and a comfortable night for humans

jackson got home and ate half her sandwich and enjoyed it and really liked the potato salad... she's working now and happiness is resting between scratching... unfortunately, she couldn't find his ear stuff so he'll have to deal with the itchies until tomorrow... poor baby... he's over a hundred years old translating his dog years, but he still tries so hard to bounce around like a puppy... you can tell when he's hurting though... he walks crooked and gets up really slow due to arthritis until he gets up to speed, then starts running around like a puppy which he pays for later after he lays down a while... he's getting grayer every month... and his hearing is very weak and eyes are not what they used to be... cloudy lenses are visible... but we love him...

meanwhile, us humans are relaxing and enjoying a comfortable night... even though jackson is getting paperwork done, it's a peaceful easy feeling here at home... and every day and every night a little more unpacking happens and that's what it's all about... among other things... hope you are finding the simple life stuff you do every day and just hanging out at hing comfortable and relaxing too...

nite nite (maybe :)

relaxing day so far

and the arm feels a little better, no constant throbbing like the past few days... definitely need to rest it cuz it hurts more now at rest and when i move it than it did last week... so today was about half rest and half light housework... and dinner was another local sub place, lawless subs... not bad, family owned small place... definitely going to eat there again... tried the reuben, the egg salad, the potato salad, and the macaroni salad... the everything was excellent... got the turkey reuben for jackson and she should be home soon... i have an italian sub for tomorrow... any day now we'll unpack the kitchen and start cooking again...

the puppy is not having a relaxing day... his ears are itching him and i have not found the cleaning solution and are out of the prescription medication cuz he hasn't needed it in a while... hopefully jackson will find it when she gets home and tomorrow jackson is stopping at the vet and will see what she can get without him there... it's a tough day for the old dog... but he knows he's loved cuz he's getting a lot of petting and scratching and extra ear rubs...

take care of you and those you love :)

hap and hazard

though not in a hazardous intent, rather a scattered affect, though not necessarily scatter-brained, more like just lacking focus, random thought stream, and not much flow along the way... stop and go traffic... like it should be illegal to use food designers to sculpt food products for commercials just as it is illegal to falsely advertise anything... the food pictured should not be an acceptable representation of the actual product and therefore considered false advertising... just one of the random thoughts roaming through the brain... and it really doesn't matter if i'm wrong or right, la la la la la la...

but i am right... it doesn't always have to be life and death seriously, after all... but conditioning people to eat unhealthy food through false advertising is kinda life and death serious, come to think of it, aye?... alas, life out there is ridiculous sometimes... meanwhile, in the home, the poor old puppy is itchy again, rubbing his nose and face and ears on the carpet like a crazy dog and so i am going to give him some scratching now... allergy season comes and goes for him... we'll find his ear cleaner and drops and apply them tonight... unpacking continues... loving the new space... and life is good :)

grey areas

watching ncis i am reminded that prejudice is natural to humans... humans like easy answers, black and white decisions... humans do not like grey areas... humans do not like rainbows... humans do not like life... life is way too intricate and complicated for humans... life has no easy answers, no clear right and wrongs... it killing wrong?... it depends on who is killing whom, or what... humans kill most life forms on this planet without a second thought... in fact, humans justify the killing of most... bugs, well, they bug us... exterminators are paid to kill them... aggressive species or what we like to call wild animals, kill them if they get too close and kill them if we want their land... passive animals and plants, kill them for food... other humans, kill them if we want what they have - we call it war... we justify killing on so many levels it is ridiculous to pretend we live by some moral or ethical laws that include do not kill... thou shall not kill... we make a mockery of that one every day...

grey areas... humans don't like them...

awake and the usual

the maintenance supervisor and another maintenance guy came by to put in the screens and fix some of the things on the list of things that need fixing and that's a very good sign... it's freezing... well, not quite freezing, but definitely chillier than the 83+ degrees it hit yesterday... try 41 degrees this morning... maybe it'll reach 60 later, but it's not warm now and jackson is home and all the doors are open cuz she's awake and the maintenance guys are working... once i woke up it was not too bad, but i had shorts and a t-shirt on all night... long pants and a windbreaker now, that's all i have unpacked... so much is in laundry and i must figure out what to do with the dryer, but for now there's the maintenance stuff to help with... moving furniture and all, just what i need...

gonna breathe today :)

almost time to wake

but it's cold out there so i think i'll just roll over and sleep another hour or so... yup, that's the ticket, a little more sleep... and this plan to write a lot of entries today primarily to boost visit numbers for the month has gone down in flames because by the time i wake up and take care of the day stuff which is waiting for me to wake up there will be no more day to count as the day for this count thing google has seems to end around 7pm my time so whatever and all that but we will likely have the the second highest visit total this month so hi hi ho i mean hip hip hooray and all that whatever...

shhhh, just click next, maybe it'll be more interesting...

sleeping through morning

as long as i have the luxury of not working i shall enjoy sleeping in every morning... and while i am sleeping (and feeling the chill of the temperature dropping to hover around 40 degrees, about 5 celcius). the body rested and the mind cleared and the party of life went on without me as another day began and i snoozed through it... i think i will stay asleep for a little while longer, yeah, and perchance to dream, even...

start your day off right, whenever you do it :)

there was a plan

or something like that... it was hours ago, day, weeks, month, years, decades, centuries, millennia, epochs, aeons, eras, eons, eternities... and all that jazz... time... anyway, the sort of plan was to plow ahead babbling until today had many entries giving the day the best chance possible for a massive visitation finish for the month, but it didn't quite happen that way... alas and such... i suppose i needed a modicum of sleep, aye?...

random factoid: the temperature dropped 45 degrees as i slept...

january's last stand, really

and while december of last year set the record for most page views (4018) considerably surpassing the previous record held by another month, which would be november (now third at 2310)... yeah, december was a huge increase... of course these numbers are in the gazillions, or at least thousands, cuz we are just so popular it is unbelievable around here ya know... anyway, what's happening in your head today? is the entry with the most views for january and if you really care to know is second with a crap brighthouse service entry right along with it... last night the service was crap again, but i only feel inspired to write about it every tenth or so crappy service day so many tomorrow cuz there have been a lot of crappy service days since the beginning of the month... anyway, thanks for caring and visiting the two other entries, imagine that, serious entries leading the way in visits and page views and popularity and interest... you are wonder people and bots, ya know :)

January US Russia Romania UK Germany Ukraine China Canada France Malaysia

(3576) 1768 369 307 253 83 62 24 12 11 9

and on our left we have the monthly visits by country and mostly it's the usual suspects though there are probably a dozen or more tied at 9 that dose not appear on the list... anyway, even if i don't know who all of you are, thanks for stopping by :) and it's so much fun for my imagination to visit your countries and create all sorts of scenarios where we are friends or colleagues or have some seriously meaningful and/or important earth shattering reason for communicating like this, you with your occasional words and profound silences, me with me seemingly endless streams of babble containing all sorts of secret messages and such... thanks for providing that fun too :)

so maybe some more updates later... like... the country list reminded me to add Croatia and Belarus to the list of countries this month and so, here is the current list of countries you've visited from - thank you for coming: Australia, Austria, Bahamas, Belarus, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, China, Columbia, Croatia, Denmark, Egypt, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Greece, Hong Kong, Iceland, India, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, Latvia, Malaysia, Mexico, Monaco, Morocco, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Panama, Peru, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Singapore, Slovakia, Saudi Arabia, South Africa, South Korea, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, Thailand, Ukraine, United Kingdom, US, and Vietnam...

january's last stand

and while december of last year set the record for most page views considerably surpassing the previous record held by another month (oh really?... wtf?... google just logged me out in the middle of a sentence... that really sucks big time google... i mean, seriously crappy service there... and i suppose because it is free it's ok to simply destroy, yes destroy what i was creating here using your service because the sudden log-out was so sudden that what i was typing was not even saved by the auto-save feature so what good is the feature or anything you offer in blogger if you, google, are going to undermine it and destroy an artists work in progress?... for shame, you should be ashamed of yourselves, big corporate near-monopoly google picking on a poor defenseless blogger babbler like me... anyway, this entry is not tainted by your careless disregard for bloggers and it will never be the same... what might have been, not to be... what was, gone... the world will be forever altered by your actions and not for the better... it is your fault, guilt be on you, of goofy google gods of blogger... besmirched be your name... and suck, too, google sucks tonight)...

barf...

gone all day?

