keeping busy

could be consider business, aye?... well, all in all, keeping busy may just be another way to avoid feeling the loneliness and meaninglessness of being without a partner in this life... and i mean partner connected to your core who you trust with everything, not the daily companion who hardly knows you or who isn't really in you all the time... this is the thought that came to me today as i stared at the ceiling and walls and computer screen and space and did little else today... this is the first day i gave myself to just vegetation in a few years, more, even...

feels so weird cuz i used to do this all the time... now it's a luxury and without enough time, it's a dangerous precipice... especially without distractions like tv or communications... how lonely i must be somewhere deep inside after more than a decade... the music has played on and off all day, but it's the kind of day when the silence definitely speaks to me more than anything...

i have a very busy life, but it is all of my own creation from day to day... i have not had a busy life created by others around me, family, in a long long time... there is a huge difference between being needed by family and being busy with activities... both have advantages, but being without either feels like something is missing... no wonder i keep busy :}

i did write rhymes and upload stuff all over the place, which is a gift for me... i hope your days at home alone, if you have any, are not missing anything, but even if they are, i hope you find the fun :)