fading fast

we went to gators after the game and had wings... spending money for social life was worth it even if it was unwise... though the conversation threw me a bit for a moment, but then, my tinnitis may have gotten in the way of what was actually said... watching sports with friends, eating wings, fun...

got home and started watching the entire firefly series and the fatigue of the day is crashing down on my eyes and brain and body and la la land is calling and yet, something else is calling... loneliness, perhaps... the desire to watch an imaginary family and some eye candy... not wanting the dvr to fill up and erase stuff we haven't watched even (it's over 80% full, after all)... but sleepiness, sweet sleep calls...

sleep...

wednesday night softball fun again

we won the softball game tonight... final score was 8-6 and that brings our record to 3-1... next week is the last game of this short summer season and we play a good team who is also 3-1 and the only team they lost to is the same team we lost to, the undefeated team made up half of players that won the upper division last season (cheating the system to insure they don't risk losing... it is sad when egos are that insecure)... i did ok, though i've done better... i walked a few, at least... the umpire had a strangely small strike zone and i was not wanting to give the team dead on lob pitches cuz they could hit those... we survived though... i hit 2 for 3, a single and a double that knocked in 3 runs... i should have scored, but the third base coach put his hand on my shoulder as i rounded third and that meant i was out... it's the second time this year a base coach did that which is frustrating... especially in a close game and especially when we have players who can coach who know better, but that's the difference between a team that wants to win all the time and only wants to win sometimes... still, we won and had fun and having fun is what matters most...

doing my part

attention! attention! read all about it... wait... i mean extra! extra! and all that jazz... yes, this is it!... see, i am signed up to go to the world series, that is, the softball world series, that is, the sunday morning league nagaaa world series in washington dc in august, that's in about four weeks... and being that i am foolishly spending money on this when i have been without income for a long time (in case you forgot or are visiting for the first time, i've not been working since last year), i am happy that my team is organizing a lot of fund raising events to offset costs (and hopefully lower my costs as i throw myself on the mercy of the team)... and the most fun event of all is gonna be our version of the amazing race which will bounce people all around orlando, florida one saturday night in august... so, if you know anybody in orlando or will be in orlando or want to be in orlando (or have lots of money and just wanna send me to the world series cuz you love me and all), come be part of the amazing race...

i promise my coach i would do my best to promote this... so i am not actually begging for myself, you see... nooo, i wouldn't do that (should i get a pay pal account? lol)... seriously, it is unwise for me to spend this money on this trip but it is not something i want to pass up and my team seems to want their pitcher to come along (even though they signed up a few new pitchers for this trip so who knows if i'll even be pitching... ok, ok, don't get down on yourself now, right?)... a week away will be a wonderful change of pace even if i'll be sharing a bed cuz i am poor...

pass this link along... and tell all the rich people you know :)

russian opera

something like my russian girlfriend (sadly, the bogus website that used to house photos of my russian girlfriend appears to have disappeared, at least it wasn't there this morning... perhaps she is not longer famous, alas... which would be the basis of a russian opera, tragic comedy, even, but that's another unintended tangent for another time) in fact, even the wayback machine can't find her (i'll post photos another time, but maybe she was dark matter after all), though it did send me here for some reason we won't read into... and we'll mourn the imaginary loss another time for this entry is not about that), but before we get too deep into this title (don't be ridiculous, aye?), i am referring to the stats that say someone from russian using opera browser has visited over the past twenty-four hours and so, welcome to you, my russian opera visitor...

hey, there is more to space and time than is dreamed of in our philosophies... remember the force... well, now it just might be called dark energy... be careful what you dream of, aye?...

narf :)

another early morning

two hours, a long hot shower and then, two emails to two friends... and the left neck is aching still even after the hot shower and lots of sleep... unfortunately it was broken sleep, waking every few hours, but lots of sleep segments... what is puzzling and somewhat concerning is why i feel bloated after not eating for a long period, like even after 24 hours... a good thorough medical check up would probably be wise... of course it could simply be that i am 30 pounds overweight and a matter of perception and i just need more exercise and less sugars and fats and so on... so where's the code red?...

maybe i'll go read up on space time atoms or something to distract me   . . . . .

narf :)

not quite apathy

as i find myself thinking about the pros and cons of spending $200 on running shoes that look like something worth of shouting go go gadget... running shoes before embarking on a daily jog, i wonder how far along this losing interest pause in daily babbling will go... yes, i know, it seems as though i am still almost daily babbling (i missed one date so far that has not been part of the extended process that continues even as it spurts and stops and spurts some more) and as often is the case at these moments, i wonder if i will ever truly pause, as in walk away from uploading words for an extended period (an extended period being one of weeks or more, i suppose)... it's just another random thought that comes during these phases of scattered ambivalence and nonchalant sharing and sighs when the inner and outer inspirations and hopes and dreams and curiosities and all else that brings me to this love of writing seem to all wane at once and even irreverent amusement tires of the process...

it doesn't usually last long though, as you may notice for yourself if you've been around here for a while or simply wander back or forward through the archives of entries that number in the thousands in this blog alone or any of the other many dozens of other blogs in the seemingly endless streams of words that feed what i call the written gardens... it's not quite apathy, almost at times, and not even much boredom, though some... and while it is some part just resting the brain cells (and body), it is mostly just a wandering of the mind... someday the aimless (and mostly silent) mental wandering will most likely lead to a more permanent state like senility or other loss of coherent sentience (what?, but the hope it i shall return to continue babbling and at least one last time to bid the gardens (and you) adieu before the last breath fills the lungs in this body i inhabit in say, about a hundred years or so (hey, there's always hope... i hope)...

i still love you and hope you are enjoying life :)

morning grog

fell asleep on the couch a long time ago, or at least it feels sort of like a long time ago... the body is really achy right now... especially the arms... didn't do any specific extra exercise so it's weird, but it is what it is... slept at least five hours in bed and another four or five, maybe six on the couch... sensing a slight sugar-caffeine-chocolate hangover... and bloat... and might let more sleep happen some time this morning after jackson wakes and leaves... she and happiness are heading to sandford's for something like ten days to house and dog sit while sanford and her daughter are out of town... gonna feel weird not having either of them around... not quiet like living alone though cuz their stuff is all around... but then, it's time for rent and bills and that always gives me the feeling of living alone since i pretty much pay it all... financial issues are not gonna start this monday new work-week off with a grump though, right?... alas, the lottery tickets i almost never buy have not won yet, huh?...

to tired, achy, but also want exercise, but so tired, achy, more achy than just a litte, much more than the occasional morning achies that sometimes come after a combo exercise and party weekend coupled with sugar-caffeine-chocolate hangovers and dehydration... maybe fighting off a bug of some sort... and grogginess rules...

narf :}

the corn kids

referencing children of the corn, specifically the film based on the stephen king short story, which was typically stupid in that the supposedly highly educated adults acted quite stupid... some of the sequels are even dummber than dumb... but anyway, i am not stephen king so who am i to fault a cult classic film, aye?...

did you know that the creepy preacher kid was 24 at the time filming? (no wonder he had the monologs filled with biblical hate down so pat, huh?)... and as of 2011, he was teaching english and shakespeare at golden valley high school in santa clarita, california... strange world, no doubt...

trivia keeps me awake sometimes...

narf :)

plans change a lot

not so much practice, but then, i knew that... wasted a lot of energy (really tired now... can close my eyes... . . .

huh?... oh)... so i napped halfway for an hour, maybe, as the phone kept going off and then jackson got home and then it was time to get up and get dressed and head to the fields for the playoffs and then, just as we were pulling out of the parking spot, the phone rang and we were informed the fields were under water and the games were cancelled again... so we came back in and turned on the soccer finals (usa vs panama) and the cobs game (cubs vs sf) and jackson made dinner (baked breaded fish and baked macaroni and cheese and that was yummy) and we hung out for a few hours and i started nodding off and jackson started doing some paperwork and that was our lazy sunday afternoon...

and sleep... the body demans sleep...