i was afk, as in away from the keyboard, but not really, so i was afb, as in away from blogs, since about just after midnight last night which would make it about 24 hours which is not like me except that during the past twenty four hours i did a lot, including sleep in bed for the first time in several days and even, sleep for the first time since sunday morning, i think... anyway, i was busy doing all sorts of stuff today... the good, the bad, and the ugly... the dryer is ugly... it's making more noise and needs fixing, which sucks cuz it was fine before the move... i spent time on the phone with sears where i bought the dryer and online researching what the problem could be and hopefully i will find answers tomorrow... and the washer was connected improperly by the movers so we fixed that... and we had water leaking under the carpet from pipes in the walls... and all the screens needed replacing so the maintenance supervisor took them and so far brought back one fixed... and more stuff was unpacked and put away... and a lot more... and then jackson came home early and we watched a heavy episode of ncis while waiting for chinese food delivery then we ate and unpacked a bunch of her boxes and throughout the day i played with and walked and fed happiness (jackson's dog) and most recently i looked up phone numbers of dozens of places to eat in this local area and added them to my phone, now that's moving in...

i probably left out stuff that kept me afb and how was your day?...

chinese delivery

so good sense went out the window as i wanted the brief couple of hours watching tv delicious and as we were both hungry i splurged on chinese, a high rated restaurant delivered very yummy foods... we have some for tomorrow, which is good since it was $63 with tip... i know, i am very much ridiculously crazy and irresponsible... until next time... jackson did some paperwork, we watched a heavy duty ncis in the on demand channnel... the food arrived just as the food was delivered and the story was powerful enough (because we are into the characters) to have the food wait five minutes until thew end even though we were so hungry we could inhale the food... it was a good moment...

are you sharing a few good moments?... hope so :)

more stuff, more distractions

moving the boxes around in the bedroom is painful for the arm so i try to pace myself and alternate left-arm-only activities with moving the boxes and other two-arm activities... so for an hour, at least, i distracted myself and mostly rested the arm by losing track of time playing a word game on my phone... wonderful distractions after a stressful and still productive day... and jackson texted to say she'd be home early and wants to relax and watch tv... good to have a friend like her, she senses when i need a break and distraction and sort of provides one...

much done, much forgetting too...

you? :)

lots of alases today

so i walked away from the washer dryer after writing to the sears website like the sears people suggested over the phone... and then i wandered to other stuff... i forget what, but stuff got done... distracted by the dryer issue, the brain just moves ahead on auto-pilot... i attached the filter on the faucet so we can have filtered water here... tested the air conditioner and it seems to work well... the washer and dryer appear balanced, so the news is not all bad in the laundry area... and the friday softball team checked in and i explained the arm issue and the progress and the goal to play in march and the coach responded with tentative... he considers me tentative... i was the primary pitcher on several teams... i've been replaced and feel unneeded now... alas, i know it's a lot in my head, but i was replaced pretty easily... that's life... we live, we die, we are replaced...

dryers can be replaced too... it just costs more...

more challenges

an hour on the phone with sears and after six transfers, i get to the original department i called, installation... they got repair on the line and finally, someone who actually knew how to do more than try to sell product and schedule an appointment came on the phone... and he walked me through how to level the washer... then the maintenance supervisor for the community came by because i found water leaking under the rug... he thinks it was coming from the washer spigots because they were loose... while he was here we talked about the list of repairs needed to this apartment and he understood the priorities of the screens and the weather stripping around the doors as they effect the electric bill and cost of living here... after he left i started a light wash as a test... happiness's pillows were the first to be washed in this new place... the washer appeared to work fine... then the dryer exploded...

ok, so it didn't explode... it crunched and i turned it off... i found the exhaust hose blew off the back and an old work ID was on the floor under the dryer... not metal clasp, but then, i am not even sure the ID had a clasp or that the ID cane out of the dryer... i mean, how would an ID get into the exhaust of a dryer?... when i restarted the dryer, the motor was louder than it used to be... or the tub going around is louder than it used to be... something was making more noise than it used to... no burning smell, but definitely a louder buzzing than before...

great, just what i need, another expense... but we need the dryer, dammit... we both have a lot of clothes and bedding to wash and dry cuz we spent the last week plus packing and didn't do any washes... more challenges, that's life... and how is yours?...

awakish

i think i woke up... last night i continued unpacking stuff as i laid down in bed to sleep and thoughts filled my head about unfinished business so i got up and finished some business... like in the kitchen i sorted through boxes to find essentials for jackson in the morning so she could have what she needed like breakfast and lunch and money for gas and a few other things... i know, i must stop spending money, but i also must continue being me as long as i can... besides, i am only awakish so i am only slightly responsiblish for my actions...

good morning :)

sleep soon?

yes, well... i nodded off for an hour or so and then uploaded the last entry i was starting to write and then went to bed... setting up the bed and finding a sheet woke me a bit... then i laid there realizing i left some unfinished unpacking business on the porch so i went out there and secured stuff in the storage closet so the porch is not as attractive to anyone passing by with a mind of taking stuff that is visible and accessible... and then i rearranged the kitchen boxes making sure there was coffee and breakfast stuff for jackson in the morning and i left her lunch and $ cuz she is out for the week... and then i came here cuz i am not ready to fall asleep just now... a nice hot shower would be sweet, but i have not put up my shower curtain yet... in the morning... obviously the brain-body is being altered by sleep deprivation and crashing down off caffeine and sugar and at the moment it is past the point of organizing anything more... probably... hello, i must be going...

are we having too much fun or what? lol lam laa la la la doink...

narf :)

mo boxes

i helped jackson empty five more boxes in her room and that cleared a lot of space and provided a lot of stuff she needed like bedding and shoes and clothes and computer/printer cables and other daily-use stuff... it's great to see the smile on her face as she falls asleep... more tomorrow... after cleaning up dinner stuff, it was time for me to sit down here and do this catching up you might have been reading... feet tired, arm very sore... life is still wonderful here... and no matter how life is there, i care to know...

unpack yourself today! :)

sleep soon

nitenite...

recent days this entry has 18 views while the others are getting from 4 to 7 views even this one, so maybe more people do care to know...

more tomorrowq
...

exploring delivery food

there are a lot of places to eat in the area and many of them deliver and there is also a food delivery service for $5 from any restaurant in the area and while rubs and seafood and chinese and lots of other choices were appealing, i decided to try the local pizza place which is a chain, papa john's... there are a few other places, but very few compared to the east side of town and that might be disappointing as there are several outstanding italian delivery places on the east side... but i am holding out hope... and here it is, one of those 30 minutes or less places it seems...

not bad on the appetizers (crab stuffed shrimp and baked clams) but not a fan of the red sauce so i shall keep looking for an italian place in the area... the meatball sub was relatively light on meat and not well spiced overall, good amount of cheese, but the unappealing red sauce didn't help... the eggplant was very good, generous portion, good amount of cheese, except the red sauce again... and i have more than half of each sub for tomorrow cuz the appetizers were good and the bread for the subs was very filling... alas, italian food is so dependent on the tomato sauce and unfortunately, this won't be a favorite place for basic italian red sauce dishes... though the very disappointing meatballs (i mean, frozen meatballs have been better) does not bode well for meats... appetizers, white pizza, and calzones, they can be back up for those...

so what are you eating tonight? :)

moving changes

thanks to jackson reminding me, i started making more of the changes for the move today... besides unpacking, i mean... like the addresses for the insurance companies... all done for the renter's and the car insurance... and my car insurance went down $95 a year, yay... renter's insurance stays the same all over the state cuz it's partly a scam, but it's part of the leasing contract that we have it... need to change the address with the post office too... and over the next few months, decide on whether i am closing the PO box i've had for about thirteen years or more... and ok, i changed the address with the post office... i think... since i get mail under a lot of names and rarely use my residential address, it's confusing to change online as you must enter one name, but hopefully it won't matter... it's the po box that matters and i'll change that before it expires in august... so what else?... enough for now... i have not slept since yesterday about 6am so it's time to let the brain vege and eat some food... only had a small piece of leftover pizza so far today... yes, i know this is one of the exciting entries... here are three entries you might find more amusing (if you have a warped mind, perhaps)... oh seriously, you know you come here because you love my nonsense... snarkle :)

bzzzzt, pfffft ... what nap? ... oh no you dih-ent

hope your day is productive and fun too :)

what now, forbes?

really, forbes is referring people to this blog?... that is what the google analytics tell me... two visitors from forbes dot com in the past five minutes... am i supposed to feel like wow or something?... and how?... why?... well, i suppose i should mention to any billionaires visiting today that i am quite skilled in a variety of areas and currently not working so if you have any connections to anyone looking for a dedicated employee or partner, i am available... on the other hand, if you simply want to adopt me, i am an orphan... that juxtaposition may be amusing, it is to me, but after we stop laughing, i seriously have no biological family and never knew any... such is life... survive...

