if memory is accurate, i went to bed just before 11 and fell asleep shortly thereafter, woke at about 3am to pee and fell back to sleep within a half hour or so (rough estimate), woke again a little after 6am to pee again, fell back to sleep and then woke again about a little after 8am... so the two hour cycles were intact and that is why i am feeling refreshed this morning... on the other hand, being awake, i started cleaning the bathroom... and about halfway through a flood of the lonelies finally brought me here to write cuz this writing helps me believe i am not as alone as i feel...
stuff to do today that brings on the lonelies includes returning two phone calls (two numbers i do not know that could be jobs leads and could be sales pitches and could be wrong numbers and could be people i do not know or do know but just don't know their numbers... the baby wants a friend to hold his hand, aye?)... the reminder of pending no income in a few leads me to facing the current financial status of dropping from middle middle class to poverty level and the growing limits on social life and activities and opportunities drag me into a sad lonely place... also, cleaning the bathroom and other cleaning that prepares the space for a potential visitor leads me to realizing i am not visitor material inside even though i can fake it if opportunities arise but faking it sicks for me afterward... and this leads me to remember that the space i live in is already economy (imagine that, $850 a month without utilities is bottom economy around here... it doesn't help that i have more than $600 a month in utilities and other expenses not including food or gas/car/tolls, though cable tv and phone can be cut) and unless i get a job affording this will be tough saddens me when i know that i used to live in luxury and so many people snub economy/poverty... which leads me to laugh at myself for empowering the prejudice of class values and other people's superficial opinions... which leads me to feel even lonelier cuz i don't have a close friend nearby to laugh at me with me or to talk to (no less visit and hug) who understands the meaninglessness of superficial stuff, status, luxury stuff, and that the material world is not the measure of a person's worth no matter how much this culture puts down poverty in almost every way and brainwashes people into thinking $ = self-worth...
yeah, so all this leads me back to the long and winding road, alone, but much happier now that i remember that i do not want to be part of the superficial material world even if that means i am alone... so i sigh and go back to cleaning the bathroom now, alone, but laughing at the futility of living outside one's own head...
so how was your morning/day/evening so far? :)
Thursday, July 19, 2012
slept about ten hours
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- yummy dinner, smiley night
- lazy afternoon
- was visiting
- morning at noon
- no more caffeine
- love my roommate
- evening fun
- coasting today
- surprise day
- imagery
- quiet evening at home alone
- working my way back to me, yeah
- olympics and stuff
- keep on rolling
- the long and winding road
- who are we?
- whatsa whatsa
- gonna pizza tonight
- what to do now
- what happened to sleeping in?
- half and half
- olympics, old boy
- if i had a million dollars
- distractions
- semi-awake, not semi-truck
- another friday morning
- what's in the stats?
- did i mention paying attention helps?
- paying attention helps
- doing my job
- imperfect pleasures
- blogging as a job?
- good morning, aye?
- some days are strangely not there
- day gone
- not much more
- and so then
- up, down, and up again
- good day, good night
- checking off the list
- well this was whatever it was
- a bit wonky
- monday night sci-fi
- good evening
- facebook is sad
- shared weekend
- another monday morning
- ready for sleep and then
- food, fun, and rain
- morning rises
- other stuff
- home for the night
- sunshiney day
- nite
- change of plans
- poor jackson
- made it through the week
- what to do, aye?
- after rest
- shower, shave, rest
- head, neck, ear, foot
- a bit of deeper ooze
- slept about ten hours
- time for sleep
- curled up on the couch
- research and tv
- the research is in, sort of
- oops, he did it again
- was sleeping good
- almost sleep time
- and so i didn't
- enough sleep
- eureka! what a disappointment
- don't let dishes sit unrinsed
- breakfast and work at home
- something changed
- tv, nap, tv, sleep now
- and then we had food
- it took a bit of time
- so what i was saying
- woah
- somehow, sleep was put off
- with a blurred smile
- instead of sleep
- farty dog and cooking
- did ya miss me?
- day shift
- ready for sleep again
- wow, that was good
- buried in the search
- i was in bed, really
- what?... not again!
- going to bed
- willin'
- later in the day
- so much to talk about
- it can be so easy
- feeling fatigue
- working from home
- sleep 4
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musical distractions
If people had visible signs or meters that told something about them, what would you want it to tell you?
dumb poll (above), smart responders
all the previous poll votes were somehow erased, so, nevermind... ironically or coincidentally or whatever, the results were very close in practical numbers to the results above shown with just three votes, if you understand the mathematics behind that extrapolative reasoning... i will probably remove the poll at some point... it is a ridiculously useless feature...
SEARCH ME
the thing is, with my tendency to babble and meander and whine and allow distraction to take the lead more often than not, even in this blog that sort of meant to merge brevity with focus like some bloggers do, searching for key words does not always lead to specific information about the subject of that key word... but... here is a start at an easy way to search for key words in this blog... use the search box at the top of the blog to search for words not listed here... if ya wanna, that is... and feel free to suggest words to add to this search shortcut section... click on the words below :)
WORK ... JOB ... MUSIC ... LOVE ... SOFTBALL ... KA ... 42 ... LOL ... LAM ... LAA ... ... ... ...
WORK ... JOB ... MUSIC ... LOVE ... SOFTBALL ... KA ... 42 ... LOL ... LAM ... LAA ... ... ... ...
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