nite nite :)

just an hour, but an hour of extra sleep would be good and kind and wise for the body... but loyal i am so i will get ready and head out to the fields to waste my time and be more tired than i need to be for the playoff game later... sleepy i am... maybe i can take a nap later if jackson does not come home early... she usually stays at sanford's most of the weekend... anyway, sleepy thinking at the moment... wake up enough to drive to practice, yup...

maybe the day will be more interesting later...

narf :)

the monotony of fun and games

of course i jest, mostly, but there is a certain same enjoyability and pleasure and sameness (consistency) in the game parties and tonight was no exception... more later or whatever... cuz i was so nodding off seriously then, ya know... it was blink sleep blink what happened time... so being that tired and knowing what i was about to say in the next paragraph, i skipped this part and moved right on to the next paragraph... yeah, that's what happened...

must get some sleep not, softball 9am on the other side of town (south) then playoffs late afternoon on the other other side of town (east)... back tomorrow for more, probably... not that i want to go to practice, spending money on gas to just stand around and watch and play gopher for the coaches because they do not integrate pitching into practices, but let's not take apart the flaws of the team just now... anyway, sometimes probably actually happens, ya see... even if our culture has deteriorated to the point where sharknado is considered popular culture... but anyway, fatigue is usually only temporary and the cure is usually simply sleep so sleep is the friend i go to sleep with now...

and remember to not forget to remember to remember the process (not just catching up, but writing itself) continues (as if that was a secret, right?... there is more to find in the search for secrets that there is in all the is in a words and links and music of your imagination, aye?... but seriously, i hope you make some fun for yourself right now :)

or i hope you are sleeping well :)

rest and fun

after lunch and learning more about the coaches plans for the amazing race fundraiser( which sound like serious fun), a refreshing afternoon nap came around as i was watching a josh whedon marathon (dollhouse today and firefly tomorrow)... i set the dvr to record the entire weekend marathon for future viewing... it's really like having all the shows on dvd, at least temporarily... so i didn't miss anything by letting the sweet swell of sleep wash away the fatigue from the sun baked day... and waking now i find a text message from curly about playing cards and games tonight...

so it's shower time and i'll pick up some snacks and head over to the game party in a bit... cuz weekends are meant to be fun and that's why there is often a lot more fun around cuz most people conform pretty good to the way things are supposed to be... i'm just here for the fun though, ya know?...

and don't forget to remember to remember the process continues (no secret), but what is in a name, aye?... hope you make some fun for yourself right now :)

narf :)

working at the car wash, baby

we were the ones with the rubber rainbow bracelets in our wrists dressed in skimpy clothes trying to seduce drivers to pull over and get their car washed... and no, car washed is not a a double entendre or anything of the sort (though many a sexy poster involved soap cars i suppose)... what?... you expected maybe i wouldn't have fun just because i was whining about not wanting to go?... you must know me better by now... so we hosed and soaped and rubbed and scrubbed and hosed some more... then we wiped and rubbed and buffed and polished and said thank you very much as we collected the big bucks... we had as much fun as a bunch of nearly naked soapy wet people can be in the sweltering heat... then we went to lunch...

lunch was a relatively fast food chinese place called pei wei asian diner... they make it easy to choose a meal for under $10 from a modest menu and their portions are fair for the price... i chated with the coaches for a bit and then headed home to cool off and rest...

remember the process continues (no secret), but what is in a name, aye?... narf! :)

downloading music and videos and whining about washing cars

yes, that's where i was most of the morning... downloading music and videos from youtube... beatles music and interviews with beatles families and comedians, mostly... and now, i am out to wash cars... yes, i shall be, for a few hours at least, the one armed car washer... slightly against my will as i have not washed my own car in quite some time partly because i would be hurting my right arm if i moved the right arm in the motion of car washing, but today i will sacrifice this body for the cause... the cause being trying to reduce the cost of the softball world series that the sunday morning team is going to at the end of august... it's my duty and obligation and all that responsibility stuff, i suppose... big baby, me, huh?... yup... i just so don't feel part of this team cuz i don't hang where they hang our and i don't do what they do as an ordinary part of my life... it's not just age, lifestyle, finances, but that's most of it...

so anyway, i will have to tell helena that i won't be making it to lunch with her and her mother cuz it is not raining and the car wash that was scheduled for last week was rescheduled for today... i got the text telling me that yesterday... and in spite of my whining about not feeling like standing around in the heat of the day risking injury to my arm and getting soapy wet while washing cars (if anybody actually shows up to have their car washed), i will be a trouper and get dressed and head out to meet the team, or whomever shows up from the team (they don't all show up at practices, after all)...

can i be any more grumpy?... well of course i can...

narf lol :P lam :)

carefully crafted calamity

behind the scenes here at the (e)thereal blog in the deep dark recesses of the maze of a mind where serious irreverence mixes with irreverent seriousness to form the appearance of all sorts of symptoms of clinical mental illness and wtf was that? alarm bells through the fog of the semi-coherent cacophony commonly called babble that passes off as words written in a blog entry, there is a carefully crafted calamity hidden beneath, or within, or somewhere other than obviously out in the open, a cleverly created cacophony of linkage that can, if you so choose to render yourself relatively senseless by engaging your mouse pointer in the general direction of those underlined and different colored words, enlighten, amaze, and even mummify your mind with so much information (and so many more links) that you may never return to your previous state of mind as the mind, once expanded by enlightenment (or a really bad dream involving cocoa butter and shaved lemurs), can never return to it's original shape...

this, should you choose to accept it, is a mission of madness or mercy or maybe a medicine wheel for fools seeking solace in magic mushrooms or even for those seeking profound messages, the secrets of the universe only found in the select varieties of alphabet soup, but you don't have to take my word for it, take my word for it, nothing will ever be the same and everything you know could be wrong!...

it would be at this point you would be directed to the myriad of links slipped casually within the seemingly mundane monolog, but since i forget to put any links in this entry, consider this an empty box wrapped in a bright blue ribbon that holds promise of what might have been contained (as if anyone ever really cared)...

see here now!... here here!... not this again... narf! :)

delightful, even at 4am

yes, well listen carefully as you are reading and you might be haunted too and while that is far from beside the point, it is no secret that secrets are woven throughout these rambling words in some entries, especially when major (or epic, even) linkage is involved... for instance, this one might lead you to some of the previous ones and some others that the previous ones do not, even if it is not quite epic just yet... and this one might get there someday, but for now, there are processes at work leading anyone who cares (and has time) to explore through a maze of wonder and excitement and drama and reality (with some bumps and plenty of fantasy layered in just for the amusement and to keep boredom at bay)... even alone on our way to 4am (hey, it's on our way somewhere ya know?)...

are you there?... are you watching me?... as i laugh at myself now... is there someone looking out for me... or can it be i'm only dreaming?... tonight... these words i write, might save me...

if you know the melody, feel free to sing along :)

and a small celebration

so i tied up the wisdom and budge director who try to walk hand in hand these days and i took jackson to mimi's cafe to celebrate the double championship with some delicious food and friendly cheering and i thank her for letting ego bask a bit (hey, she's no dope, she's not passing up a free meal lol) and sharing the wonderful feeling of success and excitement and yummy food... she had a yummy chicken veggie crepe thing and i had chicken cordon blue, or bleu, and she had one of her favorite desserts (some banana thing) and i had on of mine (chocolate mouse) and life is good...

we are gonna sit back at home and watch he cubbies (if you are new here, jackson is a die hard chicago cubs fan... i know, poor thing... but it's such a wonderful dedication i can't help but admire and actually be in awe sometimes, seriously... so i root them on too, vicariously... it is tough not to be a baseball fan spending childhood in new york city where so many teams have played and won... i mean, of the 108 world series played, teams from new york city (or teams that started there) appeared 81 times and won it 47 times... kind of phenomenal odds when we consider 30+ teams try to win it every year) play the current world series champion (san francisco, champs in 2010 and 2012), at least until she fell asleep...

and then, i napped a few hours, sweet as ever, and here we are continuing the process of continuing to keep in touch by continuing to write whatever comes to mind in brief (hey, brief is relative) snips and snaps and puppy dog tails with a touch of sugar and spice cuz i love being ambidextrous ya know (yeah, i know, but you understand the play on words, we hope)... and you, well, you are very much welcome and even more appreciated for being here reading and sharing as you please...