meanwhile, thanks for stopping by... and imagine that, it might have been forbes spam... forbes spamming me?... i know, ridiculous, but hey, anything is possible... i mean, i could have a job again tomorrow without looking for one, ya see?... anything is possible... no matter how improbable... even retiring someday... after all, i retired in 1990 and stayed retired until 1999 and would still be retired if i didn't give everything away to help a family of five survive... ah, the things you do for love and altruistic foolishness... and i'd do it again, they needed the help... would be nice to retire again someday... so a simple $50K a year will be enough to survive and more will help me help others and maybe even retire when i am actually at retirement age... so keep me in mind, forbes, i am valuable to the right person...

excuse me, i'm going back to enjoying my temporary retirement now :)

such a beautiful day

sitting here with the patio door wide open feeling the breeze and enjoying the fresh air in the ease of the recliner and brand new carpet and all the comforts of home (including more cherry slurpee (thanks to jackson) and mountain dew i suppose it would be appropreate to repeat oh no you dih-ent as though the madness of the night after the move subsides a bit while still leaving a lingering afterglow like the best psychiatric meds would... and all i need is sugar and caffeine to get just as wasted (yet still have complete functionality in an instant if i want to come down... if they only legalized marijuana the mellow would return and the world would be a much better place)...

or something like that...

of course i only get this wasted occasionally, right?... and even though there are many dozens of boxes to open and unpack to get to tons of stuff to sort through and decide keep and where to put it or give it away and forget it, a restful day is best for the body and mind as i have the luxury of not working so i can (enjoy a restful day)... the relaxing peaceful easy feeling is delightfully effervescent and tangible today :)

oh yes i did lol... narf :)

where did the morning go?

obviously these three entries would have been part of a much longer babbling session in which words would spread out somewhat randomly across a vast literary landscape until any reader in their right mind (and most in their left) would either scream murder! or genius or simply turn away, running or walking... so anyway, it appears somewhat obviously understated that moving into the new place and/or an enormous intake of caffeinated sugar drink inspired the abstractions no doubt, but all i can say is that it went by so fast in three moments that the brain never touched the landscape and every muscle in the body was either twitching or aching so much for moments after the fact or fiction (and hanging on to a tangent well after the impetus passed, by british (and canadian) grammatical rule, why is enormous not enourmous, aye?), that i was almost startled and apparently quite enthusiastic, ebullient, even...

it was (yesterday, by now) an excellent moving day (expensive, but so much easier than doing it ourselves) in the world of the immediate environment (here, now, the real, you know) as i know it and i so very much hope you have days much like it in emotive exuberance and pleasures by almost any means necessary :)

oh no you dih-ent

to sir with love, from russia with love, sealed with a kiss of death, these and other classic love songs can be yours if you act now and send for this super hyper extremely limited time offer (wtf? read--this now!!) or you might, like hizzona christopher walken (or william shatner or jon lovitz, even, what?) be from another planet (or seem to be) and elaborate emphatically or forget everything but wing it well, or cowbell, even... anyway, i may not know jack, but what i said out of the blue was:

Add contact info for authors... i wanted to send a word of encouragement, praise, and or amusing comment to Jennifer Jordan and found no way to do it, becoming discouraged and therein less enthusiastic about reading on and exploring further... also, glorify the ellipse, if only for the sake of comedic parody... . . . i was serious about wanting to contact authors though, really i was (smirkish grin)... thanks SD, whatever you are (smile, even).

and not only that, there are those (who dat?) who apparently (read--this) think, or at least believe, steve lawrence, donny osmond, and sonny & cher aside, that they actually want and appreciate an entirely updated version of the song go away little girl, even and did you ever imagine farting so hard someone laying under the bed would feel the breeze right through the bed? (no really, don't hate, m'ok?) and if you (read--this) three times fast, you will turn into a newt, or perhaps a spanish long-playing record (what dat?... El-P?), (or something like that... some of you get this more better than others, but then there are those of us who may never admit that we do and so in almost closing, may you all find some amusement in this assault on language, pop culture, and random name-dropping... or else, read!--this! (and we'd do it again)...

we are all the same you know, in our own uniquely different ways... raehlly we are...

snarf :)

what nap?

oh my bzzzzt-pfffft-ing rationalization of some sort of omnipotent omnipresent omniscient omniferous white-bearded apparently aged supreme being in the sky or something like that, batman, after a gallon or more of highly caffeinated super sugarrated liquid, the blood brain barrier reef is sending out an s-o-s for h-2-o repeating drink much water soon before dehydration robs us of more faculties and sends us into some sort of instamatic coma or commatic instant, ppplleeeaasssse, thankUverymuch... the fingers, meanwhile, are locking up at multiple joints on both hands, which is an escalation of the probably arthritic forebearers of the aging process we so carefully ignore as much as possible as often as possible (at least the knuckles don't look blewish, so no need to call for the submarinated vehicle of an flavescent {or even aurulent} coloration just yet)... no really, o-m-b-p-ing-g (who is p-ing?) this is excrustiatingly ironic, if you think nor cause to consider full-on amber encasement just yet, i wouldn't think...

omg, stop me before i go on the internet!...

oh my exclamatory narfilopolous! lol lam laa :)

bzzzzt, pfffft!

what nonsense?... robin williams would understand if he remembers living in ferngully and occasionally, as the genie... but it's the american way, after all, to consume caffeine like candy... 80 ounces of mountain dew plus a large cherry slurpee and the mind is a terrible thing to spin aimlessly in and out of sanity (oh, but it's so much fun) and the aging process? (oh really, what a kill joy) and the aches and pains of the long day on the feet (oh, the achy throbbing semi-numbness)... lifting and moving boxes around (aching back?... call your local chiropractor... or acupuncturist i know at least a few personally) all day and evening has both feet throbbing, the back saying if you move again, i will hurt you and the arm a bit on the numb side but the chemical cocktail that is the dew and the pee (ok, now we are officially over-stimulated) has the brain dancing the staccato momba or some sort of jibberish dance of the seventeen gazillion veils which can only be summed up by the title of this entry or some other minimally verbal confabulation of semi=auditory sounds...

cha cha narf :)

waiting on the movers

everything is as packed as it's gonna get... jackson will have a carload of laundry cuz i estimated a couple of boxes short when i went for more last night... she can throw the laundry bins into her car... we filled 14 more boxes of stuff in her room this morning before she left for work... don't know how she was gonna make time for that might stuff and trips in her car this week, but now she's down to needing one or two so that's cool... and sanford can drive up with her and load her car too... i'll be heading up with the movers as soon as they get here and load up the truck, so yay for being relatively ready (is anybody every really ready for a move?...

make today wonderful, i sure intend to :)

the ever expanding world

of readers, no doubt... so welcome Belarus... or welcome back, i should say... it's been a while... today we have the top ten countries listed as: United States, Russia, Romania, United Kingdom, Canada, Germany, Ukraine, Belarus, Latvia, Poland...

this month will likely have fewer overall views than last, but we are still averaging more than one hundred a day... like wow, ya know?... if you are real, yay you and thanks for stopping by... if you are a sentient bot, yay you too... whomever or whatever you are, feel free to leave a comment to let me know you were here... how many are real eyes and how many are bots, i may never know...

but it's fun anyway :)

and it ain't over yet

so i everything in my personal space is packed except for a few cleaning items... almost everything in the kitchen is packed... and i finally took a look into jackson's room and she's got a few carloads of stuff not yet packed, poor thing... she's falling over... and though we have more carboard boxes to tape up and use, she went to bed and i went out and bought plastic bins (yes, poor planet, i did) and we will wake early and i will pack up what is left in her room so she does not have to try to find time to make a bunch of trips back and forth this week when she is busier than usual and seldom gets home before 9pm any night...

so i splurged... and happiness has two new toys for the new space and jackson has two new surprise housewarming presents and i bought myself some bathroom cleaner and rags to clean with... everybody gets two gifts lol... life is good :)

to the bathroom now i go...

loooong day packing

said it to a friend who, said it to a friend who, said it to another or something like that... so it was a long long looong day of packing... elongated, even... and it is 99% done for me, jackson is still going... and there is still kitchen stuff which is part me too... and we still have cleaning to do... it's been a long long looong day packing...

squeezed in a softball game late this afternoon... see a previous entry for the outcome or something... ever notice that the difference between outcome and poutcome is a little p?... oh come on now, don't pout...

the firehouse subs we picked up on the way home from the softball game were delicious... still not time (or patience, i suppose) for babble so it remains here still short bursts... this seems to work best for now... going to clean the bathroom now... movers due at 8am, so sleep soon too... not much else...

