happiness here

what i mean is, happiness is sleeping out here with me in the living room as i watch tv and wander the web and write some comments about the superbowl and nfl here and there and i am not sure why... he usually goes to sleep in jackson's room when she goes to bed, but the last two nights he's slept out here (i mean the last two nights he's been here... he slept at sanford's last night)... he wakes now and then and looks up at me... is he hungry?... is he sensing the end is near and wants to be near someone awake?... is he wanting to go outside again (he went out around midnight when we got home)... what is going on in his old head and body is anybody's guess, but this is strange behavior for him...

he's awake again now and just staring into space... am i reading too much into his behavior?... or am i sensing his discomfort, his nearing the end of his life, and his finding being near me comforting?... heck, he could simply be hungry, after all... or want fresh air... it's 50 degrees outside though... it could be jackson's room is just too cluttered for him at the moment as she has half empty boxes everywhere and he's more comfortable on his bed in the living room which is more settled... he was never a fan of cardboard boxes... anyway, he's loved anywhere he goes in this space and he knows it... and i am into his circadian rhythm again - didn't i learn anything yesterday?... lam, alas, i am what i am and that is me...

if you don't get it, read back a few entries or more... if you still don't get it, read back further and if you still don't get it, maybe i'll relate more clearly another time... for now it's time i got some water to drink cuz i am still foolishly too caffeinated and must start the detox all over again tomorrow...

but happiness is still here, and not just the dog :)