sharing is beautiful :)

double champions

yes, not one, but two championships trophies were won tonight... my co-ed team and my mens team both made it to the championship game by winning through the playoffs and tonight, both team won... so one team celebrated the co-ed championship while the other celebrated the men's championship and i bounced around celebrating both... to make it sweeter, the two teams we beat finished the regular season in first place and both were undefeated... the first game i watched as coach let the other pitcher pitch and we were down 6-5 when i went in to pinch hit with bases loaded and i was so stiff from standing around but i did get to the batting cages earlier and that paid off as i shot a ball into right field and two runs scored so we went ahead 8-6... they told me to go pitch the last inning, wonderful (usually takes me the first inning to really warm up), but i was able to get them to mostly hit at people and struck out one so only gave up a run (it really was a big gamble as i was not warmed up)... so we won 8-7... co-ed champs, phew...

the second game, we were on... i went 3 for 4 flying out to right center my fourth time up, but hitting a good shot down the right field line with bases loaded my first time up, leading off with a single to right my second time up, and getting on with a single to second the third time up sending the runner on first to third and the runner on second home... three rbis and i scored one run and we won 7-0... yup, a shut out... in fact, a one hitter... the defense played well and i was really on and yay for a second championship...

nice big trophies... if the guys who took photos send pictures i might remember to post them or maybe facebook will find them... but dang league did not even give us championship t-shirts to spread the word of our grand successes lol...

it's a wonderful night :)

and a nap, sweet

afternoon naps are some of the sweetest gifts the mind can receive... and i would have slipped into one earlier, but jackson came home for an hour and happiness and i bounced around all excited so the nap was delayed a bit, but it came shortly after jackson went back to work and it was, as usual, sweet... and right on time too since happiness woke me early this morning (when did the sun start coming up?... well, the birds start singing just before that and happiness wakes with the birds and when jackson is not here i often sleep out in the living room with him so he can wake me uz otherwise i might sleep past noon and he needs his walk and food long before that so... we both take afternoon naps (ah, the luxury of the retired life... if only it could last, aye?)... until i get back, remember to be weird (cuz if you blinked, you missed something) and follow the links to the secrets of the universe... cuz they're in there (nyuk nyuk, ya know?)...

and now, splashing the water around to wake and dress and head to the batting cages to loosen up and get ready for the softball games, two championship games... i want to be a ready as possible... a small shot of coffee... and two gatorades and lots of water for the evening fun...

wish you were here to share in it :)

weirdness is reality

and as if we are alive too... ah, so what else is new?... yes, reality, aye?... well, we'll get on with this entry eventually i suppose... until we do, in thinks within links within links, at least, here is an important message from our sponsors (as if alfred hitchcock was introducing us, aye?)... meanwhile, whatever we were up to before, everything is so sweet and pure and stable and wonderfully perfect in fantasy... unless that isn't you fantasy, but that's beside the point (mostly)... actually, my fantasies are rather weird, come to think of it, but that too is beside the point (i think)... the point (as if there was one), is something about life being weird when awareness sweeps consciousness into reality... yup, that's it... whatever it is... part of the weirdness is realizing how intensely (and dramatically) most people take certain things seriously... like reputation or money, for two things... as if the opinions other people should have some profound effect on who one is (and as if one can change who they are based on what others want)... and the whole emotional and psychological dependency on money is a delusion and an addiction worth of a full chapter of diagnostic criteria in the latest dsm manual... of course the idea of labeling and sorting people and personalities and behaviors is just another weirdness of this culture that seems to need the illusion of control that allows denial of dependency and addition so the pretentious drama and incongruent seriousness is at least deemed acceptable, often completely justified, and sometimes just overlooked... the fragility of the human ego and insecurity of the human personality is sad...

and the laugh here is that if i was wrong about any of this or anything i would welcome the discussion that would enlighten me to the variety of perspectives that could be right... competitive activity can be fun, but turning every situation into a competition is ridiculous and not fun for me... it is just another way to push others away and hide insecurity... but it's weird to say that in public to someone, so i don't do it all the time cuz i do not want to be weird or push people away all the time... sometimes i choose silence..

narf :)

continuing as if

(essential linkage below, of course)... but first, there is this paragraph to share cuz it is here... and more, there are dozens of completed (not really, but they are ready for uploading and the incompletion of the thoughts contained within those entries is the irony or whatever word describes the mixed message that the word completed sends at this moment on this subject in this blog entry in this blog on this planet at this whatever, but whatever, right?) waiting for upload (or at the very least about to be uploaded) and all i've got to do is remember how because it seems as though i am forgetting lately (nudge nudge, wink wink, somebody kick the blind bat, aye?)... ok, so maybe there are a few more than a few and they were just uploaded... but they just might be some of the most loosely threaded and incompletish entries, aren't they?... well, somebody said so in my head and who else should i listen too, right?...

and all this before 9am... as if there is a grand design, a purpose, some profound meaning, real value, and/or vital need for these words i pour on the the internet day after day, alone on a hill, sitting almost perfectly still with a foolish grin... i mean, just because i almost got reflective or something (oh, can you just feel the part two itching to come out?)... of course there were a couple of the obligatory daily life sort of entries that fill in the spaces between the profundity (ahem, self-mockery will get us nowhere, man)... but what might be the epic imaginary existential identity crisis of all time, perhaps, is the budding query that may or may not garder an audience even if i actually do find some motivation to continue along that train of thought...

yes, there are entries you missed since the last one if you just stopped by and the previous paragraph slyly slips those links in as if you wouldn't notice, ya know?... and for whatever reason this seemly disjointed and possibly quite mad process (and i refer to the inevitable inimitable and all around incredible {shhhh, let ego have a little fun, m'ok?... i mean, even if we can't always make it [the mundane details, that is] holy, we can at least feel the serious reverence now and then as life is real beyond these words and it's not all sarcasm and irreverent nonsense... sigh, alas, and all that} phenomenon known in the trade as the catch-up process that, against all odds {or reason}, we are grandly continuing to dance as delightfully {and haphazardly, no doubt} as any of the midnight marauders might make music {if you are paying any attention at all, you might be laughing along with the man behind the curtain, after all} and as usual, when reason fails, delusion always comes along to save the day... or night, to be more precise)...

bear with me as the secret secrets to sanity cycles, m'ok? :)

candoor (part two)

meanwhile, in the (e)thereal world, as if the universe was out there just to send reassuing messages to candoor, a stranger left a comment on the last place candoor called home right here, i wouldn't lie (nyuk nyuk though, i would nyuk nyuk) and it is not spam, the message is from a real person... wonerful wonderful, another person to be introduced to our gazillions of fans here and more importantly, perhaps a friend for the blog family who matter so much more (cuz you are not as imaginary as the gazillions of fans, ya know?)... so i went to visit her blog and read it all and smiled and was inspired to respond (and we know how rare it is for me to leave this little blog home i've created other than to explore the wilderness of the web via the thousands of facebook links that are tossed at me daily if i visit there (which is why weeks go by sometimes without my remembering to go there at all) or some other web world where i can just voyeur) and here we are inspired to continue the pondering of candoor cuz the universe kinda sorta inquired in it's own universal way...

but before i digress too fay (too late?), without further ado, here is the comment i left that may be revealing (or not)...

lol this was fun to read :)

just so you know, i am rather terrible these days at leaving my own blog world (where my addiction to writing is way too obvious, but i wouldn't have it any other way) and visiting others, but i have at least visited you today and read all of your entries... i love the journey you've begun and the comfortable openness in the style of your writing...

writing, for me, provides many personal services from relaxation to exploration to creative play to therapy and beyond, anything can happen in the words (and probably has)... somewhere along the way i must have found myself and then i just continued creating myself and most of all rambling on and on because rambling on and on is fun for me... it's not all fun and games, but hey, life without a major trauma or two now and then could be boring (positive spins are my specialty when i remember that negative thoughts are only temporary and like sandpaper, only helpful to smooth out something and then better left on the work bench - or some such metaphor like that)... some people smoke, some drink, some seek professional help... i write, ramble, babble, free-associate, and occasionally might even actually communicate something coherently enough to be understood outside of my own head...