tired... kit :)

and softball too

something about a softball game stuck in the middle of non-stop madness called packing for a move... we played a team of first timers and won big... they were a friendly bunch of software programmers... something like 17-2 which was a 4 inning run-rule stoppage (20 after 3, 15 after 4, 10 after 5)... we stopped batting at the 7 run limit in the second and third innings... after the game i pitched a bit to sanford and to jackson... also swung the bat a half dozen times... and it went well, though the arm is sore now... this was the first pitching from mound to plate i did since the injury and aggravated assault on the injury i perpetrated and incurred (or incurred and then perpetrated, to be precise)... still not ready to throw overhand and definitely must limit my pitch count and swinging the bat at only half speed, but yay for returning to playing next month i hope...

coincidence or not, the loudest rudest drunk from the drunk team from the championship was there tonight... he tossed a dozen balls out to the mound and was helping sanford and jackson with their swings and not only did he give good help, he was a complete gentleman... he doesn't have a team because that team broke up... half the team did not want to play with the other half because they were so obnoxious... we picked up one of the girls from that team... several others joined another team... i suppose nobody wanted him but he was out there supporting friends on the other team, though he walked away to make amends with us... a very good move... we didn't go as far as to offer him a spot on the team (though he is definitely a good player), but it's good to see he appears to have realized he and other went way beyond fun and sportsmanship that night... getting a $200 discount from the league for putting up with it is a good thing too... and that's the softball update for the date...

pack pack pack

and more packing... yes, it's a pack pack pack world today... pack pack pack and full steam ahead... the boxes just keep piling up, piling up, and piling up in a seemingly never ending repeat of each other... i mean, really, the drama is electrifying...

hope you are enjoying your day too :)

crowded house

jackson and sanford rode over to the new place with a car full of stuff and left me with the dogs... they left sanford's dog in jackson's bedroom and he definitely does not like that... i let happiness out on the porch but he'd rather lay in the middle of the one path left between the rooms... he's getting toed a lot and finally headed out to the porch where it isn't raining big boxes... so much packing, so much stuff, where's george carlin when we need him...

they should be back soon... and more packing shall continue...

so much fun it is to pack :}

woke and woke again

sanford's dog whines even more than i do, no lie, but he's got a better excuse... seizures and reaction to phenobarbitol... he's probably waking around loopy most of the time and probably sees and feels the room spinning when he sits down to rest... he spends most of his life in a cage and he's a huge dog, but cage trained because he's a huge dog i suppose... he's secure in his cage, he goes in without prompting and treats it like his dog house, which it is... but the poor big dummy woke me this morning and there was no getting back to sleep so here we are... grumpy and whiney... and the dog is probably grumpy and whiney too... nyuk nyuk narf...

time to get to packing :}

if you really care to know

here i am... in these words... in this blog... it is the real in spite of all the humirity, humility and humorous asides (oh, did i mean temerity?... dare we giggle?... oh, the world could die for want of a giggle... or never go against a sicilian when death is on the line... but when you want great square think crust pizza, that's a different story), this is who i am as well as words can convey... if you can see through the disguises, the clouds of meaningless complaints, the fog of meandering foolishness, to distraction of chimerical drama, the slight of hand (and secrets) of seemingly obscure linkages, the laughing tears within the links within the links, the pox of perpendicular word-play (among other literary techniques, devices, and games)... if you can spend the time reading long enough to find the essence enough to formulate the right questions and ask them in just the right way, you will know what you want to know...

if you really care to know...

caring is a verb, after all

i don't know why i did not use the centered lyrical format for this one, perhaps just to allow the discordant dissonance to become whatever it became in the paragraph form... and then i wonder what's the difference if no one has even read the blog (laughing at the sadness of the reality of the thought, or is it the irony that amuses me still?)... why do i still consider the words i write worth reading when no one is reading beyond these words i write (and even here, there are so few, dear few you are when i do not want to feel alone - so dear you are to me... a sigh to keep us company... we sing in silent harmony... past hope on to eternity... consistency... continuity... so dear you are to me)... and you may never know what you are missing, perhaps even a song dedicated or inspired by you... isn't it ironic (ya think?)...

what?... oh yes, the python effect... i almost forgot... some absurd juxtaposition of incongruent thoughts (and images, if we could) emoting conflicting, yet amusing feelings about diverse subjects from multiple perspectives somewhat simultaneously... randomly, even... and here we thought no one was paying attention...

narf :)

not sleeping

thinking, the brain is thinking... considering the possibility, the what if i am not able to find a reasonable income in this town in the next few months... would i be paranoid to think i have been black balled - and can a single vindictive ceo manipulate his position enough to hide his wrongs enough to do it?... if it was not a paranoid though would it be keeping me awake?... oh aren't i the cheery one tonight, aye gov'ner?...

considering i just signed another year long lease, the prospect of staying here without stable income presents a challenge i would rather not face and the possibility of not finding sufficient income is not one i'd like to consider high on the probability scale, so to speak... and conversations today reminded me that i have no one to even discuss this with, no less turn to for help if i needed help... i have people around who love me, but most if not all are financially strapped and a few are even somewhat financially dependent on me... so not even the reassurance of a rational discussion of the real world challenges, alas, alone again, naturally...

and is it all just rhetoric anyway? :}

and the night falls

night falls, a literary thingee or an accurate metaphor for the darkness sometimes called the cover of night... whatever, discussions of literary technique, prioritizing and empowering stuff, food tastes, home improvements, and economy living just don't seem to be holding anyone's attention today (or mine, apparently), so onward into the night and so it is dark now, and what have we done (ah, the old summarize the major events or profound insights of the day, aye?... calling jack handey, jack handey step up to the microphone... or is that stuart smalley?... nyuk nyuk, narf)...

oh sheesh, haven't we learned the ridiculousness of overdramatic emo mood swings yet?... of course we have, but that is the human way, isn't it?... well, all rhetorical questions aside, packing continued... jackson and i grew closer (at least i think we did)... food was good... apartment inspection went ok, pending reaction from the maintenance people... sanford and i shared some more (happy to get to know the person my best friend is falling in love with)... the dogs felt cooped up in this small place with all the stacks of boxes around, but they were good... and lots more packing got done and we are about on schedule to be finished by tomorrow night...

yay for good days :)

another chinese buffet

so a year ago, at least, a golden corral and a new chinese buffet opened up just down the street from here and for as much as i love buffets, it took until this week for us to check out both... golden corral is the standard buffet, plenty of food, selection, and reasonable price... the new chinese buffet was checked out tonight and moving in a couple of days will probably help keep me from gaining weight... a were good selection of foods, fresh sushi, hibatchi grill, and clean enough to be acceptable on first inspection... don't get me started on inspecting restaurant kitchens, if i did that i probably would never eat out again... so we enjoyed the food... even jackson, who is not really a buffet kind of gal... sanford seemed ok with it and she seems pickier about her food than sanford, liking more spice where sanford likes blander tastes... i like both, so this was ok by me, though if i wanted authentic oriental (instead of americanized less spicy "chinese food", other places would be better... any foodies out there? :)

chemical warfare

living in florida, the choice is either live with and get used to bugs, including their bites and the body's reaction to their bites, or find methods of putting a border around the living space that keep the bugs out... the best method all around is using natural repellents, chemicals produced by nature that drive bugs away... the next step is used natural chemicals that not only drive them away, but that kill them if they forge ahead into the living space anyway... and the most convenience and common method is to use chemical poisons that can harm any living thing, bt really kills bugs dead, so to speak... due to the cost of the purely natural least harmful remedies to bug infestation natural to florida, i compromise and use carefully selected over the counter insecticides that are rated harmless to plants and animals (as if that is really possible, but it's a compromise, remember)...

and today we headed over to the new place and i did the extermination thing... every crack, every baseboard, every cabinet and cubby-hole, every corner and so on and so forth received the full treatment... no skimping because my inspection of the place and the surrounding land showed many different bugs that like to enter human living spaces (sugar ants, roaches, and so on) and also found a ridiculous number of openings in the walls around pipes, along baseboards, around outlets, in the corners, and even just plain in the walls in the water heater room and other areas...

we like our new home... we'll like it even better after we fix it up a bit :)

the walk-through

we walked through the place with the maintenance supervisor and he was surprised at the condition of the place... surprised at things like every screen needs replacing... every window sill was dirty... one of the toilets was not cleaned and had a ring around the bowl and some sort of sediment at the bottom of the bowl... we have a list of other things as well like water damage in the living room ceiling and baseboard and nicotine stains bleeding through the bedroom wall paint (along with the nicotine smell)... this is sad even in an older economy level apartment community...

