riding the flow

the sort of plan or semi-intention was to take the five day weekend that coincided with the personal calendar memory holiday and dive into the memory box and see what feelings and inspirations and gunk and stuff might come out in words... i used to do that for years, every year, on personal holidays, but have drifted from the reminiscent patterns more and more as time passes... i do not think it is because i feel less and i know it is not because i forget, it is because i do not make it a priority to make the time for it... i was much more selfish with my personal holiday time once upon a time... now, much more, i ride the flow of external influences in the real, the physical, the now, and the sharing whenever it is available... still, there is the real inside that should not be ignored, so perhaps i will find time soon for self-time, even if it is not shared, cuz that is how i maintain balance and the relatively constant smile (with or without the buddha belly :)

so the self-time was nudged aside by sharing time with others in their physical spaces, emergencies at work, telephone sharing, softball and socializing, and that very much inspires big smiles from the social parts of me... and the self, much like a faithful old dog, awaits... i wonder if dogs feel loneliness as people do...

i think i'll write for myself tonight and see where the words end up :)