i hope you find what you are looking for in your writing and wish you peace, love, happiness, and fun along the way :)

oh, and hello to Piekie, Sponge, and the rest of your family too :)

yeah, i can be so familiar with a stranger is suppose, but hey, i'm a friendly sort of blogger and it's wonderful to get a genuine message in a comment from a real live person, ya know?... especially when i might have been about to send candoor through some imaginary existential identity crisis or something... could this be the start of a forty-two part trilogy?...

candoor

candoor has been online for more than a decade and there are tens of thousands of blog entries, comments, conversations, profiles, creative play, pointless pondering, possibly profound possibilities, and assorted jibberish (at least) on many hundreds of sites, perhaps thousands of different pages all over the web... there is so much to know about candoor that, the fact is, candoor is likely much much easier to know that i am, and i am the writer who created the candoor persona... but then, that is how it is when creating a character, especially when creating a character online, especially when creating a character without actually meaning to create a character, but rather, creating a character, a persona simply by writing under a specific name... over the years, i've written under dozens of names, at least... so many names that i would not remember them all... but candoor has the most words, the sheer volume gives candoor more personality and definition than any other... there is candora and funda and anonanonanon and childinside and sysquash and newsbee and webbot and sharetruth and many others... so who is candoor?...

and just as i might have pondered the answer to that question, i left the computer cuz there is just blank space after that last line... unless, of course, that is the answer... candoor is blank space?... oh well, and here i though i was heading for some profound personal revelations or any least some poignant creative character studies... you just never know what will happen as an entry develops, ya know?... we are not supposed to be laughing, right?... i mean, to suggest candoor is nothing?... oh, my feeling are so hurt now, pout pout...

meanwhile, as if this entry really mattered and the semi-fictitious auto-biography of the online persona conveniently known as candoor was vital information for the nsa, fbi, cia, interpol, or some such supposedly important serious organization (or maybe just important to you, dear readers, cuz you matter more than those paranoid suits ever will), i ponder the possibility of continuing the query posed in this entry at some other time... with humble apologies if this entries just feels like another tease from the always leave them wanting more school of blogging, i shall pause and reflect, or maybe just pause since reflection seems to be yet another subject or activity i am not completely lately... life is like that, sometimes, lots of loose ends...

maybe i'll weave a tapestry one of these nights, aye?...

narf :)

phone calls and such

i do not usually get unsolicited phone calls, in fact, the phone seldom rings any given day, but rarely is there a sales call because i am on the national do not call list and is seems to work... but this past week the phone has blown up with calls from family, friends, and unknowns... i think i shared the family calls in a previous entry and friends have been calling more often about eating out at buffets (did i wish for a buttet friend?... really?... i am beginning to feel quite bloated and think i am overdoing the buffets... curly and his family called yesterday and we went to the big buffet that is not as clean as some of the others but has a bigger selection, especially of sushi... and helena wants to buffet tomorrow and the body is saying, really?... no, seriously, where's the pause button on this eating gig i suddenly got (that doesn't pay, at that)... ah, but i complain without any sincerity because i love to eat, especially at buffets, and i have not been enjoying that for a while cuz i have not had buffet partners... so moderation, right?... and cost-effectiveness too, after all, i am on a zero income budget and should not be spending any money at all (shhhh, who said that?)...

meanwhile, the unknown calls that rarely come have popped up this week... three of them in the past two days... of course i filed another meaningless complaint... hopefully the government will send cruise missiles and drones (cuz that is what they are good at, after all... sarcarstic much?) to take out the call center and quiet my phone... maybe a little later i will call the numbers with my own unknown phone (i block the number on my other line) and harrass them with rules and regulations and legal threats and technical talk about fees and fines for violating the do not call list...

yeah, cuz i can do that when i am bored, ya hear? lol :)

the staring starts early

happiness is obviously fascinated by my typing on the keyboard... or the energy that i exude, the aura thing, when i am happily rambling on without a care in the world... or complaining, even... he sits and stares at me when he wakes up until i wake up and then stares at me until i stand up and then bounces around like he's never been out of the house before (he's out five or six times a day since that i'm home a lot and his walks are a lot longer than they were when both jackson and i were working, but he loves being outside sniffing dirt and plants and other dogs and marking his territory in his imaginary way... imaginary cuz he will continue lifting his left and marking his territory long after his bladder is way empty which is party why he bleeds from sqeezing so hard so we have to stop him from doing that which is sad cuz it is something he loves to do, but anyway, where were we?) and after bouncing for a while he sits and stares until i get dressed and put on shoes and grab his leash and then he bolts for the door with his tail wagging like it wants to fall off as he tries to hold still while i connect his leash to his collar and we head outside together (he bolts out the door and runs right to the closest dirt on the lawn in front of the house _where the grass has dead spots from his peeing in the same spot so much and the rain brings a urine spell right to our door and mold on the concrete} with jackson, but he's learned not to do that with me... with me he walks on the sidewalk until the big tree out front further from the door)...

after the walk he drinks water and stares at his bowl and if there's no food in it, he'll wait a few and then go lay down... if i am sitting he will stare until the food magically appears in his bowl... he eats in six seconds or less and heads back to his living room pillow-bed and with this big happy grin sits and stares some more... like all there is to do in the world is play... well, i suppose he senses that is how i live too, but i play at things that he isn't very good at (like tapping on this keyboard, no to suggest i am very good at it, but i can at least form some words now and then and he just sniffs and licks and writes jibberish that seldom forms words {not like my jibberish, aye?} and there is only so much rilling around scratching and toy chasing i want to do in the morning)...

anyway, all this to say his staring has started quite early this morning... and i mean his dedicated staring, the staring that lingers for more than fifteen minutes as if there is some serious thing i simply must do for him like right now... but happiness, you've been walked, run, fed, watered, scratched, and given love... you'll just have to wait a bit for more cuz it is, after all, early... i should still be sleeping, ya know?...

narf :)

reflective tape (or something like that)

so is it really worth your time?... i mean, is this blog, all these words, or even just some of these words worth reading?... i mean, is it worth your time to come here to read the rambling babbling writing i upload to this blog?... it's a reflective entry... you've been warned...

and then i left... i mean i left the words, left the writing, left the computer, went away to do oyher things... i am not sure precisely when i left, or why... i return from softball now and find the paragraph above is where i left off... how odd, this feeling that i was about to be deep and meaningful and profound, even... or at least reflective...

heck, did i again and still didn't upload this entry... so this is three separate entries added together to produce one relatively meaningless entry i suppose... of course i could be wrong and there might be some hidden meaning i don't notice cuz i am not reading the words or even paying much attention to what i am writing while i am writing, but hey, what is reflective, anyway?...

this really ought to be to be continued, aye?...

narf :)

life comes and goes

anyway (sort of continuing the previous entry but not really), i am relatively awake and refreshed as i recover from a low grade sugar/caffeine hangover thanks to several days of sugary creamy desserts and code red... ignore the belly, nothing to see there... i wonder if that has anything to do with the skin rashes that come and go (again, another story for another time, nothing to fret about)... so i redirect energy to the few good sense brain cells still semi-active (i never really had many of those as the normal humans have told me ever since i was a little kid in this world, which is why i am relatively not wealthy and many other things have happened in this life that are not ideal, but hey, i'm happy with my decisions most of the time and i wouldn't have it any other way, almost... gotta laugh at the challenges, ya know... cry too, cuz crying lets the sad out of ya, but laughter in the end for the pleasures are still there to be enjoyed no matter what gets in the way)... ok, philosophy class is over for now...

and even as the process continues, apparently, while i was sleeping in past noon, the phone lit up today with family i've not heard from via phone in a long time... toronto called and i was dead asleep... i think i remember hearing the ring... might have even looked at the phone and did not recognize the number and if i did i rolled over an stayed asleep... so she left a message... it was really weird to hear her voice as it has been years, i think... so i added her number to the phone so i'll recognize it next time so - if you are reading, call back today or tomorrow and i will wake up and answer... i texted that to her too just in case she is not reading... and helena texted about lunch saturday which depends on softball... i think there is some sort of non-exercise activity the sunday morning team wants me to participate in... i want more social exercise, dangit... and jackson texted, but we text back and forth regularly so that's the usual phone stuff... and another number i do not recognize called (told you the phone apparently lit up while i slept)... the area code is from an atlanta suburb but that doesn't mean the call is from there since we carry our numbers with us when we move around these days... i have friends around here with area codes from all over the place... anyway, i might call the number back with caller id turned off as they did not leave a message and i do not want SPAM calls... and then minnie texted with some sad news... she is losing her baby... humans bodies and pregnancies can be so complex... sigh... some times accepting how life comes and goes is a challenge... sigh...