we shall inspect more tomorrow and monday and provide them with a list of the things we want them to repair or remedy... the nicotine smell might be the toughest as it takes serious wall cleaning and/or expensive oil-based primers and re-painting... the most surprising aspect is that there was no cleaning done for several weeks - that was obvious because of the prevalence of spider webs inside the window screens and in the apartment itself as well as the thick dust on the windowsills...

i suppose we shall see if the maintenance supervisor was genuinely surprised and unhappy with the prep done on the place by the reaction and actions taken... if they do not take satisfactory actions, i will negotiate permission to do some things myself like spakling the holes all over the place and possibly the repainting and get in writing that there will be no penalty for the outcome of my labor...

sigh... you get what you pay for... but otherwise, the space is bigger and more comfortable for living in than here... smaller bedroom closets, but bigger other closets and storage, bigger porch, external porch door, bigger storage room, much bigger kitchen (the biggest selling oint for us) with a shelved pantry, more cabinets, and more counterspace... all in all, it's like moving into a fixer-upper and a little work in the right places should make it a much more comfortable place than this one at a lower price, so overall, we are happy with the place...

wanna come over? :)

knock knock wake up

sleep was good and then, knock knock, wake up, time to get to packing again... pack pack pack, so much monotony when nobody shares the tedium of looking at every little thing and exploring the purpose, meaning, and value of the item... that is what moving and packing and unpacking ought to be... that's what it used to be for me even when nobody shared because i cared enough about myself to assess every little thing i accumulated and decide what meaning they had and whether the thing was worth keeping... over the years, i found myself wanting someone to share that experience... some sort of quest for external validation?... some sort of learning curve on the way to becoming more human (insecure, co-dependent, and believing in the illusion of need or something like that?... you expect me to decide? (oh, so rude to laugh at this when i was oh so serious for a moment or few there)...

no wonder nobody takes me seriously anymore, aye? :)

ok, i lied

being that i do not actually watch tv, or only rarely, but i just listen on and off and zone out into writing or reading most of the time and so i turned the tv back on and almost hardly noticed the ridiculous eight to ten minute segments of movie interrupted by eight to ten minutes of commercial that even with some rough edits stretched the film out to three hours... ridiculous, but...

maybe you can come over and read it to me again tomorrow...

as you wish :)

tv ruins movies

catching the last half hour of the green mile while i first read when it was released in serial form once a month (or was it once a week?) and i'd head to the library looking for the next installment as only stephen king's genius could bring back and as it ended i said to myself that i was in the mood for a movie, a mood i have not been in for a while, and so i scrolled a bit and look what i found that just started less than ten minutes ago... the princess bride... unfortunately, it's commercial tv, worse, cmt which rambles prolonging the commercial breaks to agonizing length and almost makes me want to switch stations and who knows, i might before long because this first commercial break is enough to turn me off to tv period...

and it's not even wide-screen or hd and has twelve words advertising shows on the right side of the screen and banner ads on the right side of the screen and i pay for this cable service so it's not free tv... pathetic... and five minutes in, i turn it off... tv can ruin even my favorite movie...

grump...

once i was a pen-pal

it may be time to ask why so serious? again, but then, it's obvious, isn't it (and if it isn't well, you've not been around long enough and/or simply have not been paying attention... i know attention is expensive, for it's currency is time and time is precious, but hey, it's your life, do what you want with it... so once i was a writer, shared the words with friends who shared them back with me... once i was a pen-pal, seems absurd, the ends came oh so suddenly... and sometimes it was me disappearing without cause... and sometimes it was someone i depended upon... and sometimes i now wonder if it really never was... the trust, the love, the friend, the words all gone...

well, there's a bad country song in the making...

narf :)

better but blah

yes, a blah day... the headache is subdued down to pressure... blood pressure perhaps... or the muscle thing... or so many other possibilities... so many times i went for expensive comprehensive medical check ups and every time the doctors laughed and wondered why because nothing turned up on xrays or any scans all the way to mris... though the blood pressure rising the last ten years is real... the medication they tried caused injury side effects by destroying muscle tissue and probably some liver and kidney damage... so maybe this body is not designed to go too many more decades, maybe not too many more years, but whatever... live now, enjoy now, the headache will pass or not... oh what a whiny depressing blog this has become, huh?...

luckily, only us monkeys are reading, aye?...

narf :}

trying lunch

yogurt... cherry applesauce... and a cheese bratwurst... normal logic might suggest a lighter more bland choice but then, i am not normal... hopefully the imbalance in the body causing the headache and yuckies will be remedies by the stuff instinctively pulled out of the fridge... and a half cup of coffee for the caffeine... instinct also suggests exercise, since i let another week blow by since that restart last week thanks to self-pathetic nobody cares reaction to the 5k and last weekend, but that's being processed and compartmentalized as part of the separation process mentioned earlier in the week and should not alter the current instinctive laziness justified by the packing and moving coming in the next three days... and maybe softball...

if someone cared to be close enough to be here with me in time and space with eye contact attentiveness i might attempt further explanation, but as there is nothing here to alter the current flow of separation and basic recording of the basics of daily life and digging deeper is not instinctually required at the moment, this is the way...

make your day just as yours...

narfle :}

headache, worldache

a queasy uncomfortable body head ache is building and has been all morning... i slept an extra two hours hoping it would help but it only helped a little and it's back now with more power... aided by the frustration of the new office staff and inconveniences she and her new rules created... and the world infested by humans, a very sick place getting sicker every year... sometimes i feel it's pain too much and let it effect my affect... and the body and brain... it's a gift, a curse, a whatever...

and how's your day? :}

changing the rules

and the rules changed when i showed up to pick up the key for the new apartment... the plan was i pick up my key and treat the apartment and outer grounds for florida bugs and such and then tomorrow jackson picks up her key... when we paid the $400 non-refundable application and administration fees, that plan was not a problem... so today, after getting the battery boosted and driving up there (round trip is $4.50 in tolls and 2 gallons of gas, so another $7.00 or so...

so i wait for the leasing agent (one we never met who didn't introduce herself and welcome me the way the other leasing agent did... definitely not skilled) for fifteen minutes and she then tells me she can't give me the key without jackson being there with me... i explained that was not the plan and i made a long drive and she smiled and said nothing... i waited and she said jackson had to be there to sign the lease for us to get the keys... i told her this is a bad start for a new lease and we need the lease changed for the date we can both be there, which i could not give her at the moment, but i do not expect to pay for today... she said the lease can be adjusted and i insisted she adjust it for tomorrow's date before i left so there would not be any surprises if we could get there tomorrow...

no apologies, no introduction, no customer service skills, and a definitely sense of entitlement, maybe even arrogance... she is probably the manager... amazing...

start again tomorrow...

dead battery

so the battery i had replaced last year is dead after a week of not starting the car... must be some sort of drain on the electrical system even when off, but then, could just be yet another bad battery... now to remember where i bought it and bring it back again... i think i know...

waiting for the road service now... hopefully it'll take a boost and then the drive up to the new apartment to get the key will charge it... but a relatively new (less than a year, i think) battery should hold a charge even after a week or more... old cars are challenging to keep, but still cheaper than new for now...

good morning :}

restarting phone

seems i've been restarting my phone more often of late as it fails to connect to services like weather and has been delaying text messages and all in all, become more irritating... and it's taking longer to reboot later, longer than windows vista which is a patience-testing nightmare most of the time...

meanwhile everything smells odd to me at least since yesterday... happiness is really funky, urine and dog and some dirt/feces smells combined with old dog smells... and the apartment has it's usual funky smells... but foods smell odd... maybe because they are old and stale... but i didn't get sick or even have any gastro-reactions so maybe just stale but not food-gone-bad... and maybe it's just my nose, which could use a cleaning from being cooped up with dusty papers and boxes sorting through stuff and packing the past few days... anyway, if it falls off at least i mentioned the start of the troubles here... seriously?... oh come on already, lonely sometimes, but nose falling off?...

and how is your day? :)

play with me

happiness is really so much like me or any child, or we could say i am so much like a dog or any child in that i almost always want to play and almost always want attention when i am not sleeping or otherwise sniffing around (which could be most of the day or night at times)... so nudging on my arm with his toy woke me again after getting back to sleep after the morning walk (and no, i did not jog/walk after taking happiness out earlier... not enough sleep to want to go there)... the body and brain want more sleep cuz there was not enough (and happiness wants out again cuz there is never enough, though he definitely is not getting enough exercise since jackson has been so busy the past year or so... seems to have increased since he's spending more time at sanford's, probably cuz he has a yard there, which is great, but he might not be getting the long walks anymore cuz he shows all the signs of a cooped up dog and being me, that's quite distracting so i'm going to get him out some more today)...

