can't please me

apparently i lived... and yes, i know many of you (or at least a couple) are saying that i lied (and many now say omigosh, about what?... cleverness?) cuz my heart is still debilitated with pain and no amount of love in this world can ever relieve it (but there's always hope, right?), well... maybe under all the numbness, so i didn't actually lie, i simply stated the fact that the numbness leaves me ignorant of the any lingering debilitating pain on any conscious levels cuz, after all, i am not partnered with someone and therefore can sleep this life away lazily waiting for the one on some subconscious level while not even thinking about family or romance or love or even the one with any conscious energy except for the random moments i bump into an old mangus (what?) or something (randomly, of course), and then i might find a spark of memory piercing consciousness for a moment as i am skipping along through some other ever so exciting distraction as sarcastically as i do most things in this blogging life so maybe i didn't consciously (or completely) lie about that or even about this cuz i do leave comments in flurries on facebook, but what i meant was a rare blog comment cuz i don't read or comment on blogs much anymore mostly cuz i don't find them when i want to or there is no way to leave a comment (and email completely sucks for many reasons we don't have time to begin to get into today), but i never consciously lie without intensely serious reason cuz a lie causes me pain and i do not like pain most of the time and whatever i came here to say (or reveal) was completely distracted by trying to download email and now blogger is giving me that undefined error message again so i don't know if this entry is uploading or not so whatever... or something like that...

still many more entries are in the pipeline, but it's shower time now and then softball...

narf lol lam sigh :)