alas too... on that note, i still wish you a happy day...

waking slowly (make it holy)

ok then, two hours earlier than this moment (and this moment is at least a few hours from the time date stamp on this entry, but that's beside the point and only meaningful to the relativists among us) i woke up and went to take a shower... after the shower (which was not short but not long enough to make it holy, that is, for an exhaustive meditative transcendental exercise shower which is a whole other entry and chapter and book to write someday i suppose), i came to sit here and take care of some business... sending a few texts... checking banking and credit card stuff... paying for the sunday afternoon team... responding to an email from the league... checking email (ah, that's where i got lost for the past hour plus as the other stuff did not take that long)... clicking on linkedin to accept invitations (two of them did not go through and will not come off the list in my mailbox there, which is some sort of glitch in their site... they have too many hoops to jump through to simply accept an invitation and made their site more complicated than it needs to be... likely that is so they can SPAM encourage users to give them email password and social network password account information so they can SPAM others to join, which is the primary reason i seldom visit their site... it's not as if they make it easy to simply post a resume and job seek there...

and happiness is staring and begging to go out and be petted and go out some more... such a very few tracks in a dog's mind... and i am losing my hair... nothing new, i have cleaned up a handful of hair in the drain after every shower ever since i was a little kid and every time i got a haircut the person cutting still used that strange scissor to thin my hair and she still does now, though not on top anymore... it's apparently not apparent to anyone but me (and her, cuz only your hairdresser knows for sure, ya know?), but the hair on the top front of the head is not replenishing as much as it used to so it is thinner... should i try some of that hair growing stuff they sell before it is noticeable?... i mean, what if i bump into the one and she does not like bald heads?... what would mila say?...

yes, i am taking the whole thing as the trauma it is... or is that sarcasm...

narf :)

process

yes, continuing the babbling relay race loosely called the process (with interjected silliness and distractions that at once educate and amuse if you want to see it that way) of what we laughing call catching up (on what?... we might ask... on life?... well, on sharing, yeah, that's the hope, after all) continues to spread out further and is covering much of this month even as the far away sounds of some haunting music plays as the nights (what's that?... there'll always be the music of the night?... thank you groucho and friends) wander(s) aimlessly by and the whether we like it (or understand, appreciate, or enjoy), the epic entries continue to mock the process (and me)... or is it me mocking them?... well, mutual mockery is the most fun, so hopefully we are having the most fun, aye?... yup, fun is the point, even when there is no point...

in between the mind games providing self amusement and ruzzle and words with friends and assorted tv (currently watching wild russia which is yet another show pointing out how humans are suicidal killers to the small audience watching this sort of nature show from the comfort and relative safety of the boxes we call homes... which reminds me that so much of the world is frozen so much of the time... and i am very happy to not have to deal with cold anymore... hopefully there will be no ice ages before it is time for this body to lay down for the last time and i can enjoy the sweltering heat i love), i scatter myself randomly as the blog reflects... delicious food and decadent desserts (and some code red, for a change) have stimulated and satiated the body and the mind plays with random facts and life goes on the way it does... all is well, relatively, and all is smiling as much as possible given the sad state of the world...

hoping you are well tonight (or whatever time it is when you read this)... and hoping life surprises us with wonder and happiness :)

extending the pauses again

entries begin, fun gets in the way... and that's just fine by me though i amd hoping the world can get along without me for a day or few now and then, i mean, i know that the universe relies on my constant chatter to maintain the balance of matter and space and time and all, but i have confidence in the random chaos of things and you too, dear readers, for even as i am apparently gone i am here in ways that only energy can feel and that stretches the mind beyond known horizons with hope and belief in the trust and caring we share... even when the words come in bunches as they have in this month... even when the words are babbling as they are in this entry... even when the point is wandering somewhere around an imaginary mulberry bush or something like that... caring makes it matter... appreciating makes it meaningful... and enjoying it makes it all worthwhile, even when all reason points to the pointlessness of it all...

yes, so if we understand all that and each other, i love you for being here when you are here and wish you as much goodness and wonderfulness as you can muster when you are here and not here... and as i start this brief catching up in this spiralling catch up session, my recent few days away have been brought to us by sporcle, where i've been playing with my head and learning all sorts of useless information, like playing trivial pursuit with myself... wonderful wonderful... these three pages are just a sample of the curious facts and figures i've remembered or learned and there is profound stuff behind the data for me as life goes on the way it does...

i haven't signed up for the site, just visiting and playing... and enjoying life inside and relaxing outside and hope something inspires your smile today too...

hope you share :)

sports rambling

yankees in boston in the bottom of the 11th inning with big papi up, and cano shuts a slammer down... two outs... will kelly become the new mario?... wait, kelly is gone, warren is in... and will boston keep their hold on first place as the rays continue their winning ways?... and will the yankees surge as the stars return?... and will jeter ever be jeter again?... deep fly ball to right, but caught just short of the warning track... seriously, warren, two hard hit balls for your first two batters... and now, full count, two outs, foul ball... napoli tries to end it with one swing... and he does... his second home run of the game and it is over... boston continues their winning ways... the fans go wild... the yankees lose a heartbreaker... and can i fall asleep now?...

meanwhile, romo has eight seasons and one playoff win and he's still touted as a star?... Mark Sanchez has won more playoff games (4)... tim tebow has won one playoff game... forty two other quarterbacks have won one playoff game... thirty other quarterbacks have won two playoff games... twenty two quarterbacks won three playoff games... nine have won four... twelve have won five... five have won six... one has won seven... four have won eight... six have won nine... nine quarterbacks have won ten or more playoff games... think about it... ninety eight (98) quarterbacks have won more playoff games than tony romo... tony romo has won one playoff game in his career... really?... yes really... why is he not laughed at as much as sanchez... or as Elvis Grbac, for that matter... they have won the same number of playoff games... elvis and tony... romo and grbac... household names... not as many playoff wins as sanchez...

and then there is the drugs in baseball... i've got to wonder if there is hypocrisy involved simply because drugs are everywhere in everything... our current culture is drug dependent... and it is generally pretty arbitrary which drugs are banned and which drugs are not banned... there are plenty of drugs that enhance performance that are legal, caffeine just being one... and pain killers and anti-inflammatories and so on...

sports off distractions sometimes welcome, sometimes just sadly human...

narf :)

oh, the extreme yumminess

so even as the softball was sometimes frustrating but ultimately wonderful and even as the latest epic entry continues, i head home somewhat stupefied by physical and mental fatigue having not eaten much today (a dried edamame-cranberry-almond mix and few gatorades and a banana, which reminds me that i must remember to get the second banana out of the cooler in the car) and all the softball exercise and roller coaster of frustration and fun and i move over to the right lane to make the turn toward my community off the main drag and i suddenly make a u-turn to cross over the main drag to the other side where there is a publix and yo-yo's just cuz i was blissfully imagining the creamy chocolate goodness... and as i park i look up and there is imperial dynasty, a mid-priced ($15-$20 for dinner) chinese restaurant that has many awards for delicious food and i decide to walk over to see if they are still open and they were closing in twenty minutes, what a coincidence, so i ordered gobs, and i mean lots of food and while they were preparing it i headed to publix and bought the yo-yo's and string cheese for jackson cuz i ate hers but it didn't melt well in the eggplant parm so i don't think string cheese is real mozzarella, but that's beside the point) and code red... yes, yo-yo's and code red... seriously, now... are we serious?... seriously?...

