cold splash

i turned off the tv hours ago when a cold splash of reality hit me as in the middle of yet another conversation jackson started texting as if we were not having a conversation and that leaves me feeling very small when she does that as she has her priorities and makes them all to clear in those moments and i brush them off as her attention deficit but she gives her attention where she wants to give it so i just need to learn to stop expecting her to interact with me just because i live here with her and have taken care of her for a lot of years... it is all too obvious that i have fallen so much into the easy to disregard parent role and i just need to accept that except that she acts so hurt and gets so angry when she realizes what she is doing... so i was home alone all day today as the economic decision continues because the savings is still gone and she doesn't get it, or ignores it... why go out when i don't trust anyone and i am not sure i want to anymore... i'd rather be home alone as that is what i choose to do and i am free to do whatever i please...

i just need to stop wanting or expecting any sort of meaningful interaction...

oh, a sad narf...