i must focus on more packing today too... morning, how are you? :)

a dog's life

short, but sweet, though not every dog has it as sweet as happiness (and some have it a lot sweeter in some ways thanks to more company or breeding or money or other factors), a dog that has a family often has a sweet life on many levels... though humans can be cruel and abusive and at the very least insensitive and i surely won't let us forget that in my infinite wisdom and honesty... but happiness does rule me in so many ways when jackson is not around because that is how i am with a dog i have not trained from a puppy, i respect the dog's schedule because, after all, what else does a dog have but regular feedings, walkings, groomings, and pettings...

so sleep will come later when i nap... for now, it's sun-up so it's happiness time :}

bark :)

so instead of sleeping

i ate a big middle-of-the-night meal... odd tasting ground turkey that's been in the fridge long enough to have been freezer burned, but hopefully not spoiled... and other stuff in the fridge... made into a sloppy joes without tomato sauce or ketchup cuz there's none in the house, so some spaghettios and barbecue sauces with spices and leftover alfredo sauce made the sauce... over some old macaroni...

so far i don't feel sick...

but bloated and foolish and stupid, yes... alas, sleep pattern nocturnal is back thanks to happiness and my natural circadian rhythm that needs no excuse to take over again... and of course i would rather be sharing... hello?... will i jog/walk tomorrow?...

how are you?...

waking for happiness

happiness misses jackson so much when she's away he doesn't sleep... and he begs to be out on the porch so he can watch every car... so we just went out for a walk cuz he woke me to go out and a car pulls up and parks and he is yanking to go over to the car instead of peeing or pooping and it's pretty awkward when the person screams because she is afraid of dogs and it's dark and i'm some sort of creep...

so we go back in and he's begging to go out on the porch to see the people getting out of their car hoping it's jackson... trouble is it's 51 degrees outside, but he's out there waiting for jackson... poor old dog, whimpering for his mommy... he never used to do this, but i think he senses his life is in it's last years or less and wants his mom around at night or he doesn't sleep well... and the neighbor's and their dog are as loud as usual so with the door open there's no sleep tonight... just repeat: moving soon, moving soon...

i know, i could just go into my room and close the door and let him fall asleep whimpering, but i love the old puppy so i stay up later with him when jackson is away... won't be able to give him this much attention when i head back to work, but at least these days... just need to get my body rested and back to the jog/walking again...

so easily distracted from the path, alas :}

on my own

jackson texted to let me know she's staying at sanford's again, so it's just me and happiness tonight and he'll be waiting by the door for her trying to stay awake, coming over to me to beg to go out on the porch and then going back to the door all night while i try to get some sleep...

i decided to register for the 5k without her as i really shouldn't spend money these days and it is time that must stop paying her way as much as i do... and i decided to cook the food in the freezer to save and also to have less to move... sensible decisions... focus on survival and remember that ultimately, i am on my own...

unless, of course, the one stops by :)

oh come on now lol

really?... the seriousness is depressing so why bother exploring it when it's, well, depressing?... and if you respond, well, it's depressing to read, isn't it?... and if you don't respond, well, it's depressing to have no response... and if i write to someone directly and get little or no response, that's even more depressing, so why both writing at all?... i suppose we all want to be serious with someone sometime, and i suppose we all want someone to take us seriously sometime, but when the world is so full of depression and cruelty and ignorance and hatred and fear and all sorts of stupidity like that, why would anyone want to take it seriously...

feel free to let me know, if you know :}

and he's a howler

a car alarm is going off and guess what, the big barking dog next door is a howler... he's howling/singing with the car alarm... and as it's time for lots of people to come home from work he's howling at the cars pulling up and driving by and the people walking home... i wish the neighbors luck living here as i am counting the days until monday when the movers get the stuff into the new place...

anybody out there? :}

seriously?

what?... a serious look at where i am? (thinking life, not space)... well, at least on the surface... i am going through slow changes, some very much wanted, some reluctantly accepted, some being resisted subconsciously... while i will leave out some cuz i am not into meticulously clarity at the moment, wanted and happening: move... wanted and will be reluctantly accepted but not happening yet: new job... reluctantly accepted: giving up on humans and their self-destructive ways... resisting subconsciously: changing exercise habits, returning to the normal working life, separating from humans again, compromising to not be so alone...

there are other things i will sort through eventually, probably a lot, but those appear to be the most important at the moment... i think i just limited the list to those kind of changes psych-people call major, potentially traumatic, life changes, signs and triggers for major psych changes, so watch out for depression suicide and psychotic breaks, or so the road signs on the psychobabble road would say?... especially when isolated from society and lacking in intimate relationships, ya know?...

so it's probably wise that i shared this here, especially since i have no one to trust with discussing life in this world these days and have always been intellectually quite isolated and alienated and all that, but what matters is that i must remember how i survived alone all these years in order to continue making these major life changes that are necessary to survival, more now than ever before since the body does not have much more recovery time, space, or energy left (which refers mostly to the changing exercise habits and other resisting subconsciously stuff, i suppose)...

and today i must continue packing so the movers have the most possible stuff to move in the shortest possible time so i save money and move less myself... and that's life around here for now, for what it's worth... seriously :)

see, not every entry is meaningless babble... some are meaningless seriousness :)

hope your day is as insightful and productive :)

defrost stuff

yes, time to eat the stuff that is in the freezer so it's an easier move before the 31st... best of most everything is eaten before the 28th, actually, as that will be the first night the beds and most everything is in the new apartment... last day on the lease here is the 31st though, so there is overlap time... but good reasons to defrost and cook the food... save money... eat healthier (less fat, salt, sugar)... less to move... easier to clean... yes, do something sensible today, surprise everyone lol lam laa :)

how is your morning? :)

and puppy is home

old man puppy, yeah, someday a song might flow from that, but the river got the tune first so it'll wait for now... happiness is back and so it's his place again as the place is so full of stuff (furniture too big for the space) that there is only one narrow path from the living area to the kitchen or front door and he sprawls himself right there so stepping over him carefully is the only method of moving around which especially makes moving boxes and packing a challenge but dogs are honest like that and he's just saying give me attention, constant attention, kind of like i do here in these blogs, aye?... but at least you don't have to step over me to go to the bathroom, snarky snark snark...

he's a little bundle of love (and gas)... mostly love me, love me, but the love he does give is the unconditional variety so like most babies (and humans, though the love is not unconditional and dries up as humans age, alas), it's quite alright... he is loving the cool air... and i am loving him :)

another part of the morning

it is a chilly morning and the door and windows are wide open as i wake... 53 degrees (is that 11 or 12 celsius?) and was into the 40s overnight... luckily i am wearing flannel pjs and a sweatshirt so i didn't freeze overnight... it actually feels wonderful once the body recovers from the chill... jackson loves the cold... even more than happiness does these days (old muscles and bones, poor baby, i feel your pain)... he really needs a bath something awful but he's only been home on days like this lately and i don't want to shock him by getting him all wet in this chilly air just to lay indoors on the stinky carpet... besides there is plenty of boz sorting and packing to be done today and i must not let any more distractions get in the way...

wobbly am

as in wobbly, i am or i am wobbly or in fact more to the preciseness, wobbly morning... hyperaction mind last night from the sugar party (narshmallows) i gave the mouth before heading to bed... could not decide on food and jackson didn't have money to stop for anything and sanford stopped at boston market and i was not in the mood for that cuz i was torn between protein and crunchy friend and was subconsciously trying to resist the tv commercials for fried chicken and pizzas and i did not want to go out cuz i was sans will power and would have spent money and bought food i did not really want to put in the body so i had two cans of pasta and some almonds and marshallows and called it a night... and the belly still feels as bloated as ever which is very weird... belly and neck, i must starve the rest of the body to finally burn the fats cells there... it's the camel water sacks and tumors, no doubt...

oh sure, take that last bit seriously and ignore the simply cry for cuddling...

i stil my tongue out in your general direction...

narf :)

the incredible howling dog

less than ten days... in fact, in as few as six days i can be sitting in the new place and not have to be interrupted and distracted by that infernal howling and barking that the rest of the neighbors in this community can continue complaining about... it's amazing that the management has not taken more action as they have multiple complaints and the police have been out a couple of times... they were apparently away for the weekend, but returned yesterday and sure enough, no change in the dog's behavior... friendly requests and encouragement to train the dog is not helping, so the timing of the move could not be better...

and the dump truck owner that parks right outside can't help the noise and diesel fumes, but that is one more reason i am so happy we are moving... i feel bad for the dog as lack of proper training is going to put him in a bad place...