oh, the decadence of it all... it's all jackson's fault cuz she decided to not come home tonight and so i had to celebrate the win all by myself, ya see... that's why i ordered dinner for four, cuz i just had too... so i will have yummy chinese food for days now... and the belly is big and smiling like buddha... and after the delicious chinese food and a few bites of yo-yo and a glass of code red, i promptly passed out (sugar coma, no doubt) and woke shortly thereafter to write the previous entry and this one too cuz i am just good like that sometimes (yes, ego is still basking a bit)...

what was this delicious dinner for four, you might ask... well, it is five flavor seafood specialty of the house (jumbo shrimp, big sea scallops, and squid with vegetables in a unique blend of five spices)... big sea scallops in black bean sauce... large than your ordinary fried rice shrimp fried rice... hot and sour soup... shrimp toast... spring rolls... and a free order of crab rangoon for spending more than $25... oh so extremely yummy, no doubt... and then, after savoring and relishing and yummying (repeated over and over, not necessarily always in that order) the yo-yo... code red taunting the taste buds and brain cells all the while... it was quite the celebration...

bloated belly, yes, but blissful body and mind and the energy is wonderfully excited exhaustion... sleep, when it finally comes, will be absolutely delicious tonight... spectacularly scrumptious... and all cuz i simply decided to focus on the positive and be happy even if everything did not go quite as i'd have liked, ya know?...

hope so :)

softball is deja vu all over again

yeah, so we were the 6th seed out of fifteen teams because we won a few of the last games and finished with a 5-3 record... three teams tied for first with undefeated seasons (8-0, 7-0, 7-0)... two teams tied for fourth with 5-2 records... and then us... at the other end of the spectrum, fifteenth place was held by a team without a win (0-6-1)... while fourteenth was 1-7 and thirteenth was 1-6 and twelfth was 2-6... a couple tied for tenth at 2-5, however one is a stacked team that cheats (loaded bats) and they forfeited four games (and lost one to us) for tat 2-5 record so they will run away with the lower bracket, no surprise... anyway, we won... then we sat there watching the potential competition play and enjoying the cooling down of the evening and basking in a wonderful win... or maybe we were too tired to get up and drive home... but basking and cooling too...

anyway, the game... as you may have heard in a previous entry, they broke the fifteen teams up into two playoff brackets, the bottom eight teams and the top seven teams.... so we were the sixth seed out of seven in the upper bracket... we were up against the third seed, undefeated team with a 7-0 record and we won the game 11-3... we gave a few runs on errors early on and that was it, shut them down, really surprising outstanding performance... especially by the pitcher... everybody said so... really, they did... really, the other team has great hitters and in past seasons they have won the championship and we had trouble beating them but i had them figured out today (and did last season too when we beat them in the playoffs too as the game was rained out with enough innings in to make it an official game... and {eerie sounds now} it started raining during the same inning this year, but the rain stopped and we finished the game)... even they stopped after the game to praise the pitcher... the pitcher felt very very good about the whole experience...

meanwhile, the hitter did get a hit and a walk in four at bats, but generally stunk up the place... luckily, other hitters were hitting... so the hitter was ok with the crappy hitting cuz the hitter knew how much fatigue was involved in the weekend, having slept only about two hours and having played three games in the heat and humidity of the morning and day (with an hour of batting practice tossed in) and then a fourth game with rubber arms... rubbery arms do not hit well... but somehow the right rubbery arm pitched pretty darn good, outstanding even, everybody said so, you may have heard... have i been asleep lately?... am i sleeping now?... dreaming?... sleepy, no doubt... i might be slightly over-dramatizing or otherwise letting ego parade around with a party hat on... cuz really, the rest of the team did really really good and scored 11 runs and only made a couple of errors when the other team could hit the ball the pitcher was pitcher in a rather surprisingly outstanding manner as you may have already heard... yay team... i suppose i should make ego put more clothes on now...

silliness is sleepiness is silliness is happiness is wee wee wee all the way home, or something like that...

and then i got hungry...

narf :)

skipping past time

i mean, there are entries started but not uploaded between now and the last entry uploaded at this moment so the catch up session continues to expand in time, but we can't linger upon the future magnificence of this entry (i mean, when it is finally completed cuz it is one of those in-progress entries that still has more to say but time moves along and other entries nudge it into the past no matter how epic it may become) forever, after all... oh ego, you are such a card... a joker... a silly fool... i almost said silly little fool, but if ego is anything it is not little... anyway, hello again...

just getting back from the softball tournament and wonderfully exhausted on every level, though a might frustrated for a number of reasons that might be another entry here or somewhere... not sleeping enough is definitely high on the list... at the moment i need to rest and recoup cuz the afternoon league playoff game is in an hour and jackson won't be there... figures this week does not look like a rain out...

make it fun :)

softball sunday episode a lot

sometimes everything goes wrong... most times some things go wrong and some things go right... and sometimes everything goes right... today was the latter two... in the morning tournament was hot and cold... the organization, very cold... the were supposed to sort through the players who signed up and divide them up evenly by skill set between all the teams... they did not... i may have already complained about this in meaningless complaints... or here, even... whatever, they set up the teams they wanted to contend and dumped on the rest... C players are better than D players, which is why they have C and D divisions in softball... B players are better than C players... and A players, better still... one or two teams had an A player... a few teams had a B player... most teams had C players and a couple of D players... and the team i was put on had 4 C players and 8 D players, four of whom have not played softball in some time... so not just D players, but poor D players... of course we lost both round robin games and the first single elimination tournament game and we were done... everybody else got to play another game and a couple of teams got to play two more games... to be fair, the other teams paid more by buying mulligans... mulligans, in case you did not know, are like cheats... for $5 you can buy a card that allows you to advance all runners one base or undo a defensive play... there are a lot of different mulligans and for the $5 you get to pick a card at random and hope for a really good one... yeah, whatever, so the other teams bought a lot more than we did and they used those mulligans to score runs and win games... as if they needed it against a less skilled team... not very satisfying to play a tournament that us rigged in favor of the house players... anyway, i pitched well when i pitched (but only pitched about seven or eight innings out of the eighteen to twenty of the three games... i played first base a couple of innings and catcher for the rest of the innings... what went right was the pitching and fielding, though few fielding chances... what went wrong, besides the tournament set up, was the hitting... i hit poorly... likely due to fatigue as i did not sleep much between party and the tournament... and that was the morning that was...

lots of softball, but not enough... lots of heat and humidity and sweat (and a little blood and whining, but no tears)... lots of fun mostly... a playoff game in a few hours in the afternoon league...

not as sleepy as i wanna be

all the brilliance of linkage and babbling and begging for attention aside, tonight was fun fun fun, but the body ought to get more sleep tonight as i have a softball tournament tomorrow morning (if the rains hold off and the fields dry out as it rained hard friday night and rained much of saturday) and then another softball game in the afternoon (again, rain permitting) and while the fun fun fun was much fun (duh), there was no exercise mixed in cuz of the weather and the activities and sleep requirement and not squeezing in the hour or two (sleeping instead, yeah, needed sleep but face it - laziness was the real cause) so the body is wired and wants exercise but not without sleep and not before a tournament day so... i am not as tired as i want to be, aye?...

so there was a party tonight, fun and games and snacks, though not much on the snacks cuz during the party some of us went to a local chinese buffet (this one is called new peking buffet for the record) that we enjoyed a lot... i could have eaten more at the buffet, so i did good for me... and just one glass of mountain dew... hey, cutting back is better than nothing, ya know?... i know, spending money is not financially prudent (or wise either) and exercise is not something to skip especially if i am not eating bird-like (light a low calories) but i have fun with friends so so that's life, even if it's shorter cuz i'm choosing more fun and less exercise... yeah, whatever, i'm a rebel...

and so in closing, though paused again, the catch up session continues and the haphazard quest for brilliance comes and goes, but if the previous entry does not become a linkage babbling irreverent classic, i will continue anyway...

