will power

ok, so as i did when i lived with precious and rasputin, i must separate from jackson in order to do what is right for me and maintain my will power to survive... the influences of fast food diet and spending money on eating out and no exercise (so much the same as it was back then) are too easy to succumb to for i can be so lazy and love the fatty greasy foods and don't really pinch pennies very well (though i do know how to list expenses and tighten my belt when i want to... and i do know how to discipline myself to exercise regularly when i want to)... the weekend really distracted me from the focus of the jog/walking i was starting up last week... i realize now that i was looking forward to jackson's reaction to my new determination and when she didn't even notice i was around during the 5k or after (and the einstein's bagel splurge and delay to the tournament and missing the prep i needed) i was disappointed and the learning lesson is to not look outside of myself for inspiration, motivation, or support...

as it has always been, so no wah wah, just sigh and remember how to do it on my own in spite of live-in influences virtually and sometimes directly opposing what must be done... do it yourself, fool, cuz waiting around for someone else to do it with you is waiting around and waiting around is not doing it...

yeah, just do it...