back home, sorta

happiness too... though sanford arrived here before she did... sanford brought happiness and jackson's stuff over before jackson got home from work and is spending the night here... so when jackson walked in they hugged and kissed at the door and went into the bedroom... my hi, welcome home, was not heard... love, it definitely changes life for the rest of us... hello, i live here, ya know? lol... i sense some powerful neediness and inseperability going on (including physical clinging all the time i see them together, like including in the car when jackson is driving) and jackson is usually the kind who wants her private time and space now and then... jackson's also gaining weight and lamenting about it and eating out even more than before which she can't afford (she's already out of money and gets paid on fridays - and eating out all the time {or bringing outside food in} is definitely not the way to lose weight)... hope they work out some balance...

the concern-instincts of the parental unit in me continue to rise... anyway, they did their coupling thing on the couch and then went into jackson's room cuz jackson had work to do (notes for work)... and she did get most of the clothes off the couch and into her room - hope she had time to fold them... she would usually do it in the living room but i could see she needed to use the desk and chair to get a little space... we have some stuff to talk about (moving, timing, softball team, a couple of other activities like a 5k we do with a friend every year and a superbowl party we were going to do for our friends this year since we have the biggest tv), but she has not had time to talk to me lately...

my responsibility as her best friend is to help her do things she says she wants to do, right?... on the other hand, she's a big girl and makes her own decisions... and i've got to think about responsibility to myself too... it's a month with a lot of home expenses that only i cover (monthly electric, cable, phone, moving, $450 pet deposit, overlapping rents, $400 in other fees, $400 movers, utility moving fees, etc) and neither of them seem to be thinking about that at all... a roommate who shared expenses 50-50 (or who could even just discuss finances) would make my life a lot easier these days since i am not working, but a roommate in love isn't thinking about that... my wallet is telling me that i've got to start looking around for another roommate or i've got to cut back dramatically on expenses they way i did when i was living alone...

it was good to see her passing through for a few minutes anyway :)

distracted times

letting the brain wander more than usual and not interested in focusing on much of anything, though i did register the team for the next season (and with the $200 discount) and i did a search for new uniforms for the team so i have information for the team if they decide to get new shirts and i explored a new tv show and feedback cuz a friend's (who used to be called toronto and who shares a private blog) daughter guest stars in the show tonight (on CBC in Canada so i won't be able to see the episode until next week when it's posted online) and we exchanged blog words about life and i posted a pop news entry about the star of the show praising her daughter and calling the episode her favorite of the season and i cleaned a bit and sorted and packed and bit and played words with friends with jackson and texted back and forth a bit and played spades with the computer and i am hungry so food is next... just turned on the tv and there's bones and castle... and there's ncis tonight maybe...

how is your day? :)

will power

ok, so as i did when i lived with precious and rasputin, i must separate from jackson in order to do what is right for me and maintain my will power to survive... the influences of fast food diet and spending money on eating out and no exercise (so much the same as it was back then) are too easy to succumb to for i can be so lazy and love the fatty greasy foods and don't really pinch pennies very well (though i do know how to list expenses and tighten my belt when i want to... and i do know how to discipline myself to exercise regularly when i want to)... the weekend really distracted me from the focus of the jog/walking i was starting up last week... i realize now that i was looking forward to jackson's reaction to my new determination and when she didn't even notice i was around during the 5k or after (and the einstein's bagel splurge and delay to the tournament and missing the prep i needed) i was disappointed and the learning lesson is to not look outside of myself for inspiration, motivation, or support...

as it has always been, so no wah wah, just sigh and remember how to do it on my own in spite of live-in influences virtually and sometimes directly opposing what must be done... do it yourself, fool, cuz waiting around for someone else to do it with you is waiting around and waiting around is not doing it...

yeah, just do it...

brooding

today there will me some light overcast with mild brooding... adjustments to attitude require the passage of gas (clouds in my coffee, clouds in my coffee, aye?) and the possibility of precipitation... if you were sitting here caring i would be more clearly explaining as the words come softly to the lips but clank a bit through the fingers, so thank you for sitting there caring and bearing with the dancing participles and other words... leaving the internet for extended periods does not appear to be in the forecast, but some diminished capacity might be observed in the flow of entries (and brain cells)... spacial adjustments and alterations of interpersonal distances require some measure of selfishness and introspection and to accomplish this as gently and harmlessly as possible, the golden of silence is sometimes the policy that is even better than honesty...

no seriously, no really

no way... there's also goldfish... but it's one of those huge bags and it's not opened and i have not wanted to open it cuz it won't last forever and there's too much to eat in a week and while that might seem a bit of convoluted logic, what do you expect at the lonely hour and isn't that the point after all of course why pretend there is no point of wtf anyway cuz we all know i babble on here for one reason all the time no matter how many other reasons might come and go and come again, to share, to call out like the who down in whoville i am here, i am here, i am here...

bye bye birdie is on now... sure, sing me a sad song about love and then tell me to put on a happy face cuz everything is rosie...

narf :)

pretzels and beer

actually, it's pretzels and mike's cold hard black cherry lemonade, but that would have made a longer less catchy title... and it's not easy to eat pretzels and drink mike's cold hard black cherry lemonade while typing an entry and not only that, it's not easy to type an entry while eating pretzels and drink mike's cold hard black cherry lemonade... just cuz i wanted a snack with something sweet to drink and there's nothing in the place but water... and as i was saying, sometimes the entries are like why in the world did he spent any time writing that one?...

because it's here...

narf :)

maintaining interest

for a while i am all sorts of excited about expressing the thoughts and feelings inside and the reactions to the world around me in words here and in dozens of other writing spaces online and then, the interest fades as i wander off into offline interests and ask myself why bother, why spend this time writing about stuff for posterity and hope and dreams that are not coming true through this means...

some of the things i write here, some words, some entries feel good... like they are meaningful... or at least amusing... and some entries, especially when i am in this sort of what the fuck why bother mood, just feel pointless...

is it just to keep the flow alive?...

barf...

syfy getting worse

the syfy channel showed some promise before it became popular but now it's just programmed crap, as if the mediocre pablum writers who sold out creativity for formula moved in once there was some money to be made and the stories are watered down versions of soap operas with standard supernatural monsters doing the usual scary stuff... oh where oh where has imagination gone, oh where oh where can it be...

at least i am getting rid of a lot of paper crap...

no point today

that's right, there is no point today... just sorting through stuff and packing and watching tv... ncis all day and syfy coming up tonight... yummy greek spinach pie for lunch and for dinner... with a slice of pizza... mountain dew... water... and a kit kat... or was the kit kat last night...

if anybody cares to be here to share there might be some point, maybe...

and you?

another box of paper crap

mail, mostly, but some work stuff and some other stuff and what a waste of time... this paper based world... this modern mish mash of paper from money to identity to junk mail is just wrong... it is not life and it is not what life is about, yet the mail just continues to pour in and everyone depends on it...

oh give me a home where the buffalo roam and the deer and the antelope play...

so another box of paper is sorted through and a one inch pile of legal document type paper is left to be kept in a safe place and the rest is ready for the trash, though three inches of the paper need to be shredded because humans are so untrustworthy...

one less box to move... only dozens more to go...

stepping off the world

every time i watch a favorite movie or tv show again i find new details and trivia and more questions, like did mcgee pee himself when contronted by gibbs in sub rosa?... or was it wise to leave the door open after sneaking out of a room?... or in minimum security, a guy telling abby that your mother said it was something you could use might be odd since gibbs usually refers to abby's parents in the past tense and her parents were deaf, so your mother said might not have been thought through... on the other hand, the guy might know sign language and not mentioning it might be a way of the writers to mainstrean deafness which would be enlightened thinking... think they thought that through that well?... meanwhile, hungry has me pondering leftovers... and there is chill in the air... hot soup might be good... a hot shower as well...

the title of this entry could be so much more inspiring and profound if i was in a more inspired or profound mood, so i should not waste it, but then, i don't do what i should do all the time, life the pigging out and not jogging today not sleeping friday night before the 5k and mainlining caffeine all weekend and acting like a child because i feel like a child even if the body does not and i might look unusual to most humans who do that thing called acting your age, whatever that is...

someday someone will understand and share... until then, i've gotta be me... la la la...

narf :)

alas, timing off a little

if i would have woke early i would have seen that ncis season one was on in a marathon today... dang, i would have loved to have started with episode one... but i had so settle for episode 5 and reading about the first four... of course the disappointment is that they omit the beginning episodes that is actually the two our original jag episodes edited down to one hour (shame) and so, the reviewing of the actual show from the first introduction of ncis (which was nis at the time) will have to wait for another time when i either buy them or take them out of the library... the weirdness is that after ten years, the show popularity is finally up to #1 (took ten years, go figure... i wonder if any other show reached #1 after ten years)... anyway, i'll relax with early episodes of ncis today, even if they are a bit out of order...