so narf :)

when reason fails, delusion saves the day

with all due reverence to my russian girlfriend, my fading mila, heart-felt pleas for love and/or sanity, and the sidebar clues (not to mention the guide for hitchhikers and other aliens or even the random bloobs from ancient and modern blog family {and anyone else paying attention and not just to the right sidebar}, but we digress), in some frenzy of statistical madness, this oddly interesting stat (not to be confused with it's part two counterpart or even conducting a search through up the multitude of entries in this blog for the word oddly... or secret or secrets {where eerie music will play rather magically, or something like that}, for that matter) has more than 400 page views in this month alone (and the month is only two thirds passed) and that makes it (oddly) the most visited entry in the history of the more than 5,000 entries (i did mention multitude, if you recall) in this blog, which makes absolutely no sense to me at all at this time, but it is as it is and statistical anomalies are what make the world go round... love too, but numbers can be infinitely less volatile... oddly, even...

so anyway, perhaps even naturally, i added (and continue adding) random carefully considered linkage to the entry (and many entries, for that matter) just in case the statistical volume attracts the one or anyone with some modicum of brilliance and a sense of humor who might want to step into the maze and roam around aimlessly with me (or without me) for a while... life can be so much less lonely that way, even if it's all mostly imaginary... we all have our delusions (not to mention secrets aye?), after all...

like maybe i will link to something meaningful related to the title someday...

narf :)

making progress

progress in the catching up process, that is... at least i was yesterday... yes, there is still room for improvement (and a whole lot more babbling going on in the brain and in the notepad file where babbling happens before it is uploaded here or anywhere), but much progress was made in the process as the babble will not be repressed, surpressed, or in any way held down or silenced for long... the sweet madness of continuous expression of free association continues (even when i am not uploading) and i appreciate your support... i shall not abort the order in the court and holding up the fort the entry might be short but i am a good sport and seek simple rapport with the intelligent sort of reader you are (friends, and roaming sentient beings of the omniverse, lend me your eyes and read the fun, frolic, and fantastic phenomenon that is (e)thereal... yes, (e)thereal, strange blogspace from an alternate reality with who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of ordinary blogs! (e)thereal ... who can change the course of epic history, bend minds with the profundity of words, and what, disguised as a mil;d mannered daily life blog, writes a never-ending battle for truth, justice, and the babbling way)...

what?...

yeah, so time continues to rush past faster than the uploads appear here as if intensity or concentration or dedication or focus or something vital to the continued existence of the omniverse is waning, but nooooooo, there is nothing wrong your television or with the intensity or concentration or dedication or focus or something vital that shall remain undefined in order to give this whole potentially over-dramatic dramatic paragraph and entry more mystery in the hopes that mystery provides a better reading experience and more interest and amuse you more than confuse you but trusting everything is more fun when shared unconditionally and honestly and and openly with all the nutritional value of the truth, justice, and buttered peanuts on whole wheat toast... the earl of sandwich might approve...

so there is progress and it continues in spite of the last place i randomly left off going backwards in the catch up session from moving right along through all the entries that might follow as i touch up this entry over the course of time () and all the links to comments about social issues, economics, ethics, and other brainiac stuff in entries like this one that can only be viewed as a distraction from the catch up session and process and progress and whatever else might entice or titillate you into coming back and reading and telling two friends who will tell two friends who will tell two friends (why does everyone seem to have two friends?... and how the heck am i suppose to know, anyway?... what am i, the governor of alaska?) unless you are seriously into it... it?... it?!... which it, what it, how do we analytically, etymologically, and infinitely (not to mention breathlessly) define it now?...

it's your thing, do what you wanna do... or something like that...

narf :)

doing the catch up dance

so far tonight, with the help of iced coffee, i have added more than a dozen catch up entries uploaded backwards (in time) between that one (iced coffee) and this entry and the slow staggered catch up session continues and will continue next time i sit down to continue the process... i figure at least another dozen entries are waiting and if this catch up session lasts another day or few as i expected it to, two or three dozen more entries might pop up as if they've always been there... whether it is worth fishing back through them is a matter of perspective, but i would hope it is not a complete waste of time even if the whole picture of this blog is not seen at this time... as i mentioned earlier, the entries (and some of the comments left elsewhere) for this month are now listed in the table of contents in case you want to click from a list and not just click back which might seem kinda random and will be ever changing until this particular catch up session concludes...

and although the entry was date stamped when it was written so you might miss it which is why i mention it here and now, please consider doing this... thank you :)

and just as suddenly as it comes now and then, it's a wonderful life... and equally as suddenly as it comes now and then, i am getting goofily tired and wanna cuddle... so it's a wonderful goofy lonely life, but still a wonderful life... since i have at least two softball games tonight, i would be a fool if i did not get to sleep soon so i shall let the sleepiness come over me and lay down in a bit... i hope my babbling has added something worthwhile to your life whenever you find time and energy to read the babbling i did tonight...

cuz it's more fun that way :)

facebook and ruzzle and tv, oh my

and softball, of course... and dinner with friends too... yes, that is the is what is happening and as we see if we are paying attention (and i suppose i ought to since i am writing this blog, aye?), my sense that this catch up session might stretch into a long one has been proven right as i drifted away another couple of days or more and there is still catching up going on in three separate time frames and in two different directions within each time frame... perhaps that is how the omniverse works... at least that is how this particular catch-up session is going... it's a process, remember... and this leads to some understanding of the process... in case you want to know...

some of my facebook conversations, or at least some of the comments i am leaving there, are linked (or will be when this month is uploaded) in the table of contents... it is likely i will use the codes i've been using rather than typing out the titles cuz time to type out the titles will slow the catch up session all the more... so the (e)thereal entries will just be linked as an "e" and the comments elsewhere will just be listed as "blah"... when there is space between the listings, that either means i lost track of cutting and pasting and recording the writings or i think there might be an entry missing and leave space for it or i simply have paused in the writing for more than a day or few (usually just more than a day) and seem to think something ought to be inserted like a connecting piece in an erector set, or something like that...

yes, so all this just to refer you to the table of contents and the last lead entry (and the vital linkages within both, of course) in this current catch up session... this too, is part of the process and i skip backwards in time now to write and insert still more catch up entries... with a little bit of help from iced coffee and the drugs contained therein... i know, the blissful ecstasy of sweet sultry sex (where the return trip left off) would be better, but sometimes, all we get are the beans...

huh?... oh yeah, narf :)

it's a process

the catching up thing, that is... but before we get to that (or late night mastubatory fantasies, for that matter), there are of course entries that rise to the top like cream, though for reasons i seldom explain mostly because there is less coherent explanation and much more instinctive wanting you to read those entries involved in the choosing... these two, for instance, beg me to beg you to read them for some sort of bioemotional reasons... and then there's this one that marks the first notice of the pause in the uploading of entries (so some entries will be added before that one)... and then there is this one that is the beginning of this current mostly full fledged catch up session... or process, as this entry will explain eventually... but before that happens, we must not forget that it is during this particular catch up session that we were finally approaching 5000 entries and during the process we reached the actual 5,000th entry even though it will likely be dozens beyond the 5,000th entry if we count entries from the start once all the catch up entries are inserted... perhaps it will make more sense if you continue reading... or not, but feel free to continue reading anyway...

now about that catch up thing (which is what we started to discuss when this entry began)... it's a process, ya see, entries will be inserted between now and whenever i am done with the catching up process between the last entry and the last entry which will constantly change as long as the catch up process continues and the past entries stabilize and we once again are moving in one primary forward motion through time and not relatively equally in all directions through time... for instance, this entry was inserted since the last entry that appears just prior to this entry... if that appears confusing then you may just want to skip (and miss) the dozens of entries that will be inserted prior to this entry over the course of the next however long it takes to complete this particular catch up session (which i sense might take longer than the usual catch up sessions which usually take a day or few at most) and just concentrate your energies on the entries in the order you find them, or something like that...

it really was no miracle, what happened was just this... i was gone for a week or so and now am and shall fill in that week while continuing to proceed forward in real time as if everything was always there all along, or something like that...

so how are we doing?...

narf? :)

dinner with

i'll have to look up her blog name... so let's call her walden for now and if i find that i gave her another blog name down the road, we'll decide which will stick or perhaps she'll have two names like most people in the world... anyway, walden treated for dinner tonight at bahama breeze and i had a yummy portobello veggie sandwich and she had an indian rice bowl with tofu and we shared a spinach dip and caught up on life (we both moved and she got a new car and lots of other stuff) and it was fun and yummy...

