evidence that the kid did not touch the killer shoots holes through the killer's claim that he was assaulted by the kid, which negates the self-defense claim... the fact that the killer outweighed the kid by almost 50 pounds, had some mixed martial arts training, and chased the kid with a loaded gun makes the killer's claim of being attacked and overpowered by an unarmed kid not logical... the killer admitted following the kid and the audio sounds like he was running... but the forensic evidence that the kid did not put his hands on the killer will be tough for the defense to refute...

the defense was trying to play on emotion, very - even shockingly disorganized, even fumbling, and somewhat confused... at the start he had to be redirected by the judge to not personalize when he tried to talk about his own family and was reminded he was to stick to the evidence and the case on trial... he meandered through minutia and appeared to be trying to distract and confuse the jury with disconnected details that made little sense out of context in an opening argument, which may be the only defense he can muster, discrediting the evidence, coming testimony by witnesses, and plant reasonable doubt thought fumbling presentation since the unfettered details seem to look very bad for the defendant... the long and winding opening used a lot of conjecture about what the kid's motives were without facts or evidence... the lawyer did a lot of interpretation of the phone calls before letting the jury listen for themselves... the lawyer also did a fair job of rasing possible doubt about the accuracy of witnesses and then attempted to claim that the one witness that partially supported the killer was the only one that overcame all the obstacles (darkness, rain, etc) that made the other witnesses unreliable... and the claim that the kid was pounding on the killer seems incredulous when forensic evidence proves he did not touch the killer... this sort of presentation does plays on emotions, not intellect, and works well with emotional juries... intellectuals would grow bored and even feel annoyed as the bumbling emotional attempts at manipulation and confusion is too obvious... the killer is human and did not intend to kill the kid, it could have been you making the same mistake...

and while i may tune in again to see just how courtroom procedure flows these days in what we call the real world (as opposed to law and order or any other courtroom story, for now that's enough for me...

something or other for sunday

yup, another weekend ending night for the world, just another night for me... in this life i have worked shift jobs, evening, nights, and had mid-week days off... that is a very different perspective on everything, being out of synch with the 9-5... and in this life i have not worked for periods, years even... that is a very different perspective of our workaholic money-mad culture too... and in this life i have worked the 9-5 as well as a lot of 24/7 always on-call, with and without the formal attire... and that is the saddest and sickest perspective of all those i've experienced mostly because it diminishes life to a relatively insensitive board game, way too often a series of tasks that do not connect with the emotional meanings and purpose of life... i chose professions that do have emotional meaning for me, which has helped me stay connected to myself and being an alive, real, feeling person, but most do not...

anyway, this is what came to mind on this sunday night... find something to do with your life that holds meaning for you... that touches and moves and embraces and rewards your heart as much as it rewards your mind and wallet... it's important, for your health and for your sanity... goo luck out there...

narf :)

softball game, fun

still on the crappy field (cady way) because they are doing some major work on the fields we usually play on (red bug) and rainy season is slowing them down, but we held it together after a shakey start and came back with seven runs in the fifth inning and two more in the sixth to win 13-8 holding them to no runs in the last two innings... there is such a big difference when we are hitting (and putting hits together, though we did leave eight or nine on base in six innings) and not making errors (first six runs they scored were on errors), but that's softball... so we evened our record to 3-3 and still have a ridiculous disparity in the league with five teams having a combined record of 21-1 and five teams having a combined record of 3-22 (if that doesn't show why there should be two divisions, nothing does)... and then five teams with a combined record of 12-18, with would make a great case for three divisions (and since there are three fields, that would be logical, fair, and right), but this league is not run logically, fairly, or right by any means so we have the ridiculous disparity and teams leaving regulary... but with new teams coming out regularly, the most expensive league in town has no incentive to do it right... anyway, we had fun...

it did help that all the better players showed up and a few of the weaker players did not show up and the middle players got hits or walked, but the fact is the last two teams we played have records of 3-3-1 and 1-5 respectively... our other win came against a team that is 0-5-1 (so 3 wins against teams with a combined record of 4-13-2... our three loses came against teams that are 7-0, 5-0, and 5-0 (17-0 combined), so we are on the bubble and would be having no fun in a two division league cuz in the competitive division we'd lose most if not all games and in the casual recreational division we'd win most games... any other league would have three divisions without a doubt... it is unfair to play in a league where four out of fifteen teams can be undefeated and one other team only has one loss... but i suppose it is a whole lot less fun for the five teams with only 3 wins between them or the seven teams with only 7 wins between them...

if it was not the only sunday afternoon league in town, we'd definitely have left long ago but it is the only sunday afternoon league in town so they can get away with running it the way they do and never ask can we do better? or better yet, how can we do better?... i used to play on monday, wednesday, and thursday with them, but switched to better managed (much, and less expensive to boot) leagues for weeknight games...

all the wishes for better management and competitive fairness aside, we did have fun today :)

home relaxing

with jackson home after practice, we had lunch and watched something called snapped (jackson's choice... i can compromise)... a documentary style about ordinary people who murder people they supposedly love, or at least are married to or in some other way related, with some dramatizations... alas, there is so much sickness in the human race, maybe in human nature... but without recurrent characters and a continuing story line, i found the series redundant, boring, and very sad... especially since these are supposedly real people... and this is supposed to help me find reasons for trusting real live humans? (gotta laugh to keep from giving up completely, ya know?)...

and how watching other people create their own tragedies can be relaxing, well... jackson seems to enjoy it (so much so the series is being recorded lol... hey, we all find the escapes we enjoy... i enjoy crazy science fiction, heavy on the science and logical possibilities and imaginative theories with strange sociologies and even maths, so who am i to judge, aye? lam)...