what's happening in your world today? :)

morning as usual

the past usual... which is going to change... the weekend was a pig out party that i might not have done had i not had a pig out partner or two and i will better prepare for what this body needs to do (one step at a time) this week and weekend... sanford stayed over here and took happiness to her house where jackson is staying tonight, so no packing of laundry will get done tonight (i'll just leave the piles on the couch so i can get some of mine done)... hope he gets the water he needs for his stones while there, her big dog drinks a lot and leaves a bowl full of drool when he's done... the blood in his urine an tears is showing that the end is not far off hope, sad, but natural as he's 14 years old now... i hope she focuses on packing and moving next weekend before the movers get here since i am paying for the convenience... she probably will, though she will have until the 31st to move her stuff on her own by car... a lot of trips and gas money better spent on bills, but that's sometimes life with my roommie... luckily i love her :)

and sleeping off the weekend will give this day a past usual feel, the lazy life, and hopefully tomorrow i will push back into the morning jog/walk pattern... it's so much more challenging without a partner in a world where daily exercise and eating right is not the usual influence, but i've always lived best when i remembered how unusual i am and just went my own way so... start again...

sleep a little more first :)

oh well

life doesn't always work out exactly as we would like it, but it can still be loads of fun... no new england win, no sixth ring for brady... i am a brady fan, so as long as he plays for new england, i root for them most of the time, though it's not the end of the world if they lose... i am also a san francisco fan cuz i was a joe montana fan... anyway, still fun to watch with friends... though jackson missed out on most of it cuz, well, being in love definitely changes plans lol...

and the softball tournament turned out great on so many levels... though i did not play because i didn't have time to test the arm as i had planned to do... sanford didn't have time all week and i didn't call anyone else (you need someone to throw with to actually test an arm, ya know)... our back up pitcher hung in there and pitched great for three games, but hit a wall in the fourth game and started walking people and needed relief, but for a new pitcher to pitch that much is great... we won our first tournament game, so we won two overall and that was the best we've done in a tournament... two of our loses were to the winner and runner up of the ft. lauderdale tournament who probably also did well today (we didn't stay cuz we had other best laid plans, ya know)... so a happy tournament...

and the 5k went ok... 44 minutes, so definitely under 43 minutes subtracting the walk to the starting line from the back coral... and definitely time to get serious about dropping weight and jogging more if i want to run a 5k again... though the pigging out of this weekend was definitely not compatible with that goal (laugh, and the crowd laughs with you, right?)...

and so, the weekend was fun...

friends don't let friends drive, sometimes

i am noticing sanford trying to separate jackson from activities we plan to do, understandably, i suppose, but i just hope it doesn't get too possessive or controlling... it's just instinct and some red flags so far, so i am just observing to look out for my best friend...

an example for me to remember is that tonight jackson and i got an email from a friend asking if we were going to run a 5k that we do together every year, a friend who has not come out to play much due to financial and personal challenges and we were hoping she would reach out... i was happy she did and jackson asked sanford if she wanted to run with us and sanford told her she wanted her to ask her to run with her, not with us...

the subtle separation happened at the 5k saturday morning too as she walked ahead and sanford walked ahead from the car to the registration area and jackson walked ahead to keep up and they didn't notice that they lost me a few times... subtle and i brushed it off as i was tired, but it fits in with the rest of the weekend...

another example is jackson knew we had the softball tournament to rush to after the 5k and that i wanted to get there as fast as possible so i could test my arm at the batting cages and on the field and also because they were short players and coaches, but first we stopped for breakfast for them and then dropped sanford at her house so there was no time for me to test my arm and that is primarily why i decided not to play...

and today jackson planned to watch the football playoffs and do laundry and get some packing done as we move next weekend and she doesn't have time monday through friday, but sanford decided to come over and they went out shopping and didn't get to do what she planned (and needed to do)... didn't finish her laundry... or put her clothes away... or watch the games... or most importantly, pack...

that's fine if that's what jackson wants, but when jackson makes plans for herself or with others - or wants to make plans with others - or starts to do things she really needs to do - she should not be persuaded to change her plans in subtle ways...

i'll mention it to her if it seems to be undermining her too much, but i shall just note it here to remind me to pay attention cuz what is a best friend for if not to look out for a best friend, after all... love can be so blind... and so beautiful too :)

the end of a wonderful day

the morning started cloudy in terms of mood because instead of falling asleep when i went to bed, i got a text and the the dog started and i was pondering how home life has changed recently from jackson hardly ever being home what with her being in love and almost always with sanford to the injuries and financial challenges of the past year to the disappointments in people i trusted professionally in recent times and personally throughout this life and understanding that i do have an active and passive role in creating my experience as i perceive and react to my perceptions which influences the experience like being awake 24 hours and then going to a 5k and having a whole day out ahead and realizing this body is likely closer to the death experience that it is to the birth experience and foolish neglect of the body, like not sleeping 24+ hours and then running a 5k after years of up and down fitness routines and the past year of injury that lead to a serious reduction in strength, stamina, and overall health and experience the oblivion of nobody knowing and therefore, nobody caring because to care about something you need to know it exists or is happening and then some, the morning was rather dark and gloomy and all sorts of quiet desperation...

and then i started coaching the team much more actively than i ever did before and they responded great and had the best day ever and even though it ended with an expected loss, they still had the best performance ever and thanked me greatly and felt really wonderful even though it was a little awkward with the other coach returning for the last game and the team asking for me to basically do what he usually does and he dismissed the idea offhand which irked a few players enough to say so...

we ate wonderful lunch at our favorite mediterranean place and then drove home to walk happiness and then back to the fields for more softball and then jackson and sanford and i went to ihop for food even though i could have easily gone to bed without eating and now that i ate i am wired so sitting here rambling and washing the jerseys we wore today cuz we have to be back at the fields at 7:15am tomorrow and as soon as the jerseys are washed i should hang them up to dry and get into bed but i want to shower too but after i shower i really ought to get into bed in spite of the being wired the midnight crossing and all and all in all it is presently end of a wonderful day... i will attempt to share more about it another time rather that writing all night or playing computer spades like i did all night last night... and the last three entries not withstanding, did i mention that all in all it is presently end of a wonderful day?...

hope you had a wonderful day too :)

like?

since this entry many hours passed and nobody visited at all, not a one... all the real people are sleeping or working or busy somewhere else... and all the robots must be down for maintenance or perhaps they turn on during the evening and overnight hours, at least in this time zone... so the last entry overnight is the one that will have double digit views (or more) and the morning and daytime entries will have less views and maybe it's even more random than that so once again, the page views is not a popularity contest and does not lead to evaluating the value, worth, or meaningfulness of an entry... wish there was a way to do that... and different levels of meaningfulness, like meaningful personally or meaningful to the world cuz after all, we all want to save the world, right?.. but then, what is this, facebook or youtube?... what would we do with a "like" button here, after all... i mean, robots don't push buttons, do they?...

what?...

wait, maybe... naaaaaaa... huh?...

narf... lol :)

early to bed

if you want to know what happened today, this is where we began and then this stuff happened... and then some pondering and now, relaxing... that last one is more personal information about me, in case you are interested... the other three haven't been read yet, but they just sum up the mundane details of the daily life... in case you wanted to know... if you do, thank you... i'd like to know how your day went too...

i shall be gone tomorrow... a busy day of 5K before sunrise 50 minutes away and then the other side of town for the softball tournament which will go into the evening, so we likely will not be back until late... and i have no entries planned (oh, maybe one), but i will catch up tomorrow night... if i am still alive... and can move :)

this body will enjoy tomorrow better if i am rested... so i shall lay down and lay there until i sleep... i mean, that is what people do, right?... they lay down at a set time whether they are tired or not and expect their body and mind to just turn off and sleep... and a lot of people actually have their bodies trained to do just that, sort of... a lot of people don't get right to sleep... a lot of people do not sleep well... bed makers and others milk those people... they way i've always let this body and mind tell me when it wants sleep and rarely have any issue falling asleep or sleeping barring outside influences (and even then, i've slept at concerts near speakers and other crowded public places, so noise and movement and little affects my sleep when the body and mind want it)... but tonight i am going to try... i may even be in bed and asleep before this entry is posted (there may be more entries later, but then, i do want sleep now)...

there is a method to the madness, if we only let it happen...

nite nite :)