after dinner i headed home and there was almost a card game (harpo had called earlier about cards and curly texted about going to a buffet, but i was already heading to dinner)... we will play and buffet another day... but i headed to the local convenience store and reminded myself why i rarely go there cuz they have a very limited selection... but i got ice cream and kit kats and had myself some dessert, yeah...

jackson is at sanford's tonight, so we might continue catch up session if i wake up a bit (shoulda had some caffeine maybe)... happiness and i walked a few times and played a few times and he's nodding off now... i'm getting kinda sleepy myself... all that yummy food (and sugar)... good evening, all around...

may yours be a good one too :)

poof and stuff

as in poof, disappeared again... and stuff, well, mostly softball and facebook and dinners... there may be entries catching up on the specifics (or not, depending on my mood), but for now let's just observe that i am here, which means little more than i am here cuz i want to keep sharing with you but whether i am back or not is up in the air cuz i am in one of those scattered pages phases where maintaining the thread of a single blog like this is not a priority (we've been here before and we are still approaching 5,000 entries {in fact, any moment now, in fact, probably long ago in the time stream as there are so many catch up entries to be inserted before this one, but that's another story}, so if the continuance of this blog or whatever next blog continues this blog {as this blog continued TheReal(tm) which continued behind the candoor which mostly continued candora which, well, you get the picture... as groucho said, there'll always be a daily blog) matters to you, don't fret it is most likely continue cuz that is what i do, after all...

backtracking, woke moments ago to wonderful wet dreams after falling back to sleep after waking earlier to say good morning to jackson after sleeping from middle night zone after days of facebook and web commenting about the gz verdict and legal system and politics and economics and civil rights and human rights and big agro and big oil and corruption and the madness of control freaks and government abuses of women and children and the stupid delusions used to justify such in the name of supernatural beings behind the greed and power trips and i just had to let it go (ready to sit and watch the wheels again, john) and there was several softball games (and we won them all, yay) and a couple of dinners and a reconnection with an old friend and a weekend home alone (when i wasn't out) and where did i leave off anyway?...

are we all caught up now? (i know, hardly... but this entry is here and the however many dozens of entries that might have been or might still be will appear in the past as if they were always there if that is meant to be and i want to make it be and i might so stay tuned and check back and all that good sales-pitch stuff so you can read all about it whenever it happens cuz we don't want to miss a thing, right?...

oh, narf already :)

the real 5000

the official (as official gets around here) 5,000th entry... and even though it is or will be or was completely obscured and mathematically confused by the update in progress (which will likely add lots of links to this entry in time, though who knows in time for what, aye?) cuz i've been so not here for a week or more and have thousands, nay, millions of words bubbling out of every orifice, but that's another story for the update summary entries to relate so let's get back to the point of this particularly peculiar entry, why don't we? (no, i was not actually asking cuz, after all, the point is not to point out there may be no point to anything, after all)...

what's that?... there's always be an (e)thereal?...

yes, groucho, even after this (e)thereal blog fades into silent storage, the archives and memories will live on in the hearts and minds of us, you and me, dear reader and writer, and the rest of the rabid crowds of imaginary fans out there in cyberland, the world, the solar system, the galaxy, the local cluster, the universe, the multiverse, the omniverse, the everything... yup, we know our address too...

so the sun is shining brightly all day for this epic event as all eyes turn toward the writer eagerly anticipating what will come to be in this milestone entry and sure enough, it's longer than most entries in this blog already and what have we done?... posterity?... anyone?... bueller?...

brevity... we've succeeded (mostly) in creating brevity, or what passes for brevity in these written gardens... so we can celebrate the magic, whatever it is, and send out even more hopelessly hopeful hope signals as we continue to send out hopelessly hopeful hope signals which was the prime directive from the very first mission of this space ship babble all those years ago... yes, this is it, the epic words we've all been waiting for... the climactic words that summarize the entirety of existence for all life forms in all possible places and spaces and times in the everywhere... what we are all here to do (or at least me, aye?)...

to hope where no one has hoped before...

and narf, don't forget the narf :)

chewed up

mostly on my neck... the insect(s) that did it must love the sweet that comes out of fat cells because this body has a proportionately greater preponderance of fat cells around my neck when compared to the fat cells around any other part of this body (with the belly and torso coming in second and the limbs being scantily clad in fat cells most likely due to the intense running i uses to do throughout this life, but especially as a child and teen when the body form was developing.... in any case, i have itch bite marks soon to be mini-welts forming around the front of the neck and they are quite distracting as they scream louder than the tinnitus that is the constant companion of the left ear... screaming scratch me, scratch me, of course... but i know better (even if my fingers don't) so am doing my best to remain focused on controlling the impulses to send the fingers to the neck to choke the living daylights out of those itches (or at least scratch profusely) cuz scratching only signals the body to send more histamines to make more itchies and that is one vicious cycle i would just as soon as stay out of, thank you very much...

i would be checking happiness for fleas since he was gone all weekend and this just started yesterday when he got back, but he's not itching (yes, the antibiotics do seem to be working for him, yay for minor miracles) and i am not finding bites anywhere but my neck so it is likely a flying critter who loves fat cell juice that must be found and destroyed...

speaking of happiness, is is time to get him out so he stops the begging staring pleading poor dog routine... i shall continue this celebration of 5,000 catch up session later (there's always hope)...

finally updated

again, not me, not this blog, not nothing noway nohow - or whatever, i mean the computer software updates... we'll get to updating this blog when we do... so over an hour and now, kaspersky tells me it failed and needs to send packets to support to figure out why and fix whatever is failing and for years i have trusted kaspersky to run in the background and protect this laptop but since the upgrade to pure 3.0 there has been a whole lot of issues and much less confidence in their software... and here i sit waiting for it to do whatever it is doing so i can use my laptop as i'd like to without worries of not being protected or interfering with whatever fix it is trying to do... someday all the bugs will be out of all the software and then, they'd just make more bugs because that is the sickness in our society... creating problems so someone can be paid to fix the problems... so much wasted time and energy that could be devoted to evolving into peaceful happy enlightened beings... but humans would rather keep their heads in the sand and complain about getting taken from behind...

yeah, whatever... as usual the mood that might have been when i woke and came to write is far altered from the mood that waiting helps create... and some would say that this is the sort of entry that should just be discarded because why bother whining and complaining about anything when it does no good and just presents an entry that nobody really wants to read and can leave a bad taste in the reader's mouth (how's your mouth, by the way?) and drive away the flongs (or are you throngs) of supporters and friends and devoted fans and maybe those some people have a point and maybe that's why the flongs or throngs or whatever are mostly imaginary (shhhh, not you) and maybe that's the point, that i want you and not them cuz you get the silliness of reality and the absurdity of recording it like this and the affection i offer as thank you for being here...

the point of life, after all, is to share and this is sharing, however it is read, this is sharing...

ta da and all that jazz :)

windows still updating

this is why i don't like this update process and try to time it when i am not using the computer and why i won't let it happen automatically... it's been a half hour and those 18 important updates are still updating, which sucks because i wanted to go online and update this (e)thereal blog and not sit and wait for this long without using the computer and i may have to do yet another reboot after windows does it's updating and this is why i ought to have a few computers like i used to have but speaking of a no income lifestyle there has been no word from the job interview so i am guessing i didn't get it cuz the president was so eager to have somebody on board asap so alas, while reinitiating income would have been a great idea, i am shifting back into the retirement mode and gonna enjoy the summer off without buying the stuff i would like to buy which is ok since i don't really need anything that bad (the car ain't at all pretty and fancy-dressed folk might not want to ride in it, but it runs better than most and is still safe cuz all that's wrong with it are cosmetics and some maintenance issues, though the brakes ought to be checked out soon and i have this laptop working just fine and i love the free time)...

anyway, going on an hour now... it's been installing most of that time, so it's not a brighthouse issue (for a change... i did have to call them again to change the channel again but this time i got the site address so i can control the channel myself as i did after the last move and i already switched off the main channels and we shall see how it goes... you'd think the "auto" feature would automatically select the channel with the least traffic but their software is apparently as problemmatic as their equipment so i'll just adjust manually and hope for the best...

windows still updating... installing update 17 of 18 now... sheesh...